Am I the Rebound Guy?

[Jeet02]

Now the title of this topic might be kinda mis leading, because this particular situation isn't really about ME but a friend of mine. And no, I am not using the old "I know a guy that..." technique to cover my own tracks. No real need to do that, it is really a friend of mine haha.

Ok with that said, he is in a weird situation. He has been going out with this girl for like a month now, but kinda more officially for a week and a half or so now. In the sense that they have been open about it and they have made out and stuff. Now, the other day the girl said to him that it is great and awesome when they are together, but when they aren't she thinks about her ex. This is a guy (the ex) she broke up around 5 or 6 months ago.

My friend is confused and doesnt really know what to do. Is he the rebound guy? What can he do to get out of a rebound situation and become the actual guy she wants to be with? Any kind of insight/help would be appreciated!

Thanks,
Jeet

 

[Franco]

Hey Jeet,

He has been going out with this girl for like a month now, but kinda more officially for a week and a half or so now. In the sense that they have been open about it and they have made out and stuff.

So I guess my first question is: have they had sex? Or is making out as far as he's made it?

Now, the other day the girl said to him that it is great and awesome when they are together, but when they aren't she thinks about her ex.

That's definitely an odd thing for a girl to bring something up like that directly. It could be her way of trying to put the brakes on anything happening between them (in case she really does want to get back with her boyfriend, or if she just doesn't feel romantically interested in him). But, it could also be seen as her opening up to him, which might be a green light for your friend to make a move if he hasn't.

I'm not too familiar with this situation, but answering my initial question might help.

- Franco

 

[Jeet02]

Hey Franco,

Making out is as far as he has made it. Apparently she is a virgin...

-Jeet

 

[Anonymous]

Hey Franco,

Making out is as far as he has made it. Apparently she is a virgin...

-Jeet

well first order of business is to go all the way, haha. If she is making out with the guy, openly, then I see no other point to what she was saying.

 

[Franco]

Making out is as far as he has made it. Apparently she is a virgin...

Well, if he hasn't pushed for anything farther than making out at this point, then he might have slotted himself into potential boyfriend territory. If that is the case, then getting further is probably going to become an extremely uphill battle. The problem with this also is that, if he tries to push for sex now, she might think that he was just being manipulative to get into her pants. It's a sticky situation, but his best bet would probably be to just push for physical escalation, and if it doesn't happen, to move on. You don't want to have to end up directing him to the "Can't Stop Thinking About Her" article!

If he has tried escalating and she's only been very mildly resistant, it might be time for some PYCO! Check out another topic here that might help you out:

Virgins-any special thoughts?

- Franco

 

[Jeet02]

So you guys would say that the next step to follow would be to close the deal? Nothing else he should really mention/talk about?

Is there even the possibility of him getting out of the "rebound" position he is in? I am guessing her being a virgin, him sleeping with her would probably do that, but what if she still wants to hold back a little longer...any possible thing he could do to be THE guy and not the rebound?

Thanks for all the comments and feedback!

-Jeet

 

[Franco]

but what if she still wants to hold back a little longer...any possible thing he could do to be THE guy and not the rebound?

I think you know the deal here, Jeet.

The longer he waits to make a move, the less certainty there is of anything actually happening between them. That's not to say that things can't progress forward... and sometimes you will get extra time with virgins, but the longer he waits to make a move is just added opportunities for life to intervene and prevent it from ever happening (i.e. she decides your friend isn't giving her the experience she feels emotionally drawn to and ends up getting back together with her ex-boyfriend).

Also, the longer your friend waits, the more attached he will become and the greater the chance that you'll have to eventually redirect him to this article: Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls.

Best of luck to him!

- Franco

 

[Jeet02]

Yeah Franco. I agree 100% man. And trust me
i have told him quite a few times. I am surprisedhe is even with her because it probably took him like two weeks to really make out with her. So maybe she is the 0.000001% thats different? I don't know. But he knows he needs to escalate things and soon...we will see how it goes. The good thing he has going for him is that the ex is not near them at all, he is in another state now so...thats good. But yeah!

Thanks as always man!

-Jeet