A
Anonymous
Guest
Hi,
Newbie here. Love the site, been soaking up the advice here.. Thanks in advance if you read this whole saga. It's been quite an ordeal.
I'm 42, but look 30 ish and am a singer in an occasional touring, kind of happening band. I attract girls but I've never been a player, and I'm looking for long-term companionship.
I don't usually date girls under 25, because they're annoying to me, but I happened to meet a very cute 23 year old at the beginning of the year via my circle of friends, and we got along really well, I wasn't annoyed by her at all. In fact i really liked her as she seemed kind of an old soul. We casually started dating. We had sex right away and did so every time we saw each other. As we got to know each other sexually we realized that in addition to a strong mutual physical attraction, the psychological sex connection is VERY STRONG. She has even said she's never had such a great sexual relationship.. I haven't either, it's amazing. I am infatuated with her.
A couple of weeks after we started dating, she invited me to a dinner party and there was another guy there that I sensed liked her and maybe had even dated her before, based on their mutual body language. She made us dinner and came and sat next to me. Then she left to go pick up her friend and he invited himself to go with her. When they got back, he sat next to her and grabbed her leg. She didn't really resist. I stood up and walked out.
She FB messaged me that night, that she didn't know he liked her like that and how bummed she was that she offended me. I told her i had to think about such a weird occurrence. I couldn't get her off my mind for a couple days and i messaged her, and we started dating again casually (with sex).
I should mention, the other guy travels a lot for his job. He is not attractive really, (she has admitted a lack of physical attraction) but she says they are very "close" and his happy personality has a positive impact on her that she loves.
After a few weeks of more dating, (but not a lot of daily contact) the guy pops up again on her FB page, saying something about such and such band is gonna play on their anniversary someday and that he loves her. I messaged her immediately and we chatted for like an hour about this guy and she took the position of "you and I are not committed, how can you be mad". I said "he seems to think he's your BF, so i guess you've made your choice, good bye."
I kept thinking about her. I texted her a couple of days later and SHE asked if we could hang out that night. We met on the beach and I said I'd like to commit to her as my GF but she has to get rid of him. She agreed but said he's so sweet and nice that she needs to let him down easy. We spent a few days together and she was open to me about the text conversation they were having where she was letting him down easy.
Things went decent for a few weeks, then she was over one night and I noticed he was texting her again. I asked why and she said it's because he's in town (he left for a couple weeks i guess). She went to respond and i asked her not to. She agreed.
A couple weeks later she starts drifting and telling me she's thinking of leaving our town and gradually starts getting busy, and tells me she can't spend as much time with me as she has been. I'm uneasy of course, and sure enough after another week or two she calls me and tells me she doesn't want to be my GF anymore. I was very sad. I asked her if the other guy was back in the picture. She said no.
My friends dragged me out for karaoke the next day and I posted a pic on FB of it. I had sent her a text that night saying I understand, i was angry on the phone, but I'm ok today. She text me back that night that she wished she would've come to karaoke with us. I was surprised but I knew it was a sign that she was unsure about letting me go.
We started texting that week and eventually i talked her into going out with me. We started making out in public almost immediately, as in we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. We went out again a day or two later and had sex. She told me she wanted to be with me again at the end of the date (i asked her). Then she waffled the next day.
We hung out again a few days later and had an amazing day, drinking at the beach, singing together and having dinner, no sex but very physical otherwise.
The next morning, I knew she had his car at her place and had to take it to pick him up at the airport, so I called her and she aid she had to think about everything but that she loves me.
A few days later the other guy tagged her at a concert. I called her the next day and asked her to come clean. She said she started seeing him again, and that she loves how he makes her feel so happy, etc. After another few days of me telling her how much I love her and what my plans for us were, she text me saying she wants to be with him, please don't contact her. She deleted me from FB. They are committed at this point.
I didn't contact her for 3 days. Then, she sent me a provocative link to a song called "Kinky Sex" with lyrics that state "I miss your kinky sex." I asked if i could come see her. She said she's at his place. Two days later, i text her and asked if I could bring her a coffee real quick and that we can keep the conversation light, she said we should have lunch. I pick her up and when we get to the restaurant she's very warm and touchy. I was shocked. I go with it. We spend the next 3 days and nights together, talking laughing, screwing and having an incredible time (he's out of town). By the end of the 3 days she is telling me she doesn't want to lose me, that i make here feel safe and happy and that she is going to break up with him. This was 5 days ago.
She is broke and just started a new job and doesn't have a phone for a few days. She sends me a FB message when he gets back into town saying she's at his place and she misses me. I reciprocate that i miss her and for her to be strong. She says he'll be at work all day and I ask if she's gonna break up with him when he gets back. She says she's scared to hurt him but that's her plan. I say have him drive you home and call me please when you're done.
She doesn't call. I message her, asking wtf happened. She says he brought flowers and dinner and she couldn't do it. I ask her to do it today. She says she's just so bad in situations where she doesn't want to hurt people, but that she will try. She doesn't. She is hanging out with him every day and starting to drift again. She send me a message saying she wants to be with me still, but she needs some time to really make sure she makes the right decision for all 3 of us, for the final time, and if I love her i will bare with her. I tell her her spending time with him will color her judgement. She tells me he's been telling her a lot of beautiful stuff and that she is now confused, but that her feelings for me haven't changed.
That was the last meaningful message i've gotten from her. She has started ignoring my messages as of Sunday (3 days). Obviously not good news. It's hard for us to be apart but I think she may be trying to play hardball for the first time.
Am I screwed? What's my play? She keeps coming back to me and I love her but her ignoring me is driving my nuts!
thanks,
The Optimist
Newbie here. Love the site, been soaking up the advice here.. Thanks in advance if you read this whole saga. It's been quite an ordeal.
I'm 42, but look 30 ish and am a singer in an occasional touring, kind of happening band. I attract girls but I've never been a player, and I'm looking for long-term companionship.
I don't usually date girls under 25, because they're annoying to me, but I happened to meet a very cute 23 year old at the beginning of the year via my circle of friends, and we got along really well, I wasn't annoyed by her at all. In fact i really liked her as she seemed kind of an old soul. We casually started dating. We had sex right away and did so every time we saw each other. As we got to know each other sexually we realized that in addition to a strong mutual physical attraction, the psychological sex connection is VERY STRONG. She has even said she's never had such a great sexual relationship.. I haven't either, it's amazing. I am infatuated with her.
A couple of weeks after we started dating, she invited me to a dinner party and there was another guy there that I sensed liked her and maybe had even dated her before, based on their mutual body language. She made us dinner and came and sat next to me. Then she left to go pick up her friend and he invited himself to go with her. When they got back, he sat next to her and grabbed her leg. She didn't really resist. I stood up and walked out.
She FB messaged me that night, that she didn't know he liked her like that and how bummed she was that she offended me. I told her i had to think about such a weird occurrence. I couldn't get her off my mind for a couple days and i messaged her, and we started dating again casually (with sex).
I should mention, the other guy travels a lot for his job. He is not attractive really, (she has admitted a lack of physical attraction) but she says they are very "close" and his happy personality has a positive impact on her that she loves.
After a few weeks of more dating, (but not a lot of daily contact) the guy pops up again on her FB page, saying something about such and such band is gonna play on their anniversary someday and that he loves her. I messaged her immediately and we chatted for like an hour about this guy and she took the position of "you and I are not committed, how can you be mad". I said "he seems to think he's your BF, so i guess you've made your choice, good bye."
I kept thinking about her. I texted her a couple of days later and SHE asked if we could hang out that night. We met on the beach and I said I'd like to commit to her as my GF but she has to get rid of him. She agreed but said he's so sweet and nice that she needs to let him down easy. We spent a few days together and she was open to me about the text conversation they were having where she was letting him down easy.
Things went decent for a few weeks, then she was over one night and I noticed he was texting her again. I asked why and she said it's because he's in town (he left for a couple weeks i guess). She went to respond and i asked her not to. She agreed.
A couple weeks later she starts drifting and telling me she's thinking of leaving our town and gradually starts getting busy, and tells me she can't spend as much time with me as she has been. I'm uneasy of course, and sure enough after another week or two she calls me and tells me she doesn't want to be my GF anymore. I was very sad. I asked her if the other guy was back in the picture. She said no.
My friends dragged me out for karaoke the next day and I posted a pic on FB of it. I had sent her a text that night saying I understand, i was angry on the phone, but I'm ok today. She text me back that night that she wished she would've come to karaoke with us. I was surprised but I knew it was a sign that she was unsure about letting me go.
We started texting that week and eventually i talked her into going out with me. We started making out in public almost immediately, as in we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. We went out again a day or two later and had sex. She told me she wanted to be with me again at the end of the date (i asked her). Then she waffled the next day.
We hung out again a few days later and had an amazing day, drinking at the beach, singing together and having dinner, no sex but very physical otherwise.
The next morning, I knew she had his car at her place and had to take it to pick him up at the airport, so I called her and she aid she had to think about everything but that she loves me.
A few days later the other guy tagged her at a concert. I called her the next day and asked her to come clean. She said she started seeing him again, and that she loves how he makes her feel so happy, etc. After another few days of me telling her how much I love her and what my plans for us were, she text me saying she wants to be with him, please don't contact her. She deleted me from FB. They are committed at this point.
I didn't contact her for 3 days. Then, she sent me a provocative link to a song called "Kinky Sex" with lyrics that state "I miss your kinky sex." I asked if i could come see her. She said she's at his place. Two days later, i text her and asked if I could bring her a coffee real quick and that we can keep the conversation light, she said we should have lunch. I pick her up and when we get to the restaurant she's very warm and touchy. I was shocked. I go with it. We spend the next 3 days and nights together, talking laughing, screwing and having an incredible time (he's out of town). By the end of the 3 days she is telling me she doesn't want to lose me, that i make here feel safe and happy and that she is going to break up with him. This was 5 days ago.
She is broke and just started a new job and doesn't have a phone for a few days. She sends me a FB message when he gets back into town saying she's at his place and she misses me. I reciprocate that i miss her and for her to be strong. She says he'll be at work all day and I ask if she's gonna break up with him when he gets back. She says she's scared to hurt him but that's her plan. I say have him drive you home and call me please when you're done.
She doesn't call. I message her, asking wtf happened. She says he brought flowers and dinner and she couldn't do it. I ask her to do it today. She says she's just so bad in situations where she doesn't want to hurt people, but that she will try. She doesn't. She is hanging out with him every day and starting to drift again. She send me a message saying she wants to be with me still, but she needs some time to really make sure she makes the right decision for all 3 of us, for the final time, and if I love her i will bare with her. I tell her her spending time with him will color her judgement. She tells me he's been telling her a lot of beautiful stuff and that she is now confused, but that her feelings for me haven't changed.
That was the last meaningful message i've gotten from her. She has started ignoring my messages as of Sunday (3 days). Obviously not good news. It's hard for us to be apart but I think she may be trying to play hardball for the first time.
Am I screwed? What's my play? She keeps coming back to me and I love her but her ignoring me is driving my nuts!
thanks,
The Optimist
