Addressing overt rejection in semi-social circle (gym)?

[TheEcho]

Hey gents!

*This is not asking for how to get her or what went wrong with her, I know the texting sucked, it's just here for context. The question is how to damage-control when you do dumb things in a somewhat closed environment*

Had a girl I got the number of last week block me in less than 1 screen of texting lol. She's 18 and her first reply to me was asking my age (28), I told her to guess, and she followed up

Her: Can you please just tell me your age?
Me: That's no fun *cross-eyed emoji* Just one guess, I'm curious what you think
Her: 25
Me: Good guess!
Her: is that right?
Me: Well 24, but close enough
*Left on read*
Me: Is that too young for you? *tongue out emoji*
*Left on read*

Called her the next day, straight to voicemail, tested a text, no longer iMessage, so pretty clear I got blocked.
Ran into her a few days later and she gave me side-eye and left the gym. Then ran into her today and went and said hi. She said hi back but clearly turned away, so sirens went off in my head about nipping this in the bud so other women aren't seeing that.
Bringing playful, confident energy, I just asked:

Me: Hey, did you block me? It's fine if you did (trying to keep her from being scared/whatever)
Her: Yeah... I did
Me: Ah, no worries. Never had that happen before, but I had a feeling haha
*pause*
Me: I'm curious, was there a reason you did?
Her; I just felt uncomfortable.
Me: Ah, I'm sorry about that.
Me: *Walked away*

I imagine there would be ways to hold a better frame, but I agree my initial texting was a bit obnoxious, so I wasn't exactly opposed to her frame lol. Any thoughts on dealing with situations like this? Damage-control in a semi-social circle situation like a commercial gym? I saw Chase's article saying to freeze her out, but don't think that would be very easy in such a loose environment.

Disclaimer: Not exactly trying to get her back, but I was confident and comfortable the whole time and left without any begging crap.

Thanks all!

 

[HoofHearted]

Buddy, stop with the emotional psychopathy. Realize just how 'off' this interaction was on your part.

Her: Can you please just tell me your age?

I don't know what was said before this message. I do know it reads not as cute or flirty, but as *exasperated*.

Me: That's no fun *cross-eyed emoji* Just one guess, I'm curious what you think
Her: 25
Me: Good guess!
Her: is that right?
Me: Well 24, but close enough
*Left on read*
Me: Is that too young for you? *tongue out emoji*
*Left on read*

... ah I get it now.

Stop it.

Called her the next day, straight to voicemail, tested a text, no longer iMessage, so pretty clear I got blocked.
Ran into her a few days later

Abort abort abort

The rest of the post describes your unwanted interactions with this... teenager...

I'm pretty repulsed and think it's a real bad look.

Having said that, I'm getting pretty old and tend to date women about 10yrs younger than me. Here's some of my own notes if you want them.

1. 21 and over. And usually not that young but make up your own mind I guess.

2. With younger people, and younger women especially, you need to make a lot of room emotionally for them and sometimes help them communicate, or understand that they may not be. It takes an extra degree of sensitivity when interacting with people who may be intimidated or influenced by your stature or age. Your interaction never made it this far, but the mentality man...

3. This was so ridiculously miscalibrated and offbase. Kinda learn to take a hint. Her pulling away and being uncomfortable demonstrates just how little you know/empathize about how women think, behave and feel. It really reads like you went pursuit mode in a slightly terrifying way. You spooked her, when you should have let it alone and went to interact with other girls. Look at the outcome. You did this. These were your choices that led here.

4. Your use of emojis also makes it seem like you kill people.


My 2cents.

 

[TheEcho]

Aside from the overuse of emojis, I'm gonna put my foot down on this one and disagree about being totally miscalibrated. I also said the bits that led up to the start of the texting in the sentence. Yeah, not great, not going to get laid a ton if this was my usual approach, but this is far from "emotional psychopathy"

 

[HoofHearted]

Did you also lie to her? About your age?

 

[TheEcho]

Per advice popular on here a few years ago. Age is that one thing that is meaningless except in her mind, so the advice is ask her to guess, and move 1 in the direction you think she prefers.

 

[HoofHearted]

I've never had to do that.

I just lean into the older man role and even joke about it. In my experience women truly do not care (I have a vast amount of experience with significant age gap -- younger).

Another thing is, when you lie to people, and they can tell, it might make them think you might want to murder them.

IOW maybe she knew you're not what you were saying you are.

A ways to go here, my man.

 

[TheEcho]

To be fair, at the time I was early 20's, so it was used more for seeming "old enough". Guess it's time to shift to owning actually being older. Also, some of my best conversations in this gym were with highschoolers... I found out after talking to them and obviously I'm not pursuing anything, but I don't find age to automatically mark girls as dumb. They have their lives mapped out to a T with supporting reasons and have some of the best physiques of women there, it's crazy (and annoying)

 

[HoofHearted]

That may be the crux of it, and maybe a little slack is due for that.

Nobody is saying you have to grow into a big boy overnight. But maybe it's time to appreciate that as you age, the way people perceive you and your actions changes as well. Like the old saying, putting away childish things.

You are not the peer of these women. You are an older man, out ahead of them in life and experience, and they will increasingly look to you for emotional support, comfort and guidance and informing of context, and even expect those things more.

And if I might end on a happier note. Someone told me when I turned 30 that 'prime time was nearly over.' They were wrong. Everything is easier and the women have been hotter and more plentiful.

So clean it up.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Hey gents!

Had a girl I got the number of last week block me in less than 1 screen of texting lol. She's 18 and her first reply to me was asking my age (28), I told her to guess, and she followed up

Her: Can you please just tell me your age?
Me: That's no fun *cross-eyed emoji* Just one guess, I'm curious what you think
Her: 25
Me: Good guess!
Her: is that right?
Me: Well 24, but close enough
*Left on read*
Me: Is that too young for you? *tongue out emoji*
*Left on read*

Called her the next day, straight to voicemail, tested a text, no longer iMessage, so pretty clear I got blocked.
Ran into her a few days later and she gave me side-eye and left the gym. Then ran into her today and went and said hi. She said hi back but clearly turned away, so sirens went off in my head about nipping this in the bud so other women aren't seeing that.
Bringing playful, confident energy, I just asked:

Me: Hey, did you block me? It's fine if you did (trying to keep her from being scared/whatever)
Her: Yeah... I did
Me: Ah, no worries. Never had that happen before, but I had a feeling haha
*pause*
Me: I'm curious, was there a reason you did?
Her; I just felt uncomfortable.
Me: Ah, I'm sorry about that.
Me: *Walked away*

I imagine there would be ways to hold a better frame, but I agree my initial texting was a bit obnoxious, so I wasn't exactly opposed to her frame lol. Any thoughts on dealing with situations like this? Damage-control in a semi-social circle situation like a commercial gym? I saw Chase's article saying to freeze her out, but don't think that would be very easy in such a loose environment.

Disclaimer: Not exactly trying to get her back, but I was confident and comfortable the whole time and left without any begging crap.

Thanks all!

I think she was just uncomfortable with the age difference and the fact that she had to force an answer out of you. Makes it look like you have something to hide or that your uncomfortable with your age. If you just told her 24 from the start, she wouldn’t feel any suspicion.

I’d say if a girl hasn’t responded to you in 48 hours, she probably ghosted u or forgot. I would usually end all attempts to pursue after they have not responded, if you want to be optimistic and send a text to see if she just forgot about the first text u could try that but I wouldn’t suggest it because it looks needy and most likely she isghosting you.

So yeah all the calls and texts look horrible in this context and pretty much any other context.

The fact that you are putting all this energy into a girl that ghosted you suggests that you don’t have your priorities in order. I mean think about the level of connection you have with this person compared to the level of energy you are putting in to maintain the relationship? It’s a little off isn’t it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, when I was younger this has happened to me where I got fixated on a girl that wouldn’t give me the time of day. Just remember to learn from it.

takeaways:

1. be upfront with your age (or fake age 24,28 lol) in order to avoid discomfort and suspicion on the girls end

2. know when to cut ties, look for clear signals on her end

best wishes,

BHL

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

No offense, but I think she could tell that you were needy based on how you were texting her and also the conversation you had later. It's possible the age gap is what ruined it for her, but if it wasn't that then the reactivity and feminine texting style did.

 

[Rakehell]

Easy pitfall in social circle when things go wrong. They go wrong, the guy accepts responsibility for what happened at some level. Projects that on the situation, admits guilt, and now it’s a thing that happened.

Even though you were uncalibrated in this situation, what you don’t wanna do is admit blame for it, and cement that in her mind. Especially since it wasn’t your intent.

Or treat her bad and make her glom onto it even more.

Because now it isn’t just a thing she thought, or her overreacting in the moment. Now it’s a thing that actually happened that others can pile on and agree with.

If I were you, I wouldn’t have acknowledged the fact that she blocked me at all. Dont make it a big thing. In my mind that is her problem. Her being uncomfortable can mean many things.

Damage control would’ve been treating her how you always would in person. Let her bring it up on her own if its really that big of a thing, and flip it into something more beneficial for your reputation.

Then don’t do it again, take it as an opportunity to not make the same mistake.

Also, don’t overtly lie about your age somewhere where other people know your age lol.