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FR+  After it All Part I (I just wanted to kiss her)

AFCnoob

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
161
*Note: again, this is a very mediocre FR, posted here only because of my policy of including all of my interactions so as not to give a skewed impression of my performance.

Summary : Recently ended a long-term relationship, needed to go out just to distract myself/get myself back in the game...aaand we have "crazy [Cathy] triangle/parallelogram".

[Cathy] Italian [Rating: objective 5/subjective 5][Age](closed)
[Wendy*] Italian [Rating: objective 6/subjective 6][Age:25+](closed?)

Open: pre-existing
Not a week after ending things with [Sandy], I get a text from [Cathy] inviting me out for drinks "with friends". Could just be a coincidence, who cares. I wait until the evening to text back and meet her and a group of people, most of whom I know at a familiar venue. Again, [Cathy] is giving all of the right signs, "very sad" that [Sandy] and I have broken up, but chatting me up all the same, IOI's, touching, etc., but I know better, I'm not falling for it. I do spy [Wendy] from across the table though, I could tell the first time I met her almost over a year ago that she was into me. I make a mental note of this for later.

Move: passive
Drinks end and everyone else peels off, [Cathy] and [Wendy] want to go dancing, and I'm down. A male friend of theirs--we'll call him "PoleDancer"--tags along so it "won't be weird". We move to the first venue where there's a "dancing" pole, and start fooling around with it since no one is dancing on it at the moment and it's not really on a stage of any kind. "PoleDancer" busts some insane pole-dancing skills out of nowhere and everyone is weirdly impressed. We dance for a bit and it becomes clear that [Wendy] is in fact quite interested in me, and this has somehow sent [Cathy] into some kind of weird competition for my attention even though neither of us really wants the other except as some sort of revenge/one-that-got-away kind of thing. "PoleDancer", meanwhile, is bouncing back and forth between both girls, perhaps feeling his beta status a bit strongly.

We change venues and it's the same thing. It turns out I know several people who just happen to be there that night and I feel quite good in the venue. That weird thing starts happening again where random guys are walking up to me and patting me on the shoulder--for no reason. Some drunken moron crashes into me and a few others and tries to start a fight with just really anyone around, I calmly squash it with help from another guy. I hope this doesn't sound like bragging, but even after all this time, it's still weird to me to be able to smoothly handle so much environmental "noise". [Wendy] doesn't fail to notice this and jokes with me about it.

Guys are approaching [Wendy] left and right in the second venue, I wasn't giving any physical signs that she was "with me", and [Wendy] is pretty top heavy, so they just keep coming. Even though I haven't made any particular advances toward [Wendy], besides being my usual self, there is still a connection there, and she makes it implicitly (at at times explicitly) clear that she is there "with me". I don't protest at all to these approaches, or even acknowledge them--it's always strange to me to watch other guys approach a girl who I know is *only* interested in me at the moment. 5 a.m. rolls around and I decide to bounce. I ask [Cathy] as well if she is ready to leave, just to be polite, but perhaps she has picked up on something and decides to "stay for a bit".


Escalation: See you to your door?
It turns out [Wendy] lives nearby and so we walk a ways before I start looking for a taxi. We're going to say goodnight and she goes for the Italian "kiss-kiss" thing. I stop her:

Me: "Where are you going with that kiss?"

[Wendy]: "Your cheek..."

*I kiss her deeply*

Close: N/A
[Wendy] was ready to go home with me but honestly, I just wanted to kiss her. I hopped into a cab, came home, turned on some STS9 and fired up the ol' GC forums. It's good to be back.

[Interaction Rating]: 7/10
Why such a high rating? Looking back on things and the end of this most recent relationship, I'm amazed at how much "situational awareness", or "social awareness" I've gained since I started PU with GC, even after this longish interim. The entire night was an open book to me, the thinking of both girls right from the start, the fact that "PoleDancer" would just be an amusing distraction and nothing more, and most importantly, exactly what I wanted out of the night: to have fun, dance close with [Wendy] and kiss her goodnight. And the whole thing went down effortlessly.

*I think I'm on [Wendy] (I use an A-Z naming system for interactions)
*I told myself I would never do that stupid (closed?) question mark thing but...there it is.
*[EDIT] re-reading my post during editing, I come off kind of cocky/self-assured but this is not my intention.
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
6,170
AFCnoob!

Welcome back!

AFCnoob said:
I stop her:

Me: "Where are you going with that kiss?"

[Wendy]: "Your cheek..."

*I kiss her deeply*

Close: N/A
[Wendy] was ready to go home with me but honestly, I just wanted to kiss her. I hopped into a cab, came home, turned on some STS9 and fired up the ol' GC forums. It's good to be back.

Only question - why didn't you close?

Beware of sneaky comfort zone issues masquerading as a lack of interest - sometimes deep in your subconscious what you REALLY want is to end on a high note rather than push forward into uncertain territory that might hold a rejection.

Most of the time in the past when I've thought, "Meh, I don't REALLY need to sleep with this girl," I've gone back and realized I didn't push it all the way because I was running low on willpower for the night and it was a bit much for me to push for the close even if I thought I could probably get it.

I've since gotten into the habit of routinely asking women home without thinking about it anymore - takes all the decision making out of the process. The more thinking you can remove from your process, the more you'll find yourself writing up reports where you're going, "That one was easy - I just followed my usual process and asked her home, then followed my usual process at the crib and we were soaking the sheets not 10 minutes after we walked in the door," instead of the ones where you feel like you probably could've gotten it - but since you didn't ACTUALLY get it, you'll never really know for sure (and didn't learn nearly as much, either!).

Chase
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers
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