- Joined
- Jul 17, 2023
- Messages
- 63
A bit of background.
I’ve lost interest in most of my childhood hobbies, and have found another part of myself that I enjoy.
I find myself transitioning from being a serious intellectual, highly theoretical person to someone who want to have fun, relax, explore and take care of their body more often.
Now the actual questions:
Conforming vs Individuality:
How can I maintain individuality in a group while conforming, especially when I have very different life experiences? I don’t want to lie and hide myself, but a few questions into my life and it’ll be pretty obvious that I have nothing in common with
I’m not a part of them yet, it’s obvious, and may not relate or converse legitimately with them, but I can’t let myself be pushed over and I don’t want to be an outsider. Quite a tall list isn’t it
.
Is it possible? How so?
Directing vs Following
Let’s say I’m an outsider and I visit a group.
Directing (ex:conversation topics) isn’t that great maybe, especially when I’m different from them.(or am I wrong)?
Also, my topics may not be compatible with them.
Following makes me too wallflowerish.
I want to add value to the group.
I want to showcase my personality, as different as it may be.
I could direct the group by asking questions about them, but a stranger just entering the group and grilling the group about their interests feels kinda weird. Why is this stranger so interested in us?
Following what they’re talking about only makes me feel I can’t contribute to their conversation, especially if
A)I’m not talking at all or
B)Only answering questions they direct to me.
Then I’m just being ignored yet I’m sitting there. This is exacerbated when they keep the questions surface level. Or painful when they’re talking only about people in their lives who I have no connection with. .
What’s the middle ground to have the group talk with me and accept me, or at least be receptive?
Challenging vs Passive
As a newbie and as someone who may want to learn frame control and courage to face confrontationis my opinion that I should take any opportunity to face conflict. Especially when someone wrong and it’s a learning opportunity.
I had a learning opportunity sometime ago and I know I was right but I did freeze up after challenging him. He got the group’s backing. It was my second time meeting them and my first time spending time alone with them.
Part of a person’s personality is showing his dislike. Some smooth conversationalists may be very agreeable, and yeah I can understand why.
However, I believe newbies should get used to confrontation.
In my opinion, agreeableness reinforces two things detrimental to a newbie:
a) The belief that playing it safe is what get people’s acceptance.
b) People may not like me or connect with me if I have my own opinions.
So when should I challenge and when should I not? Should I wait till there’s some comfort?
How do group dynamics work on accepting a stranger?
1) Am I allowed to be nervous? For years I thought I had to be impenetrable and perfectly confident. But do people give others slack most of the time? Do people not?
2) I’ve seen a lot of posts on groups here. But that too complicated for a guy like me. I’d like to as a simple question. How do I walk up to a group of people and say hi, I want to talk to you. Could you make some space for me?
Aha!!! Is there such a thing called group openers!!
)???
I would like some examples if anyone can provide it for places like pools, parks, bars, any sort of class(dance, archery), a baseball game, people just sitting and talking around etc.
3) How to become upbeat? Seriously. How to be fun loving? Someone break this down for me into actionable steps please. I would appreciate it a lot.
4)If the group isn’t paying attention to me, how do I get their focus on me.
5) Is directly approaching a mixed group, especially when they’re near the pool and I don’t have a girl with me a bad idea? People in bikinis and all. Single man with no group and all.
I’d love for people to weigh in
Thanks!!
SunnyVibes
I’ve lost interest in most of my childhood hobbies, and have found another part of myself that I enjoy.
I find myself transitioning from being a serious intellectual, highly theoretical person to someone who want to have fun, relax, explore and take care of their body more often.
Now the actual questions:
Conforming vs Individuality:
How can I maintain individuality in a group while conforming, especially when I have very different life experiences? I don’t want to lie and hide myself, but a few questions into my life and it’ll be pretty obvious that I have nothing in common with
I’m not a part of them yet, it’s obvious, and may not relate or converse legitimately with them, but I can’t let myself be pushed over and I don’t want to be an outsider. Quite a tall list isn’t it
.Is it possible? How so?
Directing vs Following
Let’s say I’m an outsider and I visit a group.
Directing (ex:conversation topics) isn’t that great maybe, especially when I’m different from them.(or am I wrong)?
Also, my topics may not be compatible with them.
Following makes me too wallflowerish.
I want to add value to the group.
I want to showcase my personality, as different as it may be.
I could direct the group by asking questions about them, but a stranger just entering the group and grilling the group about their interests feels kinda weird. Why is this stranger so interested in us?
Following what they’re talking about only makes me feel I can’t contribute to their conversation, especially if
A)I’m not talking at all or
B)Only answering questions they direct to me.
Then I’m just being ignored yet I’m sitting there. This is exacerbated when they keep the questions surface level. Or painful when they’re talking only about people in their lives who I have no connection with. .
What’s the middle ground to have the group talk with me and accept me, or at least be receptive?
Challenging vs Passive
As a newbie and as someone who may want to learn frame control and courage to face confrontationis my opinion that I should take any opportunity to face conflict. Especially when someone wrong and it’s a learning opportunity.
I had a learning opportunity sometime ago and I know I was right but I did freeze up after challenging him. He got the group’s backing. It was my second time meeting them and my first time spending time alone with them.
Part of a person’s personality is showing his dislike. Some smooth conversationalists may be very agreeable, and yeah I can understand why.
However, I believe newbies should get used to confrontation.
In my opinion, agreeableness reinforces two things detrimental to a newbie:
a) The belief that playing it safe is what get people’s acceptance.
b) People may not like me or connect with me if I have my own opinions.
So when should I challenge and when should I not? Should I wait till there’s some comfort?
How do group dynamics work on accepting a stranger?
1) Am I allowed to be nervous? For years I thought I had to be impenetrable and perfectly confident. But do people give others slack most of the time? Do people not?
2) I’ve seen a lot of posts on groups here. But that too complicated for a guy like me. I’d like to as a simple question. How do I walk up to a group of people and say hi, I want to talk to you. Could you make some space for me?
Aha!!! Is there such a thing called group openers!!
)???I would like some examples if anyone can provide it for places like pools, parks, bars, any sort of class(dance, archery), a baseball game, people just sitting and talking around etc.
3) How to become upbeat? Seriously. How to be fun loving? Someone break this down for me into actionable steps please. I would appreciate it a lot.
4)If the group isn’t paying attention to me, how do I get their focus on me.
5) Is directly approaching a mixed group, especially when they’re near the pool and I don’t have a girl with me a bad idea? People in bikinis and all. Single man with no group and all.
I’d love for people to weigh in
Thanks!!
SunnyVibes
