A Friend Or More?

[Novacane]

I have this friend who I at first wanted to make a lover, but after spending a lot of time with her we've become good friends and its nothing like im in the friend zone and I'm a secure option for her (I'm often not around and when I am around she tends to hang with me more than the other members of the group) now my question is I have never shown her qualities of a boyfriend as in when she speaks to me about her problems I feed her questions back to her to help her solve it on her own without much of my input. Now recently she's been complaining about wanting a boyfriend to do "things with" implying she really just wants something open. Now I do not know if I should interpret it as she hinting towards me that she wants something mutual but non relationship wise, we usually chill with friends but sometimes when were alone she'll bring up things about herself other people don't know is this out of attraction or just being comfortable in general? If I were to act on this assumption that she is hinting she wants something with me would it harm the friendship, and is it ever possible to transition from friends to lovers and maintain the friendship? Any insight would be appreciated

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey Novacane,

I actually found it easier to be cool with girls who were my friends after we hooked up. The first thing you have to do is make a move, but you can't be weird about it or out of place. You have to take the lead and decide what you want to do with her. This goes along with setting the right expectations, you don't want to follow her lead.

I do find you kind of contradict yourself by saying your not in the friend zone but she's your "friend". Another thing is girls tend to say one thing and then act completely differently. This is why you must lead the interaction. Let her know your intentions and feel her out to see if she likes you in a romantic sense. The longer you wait the sooner the opportunity will pass.

 

[Novacane]

@ Just_Dave:
Now my problem is even if I do lead the interaction and conversation if she does not feel the same way and I've read things wrong, would it not affect the friendship already present?

 

[Just_Dave]

@ Just_Dave:
Now my problem is even if I do lead the interaction and conversation if she does not feel the same way and I've read things wrong, would it not affect the friendship already present?

Things will change, but however ask yourself. Do you really want a car you can't drive? Do you want 500 dollars you can't spend? What I'm really getting at what's worth more to you being her lover or friend. Lovers get treated way better anyway. But frame things properly you won't get shut down and you can still preserve the friendship. It's all a priority thing.

 

[Light]

Its exactly as what Just Dave just said.
What do YOU want? Do you value her friendship over being her lover?

Once you made a move, it will always affect the friendship one way or the other. There isn't a win-win situation.
So unless you are prepared for that, whatever you try to do now will probably be affected by your fear.

Make a decision. Stick to it. And use all the techniques that you've learnt from Chase's blogs.


Light

 

[foxman2]

Start building some tension with her, tease her a bit. Don't wait too long though, because as you go on, the more she will view you as a friend rather than a lover.

Just make sure to keep your options open, don't be afraid to hit on other girls in front of her, she needs to start seeing you as a sexual person rather than a friend.

Be sure to make some solid physical contact with her as well.

I have been in this situation a couple times, and I learned my lessons the hard way. The longer you wait to make a move, the worse off you will be, and the chances of being permanently friend zoned go up.

And as said by others, your friendship will be permanently affected by the choice you make... but let me say this, if you have any feelings for her, and you keep them bottled up while remaining friends with her, you will experience a lot more hardship down the road when she finally does get that boyfriend and you aren't him.

 

[Foreveranonymous]

i would suggest you try to decide b/w the value of this friendships and being with her.if you don't want to continue your friendship OK. u probably start moving things faster and not be gun shy of your intentions in a sexy and smooth way.also practice on getting more girls to further broaden your horizons. additionally the post "how to get out of the friend zone "and a host of others on the blog (girlschase.com)should give you a better insight on what to do.wish you the best

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Novacane,

If I were to act on this assumption that she is hinting she wants something with me would it harm the friendship, and is it ever possible to transition from friends to lovers and maintain the friendship? Any insight would be appreciated

I just come out of a friendship turned relationship kind of matter that you in right now.

A girl who is interested in you whom you are friends with, too, do feel fear and afraid that her friendship with you will be a disaster if she decides to fall in love with you, which in fact she does. By moving alone with you, and telling you that she wants a boyfriend and stuff, You need to be honest with yourself and ask if she has been acting weird lately.

You need to flirt test her a little bit, this will be risky, try hitting on her, but keep it casual and warm. Find out if she really likes you.

Oh btw, you can't maintain friendships after you enter a relationship with her. You just can't. I don't either, and she feels awkward too. It's like seeing a cub grow into a tiger, you can't go back.

Zac