- Joined
- May 28, 2013
- Messages
- 77
Hi Girlschase,
My name's Alex, and I just recently motivated myself into trying cold approach once again. I've posted my first field report somewhere on this site, but weird things happened with my email and I ended up having to start a new account.
This is my second time trying to start doing cold approach. My first was a long time ago, and I didn't make it very far. Hoping starting a journal here will help keep me motivated.
Alex's Outing #1
Went to the mall after class. Parking was such a nightmare I was tempted to quit right there. Ended up finding two empty adjacent parking spaces out of nowhere with the car in front of me. We both parked and I started a brief conversation with the other driver, a middle-aged Indian woman, about that amazing moment. We mostly ended up exchanging facts for 30 seconds before she entered one entrance to the mall and I went for another. In retrospect, I could've asked "What are you doing today?" for good practice; makes me recall one of my big issues with conversation, which is reaching a hook and connecting on an emotional level.
I was starving so I headed immediately to the food court. I tried to accept that I was going to be a social burden no matter what right now, so I should just do it anyways so I get better ASAP, but I noticed the same fear that's always popped up come right back. My logical acceptance doesn't appear to immediately correlate with emotional acceptance, which makes sense. I chickened out for at least thirty minutes, just eating my food and sort of walking around, looking for an attractive girl by herself and an opportunity to approach.
I ended up noticing that my immediate reaction to seeing an attractive women and thinking of approach was fear. My mind was telling me yes, but my body was telling me no! The irony!
Tried to figure out how to solve that, and settled on changing my immediate response from fear to a desire to approach. I couldn't do it immediately, but I made a fun mantra to help me out: Change from "No" to "Go!"
Eventually I saw a girl sitting by herself on a bench, and thoroughly frustrated by myself, I thought "fuck it" and walked over. All I was thinking about was "Go!"
I guess the mantra helped? Need more evidence to confirm if it's effective.
Her fashion, body, and hair were all cute, but her face less so. Still, I went with the cookie cutter "Hi, I saw you sitting over here and wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today."
She didn't understand me the first time. I'm not sure if it was because my enunciation was off, the environment was too loud, or if she was just surprised. Might have been a combination of all of the above. I ended up repeating myself, which I'm pretty sure is bad, and walked away with my tail between my legs.
Smooth, Alex. Real smooth.
I now knew what Chase meant by "Your ego is going to take a beating." It felt like someone had socked my ego in the face. It was really embarrassing, so I walked real far away from the scene of the crime. After that, I found it a lot harder to approach more women. Did I set my expectations too high after one failure?
I tried to watch attractive women I passed by out of the corner of my eye and see if they stared at me. I'm either really unobservant (not impossible, considering I'm practically blind without glasses), or I'm not very attractive to women right now. I wager it's also probably a bit of both.
I walked around for another thirty minutes, trying to make eye contact but never approaching anyone. I did ask a girl for directions, but I didn't count that since it wasn't really an approach. Eventually I made contact with a cute salesgirl for skin products, and she pulled me in to talk with her.
The first thing I noticed was that she was good. She held my formarm in her hand and hit me with intense eye contact from the get go, using a mix of light and mild touch to keep me rooted. She had a thick accent and I couldn't really understand what she was saying, but I tried to not be entirely bewitched. I immediately decided I wouldn't buy anything (I only had $10 in my pocket anyways, no credit card), and matched her eye contact with me own. I stared right into the bridge of her nose, unblinking, and did my best to understand what the hell she was saying.
I didn't manage to, but I think she figured out I was into her and immediately tried to leverage it against me. She started getting a skin product and rubbed it against my skin. She told me to hold the product, otherwise asking me for investment, touch my skin before and after she applied the product, etc. She asked for verbal investment as well, asking me about what products I used, what I was doing in the mall today, my skin cleaning habits. I honestly couldn't understand what her words were saying, but I did understand the ideas of the body language. It was so funny I started growing this massive smirk.
She paused on noticing it and asked me what I was smiling for. I think I said "I'm just a happy guy." In retrospect, it might've been better to keep her curious. In retrospect, I would've continued smirking and said "Nothing," while continuing to give strong eye contact. I don't know if that's most effective. Maybe I'll test it out the next time something like that happens.
Speaking of which, that saleswoman had strong ass frame control. I didn't really know what to say considering I barely understood her, and she continually directed the conversation towards how the skin product would benefit me. I was most impressed by how, when I asked her "Where are you from?" she responded with something like "If you stay I'll tell you after." Demanding my investment! Well done, girl.
Although not particularly attractive, she used body language to elicit a strong reaction. I was lucky I was prepared and knew what was going on from reading Girlschase; even though I was logically analytical, I felt the butterflies from nervousness rise up in my chest. Emotionally, I was not prepared to handle her at all. I stayed pretty quiet and just let her talk until she asked questions. Again not sure if that's the appropriate response.
Eventually I told her I wasn't interested, but I did say it was educational talking to her (though probably not in the way she thought). She let me off and I walked away wondering what James Bond or Chase would've done. I imagined they'd probably turn that entire interaction around and flip the power from her court to his, and turn it into a date or number. I hope to manage something cool like that in the future.
Now warmed up, I set off to try and find more women to approach. My first one came pretty fast. I saw her standing alone, leaning against the rail and staring at her phone. I said "Excuse me, I just saw you standing here and wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today."
She gave me a nonreactive stare. I got the impression that this was what people were thinking of when they said "bitch face." If my ego got socked before, it just got kicked in the balls now.
I stuttered out some words and excused myself as soon as possible, again with my tail in between my legs. That one hurt. However, I remembered what Chase said about not letting my emotions get in the way, so I tried to keep my nose to the grindstone and move on. It was a good thing too, because a couple minutes later I saw this cute girl sitting at a table by herself. My mental process was along the lines of "No- wait, shut up. Go, damnit, Go!"
She was far more receptive and warm than the nonreactive girl, and she was also way more attractive. Maybe more attractive women are more approachable? Anyways, I pussied out on the direct approach, so I asked her for directions to express. I salvaged it by telling her that she looked really cute today right after she gave me the directions, so I suppose that makes it an indirect direct.
Afterwards I felt like I fulfilled my criteria for the day, my legs were sore, and I was exhausted. I still felt like I wanted to keep going, which I guess was a good thing. I was satisfied enough that I was okay with leaving and going home.
Lessons Learned/Questions/Goals
How do I reach a hook and connect on an emotional level?
I have to change my response to thinking of approaching an attractive woman from "No" to "Go!"
Improve enunciation and increase volume of my voice.
Learn how to become more attractive.
Touch and investment are legit effective. A bit more advanced than I'm used to, but maybe I can try when I'm more comfortable with cold approach.
Intentionally letting your ego get beat up hurts like a bitch.
My name's Alex, and I just recently motivated myself into trying cold approach once again. I've posted my first field report somewhere on this site, but weird things happened with my email and I ended up having to start a new account.
This is my second time trying to start doing cold approach. My first was a long time ago, and I didn't make it very far. Hoping starting a journal here will help keep me motivated.
Alex's Outing #1
Went to the mall after class. Parking was such a nightmare I was tempted to quit right there. Ended up finding two empty adjacent parking spaces out of nowhere with the car in front of me. We both parked and I started a brief conversation with the other driver, a middle-aged Indian woman, about that amazing moment. We mostly ended up exchanging facts for 30 seconds before she entered one entrance to the mall and I went for another. In retrospect, I could've asked "What are you doing today?" for good practice; makes me recall one of my big issues with conversation, which is reaching a hook and connecting on an emotional level.
I was starving so I headed immediately to the food court. I tried to accept that I was going to be a social burden no matter what right now, so I should just do it anyways so I get better ASAP, but I noticed the same fear that's always popped up come right back. My logical acceptance doesn't appear to immediately correlate with emotional acceptance, which makes sense. I chickened out for at least thirty minutes, just eating my food and sort of walking around, looking for an attractive girl by herself and an opportunity to approach.
I ended up noticing that my immediate reaction to seeing an attractive women and thinking of approach was fear. My mind was telling me yes, but my body was telling me no! The irony!
Tried to figure out how to solve that, and settled on changing my immediate response from fear to a desire to approach. I couldn't do it immediately, but I made a fun mantra to help me out: Change from "No" to "Go!"
Eventually I saw a girl sitting by herself on a bench, and thoroughly frustrated by myself, I thought "fuck it" and walked over. All I was thinking about was "Go!"
I guess the mantra helped? Need more evidence to confirm if it's effective.
Her fashion, body, and hair were all cute, but her face less so. Still, I went with the cookie cutter "Hi, I saw you sitting over here and wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today."
She didn't understand me the first time. I'm not sure if it was because my enunciation was off, the environment was too loud, or if she was just surprised. Might have been a combination of all of the above. I ended up repeating myself, which I'm pretty sure is bad, and walked away with my tail between my legs.
Smooth, Alex. Real smooth.
I now knew what Chase meant by "Your ego is going to take a beating." It felt like someone had socked my ego in the face. It was really embarrassing, so I walked real far away from the scene of the crime. After that, I found it a lot harder to approach more women. Did I set my expectations too high after one failure?
I tried to watch attractive women I passed by out of the corner of my eye and see if they stared at me. I'm either really unobservant (not impossible, considering I'm practically blind without glasses), or I'm not very attractive to women right now. I wager it's also probably a bit of both.
I walked around for another thirty minutes, trying to make eye contact but never approaching anyone. I did ask a girl for directions, but I didn't count that since it wasn't really an approach. Eventually I made contact with a cute salesgirl for skin products, and she pulled me in to talk with her.
The first thing I noticed was that she was good. She held my formarm in her hand and hit me with intense eye contact from the get go, using a mix of light and mild touch to keep me rooted. She had a thick accent and I couldn't really understand what she was saying, but I tried to not be entirely bewitched. I immediately decided I wouldn't buy anything (I only had $10 in my pocket anyways, no credit card), and matched her eye contact with me own. I stared right into the bridge of her nose, unblinking, and did my best to understand what the hell she was saying.
I didn't manage to, but I think she figured out I was into her and immediately tried to leverage it against me. She started getting a skin product and rubbed it against my skin. She told me to hold the product, otherwise asking me for investment, touch my skin before and after she applied the product, etc. She asked for verbal investment as well, asking me about what products I used, what I was doing in the mall today, my skin cleaning habits. I honestly couldn't understand what her words were saying, but I did understand the ideas of the body language. It was so funny I started growing this massive smirk.
She paused on noticing it and asked me what I was smiling for. I think I said "I'm just a happy guy." In retrospect, it might've been better to keep her curious. In retrospect, I would've continued smirking and said "Nothing," while continuing to give strong eye contact. I don't know if that's most effective. Maybe I'll test it out the next time something like that happens.
Speaking of which, that saleswoman had strong ass frame control. I didn't really know what to say considering I barely understood her, and she continually directed the conversation towards how the skin product would benefit me. I was most impressed by how, when I asked her "Where are you from?" she responded with something like "If you stay I'll tell you after." Demanding my investment! Well done, girl.
Although not particularly attractive, she used body language to elicit a strong reaction. I was lucky I was prepared and knew what was going on from reading Girlschase; even though I was logically analytical, I felt the butterflies from nervousness rise up in my chest. Emotionally, I was not prepared to handle her at all. I stayed pretty quiet and just let her talk until she asked questions. Again not sure if that's the appropriate response.
Eventually I told her I wasn't interested, but I did say it was educational talking to her (though probably not in the way she thought). She let me off and I walked away wondering what James Bond or Chase would've done. I imagined they'd probably turn that entire interaction around and flip the power from her court to his, and turn it into a date or number. I hope to manage something cool like that in the future.
Now warmed up, I set off to try and find more women to approach. My first one came pretty fast. I saw her standing alone, leaning against the rail and staring at her phone. I said "Excuse me, I just saw you standing here and wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today."
She gave me a nonreactive stare. I got the impression that this was what people were thinking of when they said "bitch face." If my ego got socked before, it just got kicked in the balls now.
I stuttered out some words and excused myself as soon as possible, again with my tail in between my legs. That one hurt. However, I remembered what Chase said about not letting my emotions get in the way, so I tried to keep my nose to the grindstone and move on. It was a good thing too, because a couple minutes later I saw this cute girl sitting at a table by herself. My mental process was along the lines of "No- wait, shut up. Go, damnit, Go!"
She was far more receptive and warm than the nonreactive girl, and she was also way more attractive. Maybe more attractive women are more approachable? Anyways, I pussied out on the direct approach, so I asked her for directions to express. I salvaged it by telling her that she looked really cute today right after she gave me the directions, so I suppose that makes it an indirect direct.
Afterwards I felt like I fulfilled my criteria for the day, my legs were sore, and I was exhausted. I still felt like I wanted to keep going, which I guess was a good thing. I was satisfied enough that I was okay with leaving and going home.
Lessons Learned/Questions/Goals
How do I reach a hook and connect on an emotional level?
I have to change my response to thinking of approaching an attractive woman from "No" to "Go!"
Improve enunciation and increase volume of my voice.
Learn how to become more attractive.
Touch and investment are legit effective. A bit more advanced than I'm used to, but maybe I can try when I'm more comfortable with cold approach.
Intentionally letting your ego get beat up hurts like a bitch.
