Abortion and player guilt

[empath]

I know chase has written a guide for getting over players guilty but in my case I had 2 relationship 1st from cold approach and another from online.

Both girls were clingy kind. Also, they were lower SMV than me looks wise but I don't have experience so getting them was my best shot. Ideally I should have had one night stands and continued pick up but i got into relationships with them.

In case of girl whom I had picked up from cold approach on street I ended up painting our tryst as a destiny and had around 1.5 years of relationship.

It was her best relationships till date. However we ended up broking up because i wanted practice pick up.

I gave her reason of our family not approving marriage. She was very insecure by nature.

Still we talk and I see her sad 7-8 months have passed after we broke up and she has not found a suitable mate yet.

She did not had sex with anyone.

I feel bad about all this but what is eating me up is I had gotten her pregnant 2 times during our relationship and she had to abort both times.

I end up wondering what if she can't have baby anymore or what if in future relationship she ends up discussing and realise how much of asshole I was and despise our relationship.

She still calls me but I am unable to give her time due to career and other girls.

So she has started to become resentful already.

I won't care if she resent me (I don't wont this)

But I want to see her in happy married life with a baby. If she can't get both I won't be able to live without guilt.

 

[Bob Z]

You shouldn't keep contact with her. Its not fair to her and feels like you keep leading her on and making it harder to move on. You were operating with a lack of abundance to get into a 1.5 year relationship with a girl you weren't sold on and to give her all these promises.

Her fertility should be fine in terms of the abortions - we're you fucking her raw with no birth control? Only worry would be if she was older and reaching the end of her fertile years.

Its unfortunate situation - at the end of day whats done is done and you aren't responsible for her life and romantic success. Just remember to "leave her better than you found her" for relationships. Did you do that? If not, you might want to reflect on what you could have done differently to emphatically answer that question with a yes. (was going to link Chase "leave her better..." article here with that or similar title but can't find it).

 

[empath]

I had talked to her since last 2 days on call. I ended up saying hurtful things to her she had a bad relationship and I ended up saying she is not my responsibility anymore I have changed now and move on from me.

She finally cried a lot, I said call me afterwards you are done crying.

She finally spoke said she will remember our happy memories but I have hurt her too much with our call. She will never contact me again. I yelled a lot on her.

Basically I was asshole with her.

I had left her in very good position when we finally left and it was like mutual break up.

Now I have ruined it completely

 

[Skills]

Empath, no wonder your name... The seducers have a saying that goes something "leave her better than you found her"...

Though, there are many forms of birth control, probably hundreds... I had my share of abortions, and i have a gf with 2 abortions.... Women will get over it, women are tougher than you think, men imho are the weak sex tbh....

in every relationship abortion or not, one or the other will get hurt eventually comes with the territory.... This experience will make her a better woman...

After a break up, she will find eventually a better partner for her, and you and for you.... This has more to do with post break up symptoms than anything else.... cut all contact... she will be fine and you will be fine... This is what happens when you violate the no contact rule....

It seems more you are worried about your ego, and you are subconsciously want to keep her in your life string her along. Cut all contact... you can be friends maybe a year or 2 from now when you both have moved on and completely healed...

 

[William Wallace]

I know chase has written a guide for getting over players guilty but in my case I had 2 relationship 1st from cold approach and another from online.

Both girls were clingy kind. Also, they were lower SMV than me looks wise but I don't have experience so getting them was my best shot. Ideally I should have had one night stands and continued pick up but i got into relationships with them.

In case of girl whom I had picked up from cold approach on street I ended up painting our tryst as a destiny and had around 1.5 years of relationship.

It was her best relationships till date. However we ended up broking up because i wanted practice pick up.

I gave her reason of our family not approving marriage. She was very insecure by nature.

Still we talk and I see her sad 7-8 months have passed after we broke up and she has not found a suitable mate yet.

She did not had sex with anyone.

I feel bad about all this but what is eating me up is I had gotten her pregnant 2 times during our relationship and she had to abort both times.

I end up wondering what if she can't have baby anymore or what if in future relationship she ends up discussing and realise how much of asshole I was and despise our relationship.

She still calls me but I am unable to give her time due to career and other girls.

So she has started to become resentful already.

I won't care if she resent me (I don't wont this)

But I want to see her in happy married life with a baby. If she can't get both I won't be able to live without guilt.

Normally, you would have her father hunting you to death. or the state ruining all your career paths. but we live in a modern society.
Now honestly i'm not the guy you should listen to, but ill say my mind anyways. What is done here is done, you have damaged her. you will always do this to every girl. Now the top tier guys here might take a girl who is untrained here and has already lost her virginity i hope, and make her trained for the next guy coming along, she cooks and cleans, teach her how to communicate etc etc. it's an opportunistic scenario.
i agree with the others that you should drop contact

 

[empath]

I need to make peace here and accept I can't break up on good terms like top guys here. There no other way to do it other than being an asshole.

I am not even gonna try to be a positive influence in a womens life its a heartache for both me and her when I leave and I know for sure I will leave.

I wonder why I end up forming such a deep connection.

 

[William Wallace]

I need to make peace here and accept I can't break up on good terms like top guys here. There no other way to do it other than being an asshole.

I am not even gonna try to be a positive influence in a women life its a heartache for both me and her when I leave and I know for sure I will leave.

I wonder why I end up forming such a deep connection.

Look you can end leave on a good note. but if your a skilled gamer or not, you damage a woman as you put your pp inside of her and cuddle her. there is statistical data on that virgin girls have a way lower divorce rate and a higher happiness rating than those with even 1-2 partners. there is also the advise here i think on girls chase that they don't do LTRS with women that has had more than 4, the statistical thing show also that after 4 the divorce rate is insanely high and most aren't very happy. what a skilled person can do is to chink out some relationship problems she has for the next guy. even though he has damaged her aka (trained).

The reason why you feel shit might be that your a slow life history stragiest (k) in a fast life history strategist (r) K people tend to be more monogamous as they have developed that genetically to survive. that's why your an empath. The thing is now that in a modern society your in an evolutionary mismatch.
K people also tend to be more nurturing, kind etc. ill PM you a book about this.

If you want you can develop a sense of thieves honour. that you will never try and sleep with a virgin girl, and just tell her the truth on how it works. and why you don't want to. that is entirely up to you do.

 

[WhiteCastle]

I need to make peace here and accept I can't break up on good terms like top guys here. There no other way to do it other than being an asshole.

I am not even gonna try to be a positive influence in a womens life its a heartache for both me and her when I leave and I know for sure I will leave.

I wonder why I end up forming such a deep connection.

This sounds like an overreaction to a specific situation to me. You can absolutely break up with someone and remain on good terms, but you need to give her space. It's absolutely a mistake to remain in regular contact with someone you've broken up with for 8 months; you're not giving her space to move on from the relationship.

And don't be an ass about it, "It's best for both of us if we give each other some space right now to process the end of this relationship, if we still want to talk we can reach out and explore that after a few months have passed, but there's no pressure" Then you stick to that, and don't reach out until a few months have passed. Ignore anything she sends, you've given her a clear "we're done" message and you've told her what to expect from you.

After typing the above, I think I noticed the problem -- you're being reactive to her frame and emotional state.
Instead of taking charge and saying "this is how it's going to be" you're feeling bad for her about not being in a good relationship, because she's sad, etc.

I had talked to her since last 2 days on call. I ended up saying hurtful things to her she had a bad relationship and I ended up saying she is not my responsibility anymore I have changed now and move on from me.

She finally cried a lot, I said call me afterwards you are done crying.

I think you ended up saying hurtful things because you couldn't remain neutral / assertive with what you need. You were trying to hurt her, maybe to distance yourself, maybe so she finally got the picture. "You're not my responsibility any more" is an okay thing to think, but voicing it can cause pain. Instead, try something like: "I'm sorry but I need to distance myself from this relationship/friendship because it's having too much of an effect on me".

You're telling her exactly what you need, and what you're going to do, and not blaming her. Yes, it will hurt her, but no, she won't feel like you're causing her too much pain or are an asshole as long as you then follow through. You were up front and clear about your intentions.

 

[empath]

Look you can end leave on a good note. but if your a skilled gamer or not, you damage a woman as you put your pp inside of her and cuddle her. there is statistical data on that virgin girls have a way lower divorce rate and a higher happiness rating than those with even 1-2 partners. there is also the advise here i think on girls chase that they don't do LTRS with women that has had more than 4, the statistical thing show also that after 4 the divorce rate is insanely high and most aren't very happy. what a skilled person can do is to chink out some relationship problems she has for the next guy. even though he has damaged her aka (trained).

The reason why you feel shit might be that your a slow life history stragiest (k) in a fast life history strategist (r) K people tend to be more monogamous as they have developed that genetically to survive. that's why your an empath. The thing is now that in a modern society your in an evolutionary mismatch.
K people also tend to be more nurturing, kind etc. ill PM you a book about this.

If you want you can develop a sense of thieves honour. that you will never try and sleep with a virgin girl, and just tell her the truth on how it works. and why you don't want to. that is entirely up to you do.

Could be. My dad truly proud on being a one woman men.

I end up connecting so deeply with a girl even though I thought of it as a hook up, initially. Trying to solve her problem.

Or maybe it's inexperience because I am thinking next time I pick up a girl it will strictly be a hook up. Too much headache I have gotten myself into.

Also, these two girls were average like me but very nurturing and caring for whom I ended up trying to do all this shit.

I really feel bad now, I would rather screen out hedonistic womens only now. Like those who know what is up.

I ended up being very romantic during the pick up and some how made them like he is putting so much effort instead of saying hey lets hook up like other guys so he might stay.

I tried my best to build their self esteem and confidence.

I am with one currently and left another one but objectively whom I left is dumb, she ended up getting attracted to wrong guy who damaged her self esteem again.

So she was basically angry why I left him, she is back to same place now where I found her.

I also feel like used her until I found her pleasuring where she was giving me good stuff like care, nurture and getting stuff for me and as soon as she started demanding those I left.

 

[empath]

This sounds like an overreaction to a specific situation to me. You can absolutely break up with someone and remain on good terms, but you need to give her space. It's absolutely a mistake to remain in regular contact with someone you've broken up with for 8 months; you're not giving her space to move on from the relationship.

And don't be an ass about it, "It's best for both of us if we give each other some space right now to process the end of this relationship, if we still want to talk we can reach out and explore that after a few months have passed, but there's no pressure" Then you stick to that, and don't reach out until a few months have passed. Ignore anything she sends, you've given her a clear "we're done" message and you've told her what to expect from you.

After typing the above, I think I noticed the problem -- you're being reactive to her frame and emotional state.
Instead of taking charge and saying "this is how it's going to be" you're feeling bad for her about not being in a good relationship, because she's sad, etc.

I think you ended up saying hurtful things because you couldn't remain neutral / assertive with what you need. You were trying to hurt her, maybe to distance yourself, maybe so she finally got the picture. "You're not my responsibility any more" is an okay thing to think, but voicing it can cause pain. Instead, try something like: "I'm sorry but I need to distance myself from this relationship/friendship because it's having too much of an effect on me".

You're telling her exactly what you need, and what you're going to do, and not blaming her. Yes, it will hurt her, but no, she won't feel like you're causing her too much pain or are an asshole as long as you then follow through. You were up front and clear about your intentions.

Yes I was not sure at that time it will hurt her so much so I said it like an ass. I should have remained calm.

She keeps texting me to solve some problem. I never reached out after the clear break up we even had blocked each other. But she has been super clingy in her past relationships as well so maybe its her nature.

She has this belief that if she loves someone very hard and care for him, he will not leave him. Idk how to help her with this belive but I want to let her know that attraction doesn't work like this.

Also, at the start of relationship she kept saying weird stuff like tell me you will love me the most etc.

Still she keeps asking me if I have found someone whom I love more.

If I will ever love the another women the way I have loved her.

I never knew how to answer these but I kept saying her no I will love u the most etc. I knew saying otherwise will hurt her.

I try to consol my guilt by saying I was inexperienced etc.

To this day her objections are how can someone change so much, at least we had loved each other at some point right.

Atleast I can call her sometime promptly.

Idk what to talk to her other than discuss about her relationship.

Even when are on call I say ok whatever we wanted talk we have done lets end this call but she keeps saying just 2 more minutes, I want to talk more. Etc

Clingy behaviour overall.

I just want her to get married to a some guy and live a happy life.

If I knew this will cause her so much grief i would have never entered into a relationship with her.

Anyways thanks now I will try to be more assertive and less of an ass. Maintain a non reactive frame.

Also to sooth her maybe i should tell her why I was acting like an asshole

 

[William Wallace]

Yes I was not sure at that time it will hurt her so much so I said it like an ass. I should have remained calm.

She keeps texting me to solve some problem. I never reached out after the clear break up we even had blocked each other. But she has been super clingy in her past relationships as well so maybe its her nature.

She has this belief that if she loves someone very hard and care for him, he will not leave him. Idk how to help her with this belive but I want to let her know that attraction doesn't work like this.

Also, at the start of relationship she kept saying weird stuff like tell me you will love me the most etc.

Still she keeps asking me if I have found someone whom I love more.

If I will ever love the another women the way I have loved her.

I never knew how to answer these but I kept saying her no I will love u the most etc. I knew saying otherwise will hurt her.

I try to consol my guilt by saying I was inexperienced etc.

To this day her objections are how can someone change so much, at least we had loved each other at some point right.

Atleast I can call her sometime promptly.

Idk what to talk to her other than discuss about her relationship.

Even when are on call I say ok whatever we wanted talk we have done lets end this call but she keeps saying just 2 more minutes, I want to talk more. Etc

Clingy behaviour overall.

I just want her to get married to a some guy and live a happy life.

If I knew this will cause her so much grief i would have never entered into a relationship with her.

Anyways thanks now I will try to be more assertive and less of an ass. Maintain a non reactive frame.

Also to sooth her maybe i should tell her why I was acting like an asshole

sounds like a very K girl. would have been good for marriage. look you can't fix this, if you don't wanna stay with her. you can talk to her in a few years perhaps

 

[Jan]

There no other way to do it other than being an asshole.

Yes, there are other ways to do it other than being an asshole. And you can do it.
I somehow sense in your words that on some level you believe that being an asshole is somehow a positive. But it's not. Especially, the way you do it. Deliberately being an asshole is hurting people. And yourself too. Don't purposefully do evil.

 

[empath]

Yes, there are other ways to do it other than being an asshole. And you can do it.
I somehow sense in your words that on some level you believe that being an asshole is somehow a positive. But it's not. Especially, the way you do it. Deliberately being an asshole is hurting people. And yourself too. Don't purposefully do evil.

I did not wanted be an asshole, it was more into a heat of moment. More like trying to reduce my guilt afterwards.

Depending on situation i can like an asshole or not. Like if there is a need to be asshole then you need to be aashole.

But i will be more mindful of my actions overall from now on.

 

[POB]

Would you be a good father, even though you know you and the mother would not raise that kid together?
Would you make her happy, even though you know you don't love her?
What could you've done better to improve both yourself as a partner and your relationship with her?

Those are the questions you should be asking right now.

Feeling this guilt and shame are ok, means you care not only for her, but for doing what's right by her.
Now you need to heal and forgive yourself first and foremost.
Also let her be and heal by herself.

 

[Pups]

This is all personal preference but I think you are a bad person for being part of abortions - especially twice.

Our modern society says it’s all cool and dandy to abort babiesI but for the hundreds of thousands of years prior to today it was a different world in that regard.

My belief is if you want to be a player you should be in the focus towards life, not death. You should be into all the women you screw, not ashamed.

I am in my 40’s and have fooled around with 40 women in my life and I liked all of them enough that if they were pregnant I wouldn’t want death to my children from any of them.

Who knows though, maybe you are a bottom feeder.

 

[POB]

This is all personal preference but I think you are a bad person for being part of abortions - especially twice.

People make mistakes...doesn't mean they are bad.

 

[empath]

Would you be a good father, even though you know you and the mother would not raise that kid together?
Would you make her happy, even though you know you don't love her?
What could you've done better to improve both yourself as a partner and your relationship with her?

Those are the questions you should be asking right now.

Feeling this guilt and shame are ok, means you care not only for her, but for doing what's right by her.
Now you need to heal and forgive yourself first and foremost.
Also let her be and heal by herself.

I don't think it is possible once love falls out over the long term for both girl and guy to make each other feel special, things start to feel like responsibility first and then like burden and minor stuff which didn't use to bother each other starts turning into big fights.

So it was best decision for all the parties involved.

She ask me till date do I love her, I end up saying yes because at some point i did love her. Should I say no to it? She will he hurt right if say this though.