Am I a player or just being played?

[DoWhatWorks]

Background

I've been casually seeing a girl from this bar-pull lay for over 12 months. IE Just going over each others houses.

She's 24, bad news and shared how she liked rotations of 3 guys, would change herself to make guys fall in love with her & how she wanted to be free post break up.

I found her attractive/fun so ignored all red flags lol and kept her around alongside my rotation of 2-3 other girls.

Noticing a shift in her behavior after I took her out for drinks a few weeks ago and I'm curious if my frame control is solid so she's falling, or she's just running game lol

Examples of behavior shifts:

"I just want to have fun" --> "I'm now open to a relationship and would want it to be my last"

Super closed of physically and never staying the night --> cuddly, touchy/feely and hinting at wanting to stay the night

"I refer my housemates to you as the guy who's good in bed" --> "My life coach would love you"

"I've fucked guys in club toilets" --> "I love leaving the club early and being home alone in my own space"

Can't lie it's stroking the ego but I know better then to take it at face value... To guys used to cluster B chicks, what do you think?

P.S Before anyone says it, there's no way I'd go mono with a girl like this

P.P.S Find this interesting as it's the longest time I've seen a girl & not had any drama, drop-off's or pushes for exclusivity...

 

[Warped Mindless]

You said it yourself, she’s a fucked up person you would never get serious with so… why care? Keep seeing her casually as long as she will put out and be careful about spending more time with her outside of sex or giving her any type of BF behavior.

She stops putting out just next her and fuck other women.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

You said it yourself, she’s a fucked up person you would never get serious with so… why care? Keep seeing her casually as long as she will put out and be careful about spending more time with her outside of sex or giving her any type of BF behavior.

She stops putting out just next her and fuck other women.

You're right. I shouldn't overthink it and just ride the fun wave for as long as it lasts

 

[DarkKnight]

Haha these crazy girls become intriguing arent they? I kind of understand why you want to solve the puzzle

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Haha these crazy girls become intriguing arent they? I kind of understand why you want to solve the puzzle

You get it lol

 

[Skills]

Background

I've been casually seeing a girl from this bar-pull lay for over 12 months. IE Just going over each others houses.

She's 24, bad news and shared how she liked rotations of 3 guys, would change herself to make guys fall in love with her & how she wanted to be free post break up.

I found her attractive/fun so ignored all red flags lol and kept her around alongside my rotation of 2-3 other girls.

Noticing a shift in her behavior after I took her out for drinks a few weeks ago and I'm curious if my frame control is solid so she's falling, or she's just running game lol

Examples of behavior shifts:

"I just want to have fun" --> "I'm now open to a relationship and would want it to be my last"

Super closed of physically and never staying the night --> cuddly, touchy/feely and hinting at wanting to stay the night

"I refer my housemates to you as the guy who's good in bed" --> "My life coach would love you"

"I've fucked guys in club toilets" --> "I love leaving the club early and being home alone in my own space"

Can't lie it's stroking the ego but I know better then to take it at face value... To guys used to cluster B chicks, what do you think?

P.S Before anyone says it, there's no way I'd go mono with a girl like this

P.P.S Find this interesting as it's the longest time I've seen a girl & not had any drama, drop-off's or pushes for exclusivity...

Yea this is normal she is falling in love and hinting exclusivity... as i said many times only red flag i would worry if you want to make her main is a past history of cheating in a mono.

 

[TomInHo]

Background

I've been casually seeing a girl from this bar-pull lay for over 12 months. IE Just going over each others houses.

She's 24, bad news and shared how she liked rotations of 3 guys, would change herself to make guys fall in love with her & how she wanted to be free post break up.

I found her attractive/fun so ignored all red flags lol and kept her around alongside my rotation of 2-3 other girls.

Noticing a shift in her behavior after I took her out for drinks a few weeks ago and I'm curious if my frame control is solid so she's falling, or she's just running game lol

Examples of behavior shifts:

"I just want to have fun" --> "I'm now open to a relationship and would want it to be my last"

Super closed of physically and never staying the night --> cuddly, touchy/feely and hinting at wanting to stay the night

"I refer my housemates to you as the guy who's good in bed" --> "My life coach would love you"

"I've fucked guys in club toilets" --> "I love leaving the club early and being home alone in my own space"

Can't lie it's stroking the ego but I know better then to take it at face value... To guys used to cluster B chicks, what do you think?

P.S Before anyone says it, there's no way I'd go mono with a girl like this

P.P.S Find this interesting as it's the longest time I've seen a girl & not had any drama, drop-off's or pushes for exclusivity...

Really depends on what you want. Just because she wants exclusivity doesn't mean you have to give it to her. A lot of girls will push for something more if you have been consistent and low drama long enough

But unlike @Skills I don't think history of cheating really means much. Because if she cheats you can just dump her, or she can dump you before she cheats. Really doesn't matter

The question should be why would you want her as a main and how would you like to run the relationship?

 

[Skills]

Really depends on what you want. Just because she wants exclusivity doesn't mean you have to give it to her. A lot of girls will push for something more if you have been consistent and low drama long enough

But unlike @Skills I don't think history of cheating really means much. Because if she cheats you can just dump her, or she can dump you before she cheats. Really doesn't matter

The question should be why would you want her as a main and how would you like to run the relationship

I agree with the above...history of cheating is important if you are trying to lower the odds or avoid a girl cheating on you during the relationship if you are going exclusive...

 

[POB]

You're right. I shouldn't overthink it and just ride the fun wave for as long as it lasts

Before answering what she wants, ask yourself what you want.
Young girls can switch very fast between "slut phase" to "relationship phase", and back to "slut phase" again.
Personally, I would never make any girl below 28 my main.
Before that age, that fast phase switch (which is very natural btw) can catch me off guard and really wreck me if I end up catching feelings for her.

 

[Viper]

Before answering what she wants, ask yourself what you want.
Young girls can switch very fast between "slut phase" to "relationship phase", and back to "slut phase" again.
Personally, I would never make any girl below 28 my main.
Before that age, that fast phase switch (which is very natural btw) can catch me off guard and really wreck me if I end up catching feelings for her.

Crazy insight brother slut phase and relationship phase,dots are connecting appreciate

 

[Chase]

@DoWhatWorks,

would change herself to make guys fall in love with her

Noticing a shift in her behavior after I took her out for drinks a few weeks ago and I'm curious if my frame control is solid so she's falling, or she's just running game lol

Examples of behavior shifts:

"I just want to have fun" --> "I'm now open to a relationship and would want it to be my last"

Super closed of physically and never staying the night --> cuddly, touchy/feely and hinting at wanting to stay the night

"I refer my housemates to you as the guy who's good in bed" --> "My life coach would love you"

"I've fucked guys in club toilets" --> "I love leaving the club early and being home alone in my own space"

Can't lie it's stroking the ego but I know better then to take it at face value... To guys used to cluster B chicks, what do you think?

My experience with girls like this is they will brag that they do this to guys, but don't seem to totally consciously control it.

Seems to go like this:

1. Girl is going around getting with a bunch of guys.
2. Girl gets a guy she likes and wants to keep around.
3. Girl catches feelings for the guy and starts changing to match what she thinks he wants / what will get him to commit.
4. Guy feels like he has tamed the wild stallion, feels really good for having gotten this un-gettable girl, falls for her.
5. The more the guy falls for her, the more bored she starts to get. She begins to fall out of love.
6. The dynamic flips to the guy increasingly chasing her as she pulls away, which accelerates her pulling away.
7. She starts banging other dudes again; the guy who's in love with her finds out; it totally wrecks him.
8. She dumps him in disgust at how needy and jealous he has become.
9. Girl is now going around with a bunch of guys again.
10. Girl gets a guy she likes and wants to keep around.
11. Cycle repeats until she gets old enough that things start to slow down a bit.

For the girls who do this, it is basically a case of wanting what they do not have.

Most of the guys they're seeing would like to see them more seriously. So they don't want those guys.

Then they get a solid guy who treats them purely as an FWB, and they start to really want him. Or they get a guy who does want an LTR but he's so much higher value than their usual guys that they want to explore that with him too.

Once they hook the guy and he is really into them, now they have him, and he's no longer the one they don't have. They start to look around for some other, more interesting guys they do not currently have.

Whether you can successful have an LTR with a girl like this and avoid falling into chasing her / her becoming bored with you depends a great deal on your lifestyle and frame, as well as what exactly you intend to do with her.

P.S Before anyone says it, there's no way I'd go mono with a girl like this

That's good! Just keep in mind that's what most of the dudes this chick gets to go mono with her say to themselves and their buddies.

Not saying that will be you. I have seen guys stick around with chicks like this a long time and not fall under their spells. I have also known buddies -- sometimes the guys you would least suspect -- fall prey to women they swore up and down they wouldn't date seriously.

The only thing I can say for sure is it's kind of impossible to predict which guy is going to successfully hold out against the temptress who wants to rope him in, and which guy will end up roped in. Basically a battle of wills... will he give in and give her the relationship she wants first, or will she give in and give up and break up with the guy, unable to get what she wants, first? Only time will tell.

P.P.S Find this interesting as it's the longest time I've seen a girl & not had any drama, drop-off's or pushes for exclusivity...

She enjoys men and enjoys her freedom.

Chicks like these are much less monogamously-inclined.

They can still catch feelings eventually though, especially if you pass the long-term smell test of, "Wow. He's REALLY not going to get needy about me or push for a relationship? This must be a REALLY on-the-level guy!"

Sometimes they will only gently push for monogamy though, and if they don't get the sense you want that with them will back off.

But then within a few weeks or months you will hear they have a new monogamous boyfriend.

Whether they cut ties with you or continue to see you on the side surreptitiously is more or less down to the girl, and how serious it gets with the new guy, as well as how fast...

Chase

 

[DoWhatWorks]

@DoWhatWorks,




My experience with girls like this is they will brag that they do this to guys, but don't seem to totally consciously control it.

Seems to go like this:

1. Girl is going around getting with a bunch of guys.
2. Girl gets a guy she likes and wants to keep around.
3. Girl catches feelings for the guy and starts changing to match what she thinks he wants / what will get him to commit.
4. Guy feels like he has tamed the wild stallion, feels really good for having gotten this un-gettable girl, falls for her.
5. The more the guy falls for her, the more bored she starts to get. She begins to fall out of love.
6. The dynamic flips to the guy increasingly chasing her as she pulls away, which accelerates her pulling away.
7. She starts banging other dudes again; the guy who's in love with her finds out; it totally wrecks him.
8. She dumps him in disgust at how needy and jealous he has become.
9. Girl is now going around with a bunch of guys again.
10. Girl gets a guy she likes and wants to keep around.
11. Cycle repeats until she gets old enough that things start to slow down a bit.

For the girls who do this, it is basically a case of wanting what they do not have.

Most of the guys they're seeing would like to see them more seriously. So they don't want those guys.

Then they get a solid guy who treats them purely as an FWB, and they start to really want him. Or they get a guy who does want an LTR but he's so much higher value than their usual guys that they want to explore that with him too.

Once they hook the guy and he is really into them, now they have him, and he's no longer the one they don't have. They start to look around for some other, more interesting guys they do not currently have.

Whether you can successful have an LTR with a girl like this and avoid falling into chasing her / her becoming bored with you depends a great deal on your lifestyle and frame, as well as what exactly you intend to do with her.



That's good! Just keep in mind that's what most of the dudes this chick gets to go mono with her say to themselves and their buddies.

Not saying that will be you. I have seen guys stick around with chicks like this a long time and not fall under their spells. I have also known buddies -- sometimes the guys you would least suspect -- fall prey to women they swore up and down they wouldn't date seriously.

The only thing I can say for sure is it's kind of impossible to predict which guy is going to successfully hold out against the temptress who wants to rope him in, and which guy will end up roped in. Basically a battle of wills... will he give in and give her the relationship she wants first, or will she give in and give up and break up with the guy, unable to get what she wants, first? Only time will tell.



She enjoys men and enjoys her freedom.

Chicks like these are much less monogamously-inclined.

They can still catch feelings eventually though, especially if you pass the long-term smell test of, "Wow. He's REALLY not going to get needy about me or push for a relationship? This must be a REALLY on-the-level guy!"

Sometimes they will only gently push for monogamy though, and if they don't get the sense you want that with them will back off.

But then within a few weeks or months you will hear they have a new monogamous boyfriend.

Whether they cut ties with you or continue to see you on the side surreptitiously is more or less down to the girl, and how serious it gets with the new guy, as well as how fast...

Chase

Thanks Chase, you best answered the question I poorly asked which was… What’s the different end-result(s) for a girl like this?

I’m big on learning from other people’s experiences/mistakes whenever I can.

In case anyone’s wondering she’ll be staying in firm FB territory though I suspect she’ll drop off in the next 6 months.

I trust myself to not get carried away as there’s another girl in my rotation I like more lol.

Not in a rush so we’ll see.

@POB excellent point on main’s being at least 28. I’m 27 and although I date girls across all age groups I’m finding myself being most attracted to 24-28. Just find they have the best balance of maturity & attractiveness.