How to seduce girls that treat you nice and friendly?

ChrisXKiss · Monday at 5:59 PM

There is one particular way of girls behaving that I find extremely frustrating and it is when they are just polite, nice, kind and friendly to me but with no indication of being attracted.

And I have noticed that it can happen with very beautiful women a lot. Many of them are nice people and especially if you approach them in a calibrated way they will respond, appreciate the attention and even talk and get to know you, but nothing more.

The main way this goes is I open with a genuine compliment, they initially feel flattered, sometimes with a big smile, we start talking, but when I try to flirt, dive deeper or ask for compliance they don’t roll with it. They may share info about themselves and even ask about me, but it all feels very friendly, and like they think they know better, are more experienced, and may even jump in to correct me on things I state, and give small advice.

And the same happens no matter what state I am in or how I do the approach, it feels there is a group of women, most of the times ones I like quite a bit, that simply respond to me in this way.

Some of them may even exchange numbers, but then they never come out. I had one few days ago that responded to my icebreaker that she appreciated my courage, I told her: no courage, just two energies responding to each other, she said she likes that, and a day later she blocked me. Others may talk a a bit via text just until the ask to go out, when they stop.

I understand it is an attainability issue, and that I seem too attainable, my question is how exactly to behave with her in the interaction to flip that.

I have read the articles on how to be a challenge to women and it mentions when you are too attainable to put more pressure, deep dive them, chase frame and ask for compliance. The thing is they just don’t seem to bother investing. They don’t really feel they have to, and if I try to push for more it simply feels tryhard sexualising things, probing deeper and deeper, or asking for compliance again and again when she doesn’t give much in return.

I have also read the article on how to be taken seriously, and I honestly feel I’m doing a bunch of these things. I don’t really chase, I try to create tension and qualify them, I am not available as a friend. But it doesn’t seem to make a difference, it’s like their mind is set. I have also tried negging to turn things around but it also feels tryhard, when they are truly nice to me.

So in the end I feel it has something to do with how I generally behave and project myself. Which messes with my mind because I have done approaches where I am very confident, following ricardus article on how to make a good first impression, staying away from intense use of pick up techniques, and trying to be more solid and penetrative with my energy, but the reactions I get seem to be of the type: Nice try, you got something there, but no.

In the end I’d like to understand what exactly I have to do when I approach them and interact with them to overcome this issue. Let’s say you meet a girl and she behaves like that, how do you troubleshoot it and turn the tables, so she can stop being just nice and friendly but starts wanting your approval.

JasonH · Tuesday at 10:03 PM

If girls are being nice, friendly it’s more of a friendship feel, rather than a ‘courtship’ feel.

May be because of a ‘sexiness’ problem or a lack of flirtatious/playful vibe or both.

1. problem: improve fundamentals
2. Coming across with a more playful/flirtatious courtship feel rather than friendship feel in your interactions. Things like teasing, touch, playful banter. Then sexual innuendo and chase framing if things are going well.

ChrisXKiss · Wednesday at 10:27 PM

JasonH said:
If girls are being nice, friendly it’s more of a friendship feel, rather than a ‘courtship’ feel.

May be because of a ‘sexiness’ problem or a lack of flirtatious/playful vibe or both.

1. problem: improve fundamentals
2. Coming across with a more playful/flirtatious courtship feel rather than friendship feel in your interactions. Things like teasing, touch, playful banter. Then sexual innuendo and chase framing if things are going well.

Yes I see your points. I mainly meant the second because I feel in the moment you can’t do something about the fundamentals.

So it was more about when it happens, what do you do. And the thing is I can be flirtatious but certain girls just reject any innuendo and are not even affected by the teasing, they just brush it off, the same way we brush off an unattractive girl hitting on us.

So I was wondering if there is a way to act in a particular manner in order to get the attraction during the interaction. Maybe it is part of the fundamentals if you include how to stand, to move, to talk etc

JasonH · Thursday at 12:27 AM

ChrisXKiss said:
Yes I see your points. I mainly meant the second because I feel in the moment you can’t do something about the fundamentals.

So it was more about when it happens, what do you do. And the thing is I can be flirtatious but certain girls just reject any innuendo and are not even affected by the teasing, they just brush it off, the same way we brush off an unattractive girl hitting on us.

So I was wondering if there is a way to act in a particular manner in order to get the attraction during the interaction. Maybe it is part of the fundamentals if you include how to stand, to move, to talk etc

Injecting bit more teasing/playful vibe, requires a little bit of interest (at least) on her part and for her to be a little hooked in the interaction.
Chase framing/sexual innuendo you can save for when she is more hooked.

Early on you can use subtle wit or wait for her to say something silly/girly. Usually if she is engaged in enough small talk, women being women say something silly/girly that you end up playfully teasing them about. From there you can build up the teasing into more playful banter.

The other option is you kind of twist something she says into a tease.

Her: yeah I’m from X city, here for the summer
You: Oh no not X city, you know what they say about girls from X city (in playful tone)
Her: No what do they say?
You: you really don’t know, oh no! I’ll tell you but show me your bracelet Its unique/nice/whatever

Another example: The other day, a girl was swearing a lot, I ended up teasing her about how she’s got some pent up tension she needs released.

If you’re not getting any of that, my guess would be
- you need to improve fundamentals
- sexiness.

Others may have more specific ideas you can use

Social_Artist91 · Thursday at 8:33 AM

This happens to me a lot as well. That is why I am working on being more overtly sexual. Becoming a kind of guy that girls will have to OVERTLY and CLEARLY reject or get sexual with but not someone they can treat in a friendly manner.

I am trying to polarize more by being more bold, more direct verbally, saying overtly sexual things, talking about sex... All things that would ensure she either runs away or accepts that this is a sexual interaction. My goal is no date should ever end with her saying nice meeting you and a friendly hug.

I had a back and forth going with a girl on text recently, she had agreed to come out but I knew that the fact that it was a date was not clear yet in our interaction. I wanted to change that, so I sent her a text saying

"Come out in open toed heels, that is what I find sexiest!

"

She was like wow. I have a boyfriend in another town and I will only come to meet you if we are just going to be friends.

I said I don't trust myself, I cannot be just friends with you, you are too hot for that. She loved it and we flirted but she DID NOT come out because I was sexual.

But my mission was accomplished, I behaved congruently and polarized her and did not fall into friendly nice guy territory again.

ChrisXKiss · Thursday at 8:44 AM

JasonH said:
Injecting bit more teasing/playful vibe, requires a little bit of interest (at least) on her part and for her to be a little hooked in the interaction.
Chase framing/sexual innuendo you can save for when she is more hooked.

Early on you can use subtle wit or wait for her to say something silly/girly. Usually if she is engaged in enough small talk, women being women say something silly/girly that you end up playfully teasing them about. From there you can build up the teasing into more playful banter.

The other option is you kind of twist something she says into a tease.

Her: yeah I’m from X city, here for the summer
You: Oh no not X city, you know what they say about girls from X city (in playful tone)
Her: No what do they say?
You: you really don’t know, oh no! I’ll tell you but show me your bracelet Its unique/nice/whatever

Another example: The other day, a girl was swearing a lot, I ended up teasing her about how she’s got some pent up tension she needs released.

If you’re not getting any of that, my guess would be
- you need to improve fundamentals
- sexiness.

Others may have more specific ideas you can use

Yeah I understand. It’s not that I don’t get these chances, it is possible that if I could escalate the teases smoothly enough it would be better. So that’s something to look into, just being more playful as a base, and not taking them seriously.

That said I surely feel that these kind of teases like your example would seem like I am trying too much to make it playful with certain girls. Maybe I just shouldn’t care and go for it, since if they are talking to me, at least I have the time to take the interaction in any way I want, so it’s simply about never falling into the frame that it is friendly no matter how hard they push for it.

Regarding the fundamentals, they need improvement for sure, it confuses me a bit though, meaning I cannot really understand when it is a fundamental problem, and when the girl could be potentially interested and I lose it during the communication. I have a feeling that more girls would be open than I realise, and I am not using my chances well enough.

Derek da man · Thursday at 9:02 AM

ChrisXKiss said:
certain girls just reject any innuendo and are not even affected by the teasing, they just brush it off, the same way we brush off an unattractive girl hitting on us.

This is her testing you to see if the sexy playfulness is just a front or if it is really how you are. Trouble is that a lot of guys are very sensitive to a woman's words as we don't want to offend or be overtly sexual due to society's boundaries, which is part of being socially calibrated, but this can also hinder.

ChrisXKiss said:
Maybe I just shouldn’t care and go for it

This kinda shows what I was saying above.

As you said, it needs to be done smoothly, but without shying away from it. You'd need to be a bit more careful in a workplace or with friends but when you're out in general social environment you need to more things along more fluidly.

ChrisXKiss · Thursday at 1:09 PM

Derek da man said:
This is her testing you to see if the sexy playfulness is just a front or if it is really how you are. Trouble is that a lot of guys are very sensitive to a woman's words as we don't want to offend or be overtly sexual due to society's boundaries, which is part of being socially calibrated, but this can also hinder.

Yeah I can understand that. I think this social calibration is my concern, I mean that I try to be sexually playful, but if she gives me nothing of the same back, it feels like I’m bothering her and my approach is not welcome.

Derek da man said:
As you said, it needs to be done smoothly, but without shying away from it. You'd need to be a bit more careful in a workplace or with friends but when you're out in general social environment you need to more things along more fluidly.

And true, my worst has always been in social circles or environments that people know me in general. I just feel that every step has to be ultra calibrated and it’s very easy to get a bad reputation. In cold approach I would say it comes more easily for me to sexualise, and still if we are in a venue I also feel I have to be careful to not get any strong rejections that will create negative social proof.

So I do understand the not shying away from it part, it’s just I’m trying to understand how to do it smoothly, when you don’t get much reciprocated interest, but you still want to keep the frame that: I know I’m hot and you’ll eventually want me.

Chad Tyrone · Thursday at 7:55 PM

ChrisXKiss said:
There is one particular way of girls behaving that I find extremely frustrating and it is when they are just polite, nice, kind and friendly to me but with no indication of being attracted.

That happens... but what are you doing to attract them to you when they're not interested in you right off the bat?

"Why should they give a fuck about you?"

"What's in it for them ? "

These are the kind of questions that should be going through your brain.Once you can pin down what value you bring to them (value they deem worthy on their part), they'll be attracted ...and you'll be worth giving a fuck about.

Value you give may differ from chick to chick.All the more reason to be all round.

Does she find you sexy and believes you'll make for a good lover in bed?

Do your conversations with her bind her in a spell and she can't get enough just talking to you?

Do you seem promising enough that she'll look back on you with good feelings ...promising enough that she'll choose to see to it that the interaction leads somewhere?

Good arousal tech, connection tech ,and killer fundamentals are some of the ways you can get them attracted to you .

It shouldn't be frustrating ...just think of where you are mucking things up and find ways to do it better next time.

ChrisXKiss said:
And I have noticed that it can happen with very beautiful women a lot. Many of them are nice people and especially if you approach them in a calibrated way they will respond, appreciate the attention and even talk and get to know you, but nothing more.

You approached them after all. It's on you to lead the interaction to where you want it to go.

Of course some girls may not give you anything to work with or waste your time but what are you actively doing to see things go where you want them to go?

It pays to stick in there and figure out some way to get what you want especially when you are getting your feet wet.

ChrisXKiss said:
They may share info about themselves and even ask about me, but it all feels very friendly, and like they think they know better, are more experienced, and may even jump in to correct me on things I state, and give small advice.

Working on your attainability and cultivating an edge and devil-may-careness in your vibe will go a long way in avoiding this.

Them trying to correct you on stuff ?work on your frame control.

Check this too

ChrisXKiss said:
Some of them may even exchange numbers, but then they never come out. I had one few days ago that responded to my icebreaker that she appreciated my courage, I told her: no courage, just two energies responding to each other, she said she likes that, and a day later she blocked me. Others may talk a a bit via text just until the ask to go out, when they stop.

Are you asking them out before grabbing their numbers?

Do they know why you are picking their contact info?

Are you asking them out the right way ?

Are they interested or seem somehow interested?If you are grabbing nos of uninterested chicks you'll have a hard time getting them out .

ChrisXKiss said:
The thing is they just don’t seem to bother investing. They don’t really feel they have to, and if I try to push for more it simply feels tryhard

Might be an issue with fundamentals or you're asking too much too soon

ChrisXKiss said:
I understand it is an attainability issue, and that I seem too attainable, my question is how exactly to behave with her in the interaction to flip that.

I have read the articles on how to be a challenge to women and it mentions when you are too attainable to put more pressure, deep dive them, chase frame and ask for compliance. The thing is they just don’t seem to bother investing. They don’t really feel they have to, and if I try to push for more it simply feels tryhard sexualising things, probing deeper and deeper, or asking for compliance again and again when she doesn’t give much in return.

Try deep -diving them and having them comply to small requests first then worry about sexualizing things and chase frames when she "changes".

ChrisXKiss said:
asking for compliance again and again when she doesn’t give much in return.

If it's happening with a girl here and another there,chances are they're not interested and it's safe to eject .

However,if it's a common occurrence ,keep working on being a challenge overall while monitoring your attainability with the girls you meet as you go.

Also can't stress fundamentals enough ...most compliance issues for most guys have to do with their fundies or them asking for too much too soon

ChrisXKiss said:
I have also read the article on how to be taken seriously, and I honestly feel I’m doing a bunch of these things. I don’t really chase, I try to create tension and qualify them, I am not available as a friend. But it doesn’t seem to make a difference, it’s like their mind is set.

I'd suggest reading the article again (it's the best on having women take you seriously) and the other one on being edgy .

Reading isn't enough though ...you must seek to embody those traits of such guys in you through and through.

My two cents.

Chad Tyrone

Chad Tyrone · Thursday at 8:20 PM

Also to get what you want and lead things to where you want them to ,you've got to know what your intentions are with these girls and showing it to them.

You can do it directly or indirectly(far better), but girls should feel it, lest they wonder why you approached them in the first place.

Go act with intent

Derek da man · 2024-12-20T11:36:32+0000

A couple of other points thoughts:

-fundamentals don't just relate to how you dress, which needs to be sharp/casual/whatever but it needs to stand out from the rest of the competition/men - don't forget accessories such as a neck chain or bracelet will change how you are perceived massively before you even approach

-do you look around the room searching for eye contact or similar, if you do girls are very good at reading this and perceiving it as try hard or desperate and immediately see you as easy and not a challenge. Don't give them too much attention, actually very little, when you are in a conversation fine, but limit the attention from afar. Look at guys or other things in the room and use your peripheral vision to see if girls are looking at you, if they linger then make a brief eye contact. Don't look around the room searching for it.

These are a bit disjointed alone but they changed my success rate significantly - girls started chasing me much more, not physically, but when they engage they are interested and want my attention.

empath · 2024-12-20T12:17:08+0000

If they are getting cold feet when you are asking them out for a date seed the date before number closing.

Something simple

you: Ice cream or coffee?

she: Ice cream

You: Samepinch, break touch barrier/ or direclty I am huge ice cream fan, here is best spot in town for ice cream

She: ok

You: cool I will note down your number.

She: number

Now you can talk more or eject saying you are running an errand.

Will_V · 2024-12-20T12:38:21+0000

ChrisXKiss said:
There is one particular way of girls behaving that I find extremely frustrating and it is when they are just polite, nice, kind and friendly to me but with no indication of being attracted.

And I have noticed that it can happen with very beautiful women a lot. Many of them are nice people and especially if you approach them in a calibrated way they will respond, appreciate the attention and even talk and get to know you, but nothing more.

The main way this goes is I open with a genuine compliment, they initially feel flattered, sometimes with a big smile, we start talking, but when I try to flirt, dive deeper or ask for compliance they don’t roll with it. They may share info about themselves and even ask about me, but it all feels very friendly, and like they think they know better, are more experienced, and may even jump in to correct me on things I state, and give small advice.

And the same happens no matter what state I am in or how I do the approach, it feels there is a group of women, most of the times ones I like quite a bit, that simply respond to me in this way.

Some of them may even exchange numbers, but then they never come out. I had one few days ago that responded to my icebreaker that she appreciated my courage, I told her: no courage, just two energies responding to each other, she said she likes that, and a day later she blocked me. Others may talk a a bit via text just until the ask to go out, when they stop.

I understand it is an attainability issue, and that I seem too attainable, my question is how exactly to behave with her in the interaction to flip that.

I have read the articles on how to be a challenge to women and it mentions when you are too attainable to put more pressure, deep dive them, chase frame and ask for compliance. The thing is they just don’t seem to bother investing. They don’t really feel they have to, and if I try to push for more it simply feels tryhard sexualising things, probing deeper and deeper, or asking for compliance again and again when she doesn’t give much in return.

I have also read the article on how to be taken seriously, and I honestly feel I’m doing a bunch of these things. I don’t really chase, I try to create tension and qualify them, I am not available as a friend. But it doesn’t seem to make a difference, it’s like their mind is set. I have also tried negging to turn things around but it also feels tryhard, when they are truly nice to me.

So in the end I feel it has something to do with how I generally behave and project myself. Which messes with my mind because I have done approaches where I am very confident, following ricardus article on how to make a good first impression, staying away from intense use of pick up techniques, and trying to be more solid and penetrative with my energy, but the reactions I get seem to be of the type: Nice try, you got something there, but no.

In the end I’d like to understand what exactly I have to do when I approach them and interact with them to overcome this issue. Let’s say you meet a girl and she behaves like that, how do you troubleshoot it and turn the tables, so she can stop being just nice and friendly but starts wanting your approval.

One of the things I've learned to remember is that people always do things because they think it's going to work. No one does something because they think it's not going to work. So whenever someone treats you a certain way, the question is, what do they perceive in you that makes them do so, believing it will be effective?

As people (including yourself) go through life and meet new people, they are always making quick evaluations as to:

- What do I want with this person, if anything?
- What's the best way to achieve it?

When a girl is nice and friendly to a guy, but resistant to anything else, she clearly:

a) doesn't see him in positive sexual terms (or hasn't even considered that dimension).
b) believes that being nice to him is going to achieve her goals for that interaction.

So what does she want from the interaction? Well, if she doesn't have any sexual goals, and isn't particularly interested in acquiring random friends (as most women aren't) she usually simply wants to reciprocate the niceness and pleasantry that he's offered to her, and for both to walk away content from eachother's lives.

So at the top level, the issue seems to be that she appreciates your attention but isn't sexually interested. So the first things you might consider are your fundamentals:

- Is your body language, tone, and general behavior sexually evocative and arousing (and free of anxiety, neediness, and inhibition)?
- Are you fit and physically impressive?
- Are you dressing in a stylish and exciting way?

But there's another level as well. Because remember:

a) when you meet her (especially in daygame), she's in 'social mode' not 'sexual mode'.
b) sex is inherently risky and women are risk averse, so she has to desire it enough to overcome that threshold before she will even begin to act on it.
c) Everybody loves nice people right? It's the easiest currency of social interaction.

So the equilibrium is already shifted toward 'be nice and polite' and away from 'let's have fun in bed', and she is already primed to offer to people in general a nice and pleasant interaction, believing it has value to them as it does to her.

That means you have to do several things:

1. Make the interaction sexual, with your body language, touch, and words.
2. Behave in a way that tells her, subtly, that you aren't interested in mere pleasantries, that you have intent, and that your patience and level of investment is limited (this is what 'nice guys' fail to do).

If you do these two, as well as working on your fundamentals to make yourself as sexually attractive as possible, it's very difficult for her subconscious to miss the fact that the interaction has a sexual dimension and a sexual momentum to it, which means she will either bail if she's really uninterested, or proceed with a certain awareness that you are leading her toward the fulfillment of a sexual experience.

West_Indian_Archie · 2024-12-20T18:21:15+0000

Great post.

I keep deleting what I want to say, to get down to the essence.

Having the little chat, where she's not really into it, not really into me.

Basic sequence when the convo is polite

Turn of the head
Slight smirk
Eye contact.
Pause
Wait for her to micro-react
"Well aren't you little miss polite"
Pause
Wait for her to react.

I'm attacking her with a compliment and humor.
I'm trying to reset the implied social contract by rejecting her politeness, and daring her to be real.

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