American Humor

[Estate]

Hey guys,

So I have a question about humor obviously...

So I'm an Irish guy, living in the US. As much as other guys like to say "You're accent must get you all the girls", I find it a major hindrance in talking to anyone. Since moving here I've adapted how I talk majorly in work and interacting with people just so I can be understood more easily. I had to talk slower, pronounce my words more, learn "American English" and drop all Irish-isms in my speech.

But one thing that stands out is still my humor (humour). While I'm not a guy who acts the class clown, the Irish way of interacting revolves around "taking the piss" a lot. When someone says something, it's just normal that someone else will make a witty observation or comeback, usually it's fairly dry or sarcastic, not meant to be taken seriously. But I find very few people here "get it" when I make jokes. They seem to think I'm being deadly serious unless I explain I am joking around. Usually because the humor is without a (drumroll) punchline or is said with a straight face.

Where I'm from, this is something which is desirable. In social situations people with a quick wit usually handle themselves well since you need to be able to banter well.
But it's different here... I've had "Bro's" come into our group in bars making leprechaun jokes at us and our usual response is to give them some long winded answer telling them ridiculous stories about the time we went drinking with a leprechaun. Back home people would just laugh because the story is so ridiculous, people understand it is a joke... but I've had these real tough ass guys who came in to make fun of the "Paddy's" stand there with a look of disbelief at our stories and looking at us saying "Really?!?!" because it's like after a long story taking the piss out of the subject, they actually can't believe we'd have such a long story WITHOUT it being true.

But I've noticed I've toned it down a lot. It struck me last night when I was chatting to a girl... I had to stop several times to let her know some things I said were just banter and not serious. Once she knew I was joking she saw the funny side and was digging it but it's annoying to have to let someone know it was a joke so they don't actually take offense.
Often it's useful to throw in some sexual or playful banter. Like last week... a girl was talking to me about something weird and I gave her a sort of "Hey, whatever turns you on" sort of responce which she actually liked.

There are some VERY successful irish comedians Tommy Tiernan, Dara O'Brien, even Des Bishop (who was actually raised in New York) but they have all completely bombed when they tried to come to the US. The style of humor is different. When I see shows of guys like Jerry Seinfeld and Zac Galafinakis and these type of guys, they tell lots of one liners, obvious punchlines, etc... whereas Irish comedians rarely build up to a punchline, they tell long stories mixed with lots of funny observations about things which have you rolling in your seats the whole time, yet in the States people didn't "get" them as they kept waiting for a punchline which never comes...

It's sort of like that. I'm not acting like the entertainer or clown, it's just my personality... but I feel it might be hurting me.

Do guys here have any opinions or advice on being a little more congruent? I think throwing out the quick wit or slight sarcasm from my dialog changes me a lot. It puts me back to very standard boring conversation.
Is there a way I need to deliver jokes or should I drop it completely?
How do I understand a more American style humor that I can transition to.

It's funny... I'm an Irish guy in Boston... in theory, everyone says I shouldn't even NEED much game. But in truth I feel it hurts. People who've lived here their entire lives and never left just are not very open to there being a world outside of here. Girls are sometimes cool to tell their friends they hooked up with an Irish guy but ultimately they want to end up with the Bro with the backward baseball cap. I'm finding it frustrating.

Most of my friends are all in relationships but have settled for pretty below average girls and this just isn't me, hence when I'm still single and here

 

[Estate]

I'm trying to think of a specific example but it might be something like this:

Ireland:
Her: "I'm getting my haircut today"
Me: "Oh really? Mohawk? How will I recognize you next time?"
Her: "Oh yeah totally, I'm getting it spiked and dyed pink too, you'll see me from miles away"
Me: "Blah blah... banter"

Here:
Her: "I'm getting my haircut today"
Me: "Oh really? Mohawk? How will I recognize you next time?"
Her: "What? Why would I do that? That's just weird."
Me: "...?"

 

[Tyme2k]

So, you have found 'Merica. My thoughts, don't change it, it's nice to hear people with wit like you have, it's definitely rare in this country. I think your job now is to screen girls and find ones that get it. Your example was awesome and I do this in everyone of my sets. If they are too slow or dumb to get it I tease them for that or eject the set.

Keep it locally understandable, don't use any specific Irish euphamisms. These might confuse someone that's never heard them before.

I personally enjoy witty humor over any type, it's natural fluid and takes skill. Youre embedded with this skill and now you just need to make it more versatile, and translated. This will make your wit ultimately powerful.

In my belief talking about bullshit, and witty banter are what pickup is all about. I've never pulled a girl with boring shit, interview etc. but when I talk about literally NOTHING is when I get them intrigued and pull.

Last thing I want to add, maybe try assuming they get it and don't explain yourself. Keep it understandable to Americans, but don't explain it. It sort of comes off apologetic for being who you are. If you stay completely congruent and stone icy unreactive in your delivery this will boost attraction. For example if all your fundamentals are tight, your body language, eye contact, tone and vibe are on, you can literally go up to a girl and say "purple elaphants swimming in a sea of sand making popcorn." She will sense your vibe and that you know what you said. It doesn't make sense but it doesn't matter, attraction boost.

I hope this makes sense..
Don't change you embrace it and make it even more powerful.

 

[Estate]

Well... I know what you mean about not changing who I am and not apologizing for what I say. In theory that makes sense.

But the reality is that I've changed my speech a lot over the last 2 years. It was out of necessity rather than being apologietic. Even in work meetings I could strart rambling about something and people being very PC, would not stop me and ask what was I saying, but they'd just stare blankly.
If I was in a 7-11 and asked the guy at the counter for something, he's stare blankly...
It I was talking to a girl, she'd be lost, she literally wouldn't understand me.

So the thing about the humor is this... while I'm not into insulting or putting anyone down, there is a little sarcastic element of that in how we talk to friends.
I'm not really explaining it apologetically, I'm explaining it was a joke because the girls just don't get it. I get that blank stare... or worse, they genuinely might think I'm being weird or insulting.

While screening is important... I don't see the point in passing up and otherwise cool girl because she hasn't quite got my humor yet, it I did that, I'd pass on 99% of women.
The thing is, even though I'm not new here, I'm a foreign guy in THEIR country. The worst thing I think you can do when in a new country (not talking just about pickup) is to strongly force your own ways on others... It's on me to integrate into society here, not the other way around. And I've seen many who've tried to hold on to their own culture with an absolute refusal to integrate with the culture they are now in and it ends very very badly for them.

I think really maybe it comes down to body language, facial expressions or maybe tonality.
I find that if I keep a straight face and literally say ANYTHING that people won't question it, whereas my highschool friends would immediately call BS if I did the same.
But if I somehow make it KNOWN that I am kidding, they get it.

I just feel like I need to calibrate myself a little.

 

[PinotNoir]

Strong wit is fantastic.

I think there could be a couple of things hurting you. Since you have an Irish accent and using Irish wit, it's taking them too far out of auto-pilot. They're so not used to both that it's making them like "deers in front of headlights."

Americans do enjoy sarcasm and wit, but it's rare to use it so soon. Especially in a place like New York or California, it's a huge melting pot of people. Everyone is so different, not knowing exactly what to expect. Therefore, you have to ease it into the conversation naturally, and you have to gauge the listener. Try one comment. If she gets it, then keep going. If not, talk about something else and keep edging it a little bit in there.

I can't think of a good example right now, but maybe the classic american "that's what she said" comment. It'll get a smile or a chuckle here, but I bet in another country people would just be completely confused. If an american guy liked to use that a lot, he'd have to adjust it to a different way or just use the comedy where he lives. Since I'm on the inside looking in, it's hard for me to give specific examples and suggestions for "american humor." For this, just pay close attention to american guys talking with guys and girls. See what gets laughs and why and try to mirror it.

2 suggestions:

1.) Try other venues. At a club, wit has never worked for me. At a bar, it's worked okay -- IF the girl likes beer (or something less mainstream for women). I don't know why that's a correlation, but it is. If she likes appletinis/etc., don't use the wit. At bookstores and for general day game, sarcastic wit works wonders from my past experiences. For night, try different bars/lounges than you usually go to; this may just be the key: different women. Also try day game, and you may just shine.

2.) If #1 isn't working, then tone it down. You already got the super sexy Irish accent. When you throw the sarcasm in there, even though it's not like "clown humor," it still makes you a little less sexy when you already coming in super sexy. Imagine James Bond coming in sexy: great voice, great suit. Then he opens with "you're getting a mohawk haircut today?" He's already coming in super hot, and this just made it colder. Focus on sexy talk. And if you use sarcastic wit, make it sexual with flirting and innuendo.

 

[Estate]

Thanks guys, as usual.

I'll take all the advice on board. I just need to calibrate it a little more.

 

[The Tool]

Here in America we are blunt. People love short "smart ass comments" so if someone calls you a lepracon instead of telling a long story say something like "Hop on my rainbow" or "my gold isnt for you" or if a girl tells you that say "Theres nothing small about this lepracon". said with a wink and a sexy smile.

American humor is very easy to get. Watch American Comedy like Dave Chappelle, Jim gaffigan, and Chris Rock. Excellent examples

 

[Estate]

It's weird, I actually find the opposite.

We tend to be VERY blunt with people... like tell them exactly what we think good or bad becaus people aren't easily offended.

I think a good example is a comparison to British humor. Remember when Ricky Gervais and Russell Brand broke into the US and hosted their first awards show.
People back home thought it was absolutely hilarious... they just totally ripped the piss out of everyone without a care in the world... but they totally bombed with the US audience, since they didn't really understand the humour yet.

Think of Gervais... he's never told a joke in his life but he's one of the most successful comedians out there. He will just say anything to anyone at any time with a straight face, same with Brand...

The sort of comebacks you used below are good examples of how I might respond but unless I have a drumroll sounds and a sign over my head saying "This is a joke!", people don't get it.
I just need to work on my delivery... I find it obnoxious when people laugh at their own jokes so I don't tend to deliver it with a really obvious THIS IS A JOKE, LOOK AT ME LAUGHING AT MYSELF sort of look...
... I'm used to just delivering a quick comeback and the other person play off it straight away.