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FR  A few cold approaches at a popular bar, Got a number

Dylweed

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 6, 2013
Messages
170
I feel like i should state that i am still a beginner at pick up. I'm 21 and I am also still a virgin

I showed up at midnight at Whiskey Jacks (a popular college bar) with my brother.
Once inside we slowly walked to the bar and got us some ice waters. I don't wanna rely on alcohol for game although i had taken one hit of weed about a half an hour earlier (sorry if illegal activities aren't allowed to be talked about on this site, I could delete this part, just let me know)
Anyways, about 10 - 15 seconds after getting our water I approached a 2 set.
Walked up behind one of the girls, put my hand on her shoulder. While looking at her she brought her eyes to mine.
Me: hi
Her: hi
Me: hows it going? (I definitely sounded a little nervous).
Her: good
Me: I saw you and thought you were cute so i had to come talk to you, I'm Dylan"
Her: told me her name (i don't remember what it was lol) and she introduced her friend sarah to me
I then asked her what she does.
She said she goes to UW Whitewater college and thats when her friend sarah, who was more attractive, probably more drunk, started talking about how her friend, who i opened, was number 3 out of 200 in some ranking at her college.
Continued talking to both of them. Was feeling pretty calm, I didn't care what happened because it was just the first approach.
But at one point i did run out of things to say in that moment and i just looked to the side looking bored.
I was about to end the conversation and thats when the 2nd girl, sarah, asked me what I do.
I paused, said, I make music, in sort of a playful tone. She asked what kind, I said rap music.
Then she made a comment about my chain around my neck.
I said, well besided that i also work at menards, but thats pretty lame.
She said, oh no, menards is cool. They sell candy, forgot what kind she said.
At one point I ended up mistaking what sarah said. Thought she said she smokes weed. I asked you smoke weed?
Awesome i said. High fived the girl i opened for it but then found out that i misheard them both. The music was super loud.
I think i asked why they don't smoke and sarah said it was a waste of money.
I asked how much money she spent on the drink she had. She said 2 bucks. I said okay,
how's that not a waste? She said, well im gonna drink it. I said well it gets smoked too.
Thats when the girl that i opened said that i was going to end the conversation.
I said, okay, I'm not trying to debate with you guys. The conversation went on for a little bit longer and then i decided to end it and I wished them a good night.
Sarah wished me luck on my rap career and said she hopes ill be the next mac millar.
I felt like maybe sarah was attracted to me but i wasn't physical with her at all, just had deep close eye contact.
I don't know how to deal with 2 sets because you can't move one of the girls because then her friend will be all alone. I still should have at least tried to get sarah's phone number.

Went looking for my brother after that. Finally found him. Should have approached another set right away but i waited.
Talked with my brother about the approach i just did. Then i kept waiting and then i started to get a little bit in my head.
Then later I finally made another approach when there was a girl walking by.
I stopped her and said, Hey, i just thought you were cute and i had to talk to you, I'm dylan.
I don't even think she understood what i said. She said what?
Then right away a friend of hers came up and started talking to her in her ear.
I just gave up right away and walked away.

Was waiting with my brother, trying to get him to do approaches too. That's when a girl walked by.
She was by herself and she stepped on my toes. I think she said sorry and I just yelled, "What the fuck!" but my tone of voice had playfulness in it.
She stopped and put on a hilarious facial expression. I kept on teasing her for it. But then finally said, okay i forgive you.
Then i asked her what her name is and then i told her mine and we shook hands. I held her hand for a while.
She was a little drunk and she was definitely attracted. We talked about where she goes to school and what for. Found out where she went to high school.
Found out her mom teaches at my old middle school.
After a few minutes i said, lets go somewhere a little more quiet.
She said okay. I took her hand and pulled her behind me to somewhere more open/less crowded.
The music was only a little bit quieter but I said something like thats better. She didn't disagree with me.
We continued talking. Talked about our siblings and where she lives, found out she lives close by and has her own place all by herself.
I was trying to be physical while talking but I'm new to it and i was touching her arms when we would get excited. Thinking about that almost had me zoning out though on what she was saying.
After a couple more minutes i said we should go grab some food sometime. She agreed. So i took her number.
Then not long after i said i gotta get back to my brother and we wished each other good night.
BTW i texted her later in the night saying "Hey ____! It was nice meeting you - Dylan"
She replied the next day saying "It was nice to meet you too!"
I will text her again to set up a date today.

Went back by my brother and while talking with him i saw a tall girl not too far away checking me out. I think i made eye contact with her twice.
Finally i decided to go open her. She was with like 3 friends but was not the center of attention of her group.
Walked up behind her, put my hand on her shoulder and got her attention that way.
Said hey, I just thought you were cute so i had to come talk to you, I'm Dylan.
All her friends walked away right away. She told me her name and asked me if i go to school here. She seemed nervous.
I said no, i go to matc. I asked her what she does and found out that she is from iowa and also from Milwaukee and that she was only here for her friends.
Asked her where she graduated, then clarified that i meant high school and then she said I'm really old. Found out she's 22.
Joked first and said yeah, youre ancient. then told her im kidding and thats not old. I said "you're making me feel old now. "You're life is only a fraction done with," I said.
In the middle of conversation her friends came back.
She told me that she's sober and said bye.
I said youre leaving?
She said yeah i have to. This will be the last time I'm ever in wisconsin. Then her and all her friends walked away.

I then hung around the place for a few more minutes and then left. Was there for just over an hour.

Next time I think i should try to do push pull and also to be more physical.
I'd appreciate any kind of feedback, thanks
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
6,170
Dlyweed-

Well done on the approaches here; especially considering you're fairly new at this.

Dylweed said:
I said, well besided that i also work at menards, but thats pretty lame.
She said, oh no, menards is cool. They sell candy, forgot what kind she said.
At one point I ended up mistaking what sarah said. Thought she said she smokes weed. I asked you smoke weed?
Awesome i said. High fived the girl i opened for it but then found out that i misheard them both. The music was super loud.
I think i asked why they don't smoke and sarah said it was a waste of money.
I asked how much money she spent on the drink she had. She said 2 bucks. I said okay,
how's that not a waste? She said, well im gonna drink it. I said well it gets smoked too.
Thats when the girl that i opened said that i was going to end the conversation.
I said, okay, I'm not trying to debate with you guys. The conversation went on for a little bit longer and then i decided to end it and I wished them a good night.

Up to this point, it was going pretty well with Sarah. A few points:

  • Usually good to skip mentioning where you work (makes you boring and ordinary; removes a lot of mystery)
  • If people mention doing drugs, be cool about it, rather than celebratory; some women will say this to "test" you, others to screen you out
  • The instant someone says they don't do something that can have a "gross" or "loser" label attached to it (like drugs can with some people), drop it and change subjects if you want to minimize the damage / avoid blowing the interaction up, unless you really know what you're doing (there are good ways to turn this conversation to your advantage, but when you're starting out it's usually going to go not in your favor)

Dylweed said:
Then i asked her what her name is and then i told her mine and we shook hands. I held her hand for a while.
She was a little drunk and she was definitely attracted. We talked about where she goes to school and what for. Found out where she went to high school.
Found out her mom teaches at my old middle school.
After a few minutes i said, lets go somewhere a little more quiet.
She said okay. I took her hand and pulled her behind me to somewhere more open/less crowded.
The music was only a little bit quieter but I said something like thats better. She didn't disagree with me.

Nice job moving her with you.

Dylweed said:
We continued talking. Talked about our siblings and where she lives, found out she lives close by and has her own place all by herself.
I was trying to be physical while talking but I'm new to it and i was touching her arms when we would get excited. Thinking about that almost had me zoning out though on what she was saying.

Good. You want to be trying things like this out. Don't worry about the zoning out... that's your brain juggling too many new things happening consciously at once. As you get better at both touch and conversation, this quits happening.

Dylweed said:
I said no, i go to matc. I asked her what she does and found out that she is from iowa and also from Milwaukee and that she was only here for her friends.
Asked her where she graduated, then clarified that i meant high school and then she said I'm really old. Found out she's 22.
Joked first and said yeah, youre ancient. then told her im kidding and thats not old. I said "you're making me feel old now. "You're life is only a fraction done with," I said.

With this kind of thing, where the girl is embarrassed about her age, rather than continue talking about it, which makes it sound like you're being overly polite (and she feels increasingly more embarrassed), you can wave your hand kind of dismissively and say, "Ah...," then change topics and go into something entirely different.

It's also often good to avoid the "Where do you go to school?" and "Where did you graduate from?" questions, because they're pretty boring standard questions that don't really offer much in terms of places you can lead them meaningfully (that is, not much PERSONAL content you can get to from them). Instead, they lead more to connecting over how ridiculous Mr. Greenham's voice is or isn't it crazy that they charge students for parking... which are interesting, but don't further your connection any, and paint you more and more as a platonic guy who just wants to be social and isn't all that interested in her herself.

Dylweed said:
I then hung around the place for a few more minutes and then left. Was there for just over an hour.

Next time I think i should try to do push pull and also to be more physical.
I'd appreciate any kind of feedback, thanks

Not bad for an hour's work. Push-pull and touch are solid things to work on; keep it up, Dyl.

Chase
 
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