A Conversation About Frames (2008)

[Vision]

I've been asked by some people in here if I'd contribute some of my old stuff from the Mystery Lounge in here. This series was something I wrote in 2008 after incorporating framing into my game and what I was doing. I hope you enjoy and find value out of this...

A Conversation About Frames: You Are Who You Say You Are

This is the beginning of a series of conversations that I want to bring up before I embark upon the new area of life that I’m moving towards. Hopefully, this will open up some worlds, answer some questions and help people in different areas of their lives. I’m all about sharing knowledge that I have in myself that I’ve found to be powerful once I’ve fully grasped all of what is going on and put it to work in my own life.

Oh, and by the way, nothing that I’m writing here is true. Just in case you were wondering. These are just perspectives that might be useful to you in your journey. If you don’t like me or what I have to say, wonderful. You don’t even have to read this. And none of this is new information either. It could be new to you which is one of the reasons why I’m putting some of this in here. I think much of this is a good foundation for building yourself and building who you want to be not only in the pickup world but in life in general. So, here’s chapter one...

I always seem to run into the same complaints from people. One of the major cheers that the “natural” side of the pickup community has been carelessly throwing around recently is the “I don’t want to pretend like I’m someone I’m not” slogan. Apparently, this advocates someone acting like a retarded clown out in field and not effectively seducing nearly anyone. And while I know that the statement that I just made is probably going to offend a bunch of people, I learned early on in my life that if I’m not offending a lot of people, I’m probably not going anywhere in my life.

And while I would never tell anyone to do anything that wasn’t genuinely them, I’ll just go ahead let you know that I don’t think you know who you are and I don’t believe in natural game at all. The fact is that every natural I’ve ever met has a process. Show me a natural and I’ll show you a process. And while it may seem like guys are walking up to girls, saying some random things and getting laid from it, the reality of the situation is very different. From the guys in RSD to the best naturals that you see in clubs or on the streets, they all have some type of method whether they acknowledge it or not.

There seems to be this strange new hip fad in the pick up artist community that if you have strong inner beliefs, you’ll be able to do anything in pickup. While this is partially true, nobody seems to have clearly figured out what inner game is or how to give someone the type of inner game that they need in order to create the reflection in their outer game to make that happen. And while the truth of the story and the solution to the problem is a lot bigger than what I want to go into here, let’s just say that misleading yourself to believe that you can just run into a group of people, say “I like salad” and allow your belief systems that probably aren’t set up in the most effective way to lead you to sex with a 10 is way beyond the realm of ridiculous.

And I think it all starts with the contradictory statement of “I don’t want to pretend like I’m someone I’m not.” I can hear this echoed in the halls of the imaginary lairs and throughout the message boards far and wide. And while the statement in itself is a very powerful and positively intended statement, it’s fundamentals are flawed in more ways than one. You see, the biggest problem with that statement is that you define who you are by the language that you use.

Every time I hear someone say that they are or aren’t a certain type of way, they’re limiting themselves to a certain way of being that might not be the way of being that they want it to be. The only reason that you know who you are is because of two things(thanks for this RJ): Looking at your past behaviors and the awkward or comfortable feelings that you get when you go to perform a certain action.
When someone comes to me and tells me that they don’t want to pretend like they’re someone they’re not, it’s because one of the two of those things have occurred or because they think that one of the two of those things may occur in the future and they want to prepare for it now by giving themselves permission to act the same way they have always acted in the future.

It has been said that a human’s most primitive instinct isn’t survival but to do what is familiar. Can you see how saying something like this might limit the possibility of you changing who you are in order to become more of who you want to be? There’s an old NLP saying that says, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” If you keep restrictive mindsets in your head like this one, you’ll find that you have a serious problem becoming more of who you truly feel like you can be.

It’s not your past thoughts or future thoughts that count. The only thing that makes a difference in your life is the way you think at this very moment. You’re not bound by the mistakes you made in the past or the limitations that you perceive in the future. Your potential is unlimited because you’re free to choose your thoughts at this moment. And what you think at this moment determines the entire future direction of your life.

Let’s say that you’re driving down the road in your car. Maybe you ended up taking some bad decisions somewhere and you ended up in what some people might call a “ghetto”. If you make the decision to turn the wheel of your, it doesn’t matter what direction you were going last week, yesterday, or five minutes ago. You’ll go in a new direction right now because of what direction you chose to turn your car towards. It might take you a little while to get out of the area you’re in and into an area that you’d rather be in. But, the only thing that really matters is where you’re going in the present moment.

You can’t control the entire world. You can’t control all the intricate details of modern life. You can’t control all the years of the past or all the years of the future. You can control this present moment. And that’s all you need to do in order to create all the success you can possibly imagine for yourself in whatever area you want it in.

You create who you are every day by the language that you use to describe yourself. I’m not going to go over the importance of language and using words to your advantage because I’m assuming that you understand that by now(there’s some other BS that’s been spreading about the lack of importance of words that’s been proven wrong time and again but hopefully you’ve done your research on that already).

And let me just go ahead and say that I’m not saying anything is right or wrong here. I’m not saying that people should be social robots or that you should use routines. I think that every way of being has it’s advantages and disadvantages. You should look at what you’re doing right now and decide whether or not what you’re currently doing is giving you the advantages that you want for yourself and decide from there.

There are some schools of thought out there that teach not to change yourself because changing involves taking something and trying to package it differently instead of making something new where the old once was. And while I think part of that is mental masturbation, another part of that I believe has some very powerful use to it so I’m going to subscribe to that idea here and present it to you.

The concept I’m talking about is the “be, have, do” concept that’s been floating around spiritual and cult like organizations for years. Basically, what this concept says is that most people go around trying to do things so that they can have stuff to one day be the person they want to be. And the majority of people end up never being who they want to be in life. I can’t tell you how many guys try to do the things that pick up artists do and start buying the stuff that pick up artists have only to never be good with women. Mostly, it’s because things work a lot more easily when they go the other direction.

If you first be who you want to be and start doing what a person who is that would do, you’ll naturally have what you want in life. You have to make a decision to be good with women and creating the habits of how people who are good with women act and you’ll naturally have women in your life. So, how, you might ask do you embark upon doing this? Well, there’s a lot of different ways. I’ll save that for the next conversation though. Be very watchful of how you describe yourself. Because what you say may end up being true.

We, as humans, are socially programmed from a very young age to start acting and behaving in certain ways. Who most people act like is a reflection of the programming that has been shoveled on us through social means as well as self inflicted through life experiences. If you think that you are who you are because you decided to be that way, I can tell you that you’d be a completely different person if you grew up in Iran or Russia. You might want to take a little introspection here and examine who you’ve been being. Notice yourself making limitations every time you say that you are a particular way for any given reason. Think about who you want to be and find out if it’s in line with who you are now and if it’s not, you may want to think about letting go of the past and conditioning yourself in a new way and forming new habits in order to be who you want to be in the future.

 

[Vision]

A Conversation About Frames: Manifest Your Destiny

I want to preface this by saying that this article isn’t supposed to be cold. I’m not trying to justify any actions or behaviors and I’m not saying that anything is right or wrong. Once again, this is just a perspective. It is not the truth. It just may help you free yourself to become more of who you want to be and less of a person that’s controlled by their past.


“To destroy is always the first step in any creation.”
– E. Cummings

If you ask several different people who know me well or not so well what type of a person I am, you’ll probably get a wide variety of answers. Some will probably call me an asshole. Some will call me a nice guy. Some will say that I take life too seriously. Some will tell you that I don’t take life seriously enough. What I am is very subjective. The labels that I put on myself may and may not be similar or different from the labels that others put on me depending on who you ask.


The fact is that we as humans typically categorize everything and everyone we come in contact with in order to make sense out of the world and save ourselves a little time in knowing what things are. I’ve even developed a game that I play that I intentionally wrongly categorize objects to creatively interpret what they are as something other than the obvious. This exercise can actually help someone build and expand conversations in a variety of ways.


But the fact remains that I am not necessarily anything that anyone says that I am. In fact, I’m not anything that I say I am and can change who I am any minute of any day. Just like a chair could be a step stool one minute and a fire builder the next. And the reason that I’m talking about this is because it frees up a lot of your ability to change the way that you see other people, things around you and even yourself.


There’s a very important distinction that I’m working towards here from an action that someone takes and the interpretation of that action that you make from the original action. So, basically, it works like this:


Let’s say that I’m in a girl’s room and she just put on a black skirt. I tell her that she would look better if she wore a pair of jeans instead of the skirt. She could interpret what I said in several different ways. She could think that I’m trying to help her look as good as she can by advising her on clothing that would fit her body or what she’s wearing better(or where we’re going etc.). If she was to take that interpretation, she may call me a “nice guy” for helping her out. She could also take it as me criticizing her and telling her that I don’t approve of her or her looks. If she were to take that interpretation, she might call me an “asshole” for criticizing her.


There’s probably a million other interpretations for this but let’s just look at the extreme cases for a better understanding of what I’m talking about. My point is that there’s an action. In this case, It’s me telling her she would look better if she wore a pair of jeans. Then there’s her interpretation of that action which could be a variety of things from thinking I’m a nice guy to thinking I’m an asshole. And the distinction to make is that I’m not a nice guy or an asshole. I’m just me and I acted. But, whatever her interpretation of my action is, she’s going to treat me as though I committed her interpretation of my action regardless of what the truth of the situation is.


And this happens with everyone all the time every day. People act and you interpret their actions as them being a certain way regardless of who they believe they’re being. Then you treat them as though their actions were your interpretation of their actions regardless of their intent behind their actions. And the situations go even deeper.


I have a friend who spent a great part of his life hating his father. His father left his mother and him when he was about four years old. He interpreted that as his father hating him. Why else would he leave them? And he spent twenty years angry and bitter because he believed that his father hated him. And a few weeks ago he decided to forgive his father and stop blaming his father for the failures that he was creating in his life and the anger that he had for him. And I wouldn’t ever say that what his father did was justified. I really have no idea what happened that made him leave. But I know that my friend spent twenty years of his life in pain because of his interpretation of an action that his father made. He made a decision that he no longer wanted to live that way. And once again, we have a distinction.


To the other side of the fence we have a natural friend of mine. This guy has some amazing interpretations. I don’t even know if he believes some of the interpretations that he makes about things sometimes. I’ve watched girls come up to him and put their hands in his face and tell him to fuck off. He always interprets it positively no matter what happens. He’ll say things like, “She had to bring the bouncer over here to take me away from her. She knew she was so attracted to me that if she stayed around me she’d end up fucking me tonight.”


Many people that I know would probably have interpreted the things he interprets as girls giving him indicators of interest as girls being bitches. He believes so much that every girl he talks to wants to sleep with him that no other interpretation even comes into his mind. And like I said before, none of this is good or bad, right or wrong. It all just is. People act and then you create an interpretation of that action whether it’s true or false.


Notice how in none of these examples have I focused on the other person’s intention or the “reality of the situation.” That’s because in the world of frames, the only thing that matters is what your frame is. Your frame is what matters because you are going to act based on your interpretation of the other person’s actions regardless of their intent.

What all this really boils down to is that there is no meaning until we create it. An action occurs and then we create meaning and assign that meaning to the action right or wrong. Before man was on this earth, there was no meaning. Animals and plants do what they do and go on as they go on because of instincts that have been evolutionarily developed. When reason and consciousness came into the equation men started creating meaning for things and so here we are… discussing frames.


Think about it. How many religions are there in the world? How do you know which one is the right one to believe in? How many sects are there to the Christian religion? Religion is just man’s way of trying to gain control over and give meaning to what he doesn’t understand. That’s how it started anyway. I’m sure there’s many other uses to religion.


I dictate my beliefs based on what benefits me in life, not what I can logically put puzzle pieces together for. The greatest part about this is that you can choose what beliefs you’re going to have that will dictate how you interpret the actions of the people around you. It’s really not even that difficult to do. What matters the most is that you start to develop the habit of interpreting other people’s actions in a consistent manner to what your beliefs are.


And while most people might read this article, agree with what I’m saying, and make the decision that they’re going to do this, very few will actually accomplish it. You can’t half ass creating habits or you’ll end up with the wrong ones. You can consciously decide that you’ll interpret actions of others to be consistent with your beliefs when challenged with them in the moment and even stop old negative interpretations and reinterpret the actions to be consistent, but I don’t think this is even enough. Let me give you a real exercise that’s a proven method for changing the way you interpret the actions of others to be in line with the way you’ve consciously chosen to interpret them.


Let’s take a mild positive belief that you may want to internalize like “I believe good things happen to me.” First, you’ll want to use this as an affirmation that you say several times emotionalized in the morning. Secondly, you’ll want to make mental or written notes throughout the day of things that happened to you that are positive. Third, if you constantly forget it, you may want to make a flash card with the belief on it and pull in out randomly during the day to remind yourself to make notes of positive things that happen to you. And lastly, before you go to sleep every night, write down a list of all of the things that you can interpret as good things that happened to you during the day and possibly week.


One thing you’ll begin to notice as you go through this exercise is that the more days you do this, the more you’ll find good things happening to you on a constant and consistent basis. Also, don’t make this harder on yourself that it should be. If it’s in question whether something should be interpreted as falling in line with your belief or not, count it. What you’re doing is building momentum for your belief systems. Within a month of doing this exercise, you can completely change the way you look at the world.


Always remember that this takes time. People seem to want to look at a belief and then they think that the belief will be incorporated in who they are and then get upset when it doesn’t work for them. Then they blame the method. There’s nothing wrong with the method. There’s something wrong with the way you use the method. Allow mind time to change the belief systems that you have and stick with it. Some of the beliefs you have may be extremely ingrained inside of you and your mind needs time to adjust to your new beliefs.


Is this a little overboard? Yeah, it truly is. You don’t need to do this much to get the results that you’re looking for. But, I constantly run into people who doubt the legitimacy of pickup. They think that it might not really work. And guys go out and half ass everything and when they don’t get the results that others who plunge head first into it do, they create even more doubt in their minds until they come to a false conclusion: there’s something fundamentally wrong with them.

When, in reality, there’s nothing wrong with them. There’s something wrong with the way they approach life. For instance, there’s value to trying to figure out what the projected meaning is behind words and actions of other people. When you first join the community, I recommend looking into that, studying it, analyzing it and developing an understanding of it until you’ve develop an intuition for it. At some point, however, you need to let go.

You need to stop trying to “figure it out.” You need to plunge in head first and give yourself to it. Most people say they do this. But very few actually do. When in the discussion of frames, it isn’t always important what the sender’s message was. What matters is what frame of mind you’re in and how you interpret the message. Stop trying to understand what people mean by things and start creating meaning for it that benefits you. Interpret their actions in a way that gives you power, gives you leverage, gives you strength in who you are and what you’re doing. And then notice how others fall in line with your interpretation and become influenced by your dominate frames.

Your brain is a predicting machine. Your mind already subconsciously knows how it’s going to interpret the actions that the people around you are going to make. The beauty of it all is that you have the power to change it. Most people live as if their future is their past. They live as if they are a product of their past. You need to give yourself the future that you want. Nobody else is going to give it to you. Take responsibility for your interpretations, actions and reactions. Be a cause in your life and manifest your own destiny.
__________________

 

[Vision]

A Conversation About Frames: Habits - The Genesis of Your Identity

Once again I just want to say that everything I’m about to say is just my perspective on things. If you don’t like what I have to say, you don’t have to read my articles. In fact, I don’t want you to. And I don’t want you to take any of my advice either. But seriously, I hope everyone can find some type of value in these posts because these are some of the things that have helped me in my life. Enjoy…

I wanted to talk a little bit about integrity first but I don’t think I’m really going to touch on it much. There was a study that the psychology department did at Arizona State University that said on average, a college student will lie 7 times every day. All I really want to say about that is if other people don’t believe you, why would you ever believe yourself and how can you ever believe that you’re anything if you can’t trust your own word?

Over the last couple of years, I’ve met a lot of interesting people. I’m the kind of person who just goes out and does things because I believe it might possibly bring value to my life and I don’t know it yet. And through that, I’ve met quite a few millionaires and multimillionaires. And through talking to these people and asking them about their successes and failures one thing has always come up about how they got to where they are and how others can get there as well. And that one thing is habits.

Whether you consciously know it or not, you’re a creature of habits. We do things that are familiar to us. And habits are in regard to everything you do in life from the way you eat to how you work to how often you lie to what you do in your spare time. I’ve recently been thinking a lot about my habits and making sure that the habits I have are consistent with who I’ve decided I am and who I’ve decided to be. And everything counts.

Everything you do either helps you develop the habits you want in your life or pushes you towards habits you don’t want. Most kids nowadays laugh at the drug commercials that come onto the television because they talk about all of these drug addictions that people have. The kids don’t feel like they’re addicted to drugs. And for the most part, many of them aren’t. But what they don’t know is that they’re conditioning their bodies. Just like many people in America are conditioned to be AFCs in pickup speak, children are conditioning themselves to be addicted to drugs three to five years down the road and have no idea that they’re doing it. They’re creating self destructive habits of being.

Every time you allow your mind to talk in a negative way about yourself, every time that you visualize a negative outcome to a specific event and every time you interpret someone’s actions as them personally attacking you when they’re talking to you, you reinforce habits that might be pushing you in a direction that you don’t consciously want to be going towards. The only way to be who you want to be is to consciously decide who you’re going to be, make a firm decision and declaration to become that person and start developing habits that are consistent with your new identity.

How do you create these habits then when you’ve been stuck in your old ways for years? I thought you’d never ask. I find it comical when ever I hear people talking about inner game. So many people discuss inner game and beliefs and how you need to change your belief systems and fix your inner game. I think there are a lot more aspects of inner game that most people discuss and a lot more ways to develop it than most people realize. And the thing about inner game is you either have developed it as a habit or you don’t have it.

I’ll be posting more about detaching yourself from old beliefs in another post but I want to share with you some of the ways that I’ve developed habits that have changed who I am.

Affirmations: I think there are several reasons why people don’t get the change they want from affirmations. I know for a while I wasn’t getting much of a result from them either. And I constantly hear people saying that they don’t use them because they don’t believe they work.

First thing I want to say is that you need to have integrity. If your word is meaningless, you probably won’t get much out of affirmations. The second part of it is that you need to anchor emotions to your affirmations. I’ve gotten to the point where I’d rather miss eating in the morning than miss my affirmations because they have so much of an impact on my life. If you really want affirmations to work for you, you need to embody them and take them seriously.

You need to emotionalize your affirmations. And with this, I’m not talking about getting excited when you say them. You can do that and they’ll probably have a greater affect on you but what I’m really talking about is discovering your “emotional yes” and your “emotional no”.

This is a concept that I picked up from Michael Hall in his program “Frame Games”. What is says is that there’s a strong emotional anchor that is connected with the way you say a certain yes and the way you say a certain no. And the way that you find this strong emotional anchor is to ask yourself questions that you have a strong emotional yes reaction to or a strong emotional no answer to.

For instance, if someone were to take a baby and hold it out in front of you and say, “Would you like me to cut this baby’s throat just to watch him bleed to death?” how would you react to that? Most morally conscious people that I know would probably have a strong negative “emotional no” reaction to that. Just like if you took your dream girl and put her in front of your wearing a really sexy outfit, and someone asked you if you’d sleep with her right now if she asked you to, you’d probably have a strong “emotional yes” response to that.

So the key here is to isolate those emotional responses. Have someone ask you one of those questions or ask yourself one of those questions, and take the physical, emotional and verbal reaction that you have to them and repeat it over and over again without the question until you’ve isolated your behavior to it. Once you’ve done that, take your limiting beliefs that you might have and use your “emotional no” state and anchor it to your limiting beliefs by repeating them while in that state making those negative behaviorisms.

Then, you do the same thing with your emotional yes and the empowering beliefs that you want to take on. You don’t have to constantly do the emotional no with your negative beliefs. But, whenever you’re about to do your affirmations, if you get into that “emotional yes” state and then say your affirmations, you’ll notice a much stronger impact with them than you’ve previously received. Then make affirmations a daily morning ritual that you have every morning when you wake up as the first thing you do.

Another way to increase the effectiveness of affirmations is to say them more often. Your mind can only think one thought at a time whether it’s positive or negative. One of the ways I quickly got over one of my bad breakups was whenever I would think of the girl that I was breaking up with, I would instead start reciting one of my affirmations and I noticed that my emotional state would quickly change as well as my mind creating the natural habit of saying things that empowered who I was instead of allowing myself to go into negative states. I even went as far as having flash cards on me and whenever I didn’t feel like I was in an empowered state, I would read my flash cards that had my most important affirmations and goals on them. I’m not going to get into the specifics of what to say as affirmations because everyone is in a different place in life and when I post about some of the more outer aspects of frames I’ll address that material there.

If you want to really make some powerful changes, you need to get in the habit of changing your habits. One of the habits that I really changed that has helped me out immensely in my life is becoming a man of action. It’s apparently been a joke running around some people in the community that I’m a guy that likes to “get shit done”. I can tell you that there’s probably nothing that I’d rather do more in my life than get shit done. Getting shit done to me means that I go and do things. I like to be productive and I like to accomplish things with my life in every area.

What it also means to me is that I don’t procrastinate on important things that make a substantial impact in my life. I do the things that I know I should do whether I want to do them or not. This has effected the way I approach sets, the way I push the envelope when I’m afraid to with pickup and how I lead not only women but others and myself most importantly in my life.

And you may feel a little awkward when you’re performing these new habits. That’s normal and natural. The things that you decide you want to make your habits might not seem like they’re “genuinely you”. But, if you stick with them, you’ll naturally develop congruence with them and they’ll quickly become a part of who you are as a person and effect lasting change in your life. Most of the things that you do in your life are already formed habits and that’s how most people define who they are. You don’t have to be one of those people.

You can become whoever you want to be by changing any and all habits that you don’t like that you have. If you change your habits from eating, drinking, working, exercising, thinking and talking you’ll speed up the rate at which you’ll make the lasting change that you’re looking for in your life. Don’t allow your past to dictate who you are in your future. Take control and take responsibility.

 

[Vision]

A Conversation About Frames: Play to Win

“You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.”
- Zig Ziglar

Thanks to everyone who’s provided me with feedback on my articles. I appreciate everything that everyone says. If you don’t understand something, ask it in my thread. That’s the only way I can help you understand it. I’m also going to try to write up as much as I can on frames. There’s a boat load of information on them and I haven’t even gotten to the verbal or outer aspects of using frames yet. But, recently just created an environment where I’m going to be very busy for a long, long time and don’t know if I’m going to be able to post everything that I want to post. So, if you’re anxious, just hold the fuck on because it might take me a little while to get everything out that I want to.

This post is actually being written because of a combination of different things that have happened. The biggest thing is that people keep asking me what frame is the most important frame for them to have. And this is the one frame that I’ve found that the best naturals and best pick up artists all share that I’ve met. That frame I like to call “the winner’s frame.” Hopefully, at some point I can write a post on the conversational aspects of frames because I know all the “pick up lines” guys are dying to hear that. But, you need to focus on your inner aspects of development first. The reason why the guys in the special operations are so good is because they drill the basics so deep inside themselves that they have the ability to do amazing things when the time comes. You might do some good to do the same.

I’m just going to first expand a little on what I said previously because there seemed to be a few people who didn’t understand what I was talking about in the other posts. Hopefully I can help clarify some of the things that I said. A lot of people seem to be “stuck” in a particular area and unable to get out of it. I just want to tell you that you’re not there because of the things that have happened in your past. This is a very important distinction that you need to make in order to change what’s going on in your future.

Your history on a subject is not what has been keeping you stuck there. It’s just that you keep on doing the things, having the responses, and feeling the feelings that created your history. It’s the habits that you created from that history that’s keeping you stuck. Whether you know it or not, whatever it is that is preventing you from getting where you want to go is giving you something that you value. It could be that it’s making you right. It could be that you’re making others wrong. It could be that you’re getting validated from it. It could be that you’re getting to feel an emotion and it’s become so familiar to you that you’d rather be in it than in a new, awkward emotion like success.

You’re looking to your past to dictate what’s going on in your future. It has nothing to really do with your future. There was one thing in your past that happened that created a belief inside you. Then, you had some type of emotion attached to that event that relives every time you justify that belief. And, at some point, you created a statement that’s not only discussing what you did in your past but also how you’re going to be in your future. You’re predicting your own future by the language that you use that embodies the past. It actually has no basis on reality. And that’s why people aren’t changing.

It’s amazing that the very thing that binds you to your past is the same thing that allows you to create a whole new world of possibilities. I know a lot of this information is a bit abstract but if you can get a grip on it, you’ll see a whole new world open up for you. Your language can change your entire world if you allow it to.

Every time you say “I am” or “I can’t” or something “is” how you are, you put yourself in a box. You place a limit on what it is that you can be. And I want to be clear that there is nothing wrong with this. Everyone does this all the time. However, there are times where you are more flexible and open to who you are and times when you’re very constricted in who you are. You need to make that distinction in yourself and choose who you’re going to be at different times to gives yourself more of what you want in your life.

For instance, when you’re sitting in whatever area it is that you read posts, listen to audio and video tapes and make decisions about who you’re going to be, you should open yourself up to being flexible and allow new possibilities to come into your life to make the changes you want. When you’re “in field,” you should become more rigid and stick to who you believe you are because it’ll make a more powerful impact when meeting people and getting your results in that regard. And neither of these are always cases. There are certainly cases where being in different mindsets can help each situation but this is generally what has been the most useful to me.

Saying that you are a certain way can definitely be useful. Like I said before, it limits the possibilities of who you can be when you say that. You put yourself in a box. The key, I’ve found, is to make sure that you limit what you don’t want to be and become fixed in a way that you do want to be. You need to pick beliefs about yourself that empower and strengthen you.

When I pick my beliefs, I don’t even care if they make sense. I’ve found that being “reasonable” is really a sell out on yourself. In fact, many of my beliefs don’t even make any sense. And the funny thing is, they didn’t make sense before when I was being “reasonable” either. They were just so automatic for me that I didn’t realize it. If you really think that women just are naturally not attracted to you, you’re more delusional than Mystery is about getting “1 for 1” or he was when he told me several years ago that “I’m a celebrity, the world just doesn’t know it yet.” Talk about beliefs creating your reality...

In fact, some of my beliefs are even a little “spiritual.” I watched religious people in awe when I first started doing this stuff. They really believed some amazing things that gave them success in areas where if they didn’t have any religious beliefs they wouldn’t have gotten results in. They believed that “God is directing them” to do some outrageous things and that they couldn’t be stopped because it was their destiny. That got me thinking and I tried to take the useful aspects of that without bringing God into the picture. And it’s done wonders for me.

Now, I want to clarify here exactly what I’m saying in regard to a “winner’s frame.” I am not talking about always being right. I’m not talking about always being the alpha male or believing that you know everything or that you’re better than everyone else or that you can’t ever learn anything from other people because what you say is the word of god.

The biggest difference between winners and losers are the words we use. If you listen to guys who are really good, you’ll notice they never say, “I can’t” to anything. They usually say that they “aren’t going to do that.” And the difference is free will. If you catch yourself saying, “I can’t” either ask yourself how you can do it or restate it as “I’m not going to.” It will free up your possibilities. It will change the way that you habitually talk. Ross Jefferies recommends saying, “Up to this point, I have not yet been able” and say what you said as the “I can’t” statement.

What does it really mean though to be a winner and what are these guys doing that makes them different from other people. I continuously run into people in the pick up artist community that want to make things harder on themselves than things really should be. They go out alone, do cold approach in high impact clubs and refuse to put any odds in their favor. And while this can be useful to help you develop certain ways of being, it shouldn’t be the way you always run game. Success breeds success.

It’s easy to identify yourself with being a man who is good with women if you’re a man who is having sex with multiple women. It’s easy to develop the habits of a high value guy when you’re a high value guy. Make life easy on yourself. There are three areas to pickup that you need to be concerned with: Your inner game, outer game, and lifestyle. And when I talk about lifestyle, I’m talking about a lifestyle that is not only interesting but allows you to surround yourself with women.

If you plan on going out to clubs, build a social circle at the club. It’s actually not very hard to do if you take a little time out to go do it. Befriend everyone at the clubs including the bouncers, managers, promoters, etc. Go on off nights or before the bars and clubs get busy and make friends with the bartenders. Get a routine stack that will guarantee you get the results you want and will give you things to say when you can’t think of any. Have women with you when you go out even if they are initially not that hot. Stack all the odds in your favor. This is what the best naturals and best pick up artists do. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. The blueprints are already there if you’re willing to read them.

The best guy I've ever met at picking up women is a natural that I know who I taught pickup techniques to. Before I taught him some of the frames and comfort material that I have, he could go out to big clubs 5 nights a week and take home 3-5 girls that week(he couldn't keep any of them but that's why I helped him with his comfort game). I've seen him pull more ass than any pickup instructor I've ever met. And he only fucks hot girls. The reason he had so much success is because he always stacked odds in his favor. He knew he was going to fuck a hot girl that night and he was delusional in his confidence about it. And anything that would help his odds, he would incorporate into his game immediately. He plays to win... and he wins EVERY time. Losing doesn't even register to him.

Here are a few beliefs/affirmations that I use for developing a winner’s mindset. Use them and come up with your own if you wish:

“I am the best.”

“I am a winner.”

“I am destined to be a great success in life.”

“I do what I know I should do, regardless of whether I feel like it or not.”

“Everything that happens to me is exactly what I need in order to be where I want to be in my life.”

“I learn from all of my mistakes.”

“I master all of my advantages.”

If you’re serious about becoming good in this area of your life, you need to act like you’re serious about it. Get in the habit of being a winner. Start stacking the odds in your favor. Find out what the people who are the best really do and do what they do. Make the decision to do what you know you need to do to get what you want out of your life and pickup. Play to win.

 

[Vision]

A Conversation About Frames: Speak Like a Jedi

Hey guys,

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written an article for this. I have a little bit of time now so I thought I’d put this one together. This may be my last one on the concept of frames. I was thinking about putting together another article on the aspect of roles and their use in frames and pickup. But, I’m not sure how impactful it will be so I may just be sticking to this as the last in the series I started.

The great thing about conversational framing is its unbelievable power and impact while being subtle and elegant. When people watch me do a pickup, they think I’m a natural because not only do my conversations sound like normal conversations(a lot of people need to work on this… you don’t need HUGE reactions EVER) but a lot of people have no idea what I’m doing.

Frames in conversations are not a new idea. To pickup, it’s one of the many aspects in which things have evolved since The Game and the VH1 show have come up. If your game is based on frames, you don’t have to worry about being called out on your material because it will be far from anything they’ve heard before. Not only that, but it’s more powerful and effective. Your main concern should be on figuring out what frames you’re setting in all of your conversations if you’re not already aware of this.

The people who are the most prominent people in any organization, in pickup, or really anywhere choose their words very deliberately and specifically. If you’re not thinking about the things you’re saying, you’re probably not always saying the best things. The best naturals I’ve met, use these concepts naturally and speak in these ways in a habitual manner(Just one way the previous posts tie into this one). You need to become very aware of what frames you’re using and how you’re using them. Then you need to deliberately work on practicing and habitually setting powerful frames that give you the results you want.

Also, just a side note, I’m going to be using my own descriptions for how frames are used. I know others may have used some of the same terms as me but I don’t what they were describing and I really don’t care. I’m sure others have very valuable information regarding frames and you may like what they have to say better or how they use them. But everything I have to say pretty much kicks ass and you guys are all intelligent people so I know you’ll like it. I want to throw out a special thanks to Kid44. He always has exceptional advice especially regarding frames.

"You see, really and truly, apart from the things anyone can pick up (the dressing and the proper way of speaking, and so on), the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she's treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a lady, and always will."
– George Bernard Shaw’s play, “Pygmalion”​

People live up to the standards that you set for them. Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson did a study in a San Francisco elementary school where teachers were falsely told that the specific children they were teaching were on the brink of a period of rapid intellectual growth. The truth is that these children were picked at random. The results showed the children exhibited superior testing scores to others of similar ability and superior to those who were in similar targeted classes which the teachers weren’t told anything.

The conclusion of that and many studies which were put together in the after effect of that one have concluded that expectations that you have for others affect the way they behave around you. The information I put together for this article takes it a lot further than that, but hopefully you can see how that can be a basis to create some powerful opportunities for yourself. If you see the value in it that the way I have, you’ll quickly learn to utilize this information into an amazing language skill you can use to improve your life and the lives of others around you.

I’m not going to go into the belief aspect of this because I’ve already extensively covered beliefs in other articles. But, just know that if you expect a hot girl to act like a bitch when you walk up to her, she’ll probably act like a bitch. Your belief in her acting like a bitch will quickly manifest itself in your actions and be communicated to her so that you can easily justify your belief in any of her actions regardless of whether she lives up to that expectation or not. Which she probably will.

Also know that whoever has a stronger belief in their frame will probably end up setting their frame. I’ve met plenty of girls who are wild sex freaks when they’re with me but when a guy comes around who treats these girls like they’re virgin princesses, the girls act like they’re not interested in sex or being flirty anymore. Whatever way you treat her, she’ll adapt to it and start behaving accordingly. And that is usually based on your beliefs in regards to women and her in general.

We are going to mostly be discussing conversational frames here. As in, frames that you’re setting by the words that you use as opposed to the beliefs you have. Hopefully, some of the previous articles will have already helped you develop the understanding for what you need to do in order to develop your belief systems.

I’m going to break frames into passive and active usage. What I mean when I say passive is you’re not directly setting a frame on someone. You’re telling them about a frame that they should want to fall into or they naturally fall into through association. When I say active, I mean that you are specifically linking a person to a frame that you’re setting through one of a variety of different methods. Here are some examples:

Active - “You seem like the type of person who takes care of the people in your life. I really respect that.”

Passive – “I love southern girls. They’ll do anything for you. They really know how to take care of the men they’re dating. There’s nothing I find more attractive than that.”

As you may have figured out, the first one, you’re giving her a supposed warm read which is directly relating the frame you want her to fall into(being someone who takes care of the people in her life) to her. The second one is linking girls who take care of their men to something you find extremely attractive. And, since you should be in comfort by this time, she’ll want to be more attractive to you and act in accordance with the frame you’re setting. Both of them work very well. There are different times and reasons why you’d want to use active as opposed to passive. But, you can make the call on that one. I use both and sometimes I’ll reinforce one with the other.

I’m not going to go too in depth on how to set active and passive frames. I’m sure I could probably write a small book on it at this point. It’s a little more detail than I want to go into here though. I’ll just give you some other ways you can use these types of frames in set. Just notice how I transition into these lines and notice how I justify them and then reinforce what I say by restating it in a different way and validating her agreement with it regardless of what she actually thinks about her behavior in accordance to the frame I’m setting.

Another way you can use active frames is by linking things she does to frames you’re trying to set. For instance, during qualification, you could ask her what she likes to do in her free time. Then, you just link whatever she says to the frame you want to set. For example:

Vision: …and that’s why I have a midget body guard. So, tell me… what do you do with your free time when you’re not hanging around (whatever place you’re at) doing (some inside joke)?

Girl: I know this sounds silly but I really love playing ping pong.

Vision: That’s a new one. It’s cool though because the fact that you play ping pong shows me that you’re adventurous and willing to go and do something even though it might not be the be what other people think is cool. And that’s rare. High five for being independent!

In this example, I take whatever she says she does and directly link her to being adventurous and independent. She could say nearly anything which is why I used ping pong as the example. You could switch ping pong with dancing, singing, painting, or just about anything else and you could essentially have the same sentence and get the same effect.

Also, if you want to change things up a bit, you can always get her to justify how and why she’s whatever frame you’re setting. For example:

Vision: You seem like you’re really spontaneous… what’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done(or most spontaneous place you’ve ever had sex)?

It seems like this is really simple, but it’s powerful. You’re telling her that she’s whatever frame you want her to be then you’re just asking her to prove it to you.

As far as passive frames go, you typically want to link something the girl is already doing or wants to be seen as to the frame you’re setting. For instance:

Vision: It’s very important that the new people I make friends with are open minded. I spent too much time as a child being angry and judgmental and feel like I probably hurt myself as well as the important people around me. So I only hang out with people who don’t judge.

Here, I’m linking being non-judgmental to people I spend my time with. The assumption is that if she’s spending time with me, she must be non-judgmental. I’m also creating the assumption that I’m non-judgmental as well by saying I don’t like people who use judgments.

Here’s another example:

Vision: My biggest pet peeve is when someone takes like 5 hours to text me back. I can understand when there’s just no way to do it. But, I broke up with a girl once because she consistently wouldn’t text me back for several hours. That’s just really unattractive.

I used to do this because it would just annoy the shit out of me when girls wouldn’t text me back forever. If I was far enough in the process it would always work pretty well. The only thing I don’t like about this is it has a potential for creating a low value frame if you say it the wrong way or at the wrong time. But, what I’m doing is linking being unattractive to not texting back.

It can also be really effective when you’re linking positive traits to attractive behavior:

Vision: You know what’s really attractive to me is when a girl shows up on time. It just makes me like her more.

The frames that you can set are endless. If there are particular things you don’t like discussing, you can frame those as bad topics to talk about as well. Here’s something I wrote on the Denver Lair when we were discussing the answers to the “How many girls have you slept with?” question:

Vision: You know... one thing that's always fascinated me about the culture in America is how cruel people can be towards each other. It's almost like we've built this society that feeds on judging one another. Like we've attributed all this shame to sexual acts and sexual deeds when really we're all human and sex is a natural part of who we are and what we do.

Vision: It's like every time I hear someone asking another person how many people they've been with, you can almost sense the fear and insecurity in their voice. Like they ask questions like that to get all the judgments out of the way just so they can move on to something important like... getting to know one another. When if we all could just let go of all our sexual insecurities and judgments, nobody would bother with stuff like that and we could open up and just be with each other as people and bring more value to each others lives.

What I’m doing in this example is linking having sex and being sexual to normal human behavior and then I link asking how many people someone has been with to fear, insecurity and being judgmental. You can use something like this to prevent someone bringing up a topic that you either don’t want to have brought up or that you want to bring up in your leisure.

You can also set frames in a lot of other ways including the use of shit testing. I’m not going to go into that because I think it’s a whole different subject in itself. Remember that you don’t always verbally set frames either. Some of these frames might be presupposed through your actions. As in, they are assumptions that are created through something you’ve done. For instance, if a girl asks you to take a picture for her, in order to set the frame that your actions are valuable, you may ask her to do something like tell you a joke. It’s creating a presupposition that your time is valuable enough that if she wants you to do something, she has to do something for you as well.

Here are some specific frames that you may want to set in regards to pickup:

Value Frame - You want to make sure that she sees you as valuable. This may seem obvious but isn’t always. Make sure she sees your actions and gestures as valuable. This will probably end up being more of how you act than a specific thing that you say. Although, there are ways to convey this through conversational framing which have been very effective for me in the past. You just have to be very deliberate about how you word it because it might come off as try hard.

Selector Frame – Most guys will have sex with anything that has a heartbeat. Be selective and let girls know that being attractive isn’t enough to get with you.

Teacher Frame - I know more than one guy whose game is based almost solely on setting and using the teacher frame. I do this all the time by knowing about interesting subjects like swing dancing, yoga, female psychology, sex, etc. and then teaching the girl about it and herself. You can get away with a lot by being in the teacher frame. I usually escalate must faster and develop compliance much more quickly by using this frame.

Authority Frame - Know a lot about yourself and what you do. This can go in conjunction with the teacher and value frames. This is when you show that you’re an expert in some area. You have the ability to solve problems and give solutions to something. Be an authority of yourself and who you are. Make a decision to take responsibility of your life and who you are.

Abundance Frame – There are tons of women out there and they need you more than you need them. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Adventurous - If you frame a girl as being adventurous, she’s more likely to go and do something she might not normally do… like go home with you.

Goes after what she wants in life – You want her to be a person who goes for what she wants… in this case it’s going to be you.

Reliable – You want her to do the things she says she’s going to do.

Sexually Predator – The more she views herself as sexually aggressive, the more she’s going to come onto you and allow you to run game more quickly. I’ve run game where this was all I used. Check out the sexual predators routine by TD if you aren’t familiar with this yet.

Non-judgmental – You want to show that you’re not going to judge her for coming home with you that night. I’ve found that framing her as being non-judgmental will help alleviate shit tests. So, with this one, you’re framing the both of you as this.

Independent – This is a good one to help get rid of her cock block friends if they’re still giving some resistance after you’ve won them over and befriended them.

Lastly, I’m just going to go over a few other ways to set the frames that you want in any interaction. Misinterpretation is when you take something she did and interpret it as if it means something that it might not mean. For instance:

Vision: Why do you keep looking at me like that? You keep looking at me like you’re attracted to me.

This is basically just taking whatever look she is giving you and interpreting it as her being into you or being sexually aggressive toward you depending on how you play it out. Here’s another misinterpretation:

Girl: I really should go to sleep.
Vision: Whoa… I hardly even know you and you’re asking me to sleep with you? I need a little trust, comfort and connection first babe.

Cold reading:

Vision: You look like the type of person who goes after what you want in life. That’s really awesome. Life’s too short to not go after what you want. We can be friends now.

Reframing:

Girl: I only date guys who take me out to dinner.
Vision: You’re not going to get in my pants saying that. I need trust, comfort and connection before we do that.

Here’s another reframe:

Girl: You’re fucking asshole. Get away from me.
Vision: You’re totally into me. Girls only get pissed off like that when they’re really into a guy.

So, these are the basics of verbally setting frames. When you make the decision to control the frames that you set consciously, you’ll develop the habit of setting them unconsciously and you’ll see your game dramatically increase. You should figure out what frames you want to set, put together some routines to set them, then consistently go out there and set frames whenever possible. I’m tired and going to sleep now… good luck guys.

 

[Searcher]

I think one has to be more subtle in the reframing and it has to match their effort to not look like you are reactive or trying to get a reaction.

I tried these responses and though they work sometimes, sometimes they make one look reactive.

Ex :-

Girl: I really should go to sleep.
Vision: Whoa… I hardly even know you and you’re asking me to sleep with you? I need a little trust, comfort and connection first babe.
Vision : Patience, I am not ready for that yet

Girl: I only date guys who take me out to dinner.
Vision: You’re not going to get in my pants saying that. I need trust, comfort and connection before we do that.

We will have to think of ways to shorten the responses. (I have written my response in bold)

Girl: You’re fucking asshole. Get away from me.
Vision: You’re totally into me. Girls only get pissed off like that when they’re really into a guy.

(I am sure one must know the tone of the girl is important here before responding)

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

One word: MONEY!

Thanks for reposting these... I must have read them half a dozen times over the years. And yo... you had a sharp edge back then! Haha. Some of that shit cracked me up... probably part of what made you so fucking effective back then. But those posts were written at a time when everybody was a bit on edge about the whole split in the community... and all the flame wars surrounding that.

Anyway, this is money stuff. Teevster and I were talking about how Game 2.0 is probably more about the frames than it is about the sexualization. Framing is senior to sexualization. Framing IS game 2.0.

You could choose any kind of relationship dynamic you want and set it up with frames... threesomes... fast sex... marriage... whatever you want. Stephane even had like 5 girls living in the same house with him and fucking him and each other and I've seen the videos too.

Everyone should read these posts like... once a year. Might even be cool for the blog with a bit of polish.

I think one has to be more subtle in the reframing and it has to match their effort to not look like you are reactive or trying to get a reaction.

True. This is only an issue about delivery and calibration, though. And how subtle you need to be depends entirely on the context of where your interaction with her is at. Take framing sexuality for example:

• if you just met her 5 minutes ago, just saying the word "bedroom" in a sentence, or using an ambiguous word like "getting wet" can hint at a sexual frame, but subtly and with plausible deniability.
• if you've been talking to her for 2-3 hours and you're deeply in a sexual frame already, you can tell her "if you don't stop being sexy, I'm going to have to take you to the bathroom and fuck you in the ass right now." and get away with it.

That second one is a bit more aggressive than I get before the extraction, but I have done it in some LRs. I know Sinn used it all the time in his night game lays. It works... given the right context. The right calibration comes with a lot of experience.

-Karea.

 

[Bismarck]

Huge value Vision thanks for posting these.

Will have to re-read to absorb properly. Dense and powerful.

 

[Lobo]

Thank you for sharing all of this, Vision, really enlightening to read. A master of frames is a master of life.

But, just know that if you expect a hot girl to act like a bitch when you walk up to her, she’ll probably act like a bitch. Your belief in her acting like a bitch will quickly manifest itself in your actions and be communicated to her so that you can easily justify your belief in any of her actions regardless of whether she lives up to that expectation or not. Which she probably will.

While I was reading about how your expectations of others dictate how they act towards you, I came to a realization that matches up with everything you've been saying before about framing.

Not only do your expectations of others effect how they will act towards you, but also...

Your expectations of yourself will effect how you act overall.

If you expect to fail, then your attention and therefore your mental reality will be looking for ways that you can lose so that you can prove to yourself that you are indeed, a loser(doesn't it feel fantastic to be right?).

On the flip side, and like you mentioned with the winners mentality...

If you expect to win... then your attention will aimed towards winning, and your current reality will shift to finding ways you can win, no matter what the circumstances are.

Obviously, one of these frames is much more advantageous than the other.

 

[Rakehell]

Niceee thanks for sharing

 

[Chase]

Might even be cool for the blog with a bit of polish.

I'd never impose on @Vision, and don't know how that would affect his own business, having stuff in his name posted to GC... but if ever that was of interest to him, I'd be thrilled to have them!

Chase

 

[mist]

@Teevster

frame control also helps with so many other things, technically, if you don't master frame control, you will never become tight in pick up. if most people here were serious about pick up, 70% of the threads should be related to frame control

bet