I recently made a little rant about moving fast. This was the girl that got me frustrated in the first place.
I'm an intern at a small company (around 35 person, only 7 woman), all young person, from 18 to 34. We're all IT guys so socially, we're all below average.
Then came this new intern, hot chick, 24yo, long legs, white, graceful smile and laughs. She was placed in a different room from the main groups of guys and from my group.
Naturally, all the guys was after her, flirting, gathering around her desk to pester her with questions and trying all kinds of jokes. All the weeks following her arrival, they invite her to take lunch with them. She was smiling and following along, naturally. I knew from the get-go that these attempt were futile and it actually gave me more chance. I was already socializing with everyone before this girl arrives, so social proof was not a problem for me. I even become friend with one of the girl before so I was also preselected. What else could go wrong ?
I needed to make a move, and a good move, different from what all the guys are doing, so I tried to follow this guideline about flirting at work.
As the office is less crowded early in the morning, I tried to catch her around that time in order to not make it obvious. First, I showed her that I usually vacate my desk at this time to make small talk with everyone (it's not fake, I really did this even before she arrived). Then, after she's used to seeing me wandering around, I finally open her at our first one-to-one interaction, four day after her arrival.
- Me: Hi
- Her: Hi!
- So you're the hard-worker of the group, huh? (None of her coworker arrived yet)
- (Smile) Yeah! They're always late.
- ... (then the usual polite chit-chat for newcomers; how long is her internship, is she's still taking class, where does she lives, etc.)
I ask her her name, which I forget. We exchange name.
Finally, I felt that I began to run out of conversation topics so I made my way to the door. As I was leaving:
- Her: what was your name again ?
- Me: Okepi
- Her: Okay! Nice to meet you Okepi
Maybe that's a mistake. I felt that she still wants to talk but I was worried I would run out of conversation topics. Next time, read her signal, dumbass!
One day, while we were all joking and preparing to leave the office in the afternoon, I catch her glancing at me, I look at her, and she looked away. Seconds later, she looked at me again, I smiled and we made eye contact for a strong 2 seconds. Then, she look down and I knew I made my second fucking mistake. I thought that signaling to her that I can read her signal was a good idea but after this, she never looked at me again, at least not in that way.
Next conversation, same scenario. Early in the morning, she's in her office, alone, I'm approaching her. Nothing remarkable happen on this second interaction, so I thought that I needed to make a move, quick, because I should most fast.
In the meantime, she changed her habit in the office. She didn't hang out with the guys anymore, probably tired of all the non sense and of being put on a pedestal.
I didn't catch her that much at her desk anymore, so our next conversation was around three weeks after the last one, which I thought was very late and was part of the reason why I panicked.
- Me: So do you like this job ?
- Her: blabla... (I don't remember everything she said. She's a little bit shy and I can't process everything she said )
- ...
- Me: I heard that you don't work tomorrow morning (must be bad. Paint me as a stalker)
- Her: I have half a day per week to go to class
- Me: Oh, so you're a spoiled girl, then! Half a day per week, new laptop, ...
- Her: no! (laugh)
- ...
After a while, sensing that the office became more crowded, I just fucking ask her out out of nowhere, because if I didn't do it now, it will be too late.
- Would you like to go out sometimes ?
- ... (just smile)
- like ... huh... this weekend... for example.
- no ... (nervous laugh)
- pff (pretending to be unfazed) you prefer to attend one of Jerry's corny comedy show, don't you ? (a coworker, he's not hitting on her but he's just the funny guy of the group)
- haha
And that's how I fucked up
I blame everything on the principle of 'moving fast' when in fact, maybe it's the fact that I failed to follow it that cost me this girl.
I think that things would be different if I had more opportunity to meet her. The only way that I found to meet her was to walk directly in front of her desk, contrary to the other guys.
There's so many things that went wrong here.
I'm an intern at a small company (around 35 person, only 7 woman), all young person, from 18 to 34. We're all IT guys so socially, we're all below average.
Then came this new intern, hot chick, 24yo, long legs, white, graceful smile and laughs. She was placed in a different room from the main groups of guys and from my group.
Naturally, all the guys was after her, flirting, gathering around her desk to pester her with questions and trying all kinds of jokes. All the weeks following her arrival, they invite her to take lunch with them. She was smiling and following along, naturally. I knew from the get-go that these attempt were futile and it actually gave me more chance. I was already socializing with everyone before this girl arrives, so social proof was not a problem for me. I even become friend with one of the girl before so I was also preselected. What else could go wrong ?
I needed to make a move, and a good move, different from what all the guys are doing, so I tried to follow this guideline about flirting at work.
As the office is less crowded early in the morning, I tried to catch her around that time in order to not make it obvious. First, I showed her that I usually vacate my desk at this time to make small talk with everyone (it's not fake, I really did this even before she arrived). Then, after she's used to seeing me wandering around, I finally open her at our first one-to-one interaction, four day after her arrival.
- Me: Hi
- Her: Hi!
- So you're the hard-worker of the group, huh? (None of her coworker arrived yet)
- (Smile) Yeah! They're always late.
- ... (then the usual polite chit-chat for newcomers; how long is her internship, is she's still taking class, where does she lives, etc.)
I ask her her name, which I forget. We exchange name.
Finally, I felt that I began to run out of conversation topics so I made my way to the door. As I was leaving:
- Her: what was your name again ?
- Me: Okepi
- Her: Okay! Nice to meet you Okepi
Maybe that's a mistake. I felt that she still wants to talk but I was worried I would run out of conversation topics. Next time, read her signal, dumbass!
One day, while we were all joking and preparing to leave the office in the afternoon, I catch her glancing at me, I look at her, and she looked away. Seconds later, she looked at me again, I smiled and we made eye contact for a strong 2 seconds. Then, she look down and I knew I made my second fucking mistake. I thought that signaling to her that I can read her signal was a good idea but after this, she never looked at me again, at least not in that way.
Next conversation, same scenario. Early in the morning, she's in her office, alone, I'm approaching her. Nothing remarkable happen on this second interaction, so I thought that I needed to make a move, quick, because I should most fast.
In the meantime, she changed her habit in the office. She didn't hang out with the guys anymore, probably tired of all the non sense and of being put on a pedestal.
I didn't catch her that much at her desk anymore, so our next conversation was around three weeks after the last one, which I thought was very late and was part of the reason why I panicked.
- Me: So do you like this job ?
- Her: blabla... (I don't remember everything she said. She's a little bit shy and I can't process everything she said )
- ...
- Me: I heard that you don't work tomorrow morning (must be bad. Paint me as a stalker)
- Her: I have half a day per week to go to class
- Me: Oh, so you're a spoiled girl, then! Half a day per week, new laptop, ...
- Her: no! (laugh)
- ...
After a while, sensing that the office became more crowded, I just fucking ask her out out of nowhere, because if I didn't do it now, it will be too late.
- Would you like to go out sometimes ?
- ... (just smile)
- like ... huh... this weekend... for example.
- no ... (nervous laugh)
- pff (pretending to be unfazed) you prefer to attend one of Jerry's corny comedy show, don't you ? (a coworker, he's not hitting on her but he's just the funny guy of the group)
- haha
And that's how I fucked up
I blame everything on the principle of 'moving fast' when in fact, maybe it's the fact that I failed to follow it that cost me this girl.
I think that things would be different if I had more opportunity to meet her. The only way that I found to meet her was to walk directly in front of her desk, contrary to the other guys.
There's so many things that went wrong here.
