- Joined
- Feb 5, 2017
- Messages
- 1,035
Major focuses these past few weeks:
I was out with @Skippy on Tuesday and I let myself get too bogged down on the result, and felt my ego being damaged by the rejection. At some point I just said fuck it and decided to just give a girl a genuine compliment and not try so hard on the conversation. The conversation that followed wasn't the best but was much better than the others on that day.
Texting was mostly straightforward with the exception of one thing that Hector pointed out.
She asked me this question kind of out of the blue:
"Tell me about yourself Kvothe"
I took this as her genuinely being curious, with the additional subconscious frame of a probe of frame through demand. I responded with something more cocky/funny that didn't give much info back. Hector actually mentioned that doing this reactive was more reactive than just answering the question. So that's the major learning there.
However she did ask me out almost immediately after my response, so it wasn't a terrible text-which Hector thinks is because there was a sexual element in my "gay" text.
Date got set for Sunday night.
I have this really nice bar I like. It's super sexy and has a sexual vibe. Sunday is always a weird night for it though since it draws a bit of a weird crowd. Today, it had a burlesque show-basically a bunch of women stripping.
Oops.
She was running like 15 minutes late so I chatted with the owner for a bit and then just chilled out. She comes and I give her a hug and we grab a seat. It's mostly her talking with me giving good eye contact. Because of the way we're sitting there isn't really much touch.
Various points that I think are interesting are that because we're sitting at the bar, and are sitting far apart-at some point I tell her to move her chair and come sit closer to me. Past me would have moved myself. I did also move a bit myself to be better positioned for more leg to leg contact-but she moved it first. Small little compliance.
Really good piercing eye contact, sexual innuendos through body language, some well timed dirty jokes that make her laugh a lot, and lots of pregnant pauses that she breaks eye contact to laugh.
At some point she asks if I like to mix drinks at home. Easiest seed of all time. I still wait a bit before going for the pull (maybe 30 more minutes).
She asks me something about food and I mention that sometimes I get really passionate about something and forget to eat, and that I actually forgot to eat today because I was working on a passion project. She asks if I get hungry, and I tell her I'm hungry for a lot of things right now, while looking down at her lips. She just straight up asks if we should kiss-so I do so but back off first. She comes back in for another kiss after the first.
Go for the pull not long after that. Just suggest we make the drinks I had suggested. She's down. We walk, grab her some cigarettes, I let her smoke a few and we go up to mine.
There actually is a fair bit of hesitation on her part when we get in, so I give her a lot of space until she warms up and then kiss her before going back to making drinks and giving her more space again.
We're talking and I put her drink on the ground and we start making out and I start escalating. She gives LMR on taking off articles of clothing. But she isn't super big deal about me putting my hands inside her pants. So I'm squeezing her butt. and am able to unbutton her pants but she starts giving "let's save this for next time". I tell her we don't need to have sex and I don't really care about it (truth). But she's not budging, so we go back to the couch and I escalate on that. I manage to get her tits out of her bra and start sucking on them, but she gives a lot of resistance to having her bra removed. So I just pull them down around her waist. She's giving small micro-resistances here but is very clearly enjoying it (I'm also checking in along the way to see if she's having a good time). Once the bra is around her waist and I've sucked on her tits a bit I just tell her to give me a hand taking off the bra because it's basically not there anyway. She also gives two reasons for not wanting to fuck. First is that she'd feel bad if I started going down on her and we didn't fuck because she would feel like I was leading her on. Second because she felt it was too fast and that she wasn't prepared for sex. To that I just put my hands down her panties and started fingering her and telling her I loved how her hairy pussy felt.
I handled the first one by telling her I honestly just loved eating girls out (truth). She got fairly turned on by that and then I took her to the bed. As I'm unzipping her pants she's saying we can do it next time. Each time she does that I go back to kissing her and turning her on and then checking in with her until she feels ready for escalating further. So the process goes kind of like:
I cum in like 5 minutes. Her pussy is so fucking tight lol.
She's super happy and I find it interesting that she specifically complimented my genuine vibe. She also told me she was happy that we didn't wait, because it felt more spontaneous and natural than if we'd waited for the right moment.
As that's a lot of what I've been working on that really did feel nice to hear.
Am a bit worried she wants something more and so will have to use some gloves or just keep this to a more one night sort of thing. I'm not sure.
- Have fun-notice unhealthy mental models and combat them (jealousy for others, feeling that I'm not good enough, etc)
- Treat women as people-in a lot of ways I'm objectifying women as validation (not as sex objects)
- Accept, analyze, process, and express emotions-suppressed expressivity is a hamper on emotional contagion
I was out with @Skippy on Tuesday and I let myself get too bogged down on the result, and felt my ego being damaged by the rejection. At some point I just said fuck it and decided to just give a girl a genuine compliment and not try so hard on the conversation. The conversation that followed wasn't the best but was much better than the others on that day.
Texting was mostly straightforward with the exception of one thing that Hector pointed out.
She asked me this question kind of out of the blue:
"Tell me about yourself Kvothe"
I took this as her genuinely being curious, with the additional subconscious frame of a probe of frame through demand. I responded with something more cocky/funny that didn't give much info back. Hector actually mentioned that doing this reactive was more reactive than just answering the question. So that's the major learning there.
However she did ask me out almost immediately after my response, so it wasn't a terrible text-which Hector thinks is because there was a sexual element in my "gay" text.
Date got set for Sunday night.
I have this really nice bar I like. It's super sexy and has a sexual vibe. Sunday is always a weird night for it though since it draws a bit of a weird crowd. Today, it had a burlesque show-basically a bunch of women stripping.
Oops.
She was running like 15 minutes late so I chatted with the owner for a bit and then just chilled out. She comes and I give her a hug and we grab a seat. It's mostly her talking with me giving good eye contact. Because of the way we're sitting there isn't really much touch.
Various points that I think are interesting are that because we're sitting at the bar, and are sitting far apart-at some point I tell her to move her chair and come sit closer to me. Past me would have moved myself. I did also move a bit myself to be better positioned for more leg to leg contact-but she moved it first. Small little compliance.
Really good piercing eye contact, sexual innuendos through body language, some well timed dirty jokes that make her laugh a lot, and lots of pregnant pauses that she breaks eye contact to laugh.
At some point she asks if I like to mix drinks at home. Easiest seed of all time. I still wait a bit before going for the pull (maybe 30 more minutes).
She asks me something about food and I mention that sometimes I get really passionate about something and forget to eat, and that I actually forgot to eat today because I was working on a passion project. She asks if I get hungry, and I tell her I'm hungry for a lot of things right now, while looking down at her lips. She just straight up asks if we should kiss-so I do so but back off first. She comes back in for another kiss after the first.
Go for the pull not long after that. Just suggest we make the drinks I had suggested. She's down. We walk, grab her some cigarettes, I let her smoke a few and we go up to mine.
There actually is a fair bit of hesitation on her part when we get in, so I give her a lot of space until she warms up and then kiss her before going back to making drinks and giving her more space again.
We're talking and I put her drink on the ground and we start making out and I start escalating. She gives LMR on taking off articles of clothing. But she isn't super big deal about me putting my hands inside her pants. So I'm squeezing her butt. and am able to unbutton her pants but she starts giving "let's save this for next time". I tell her we don't need to have sex and I don't really care about it (truth). But she's not budging, so we go back to the couch and I escalate on that. I manage to get her tits out of her bra and start sucking on them, but she gives a lot of resistance to having her bra removed. So I just pull them down around her waist. She's giving small micro-resistances here but is very clearly enjoying it (I'm also checking in along the way to see if she's having a good time). Once the bra is around her waist and I've sucked on her tits a bit I just tell her to give me a hand taking off the bra because it's basically not there anyway. She also gives two reasons for not wanting to fuck. First is that she'd feel bad if I started going down on her and we didn't fuck because she would feel like I was leading her on. Second because she felt it was too fast and that she wasn't prepared for sex. To that I just put my hands down her panties and started fingering her and telling her I loved how her hairy pussy felt.
I handled the first one by telling her I honestly just loved eating girls out (truth). She got fairly turned on by that and then I took her to the bed. As I'm unzipping her pants she's saying we can do it next time. Each time she does that I go back to kissing her and turning her on and then checking in with her until she feels ready for escalating further. So the process goes kind of like:
- Unbutton/unzip pants-she says to slow down
- Make out, suck on tits, grab ass
- Pull pants down a bit-she says she's not prepared
- Make out, suck on tits, finger, grab ass
- Take off pants-she starts getting more horny
- Take off panties-eat her out and go to town on eating her out
I cum in like 5 minutes. Her pussy is so fucking tight lol.
She's super happy and I find it interesting that she specifically complimented my genuine vibe. She also told me she was happy that we didn't wait, because it felt more spontaneous and natural than if we'd waited for the right moment.
As that's a lot of what I've been working on that really did feel nice to hear.
Am a bit worried she wants something more and so will have to use some gloves or just keep this to a more one night sort of thing. I'm not sure.
