Advice

[Anonymous]

So there's this girl named Elisabeth and I've been talking for awhile and getting to know her and A couple days ago was our first real date. We went to the mall, bought stuff, ate, you know typical mall things. On the way back i finally got the courage to hold her hand in the car and it worked, she didn't pull away or anything. She actually leaned in a bit so i knew she kinda liked me or wants something to happen. Got home changed shirts and left the door open hoping she would sot down or something (didn't happen) she stayed in the living room talking to my aunt so i took the opportunity to give her a hug from behind. She rested her head on my shoulder and i know she liked it, had a gut feeling just saying "she loved it bro, nice one!" she was relaxed around me so i was thinking I'm in the clear now. An hour passes and we decide to go to a festival. On the walk there we were laughing and joking around with each other, held hands you know, the basics.

Then the sudden down fall we get closer to the festival sudden lack of talking, when ever i get close she backs off abit, no holding hands. It was as if she was imbarresed to be around me (dont see why as i know im not ugly and pleanty of girls give me compliments just get shy around them) she decided to go dancing with her cousin, i was cool with it. Time passes there and i decide to go, she stays with her cousin but i tried to get a hug and she actually ressisted abit so i knew to back off but i didnt know why she would. My buds told me probably cause her friends are there and what not, i believe them but still kinda upset that shes imbarresed to be around me or whatever girls excuses are.

Yesterday i go to the same festival but this time i go only with my aunt and uncle cause she was working, she came and man did i fill with joy. Asked her how her day was and how i was surpised to see her here but glad she came. Just little things showing my appreciation but not coming off to strong. I eventually ask her to dance but she declines and i was like maybe its a bad song and shrugged it off, ask again later also declined at this moment i was just thinking okay ill wait for a song i know she likes. Never the less one comes up, i ask for the dance and she declines again. She said she was going to go talk to her cousin and i said ok, ill be here if you want to do something. Time goes on, im waiting with my aunt for her to come ask me then my aunts points out what i feared the worst, Shes dancing with her ex. Instantly had that feeling and wanted to go home but had to stay. spent the rest of the night asking what i did wrong or if she really is interested. Didnt even get to say a good bye to her as she didnt even say bye when it was over, she just left.

Problem is that I don't know if I should still stick with her by the amount of time I've put in her or just move on

 

[Just_Dave]

Making moves

Then the sudden down fall we get closer to the festival sudden lack of talking, when ever i get close she backs off abit, no holding hands. It was as if she was imbarresed to be around me (dont see why as i know im not ugly and pleanty of girls give me compliments just get shy around them) she decided to go dancing with her cousin, i was cool with it. Time passes there and i decide to go, she stays with her cousin but i tried to get a hug and she actually ressisted abit so i knew to back off but i didnt know why she would. My buds told me probably cause her friends are there and what not, i believe them but still kinda upset that shes imbarresed to be around me or whatever girls excuses are.

Yesterday i go to the same festival but this time i go only with my aunt and uncle cause she was working, she came and man did i fill with joy. Asked her how her day was and how i was surpised to see her here but glad she came. Just little things showing my appreciation but not coming off to strong. I eventually ask her to dance but she declines and i was like maybe its a bad song and shrugged it off, ask again later also declined at this moment i was just thinking okay ill wait for a song i know she likes. Never the less one comes up, i ask for the dance and she declines again. She said she was going to go talk to her cousin and i said ok, ill be here if you want to do something. Time goes on, im waiting with my aunt for her to come ask me then my aunts points out what i feared the worst, Shes dancing with her ex. Instantly had that feeling and wanted to go home but had to stay. spent the rest of the night asking what i did wrong or if she really is interested. Didnt even get to say a good bye to her as she didnt even say bye when it was over, she just left.

Problem is that I don't know if I should still stick with her by the amount of time I've put in her or just move on

Hey Salvador,

Bad news first your attraction levels expired bad. What I mean by this is you should have taken initiative, not just holding hands but getting her alone in your room and kissing her. In the beginning she liked you a lot, but now you have landed firmly into friend zone territory. You should just move on, you said it yourself "amount of time I've put in her" you're the more invested one in this situation.

Fixers: For future reference it's best to avoid boyfriend potential type dates such as fairs, shopping trips, and movies. Try a coffee shop, a date is an interaction for you to get to know a girl and then move her quickly for intimacy.

 

[Outrider]

Hey Salvador,

Seems you missed an escalation window there and she went into auto-rejection.

Take a look at these posts from the blog:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/escalation-windows
https://www.girlschase.com/content/secre ... -rejection

In my experience, if you are already holding hands you should go for the kiss, there's no need to go slow there, in fact it's very counter-productive.
After you missed the window you chased her a lot, that made it even more awkward for her and killed attraction. The best you can do now is move on, don't take the initiative of talking to her(DO NOT CHASE). In a month or two - if you still want - you can try again, just pretend nothing happened, be cool with it, ask her out for a coffee or something and escalate quickly.
A tactic I've been using a lot is saying 'Let's go there' or something, take a step and offer your hand without looking at it(it's a natural thing to do, no big deal - that's what you want her to think), once she has your hand and is walking with you, stop somewhere where you can lean(a wall or something) and pull her for the kiss. A quick tip for the kiss: DO NOT HESITATE, if you go for it, do it.

I'm a beginner myself, so I've done that exact same mistake a couple times some months ago.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Penguin]

Hey Salvador,
Presumably your objective was to get her back to your place, and you did a great job when you did that on the first date. I was wondering though, why did you take her out again? That seems to me like it would have been the right time to take her to bed. Maybe she was hoping that was going to happen? Next time you could try giving the girl an excuse to enter your room e.g. "Come and check out these photos" or whatever. Make sure the only place to sit in your room is your bed, so when she sits down you can join her and you'll be ready to make out. You got off to a great start, and it shows that you will be able to have much success in the future when you continue to escalate after arriving at home with the girl.

Like Outrider said, it is vital that you do not chase Elisabeth because this is very unattractive. Ignore her for a while, then if you want to try her again I recommend inviting her straight over to yours for dinner or a film etc. and then you can escalate quickly. In the meantime, if Elisabeth finds out you've been dating/bedding other girls then this will increase her interest in you again.

Have fun

 

[Flames]

TBH if you hug a girl from behind and she puts her head on your shoulder, that would seem to me to be a classic submissive gesture, which generally would say to me that you should be escalting into the bedroom. Anything after that is going the wrong way which is why she acted like she did.

That how I'd read it anyway, seems like you de-escalted...

 

[Anonymous]

Great tips and advice guys really helped me out a lot, I'll be sure next time to grow a pair and jut take charge.