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There was a thread some time ago that asked a question that boiled down to something like “why do people who laugh at their own jokes look weak?”
The crucial element, of course, is tension. Tension – or relieving tension - is why we laugh at jokes. But why does tension go so far as to play a role in someone’s status or appearance of strength and dominance? The more I’ve thought about it, the more I realize that the role of tension goes far deeper into any kind of social dynamics, including seduction, than a lot of people are aware. In fact, mastering tension is one of the most crucial, if not the most crucial, element in influencing others.
What is tension?
There are different kinds of tension, but fundamentally it is about uncertainty. Tension is produced by a change that appears suddenly with unforeseen consequences. That’s why jokes need punch-lines – the punch line is the licentious appearance of something unforeseen with the insinuation of some kind of consequence. When this happens in the form of a joke, it’s easy to resolve the tension, and that’s why it’s so pleasant to laugh. It’s a tension-resolution exercise.
But tension plays a role that is much more pivotal than a response to a punch-line. In fact, virtually every action that anyone takes throughout their lifetime is a response to tension.
Why do we get out of bed? The tension of knowing we’ll have to face the manager if we’re late, or the tension of not knowing where we would get money if not from the job that starts at 9am.
Why do we go to the gym? The possibility of feeling physically inferior, or of facing rejection from women, or of knowing that if we did not do it we would slide into a state of apathy and depression. As you can see, all of these produce uncertainty – will we have to fight for our life one day? Will we end up lonely? Will all our demons catch up to us when we allow our state of mind to slip?
Man is a mechanism designed to operate in a world full of uncertainty, and his mind and body are mobilized by tension created from without. The ecosystem that surrounded us in more primitive times created a cycle of tension through hunger and thirst, war and competition, that mobilized us into action without having to think too much about it. In modern times, however, it is hard for people to motivate themselves to do unpleasant or uncertain things, because there is no real tension. And where tension exists today, it exists in a form too abstract and complex to resolve, leading to a feeling of unease and impending catastrophe about the future of the world that often doesn’t have a sound basis in logic or rationality.
Tension and influence
I wanted to talk about tension in regards to social settings, because that’s where it presents a huge opportunity for those who want to master it. As we have seen, people are moved to act by tension. So it stands to reason that if someone can influence tension, they can influence someone’s actions. And if someone has a disposition to act quickly and impulsively when faced with tension, then that person is seen as someone who can be influenced relatively easily. Because although the tension may be of little consequence in one situation, it may be far more consequential in another. It is especially useful for those who know how to use it to maneuver someone over a long period of time.
So if we know that we shouldn’t react to tension, how do we avoid it or even become masters of it? Those who are aware of how bad it is to be reactive but aren’t very skilled with dealing with it will often attempt to counter the tension directly, either defensively or offensively. Neither of these work in fact, and just make the situation worse, because they are still reactions that create consequences for the person’s situation. If they become aggressive, they are seen as lacking social skills and being emotionally unstable, and if they are defensive they come across as fearful and stilted.
So what is the correct way to deal with it? Well, since tension = influence, you must ask, who do I want to influence and how? Because tension does not have loyalty to anyone – once created it can be commanded by anyone. Tension can backfire just as easily as it can be created.
So a skillful person who is faced with someone trying to influence them with tension will find a way to simultaneously show that they are unaffected by it, and also to redirect it with a different theme back toward the initiator.
How to show that they are unaffected by it? It’s really as simple as remaining calm and pleasant. Although that sounds easy it’s very difficult to do when you are in the habit of being reactive. But being able to bring yourself into a calm and pleasant countenance is absolutely key. That’s why practicing self-control, sprezzatura, and learning to keep your consciousness placid in the face of overwhelming uncertainty is something that must be done with discipline until it is simply part of your self-expression. For me, it is mainly through meditation.
Tension and seduction
In seduction, tension is in my opinion the most crucial element that a man must master to be able to get a girl into a sexual state. The main reason is that tension is what separates a friendly interaction from a sexual one. Without tension, there is no reason for her to do anything, there is no uncertainty, no excitement, and ultimately no submission. I believe that the inability of the average man to withstand and redirect tension during an approach is the main reason why the friendzone is such a well-established and populated place.
Not only do many men not have the ability to deal with tension, but those who spend most of their time around men in the role of a subordinate, and have little experience with women, learn to avoid tension because they believe (with some reason) that it can only cause problems for them in their day to day life. So they have the learned countenance of someone who always tries to clarify and resolve tension as quickly as possible. This makes them dependable people, but completely unexciting for women and immediately ignored by them. Because at the end of the day, every woman knows that the man who gets her is the one who can make her submit, and to make her submit, he will have to play with tension skillfully, to show himself as its master.
How does one master tension in seduction? To begin with, it is fundamentally the same as mastering tension in a social setting – one must be able to remain calm and pleasant while creating, handling, and redirecting tension. This is especially so with women, because they are fully aware of the physical dominance that a man has in a sexual interaction, so it is very easy for tension to become negative and run wild in her head. So he must be able to show an authentic cheerfulness, positivity, and gentleness of character that makes her trust that he is fundamentally someone of a good nature who understands what she needs to feel to be comfortable and ultimately wants her to feel good. So how does one create tension and simultaneously make her feel comfortable? This is the art of playfulness, of mixing dominance and warmth, pressure and rapport, tension and laughter, immoveability and softness, into a heady cocktail that spins her around in an exciting whirlwind of emotions that create both uncertainty and pleasure, which are the necessary components for her submission both at the beginning and the consummation of a seduction.
I hope I have made you reflect about tension, and how having a poor relationship to it in one’s everyday thoughts, in one’s social interactions, and in seductions can end up having a much larger impact on one's life than they might expect. It might seem like something of little consequence that can be swept under the rug, so to speak, but there is no quicker way to show that you are the one on whom life acts, rather than vice versa, than being unable to stay calm and placid in the face of mounting tension. In a crowded room where tension mounts, all eyes scan the room for he who is most unaffected by it, because ultimately it is he who will control it and decide the outcome to which the uncertainty is attached.
So when you tell a joke, make sure you can do it without breaking out into laughter.
The crucial element, of course, is tension. Tension – or relieving tension - is why we laugh at jokes. But why does tension go so far as to play a role in someone’s status or appearance of strength and dominance? The more I’ve thought about it, the more I realize that the role of tension goes far deeper into any kind of social dynamics, including seduction, than a lot of people are aware. In fact, mastering tension is one of the most crucial, if not the most crucial, element in influencing others.
What is tension?
There are different kinds of tension, but fundamentally it is about uncertainty. Tension is produced by a change that appears suddenly with unforeseen consequences. That’s why jokes need punch-lines – the punch line is the licentious appearance of something unforeseen with the insinuation of some kind of consequence. When this happens in the form of a joke, it’s easy to resolve the tension, and that’s why it’s so pleasant to laugh. It’s a tension-resolution exercise.
But tension plays a role that is much more pivotal than a response to a punch-line. In fact, virtually every action that anyone takes throughout their lifetime is a response to tension.
Why do we get out of bed? The tension of knowing we’ll have to face the manager if we’re late, or the tension of not knowing where we would get money if not from the job that starts at 9am.
Why do we go to the gym? The possibility of feeling physically inferior, or of facing rejection from women, or of knowing that if we did not do it we would slide into a state of apathy and depression. As you can see, all of these produce uncertainty – will we have to fight for our life one day? Will we end up lonely? Will all our demons catch up to us when we allow our state of mind to slip?
Man is a mechanism designed to operate in a world full of uncertainty, and his mind and body are mobilized by tension created from without. The ecosystem that surrounded us in more primitive times created a cycle of tension through hunger and thirst, war and competition, that mobilized us into action without having to think too much about it. In modern times, however, it is hard for people to motivate themselves to do unpleasant or uncertain things, because there is no real tension. And where tension exists today, it exists in a form too abstract and complex to resolve, leading to a feeling of unease and impending catastrophe about the future of the world that often doesn’t have a sound basis in logic or rationality.
Tension and influence
I wanted to talk about tension in regards to social settings, because that’s where it presents a huge opportunity for those who want to master it. As we have seen, people are moved to act by tension. So it stands to reason that if someone can influence tension, they can influence someone’s actions. And if someone has a disposition to act quickly and impulsively when faced with tension, then that person is seen as someone who can be influenced relatively easily. Because although the tension may be of little consequence in one situation, it may be far more consequential in another. It is especially useful for those who know how to use it to maneuver someone over a long period of time.
So if we know that we shouldn’t react to tension, how do we avoid it or even become masters of it? Those who are aware of how bad it is to be reactive but aren’t very skilled with dealing with it will often attempt to counter the tension directly, either defensively or offensively. Neither of these work in fact, and just make the situation worse, because they are still reactions that create consequences for the person’s situation. If they become aggressive, they are seen as lacking social skills and being emotionally unstable, and if they are defensive they come across as fearful and stilted.
So what is the correct way to deal with it? Well, since tension = influence, you must ask, who do I want to influence and how? Because tension does not have loyalty to anyone – once created it can be commanded by anyone. Tension can backfire just as easily as it can be created.
So a skillful person who is faced with someone trying to influence them with tension will find a way to simultaneously show that they are unaffected by it, and also to redirect it with a different theme back toward the initiator.
How to show that they are unaffected by it? It’s really as simple as remaining calm and pleasant. Although that sounds easy it’s very difficult to do when you are in the habit of being reactive. But being able to bring yourself into a calm and pleasant countenance is absolutely key. That’s why practicing self-control, sprezzatura, and learning to keep your consciousness placid in the face of overwhelming uncertainty is something that must be done with discipline until it is simply part of your self-expression. For me, it is mainly through meditation.
Tension and seduction
In seduction, tension is in my opinion the most crucial element that a man must master to be able to get a girl into a sexual state. The main reason is that tension is what separates a friendly interaction from a sexual one. Without tension, there is no reason for her to do anything, there is no uncertainty, no excitement, and ultimately no submission. I believe that the inability of the average man to withstand and redirect tension during an approach is the main reason why the friendzone is such a well-established and populated place.
Not only do many men not have the ability to deal with tension, but those who spend most of their time around men in the role of a subordinate, and have little experience with women, learn to avoid tension because they believe (with some reason) that it can only cause problems for them in their day to day life. So they have the learned countenance of someone who always tries to clarify and resolve tension as quickly as possible. This makes them dependable people, but completely unexciting for women and immediately ignored by them. Because at the end of the day, every woman knows that the man who gets her is the one who can make her submit, and to make her submit, he will have to play with tension skillfully, to show himself as its master.
How does one master tension in seduction? To begin with, it is fundamentally the same as mastering tension in a social setting – one must be able to remain calm and pleasant while creating, handling, and redirecting tension. This is especially so with women, because they are fully aware of the physical dominance that a man has in a sexual interaction, so it is very easy for tension to become negative and run wild in her head. So he must be able to show an authentic cheerfulness, positivity, and gentleness of character that makes her trust that he is fundamentally someone of a good nature who understands what she needs to feel to be comfortable and ultimately wants her to feel good. So how does one create tension and simultaneously make her feel comfortable? This is the art of playfulness, of mixing dominance and warmth, pressure and rapport, tension and laughter, immoveability and softness, into a heady cocktail that spins her around in an exciting whirlwind of emotions that create both uncertainty and pleasure, which are the necessary components for her submission both at the beginning and the consummation of a seduction.
I hope I have made you reflect about tension, and how having a poor relationship to it in one’s everyday thoughts, in one’s social interactions, and in seductions can end up having a much larger impact on one's life than they might expect. It might seem like something of little consequence that can be swept under the rug, so to speak, but there is no quicker way to show that you are the one on whom life acts, rather than vice versa, than being unable to stay calm and placid in the face of mounting tension. In a crowded room where tension mounts, all eyes scan the room for he who is most unaffected by it, because ultimately it is he who will control it and decide the outcome to which the uncertainty is attached.
So when you tell a joke, make sure you can do it without breaking out into laughter.
Huh.
