Advice on approach mentalities

[matthewpoland023]

So I usually go chase's route and approach direct or with genuine interest. The last two times out though if I get rejected or an undesirable reaction to an opening it kicks in approach anxiety so intense that it is almost impossible for me to get approaching again and it can take me days before I get over it (I know it's pussy shit but I'm being honest). On days when I build up good social momentum and my first few approaches are more indirect before I go direct I am more relaxed and natural and rejections are no big thing. My question is how am I supposed to think in order to get myself going again? How do you guys brush it off and keep going? Logically I completely understand that there are virtually no social consequences to failed openings but for some reason the fear still gets in there very powerfully for me when my first approach goes wrong.

 

[Skid]

Matt ,

It does really suck when you get a bunch of girls in a row that blow you off immediately - after approaching for a while you get thicker skin and you forget about it faster. What helps me if I'd rather have a girl blow me off because she saw me as a sexual threat rather than her being super nice and polite and talking to me like I do not own a penis.

Remember every girl that rejects you you get closer to meeting a girl who will like you and the odds are tipping in your favor.That's something that's helped me.

Usually the best way is to go direct when a girl is moving since you need to get their full attention and that's best way to do it if she is sitting or something you can go indirect because there is no rush. Go forth and experiement!

Skid

 

[matthewpoland023]

Skid, you're the shit man. Much appreciated. Thank you

 

[Mr.Rob]

I don't know if this will help you or not but honestly when I get rejected these days it's like a complete joke and I find it somewhat funny.

Rejection shouldn't dictate you feeling better or worse about yourself. I really don't care about one girls opinion of me. I have no reverence for any one strangers opinion of me that they formed off a 5 second judgment. I really value the opinion I hold of myself for disciplining myself to take action towards the goals I have in life and I get a tremendous boost in self-esteem by taking that action (in this case approaching) regardless of the outcome that I only have 50% of control over.

Desensitize and continually develop a clear sense of who your are and what your intentions are and over time rejection will mean nothing to you. You will still have approach anxiety but once you gain social momentum rejection will actually pump your state rather than crash your state.

Good luck,

-Rob

 

[matthewpoland023]

Thanks Rob. That is very true. I know this site isn't big on inner game as much as actions but I definitely believe you to be true.