A girl in the office

[syst3k]

Hey guys again!

I started an office job yesterday. It's something like student work, sorting documents, scanning, etc, in a big office actually where the students are separated from the others, so I didn't expect anything at all but I will need to do the work three times a week with a quite nice chick (Monday-Wednesday-Friday).

my goal is sex with her.

what happened:

1. beginning:
my boss introduced her to me and told us it's better to get on well witch each other cause we will meet and see each other many times.
at first we didnt talk too much.. we was just doing the job which is that I give her the documents for scanning or she gives me the documents for scanning, yeah I know it's quite boring job. I asked her some basic questions like "what do you study?" "what jobs did you have in the past?"

2. middle:
we needed to go to the stock to find some documents together, and there I was doing "getting to know her" a bit, I asked her questions like "what is your dream job?" "what is your plan with your studies in the future?" "what do you do? when you don't work" etc. we had a nice conversation, I complimented her taste for movies and music that she liked.
so there was a thing that I didn't know if it was direct or unintentional:
we were walking back and she was in front of me, she wore a coat that covered her ass and she lifted it to adjust her pants but in a flashy way. I didn't say anything even though I liked what I saw.

3. end
we did the same as we did in the beginning, I was getting tired and she finished her job before me so when she left for home I just told her "have a nice day!".

we had lots of accidental touching (hands), all the time, and she seemed comfortable close to me.


so here is my question: is to ask her out next time a good idea when we work together (tomorrow or Friday)? and how?

thanks in advance

syst3k

 

[WayOfHand]

If you feel good then go for it. If in doubt, don't piss where you eat. I think you get the point. You are going to see her a lot no matter what. Keep that in mind.

You could just ask her to grab food with you after work. No pressure type of thing. Then calibrate while out.

 

[syst3k]

yeah I know this phrase but it's not a "fixed job" you know student works.. grabbing food after the work would be a nice idea if we finished it at the same time, though her working time is 8AM-2PM, mine is 8AM-4PM

syst3k

 

[Seppuku]

syst3k,

It seems you want to go for it, then go for it. But then don't wait to ask. What happens if you wait too much and nothing happens is, she will start to view you as "not this sort of guy"... Window closed.

Agreed with WayOfHand, the way to ask is low key. Not a big deal kind of thing. But clearly a one to one meeting with her, no ambiguity.

The traps to avoid:
1. If she suggests you to join her with a group of her friends. That's what friends do. Politely refuse.
2. The "I will let you know" kind of answer. Chances are that she will never let you know and put you in chasing position instead. I usually deal with this by shutting it immediately like "Oh it's ok if you're busy. We'll do another time". Then wait a week or so and ask again.

Once you asked her out, you resume normal conversation and interaction like nothing happened. Like your asking her out is not a big deal.

Incidental touching is a good sign. What you can already do is start escalating the touch. Do incidental, then deliberate touching next time. Her hand, her forearm, her hair. A good touching goes a long way to pass on your message. You can try that before your asking out, as a preparation.

OK man good luck.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[syst3k]

Seppuku, you are the best for me! I admire your thoughts really... in the past I've got that kind of answers "I'll let you know..." and I never knew what the best solution was... when I asked x girl out again it was like "there is something wrong" and when I did nothing or just waited for it, it was like "it isn't the best solution" whereas when I told this to a girl I thought "it's totally ok, I can get her out whenever I want or if she inquires about the date again, it's a nice sign to me".

Thanks a lot!

syst3k

 

[Seppuku]

You're welcome.

The "I will let you know" leads to a dead end at least 90 pct of the time. Typically, when she doesn't return to you, you start chasing her for an answer, especially if there was a time frame involved. You're now chasing, she puts up lots of excuses and/or silences, and it ends in limbo. Then how are you going to approach her again?

The problem was that you let her put you in this situation in the first place. If you immediately reject the frame "Oh it's ok if you're busy, we do another time", you avoid the dead end and keep the initiative of the interaction. Also, she's not used to get this sort of response since the huge majority of guys let themselves trapped in the dead end. You're now setting yourself apart from the other guys. You're intriguing, and she just keeps guessing when you are going to be back. Tension!

You may want to check a post I did on common feminine frames here.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[syst3k]

Well, she was on sick-leave, so maybe next week ill try her out, and thank you for suggesting your post about feminime frames, I got things from it!

there is another girl in the office, it's quite different, I don't work with her directly (which is better I guess).
I had a smoko break, and she showed up [a green-eyed blondie (those are my favs)], and came to me "hey, do you remember from the interview?" ... I told her yeah I do, and we talked a bit, but I saw she's like a girl who knows that she's hot, so I smoked the cigarette and "im gonna buy a bottle of cola, have fun at work".
so the question is... she told me her name and I found her on facebook, (I didnt add her), and saw shes having a boyfriend, which she didn't mention,
the fact is I have never tried to get girls who have boyfriend, and it's annoying, could or should I use that low key way to ask her out also?

Bests,
syst3k

 

[Seppuku]

Hey syst3k,

You should never worry about if she has a BF or not - even if she has one, she may be looking for a change. It is a very good sign that she "forgot" to mention it. Also, these kind of signs of interest need to be acted on very fast. You need to turn this into a date quickly or else you become just another colleague. Make up your mind, and ask her out in a low key, non needy way. Each guy here have their favorite way to do so. What I like to do is to first raise the possibility to gauge her reaction, then get specific. "We should go for drinks some time". "Sounds cool!" "Okay. How about tomorrow after work? Or else wednesday" etc...

Will be curious to hear. Let us know!
Seppuku

 

[Guest0291]

It seems you're having a hard time at pinpointing down if a girl is interested in you or not. So far, nothing I've read would give me a signal to expect sex. If I were you, I'd test the waters more for things to be revealed like other posters suggested. One way of doing this is, like others suggested, just grabbing a meal together, but even then, know that alone is not a great indicator of sexual interest.

As for Seppeku's comment:

What happens if you wait too much and nothing happens is, she will start to view you as "not this sort of guy"... Window closed.

Disagree, and I wouldn't worry about this too much. In fast paced environments like a club, sure. Normal life? Nah. I've postponed making a move on many girls for weeks to months at a time (due to busy scheduling) and they just kept giving me chances, even if I said something stupid or acted like a complete idiot. If a girl is pretty sexually interested in you, she'll be forgiving, especially if you guys run into each other semi-often. As long as you're not coming off like a completely asexual guy and she is actually interested in you, you're fine.

I agree with some his other points, although if she invites you to hang out with her group of friends and they're girls, I'd personally take it. Yeah it means she's not sexually interested in you, but she'll have hot friends if she's hot, so you might just have made more hot friends yourself and one of them might want to fuck you too. If this girl is not sexually interested in you, nothing you do is going to change that, might as well get an advantage out if it.

But overall I'd advise focusing on pinpointing whether or not these girls are sexually interested before getting your hopes up bruh. Moving fast and escalating on girls that aren't interested, especially when you have to work with them, is a bad idea. Although in my experience, having casual sex with coworkers is a bad idea anyways.

 

[syst3k]

Yeah, two days ago I definitely felt that it' was like a social circle, and I shouldn't do moving so fast, and I'll tell you exactly why! and yes I'm like a beginner at this, though I got some idea from Seppuku and the website already and it helped me a lot anyways I'm more like a guy who knows what he does.

so the first one is still on sick-leave, but the new one...
she had to work with me accidentally which meant that I could get to know her better. she started to do incidental touching and reveal more personal information about herself because of my good questions and we actually bear lots of relation to each other and we're like "us vs them (the other colleagues)" so definitely im gonna ask her out today. I couldnt count how many times I could ask her out then but she told me that she wanted to check a woman's facebook whom she works with and there is an attendance sheet she gets her colleagues' name from. so an idea came to mind, I told her only my first name. yesterday I didnt work, she did, so if I'm not mistaken, she surely checked my name and fb by now and I felt it was a good idea and moving that fast was not. I guess 3 days in this situation isnt that slow, or at least I hope not. I'll let you know!


syst3k

 

[Seppuku]

syst3k,

Attraction windows *do* expire, it is a reality of dating. Ignore it at your own risk. In social circle game yes windows tend to last longer. But in the office environment, you may quickly become "just another colleague". You don't want to suddenly find out that you're already there.

The fact that she's doing incidental touching is a very good sign, so you've got something going here. Beat the iron while it's hot. You respond to her incidental touching, with your own touching, keep it sexy and flirty, don't dwell too much on the professional discussion and ask her out soon.

And let us know!

Seppuku

 

[Guest0291]

If that's in reply to me, my post wasn't saying that attraction windows don't expire. It was saying that just because a guy isn't making a move that doesn't mean she'll automatically think of him as "not this sort of guy" and the window closes just like that.

As for syst3k, I wasn't trying to say not to move fast just because it's social circle/work if that's what you're thinking, I was really just advising to get a better bearing on things, which it sounds like you're trying to do. Particularly if I'm dealing with coworkers or people I need to deal with in my daily life, I err on the side of caution. So I wait for more concrete signals before I escalate things to sex. Works out pretty good. But if you get strong signals early on that she wants to get with you, by all means move fast.

 

[syst3k]

Well... as promised here is the situation with that new one:

she was on a fake sick-leave last Friday and this Monday and I was thinking of adding her on facebook and she eventually added me so I was right about getting my name from that attendance sheet. which was a good sign to me. after that I accepted her, she immediately asked "heeey are you gonna work tomorrow?" (tuesday) I told her "no, I'm not". she replied "nooo Ive hoped that you would" and after that she told me she wouldnt go to work on Friday too. so I decided to ask her out via fb. she lives originally in a small country close to the capital city and shes gonna get home for this weekend so she told me next week would be better for her and I told her "cool, then we will talk about the details next week "
so here is my question, how should I do that? at work were probably gonna have a smoko break together next Monday or should I wait more days.? :O

Regards,
syst3k

 

[Guest0291]

Now it's sounding like she likes you.

As for talking about the details of a hangout, just bring it up whenever is appropriate and natural when she gets back. I'd say probably when you're not working, break is good. Over Facebook or text is good too, it doesn't matter. As for if you should wait a few days or right when she gets back, it doesn't really matter unless your work schedules aren't determined until the first day of the week or something, that info might help if you're planning on chilling during the week.

Overall, I'd judge more by mood. If she gets back and she's seeming to be in a good mood, go for it. If she comes back and is extremely stressed or something (travel can do that), I'd hold off for a bit. That advice goes for either in person or over text or whatever. Play it by ear my man.

 

[syst3k]

Well, it's strange for now...

She didn't work on Monday so I wrote her "hope your weekend was good so what's your schedule looks like this week?"
She replied: I just got home and I'll tell you about that, I'm gonna work tomorrow, are you gonna work tomorrow too?
Me: nope, I'm not , so let's find a date to grab a drink that is ok for both of us

and that was just "seen".

and today we worked, I was like "dont care", but my boss gave me a project that I needed to do next to her I was just doing my task when
she asked "could you wait for me to go smoke together. I'll be done with it in 5 min"
me: nope, so hurry
and then I was finished with my thing before her and told her: "I go, think you'll come"
her: yeah
so I had a smoko break alone eventually after that I asked her
me: so why didn't you come?
her: I put it off
and then she started to flirt with another guy so other two female colleagues sat in front of us (I know she hates them), and I started to talk them.
she almost immediately stopped to flirt with that guy and:
her: hey whats up?
me: not much, you?
her: yesterday I had a drink with that brown long haired girl and she forced me to drink other 2 glasses of beer so you could imagine that how drunk I was blablablabala.... so we can do this sometime when we finish it together
I ignored the last one thing and told her something about yesterday.

so what's the next step? :O

syst3k

 

[Seppuku]

Hey syst3k,

Here is my advice. Ignore all the non helpful crap that she's throwing at you (like flirting with the other guys). Tell her "my proposition for drinks out is still standing. What's your schedule like this week?". Direct and simple.

If she's in, proceed to setting up the date. If not (or anything along the lines of "maybe" or "ill let you know", you just move on.

This little game has been running for some time, and you really need to be clear now. Always remember that you could be spending the same time and energy into a better prospect. Don't let yourself sucked into a dead end. Think of all the hundreds of girls out there, many of which would be very much more into you. Where do you want to spend your time? Your time is your most valuable resource.

Seppuku