Advice on escalation

[frenzy]

Hey folks!

I'm new here. I was wondering if some of you could help shed some light on a recent experience? Would be super grateful!

Spent five days working together with a girl for an event; got along well but nothing explicitly flirty. After our last shift together I accompany her for a smoke outside. As we get back in, I ask her "do you want to get a drink?" She directly says "yes sure, now or another time?" I say "now".

We go for a drink at the bar next door, we're sitting side by side on a sofa, I progressively get closer to her and touchier, she's not pulling back but also not reciprocating. She's talkative and asking questions. At some point I caress her neck and hair (had my hand around her shoulder until then), she asks me in a neutral tone, "what is this", I reply confidently "I think it's my hand carressing your head, what do you think it is?" "Okay, just checking", but shortly after I pull back to go back on her shoulder. We continue the conversation. She asks me at some point either before or after (I think before), if I'm going alone to the concert nearby that I told her I would work at later in the evening. I say I know some people from there etc. Later on she checks her train and tells me she thinks she'll get the next one if that's fine with me, leaving from the bar in 10 min (she lives in a nearby city). In total maybe we stayed ~45min. We get out and walk to the station, we hug good bye; me: "was nice working with you", her "me too, hopefully we see each other again" but somehow doesn't feel like this is what she'd say if she was eager to meet again.

So, that's actually it, but trying to debrief a bit, specifically: I imagine that I escalated too fast? and that she was uncomfortable with my hand on her head. Was I right to just pull back? Or better to openly talk about it? I'm curious on your thoughts on this and also on anything else you noticed and any advice moving forward etc. — or your experience in similar situations.

Thanks a lot!

frenzy

 

[theReason]

"I think it's my hand carressing your head, what do you think it is?"

Good. Sexually bold of you to say this. Good job.

somehow doesn't feel like this is what she'd say if she was eager to meet again.

You are correct, It's not. But why is that?

Because:

she checks her train and tells me she thinks she'll get the next one if that's fine with me, leaving from the bar in 10 min (she lives in a nearby city)

You were supposed to say like "oh can i come along, i'd like to see your apartment"

This is a "pull attempt". She did all the work for you, you just had to be bold enough to ask to come along.

Isolation with a girl, aka, you and her at her place, alone = sexy time ensues, aka, both you and her are satisfied

She attempted to pull you, you did not take the bait, she is (probably) no longer interested.

Spoiler: Regarding the below-quoted text:

You characterized her as "not eager," here. You are almost correct, she is in fact "sexually frustrated".

"me too, hopefully we see each other again"

But hey, she brought up a second date to you; I would suggest scheduling another date.

This time, don't be dumb. Push for isolation.

When you two are isolated, then escalate.


I personally do not do a lot of touch (until isolated). But, it seemed like this girl was into it.

Shit-testing ("what is this?") is normal, and bold honesty (as you exhibited here) is a good way to get past her shit tests.

I think you did everything right, except the one critical thing I said above.


To your questions:

I imagine that I escalated too fast?

Nope, you did just fine.

and that she was uncomfortable with my hand on her head.

She was comfortable with it... she just wanted to use it as an excuse to test your masculinity.

You passed the test.

Was I right to just pull back?

Yeah, that's not a problem.

Or better to openly talk about it?

You were sufficiently open about it.

You did the right thing and said the right thing.

That's why she basically invited you to come home with her and fuck.

Next time, next time.

 

[Skills]

Hey folks!

I'm new here. I was wondering if some of you could help shed some light on a recent experience? Would be super grateful!

Spent five days working together with a girl for an event; got along well but nothing explicitly flirty. After our last shift together I accompany her for a smoke outside. As we get back in, I ask her "do you want to get a drink?" She directly says "yes sure, now or another time?" I say "now".

We go for a drink at the bar next door, we're sitting side by side on a sofa, I progressively get closer to her and touchier, she's not pulling back but also not reciprocating. She's talkative and asking questions. At some point I caress her neck and hair (had my hand around her shoulder until then), she asks me in a neutral tone, "what is this", I reply confidently "I think it's my hand carressing your head, what do you think it is?" "Okay, just checking", but shortly after I pull back to go back on her shoulder. We continue the conversation. She asks me at some point either before or after (I think before), if I'm going alone to the concert nearby that I told her I would work at later in the evening. I say I know some people from there etc. Later on she checks her train and tells me she thinks she'll get the next one if that's fine with me, leaving from the bar in 10 min (she lives in a nearby city). In total maybe we stayed ~45min. We get out and walk to the station, we hug good bye; me: "was nice working with you", her "me too, hopefully we see each other again" but somehow doesn't feel like this is what she'd say if she was eager to meet again.

So, that's actually it, but trying to debrief a bit, specifically: I imagine that I escalated too fast? and that she was uncomfortable with my hand on her head. Was I right to just pull back? Or better to openly talk about it? I'm curious on your thoughts on this and also on anything else you noticed and any advice moving forward etc. — or your experience in similar situations.

Thanks a lot!

frenzy

if the girl is neutral to your escalation is a good..... If she gives you shit body language is bad... "what is this" not too good, but i don't know if it was timing or the way you went about escalating, "caressing head" wtf is that escalation?? Awkward if you ask me...only head type of escaltion is pulling hear (advance or in the bed) or putting hear behind her ear... Caressing head is weird she ain't a dog...

but it does not seem your escalation backfired based on report, she was down and even say "hopefully we see each other again" future projection, seems she likes you... i would work on learning escalations... (make sure you read all links and videos)

The Complete guide to Physical game

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[mike james]

Because:

You were supposed to say like "oh can i come along, i'd like to see your apartment"

This is a "pull attempt". She did all the work for you, you just had to be bold enough to ask to come along.

Isolation with a girl, aka, you and her at her place, alone = sexy time ensues, aka, both you and her are satisfied

She attempted to pull you, you did not take the bait, she is (probably) no longer interested.

what if she just flat out rejected him? It seems to me like there was not enough attraction on her side to go for a lay. Maybe @frenzy accidentally left out some details. I kinda dont get the vibe of the whole interaction. Of course, I could be over analyzing, due to my inexperience. Ill be happy to hear your opinions and arguments. I would love to be proven wrong and therefore learn. Thanks.

 

[theReason]

what if she just flat out rejected him?

There’s nothing wrong about getting flat out rejected.

The benefits of making bold asks outweigh the drawbacks (if you’re a guy).

Not to be an asshole, but you have to “grow some balls lol” and lead towards the conclusion you desire sometimes. Fuck rejection anxiety.

Maybe @frenzy accidentally left out some details.

Yeah, he did.

I tried to read between the lines a little though.