Good thread here, fellas!
One thing I have realize with time is there are some very real, very different default personalities.
I know some people (men and women) who are just total hotheads. Cool people, high level people, very smart, but push their buttons and they lose their tempers QUICKLY and will shout at people over seeming trivialities sometimes. People like this also seem to cool down quick too, though.
I can tell you I'm an ice-cold guy for most things. Most situations where I feel my temper rising, I will catch it in time, and people may see the anger flash across my eyes, then subside and I'll lay it out for them in some deliberately over-calm way: "All right. Stop talking for a minute and listen closely. Because it's clear you're not understanding what I'm saying whatsoever. blah blah..."
Again, that is just personality. The only time I have yelled at people pretty much are 1.) women who pushed it
way too far with me (hot-tempered women who were going off and just would not stop with blaming and accusing and shouting and guilt-tripping) and 2.) men trying to fight me or rob me. Most arguments with women I never raise my voice in. Most confrontations I've been in with men I haven't raised my voice either. There's not a need to.
But I will say this: I've had times when I had a girlfriend just going off on me, for like 15 minutes, yelling, hurling all kind of verbal abuse, where I stayed centered, but slowly and progressively lost my cool, until I finally blew up and tore into her, ripped her a new asshole, dragged her name and arguments through the mud... and the response was that her anger completely disappeared, she started giggling happily, got unbelievably aroused, and wanted to shag for days after that. The conclusion for me was "Apparently that was just what she needed. And also apparently, she found that masculine enough it really turned her on."
It doesn't work if you're just always yelling.
However, if it is an occasional thing... where you are more than justified... and then you just go into it with righteous fury when you do... it can seem pretty attractive, yeah.
If you yell
too much though, you might want to take an anger management class. Or do some meditation.
As for billionaires and visionaries not losing their shit daily... again, personality types.
Read
Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. There you've got a guy who makes Draper look like a choir boy...
There are a lot of exposes out there on big CEOs ruling their companies like their private fifes. And a lot of people not being able to handle it. It's much more common in founders than it is in CEOs who came up through the bureaucracy, for obvious reasons (hotheads not being as good at climbing the corporate ladder).
Elon Musk gets into some stupid and ill-advised public spats. And I say this as a fan.
He also engages in some justified anger:
"We sent out a note to the team that this was badly designed, badly built, and badly checked."
futurism.com
No idea if that involves shouting.
Bill Gates I could believe stays cool as ice.
This is a guy whose growth strategy for Microsoft involved classic monopolistic buying out, pushing out, and undercutting strategies, and he was very conscious about it. I don't know if he's a psychopath or not... but his business strategy certainly was. Dispassionate, ruthless, calculating. If he is one, well, these are people who basically never lose their cool.
Not sure if I'd use him as a role model for masculinity either way.
I suggest anyone who's on here who's unsure to watch a little John Wayne.
Check out Wayne in
The Searchers (1956). One of his best films.
Wayne's entire persona was based around Wyatt Earp, whom he met in real life and studied. He credited his mannerisms, etc., adopted from Earp as being a key to his Hollywood success. He's a sort of archetypal male, based on a genuine male leader hardened in the fires of dealing with all sorts of messy, dangerous situations... as close as you get to a genuine old West gunslinger on the silver screen.
You will notice there are plenty of situations where Wayne stays stoic even in trying circumstances.
But there are also plenty of times he needs to yell, and it never seems out of place or unmanly when he does.
Quite the opposite.
So: yelling is fine, if used right, and if the situation calls for it enough. Many situations don't, not really... but some situations do.
In some situations it's almost mandatory.
Chase
www.girlschase.com
