FR AFC Part III* (1/3)

[AFCnoob]

Summary: Went on a date with a girl I had chatted with a couple days before. She texed me at about 11 at night, and we talked about sex he whole time. I thought it was a done deal, then she shook my hand and went home (!)

[Cathy] Italian [Rating: objective 5/subjective 5][Age](closed)

Open: pre-existing
[Cathy] and I kind of new each other, I had run into her days before, and we had a really fun conversation. She texted me at 10:40 at night and invited me out for ice cream and a walk. I figured she straight up wanted to hook up.

Move: passive
[Cathy] had our date planned out (mistake). And took me to a nearby art park she liked, she brought up, and would not get off the topic of sex. How her and her friend figured out guys' penis sizes, the toys her roomate had, etc. etc. I figured it was just a matter of time before I went back to her place.(her place??)

Escalation: N/A
Despite the "heat" in [Cathy]'s conversation, she kept her distance and completely neutral body language.

Close: fail

I was mystified that a midnight date shot through with sex talk could end so platonically, but I figured [Cathy] just wanted to take it a bit slow, and I had plenty of time. (wrong)

[Interaction Rating]: 2/10
The one thing I learned is that there is a distinct separation between socializing and actively advancing a relationship. You can be talking about the most gratuitous sex details, but if it is framed in comedy/titillation, as our conversation was, it means nothing.

I was just getting a sandwich at a local restaurant however, and the waitress was eyeing me like crazy while she asked what kind of bread I wanted. It really has nothing to do with the content of the interaction, but how that content is framed (platonic/humorous/sexual/etc.)

 

[AFCnoob]

FR AFC Part III* (2/3)

Summary: Went to a park, I tried to escalate without framing (didn't know what framing was) and it ended as expected--platonically

[Cathy] Italian [Rating: objective 5/subjective 5][Age](closed)

Open: pre-existing
[Cathy] and I met at a park and sat across from each other. I mentioned some foolishness about reading palms just to get an excuse to touch and massage her hands. She didn't seem opposed to it, and at one point began showing me moles all over her body. At one point, I even picked her up (to see how much she weighed, of course).

I was certain that I was making "progress" the whole time, but all of this was done with zero framing. We were just a couple of pals doing silly things together.

Move: passive
We actually went back to her apartment! Where she showed me her room, talked about walking around in front of the window naked, and introduced me to her male flatmate.

Escalation: goofy
[Cathy] had told me that she was fresh out of a relationship, and didn't want to pursue a romantic relationship with me. To my credit, I didn't accept her proposal and said outright I would still chase her--then again, that should have been my clue to get the hell out of dodge and pursue a more willing candidate.

I went to leave, and had her see me to the elevator. I got her against the wall and put my hand on her waist. She seemed flighty. "Don't be...scared I said" and managed to peck her on the cheek. She actually squeaked.

Close: fail
Male roommate cock block? Not really, I never really had a chance.

[Interaction Rating]: 2/10
I didn't know about framing at this point, so I just couldn't get it through my head how I could actually carry a girl in my arms, and then have her squeak when I tried to kiss her later.

[Cathy] had cemented the relationship in the platonic, but I was still pursuing her blindly and ploughing tons and tons of time into her. Looking back, I can't believe the amount of time I wasted on this girl, and she was a FIVE. The interactions listed here are only the highlights of the several interactions we had (way too many). On the plus side, I would never do something so foolish now

 

[AFCnoob]

Re: FR AFC Part III* (3/3)

Summary: Actually got [Cathy] back to my place and didn't make anything happen. In my defense, I was pursuing (actually failing with) another girl at this time, and had grown tired of [Cathy]'s platonic games anyway.

[Cathy] Italian [Rating: objective 5/subjective 5][Age](closed)

Open: pre-existing
I had actually grown so exasperated with [Cathy]'s platonic ways that I had previously said we should just stop meeting each other, and she should stop inviting me to her platonic social "mixers". For some reason though, I got sentimental and texted her about a used appliance store she had been asking about, we decided to meet and go together.

Move: natural
We met quite early, I was getting shoes repaired, and she was waiting to go to a dinner, we finished with the store, and found that we had some time on our hands before either of us had to do anything. The store was just blocks from my home, so she suggested we go back there. "After all, you've seen my apartment, it's only fair." she argued.

Escalation: N/A
We were in my apartment, sitting on my couch listening to music, and [Cathy] was actually complaining about back pain. For another guy, this would have been the clue to finally put a move on her but OH NO, not me, I missed the cue and we hung out for a bit more before leaving. [Cathy] actually invited me out to her dinner, but I declined since I had another outing that evening. We split a cab, and there was this odd pause when I got out to see her off (she was probably waiting for me to hug her).

Close: fail--I wasn't even thinking about it

[Interaction Rating]: 5/10
I learned to avoid any platonic signals/framing like the plague, and I also learned to recognize the [Cathy] type of girl, they are the center of a huge social circle, and will keep men in the mix just to have around for whatever need may arise.

Maybe [Cathy] was finally warming up to me at that point, after weeks of nothing and a bunch of silly, platonic, friend-zone dates. I gave a 5/10 because the close of this whole chapter will always be a shining example for me of how much time you can completely waste pursuing the wrong girl. I hope you were bored reading this series of FR's, because I was SUPER bored living them, fortunately bored enough that I will never pursue something so platonic and silly again. Oh well, live and learn.

 

[Chase]

Re: FR AFC Part III* (3/3)

Hey AFCnoob,

Great to see you so active posting stuff on the reports board! Reports were where I spent a lot of my early time too, and they really help with breaking down and analyzing your interactions and figuring out what went right and what went wrong. It's amazing how many times you go back through it writing it down, and smack your head and go, "Ohhhhhh... can't believe I missed that! Argh."

Quick note: I changed the formatting on the main post subject line to include the colon ) after the prefix, so it's like this - <<FR: subject line>>. When you post FRs, try and keep this in mind so we can have consistent formatting on the reports board (important once more reports start going up here so guys can just skim the board and immediately see what's what).

This girl Cathy sounds like a tease, but she also sounds like she just wanted you to cut the B.S. and lead strongly. Seems you recognize that, which is good (although I'm sure you wish you recognized it / did it then, rather than later!).

Maybe [Cathy] was finally warming up to me at that point, after weeks of nothing and a bunch of silly, platonic, friend-zone dates. I gave a 5/10 because the close of this whole chapter will always be a shining example for me of how much time you can completely waste pursuing the wrong girl. I hope you were bored reading this series of FR's, because I was SUPER bored living them, fortunately bored enough that I will never pursue something so platonic and silly again. Oh well, live and learn.

Yes - that's the best lesson out of all of this. Not wasting time on women that aren't working out.

Nevertheless, great job getting her back to your place despite a few dropped balls along the way - you were almost there. All you had to do was escalate when she started hinting for it, and there's a good chance you'd be posting this as an LR instead of an FR.

Keep at it, amigo.

Cheers,
Chase

 

[AFCnoob]

I will certainly post with the "FR: Subject line" format from now on, duly noted. Also, thanks for the input, I really appreciate it, after reading your unbelievable blog posts, it's a real honor. It also helps cement the lessons I took away from the experience.

I'm posting these in chronological order, and I have a backlog of a dozen or so, and a couple (few?) ongoing cases now. I think it will be interesting to see the progression. Things get interesting...then stupid...then kinda good...then crazy. I'm looking forward to sharing them with you all.