a bit conflicted

[EternalStudent]

Had a female friend that I've known for 10+ years. We still talk every now and then. She claims that she's asexual so keep that in mind for what's to come.

But she sent an IG caption about being upset that her friend don't want to go in the woods nude or going a graveyard. I joked around about her never asking but she jumped straight to willing to go the woods nude as long as there's seclusion. I proposed that we go to a hotel w/a jacuzzi since it's not only secluded but it's protective against the elements.

I recently got off a video call with her and the nude event came up, which, as of now, would be an all-day event. She mentioned how she had to break off a fwb situation with another guy who was seems like he would be exclusive with this other chick he was involved with. While talking about the event, she said recently she wanted to play this game consisting of a bunch of questions designed to supposedly increase the intimacy between the people involved; the questionnaire ends in 4 minutes of uninterrupted eye contact.

I, like some people who will read this, feel like the line between friend and lover/romantic is blurred. It also came off like she's trying to force us to fall in love, considering that she seems hurt from the situation she just got out off. I also feel like there's some inconsistency between her asexually and how she actually gets down sexually.

But yeah, advice on how to move from here?

 

[ulrich]

What do you want?

The “asexual” thing is either a frame she uses to make herself sounds interesting (best case scenario) or pure lunacy (worst case scenario).

If you want to have sex, I can bet this girl is going to be ballistic.
You may get it but your friendship is on the line.

If you want to keep her as friend, ask her directly what is she trying to accomplish with this. Ask her if she is trying to seduce you.
She will most likely deny it, give you some bull explanation and forget about the thing.

 

[EternalStudent]

What do you want?

The “asexual” thing is either a frame she uses to make herself sounds interesting (best case scenario) or pure lunacy (worst case scenario).

If you want to have sex, I can bet this girl is going to be ballistic.
You may get it but your friendship is on the line.

If you want to keep her as friend, ask her directly what is she trying to accomplish with this. Ask her if she is trying to seduce you.
She will most likely deny it, give you some bull explanation and forget about the thing.

well I want to have sex. But what makes you think she might go ballistic? I mean, the possibility of lunacy aside (worst-case scenario) surely she'd know that this is something platonic people don't do.

 

[ulrich]

well I want to have sex. But what makes you think she might go ballistic? I mean, the possibility of lunacy aside (worst-case scenario) surely she'd know that this is something platonic people don't do.

The whole “asexual” thing sounds to me like something that at some point is going to be a huge wall of resistance.

If you try to overcome something like this and fail, she MAY resent you.
If you overcome it and then disappoint her further down the line, she WILL resent you (ever heard of buyers remorse?).
The only path to success I see here is if you overcome the objection and lead her skillfully to a relationship she is eager to have (either FWB, GF)… but now you need to adapt somewhat to her expectations.

Such a big resistance at the start sounds to me like a huge hassle unless you’re willing to go all the way and make her your GF.

 

[EternalStudent]

Makes sense. Thanks man, now I've got a better idea on how to approach this.

 

[EternalStudent]

The whole “asexual” thing sounds to me like something that at some point is going to be a huge wall of resistance.

If you try to overcome something like this and fail, she MAY resent you.
If you overcome it and then disappoint her further down the line, she WILL resent you (ever heard of buyers remorse?).
The only path to success I see here is if you overcome the objection and lead her skillfully to a relationship she is eager to have (either FWB, GF)… but now you need to adapt somewhat to her expectations.

Such a big resistance at the start sounds to me like a huge hassle unless you’re willing to go all the way and make her your GF.

So I asked what her intentions are and her response was the following:

"Just the post
I sent it to a bunch of people
I'm just a person who's down for anything that isn't against my morals illegal, or disgusting
I also don't see bodies as everyone else does
as sexual things or things that should be concealed"

maybe it was horniness on my end, and I still like the idea of having sex with her.
however, it seems like she's genuinely asexual and I like the friendship more than wanting to go that far with her.

 

[ulrich]

I don’t think anyone is asexual.
Like, honestly you believe someone can just ignore the horniness feelings you get from time to time?

That sounds to me like typical deniability scenario. In other words “I want to be fucked but my frame is that I am not to held accountable. Some guy seduced me”.
Typical woman bullshit.

I don’t think is worth the trouble if you want to keep the friendship, to be honest. Let other guys fall into the trap.

 

[EternalStudent]

I don’t think anyone is asexual.
Like, honestly you believe someone can just ignore the horniness feelings you get from time to time?

That sounds to me like typical deniability scenario. In other words “I want to be fucked but my frame is that I am not to held accountable. Some guy seduced me”.
Typical woman bullshit.

I don’t think is worth the trouble if you want to keep the friendship, to be honest. Let other guys fall into the trap.

she just seems so entrenched in that belief that it's probably not worth it to me at this point.

 

[think]

She claims that she's asexual so keep that in mind for what's to come.

my reaction after reading this is the same response you probably should have: walk away

 

[EternalStudent]

my reaction after reading this is the same response you probably should have: walk away

I thought the same until she talked about her sexcapades and when I asked her about her end goal, she only talked about the post and not the fact that she wanted this to be an all-day event.