FR AFC Part VI** (1/3)

[AFCnoob]

Summary: Another girl bumps into me, ends...weirdly?

[Fiona] Swedish [Rating: objective 6/subjective 8*][Age: @22](closed)

*note that disparity between the objective and subjective ratings, it will become important later.

Open: Accidental
I was in a venue, complaining loudly to a friend that no girl in the bar/club was even remotely interested in me and actually pointing out girls who would refuse to talk to me when [Fiona] backed up and stepped on my foot. "You stepped on my foot!" I said, half joking. [Fiona] turned, apologized, and introduced herself. She was quite attractive, had on these really cute boots, but seemed a bit young. I bought her a drink (didn't know not to buy girls drinks yet). She was giving me a lot of IOI's, at one point she joked that she could fit both of her open hands into one of mine (and did so). Then my friend suggested we go somewhere else. I asked [Fiona], she said goodbye to her friends and came with us. I took that as an extremely good sign, and was quite excited.

Move: natural
We danced a bit in the next venue, and then decided to separate ourselves from our friends and go to another floor where we could sit and talk.

Escalation: mediocre
There were no seats available upstairs, so [Fiona] ended up sitting on my lap, with my arm wrapped around her. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and the conversation was going great, flowing easily from one topic to the other, with a nice warm vibe the whole time.

Close: ridiculous fail
The night wound down, and I figured there was nothing left to do but go home. But then [Fiona] looked at her phone and said a male "friend" was coming to pick her up. "It's late and dangerous." I protested "at least let me take you home in a cab, no funny stuff, I promise." (I was still using nice guy tactics) We were outside and her friend actually rolled up on a scooter, and I watched her ride away.

I was literally open mouthed, I could not believe the seemingly crazy turn my luck had taken (this was literally two days after my FU from AFC Part I). I was furious and actually picked up and smashed a beer bottle against a wall before walking home in a daze.

[Interaction Rating]: 5
I was actually unwittingly following a quite good progression. This was mostly because it was the way [Fiona] wanted it to play out, but I didn't realize this. It is also important to note the crazy way the night ended. On the one hand, I wasn't moving fast enough with [Fiona], on the other hand, she was a bit weird as well, which I didn't discover til later.

 

[AFCnoob]

FR+: AFC Part VI** (2/3)

Summary: [Fiona] and I meet up again, things get steamy, but no close

[Fiona] Swedish [Rating: objective 6/subjective 8*][Age: @22](closed)

Open: pre-existing
[Fiona] and I met at an upscale venue downtown. I noticed immediately that she had dressed herself up, which I took as a good sign. I didn't know at the time, but she was sending me very strong IOI's (she was actually horny). I didn't know how to steer the conversation so we mainly chatted about inanities while we waited for some friends of hers to arrive. Her friends never showed, and the place was burning a hole in my pocket (I was still paying for drinks, even though [Fiona] was perfectly willing to pay for herself, and told me as much), so I suggested we go back to the venue from the first night we met.

Move: natural
We left for the previous venue and we were both just a bit drunk at this point. We arrived and bought more drinks, and started dancing.

Escalation: steamy
We were dancing and chatting on the dance floor, having a great time, we were discussing music, and some song came on that [Fiona] liked. "Oh my god, I will kiss you right now if you can tell me who plays this song." (I didn't know). She just shook her head, but minutes later we were kissing anyway. [Fiona] was very excited, and was actually putting my hands on her. She actually shoved me up against the DJ booth at one point. We continued to dance for a bit, then she said she wanted to go back to her place. Knowing she had a roommate, I foolishly agreed and we left.

Close: fail
We got back to her place and kissed some more in the hall, but she would absolutely not let me come inside. She promised that she would call me the next day though, and make me breakfast. I went home. I actually felt pretty good about the whole thing, but only because I didn't realize exactly how easy it would have been to close with her that night.

[Interaction Rating]: 5
Again, this was actually a standard interaction. Again, this was mainly because [Fiona] was driving the interaction and she knew better than me how it should play out. Still I did't push for the close, and she still had some reservations (turns out she had a boyfriend back in her home country) so even horny and a bit drunk, we still didn't close.

 

[AFCnoob]

FR++: AFC Part VI** (3/3)

Summary: [Fiona] and I meet up again, things get steamy, but then I put the final nail in the coffin

[Fiona] Swedish [Rating: objective 6/subjective 8*][Age: @22](closed)

Open: pre-existing
[Fiona] and I had met several times in the interim before this interaction. We had been spending way too much time together, and I was boyfriend/friend zoning myself the whole damn time, but I had no idea. I figured every extra second we spent together raised her attraction to me and was an overall good sign, but then I hadn't read (Attraction Has an Expiration Date) . Wow. This interaction actually started out with [Fiona] and her friend, but the friend cut out early and [Fiona] and I were left alone in a venue. I was still paying for things, I payed the cover but then [Fiona] insisted that she pay for the drinks (the sweet girl was actually actively trying to stop me from friend-zoning myself, bless her heart).

Move: natural
The venue turned out to be nothing like what we expected, and [Fiona] suggested we leave and go back to my place. I was like: "Yes, please!"

Escalation: steamy
We got back to my place and I put on some music, we sat on my couch talking about some inanities, and then I leaned over and kissed her. Things got hot quite fast and at one point I was lying on top of her, my knee between her legs. She was ready for anything and I...couldn't do it.

Close: fail
I stopped and sat up. [Fiona] was quite bemused and (in retrospect) had probably reached the end of her rope and started to go into auto rejection. To understand this, you have to read my journal and see how messed up my head was at this point (it still kinda is). At any rate, [Fiona] said she was just going to go, and I agreed immediately, I was actually a bit relieved, and I figured (wrongly) there would be plenty of time to try again once I had my head sorted out, especially since we had been spending so much time together and had really "cemented" our relationship (wow, I could not have been more wrong).

[Fiona] suddenly became more and more distant in our subsequent interactions, she wouldn't kiss me anymore, so I started chasing her harder, and the harder I chased, the more she pulled away. I got desperate, and told her all about my situation and tried to explain why I had started acting so clingy. I had lent her a book, and I finally went to get it back, still hoping there might be something there. She actually laughed at me when she saw the hope lingering in my eyes.

[Interaction Rating]: 10
I didn't know it at the time, but this was a textbook example of how to lose a great girl who's interested in you. She had done everything right, and I had done everything wrong. She singlehandedly tried to steer our relationship in the direction that would have been best for the both of us, ignoring my bumbling moves the whole way, until she just assumed that...I didn't like to have sex with women and then went into auto rejection. Naturally, I got clingy/desperate, and that buried me even faster.

This series of interactions gets a perfect 10 because it was a textbook interaction in every way, I was just blind to it at the time. I was also furious at the way it ended. I even started obsessing (Get Over Your Ex: 13 Steps to (Emotional) Freedom) and getting bitter (Most Important Thing to Becoming a Lover of Women? Don't Be Bitter.).

It stung so badly (she actually laughed at me) that I decided there and then I would never, ever let something like that happen to me again, and that's when I got serious about figuring out how to act around girls, and for that I'll always be grateful to [Fiona].