So let's start with my first FR.
I opened this girls in a library, she had her hands full of books and was looking for another one.
I looked at the same book shelf next to her, and opened:
Excuse me, you seem to know literature well, do you have a book to recommend me? I am looking for an interesting book.
The interaction went extremely well, the girl clearly liked it a lot. After 4 minutes I asked for her name.
Her: I didn't know that we could meet people at the bookstore
Me: Me neither
Her: Do you live in this district?
Me: No not at all, I came to this store with a friend and... and that's it... I saw you with your hands full of books, and you looked nice"
After 5 minutes I propose to take a coffea at another time. She enthusiastically accepts.
This interaction was almost perfect. It was during a coaching session and therefore my coach listened to the interaction. He debriefed me "if you put this interaction on Youtube and say you are a coach, everybody would believe it". This was one of my best interaction ever. I was 100% sure that she woud show up for a date.
--------------------
The date is set up 3 days later, a Saturday at 19h00.
She arrives on time, she seems a bit stressed. We meet 2 minutes away from the bar where I bring her.
We ordered a glass of wine. Quickly we understood that we come from the same part our country, which add to the connection. She asked me many questions about me. We talk about books and our respective occupations.
At the end of the first glass of wine I propose to cook us something at my place, she refused.
This created akwardness, an embarassing silence and hurt the vibe. I proposed to take another glass of wine, she told me "as you wish". I thought the date was pretty much over at this stage, but I managed to recreate complicity and a good vibe with this second drink. We talk about books, history and politics, I know this is not recommended to talk about politics during seduction, but I understood that we add compatible views and she was keen to talk about that. During this second glass of wine, she proposed me to go to a museum because it was a special day and museum were free this night.
She teased me "I will tell you something once we left the bar". She insisted to split the bill and we left.
As soon as we were in the street, she told me that she was the former mistress of someone very famous in our country (a political and controversial figure), let's call him "Mister X". I think the previous political discussion and the understanding that I will not judge her negatively because of his controversial political nature made her comfortable telling me that.
During the walk to the museum the conversation become very sexualised. I ask her detail about Mister X, because well it was such an amazing news and I was really curious about their relationship and wanted some crisp details. She also asked me about sex, if I had any sexual deviance...
At the museum she took the selfie in a mirror of both us standing straight side by side. She send me the picture after the date. By looking at that picture, I saw that I was slightly leaning towards her while she was standing straight. So I think at that point my body language projected neediness, and in my head I was probably "too happy to be with her".
I think I became needy because the fact that she was the mistress of someone famous increased her value in my eyes but also because I put to much pressure on myself to have a result with this girl who seemed to like me so much.
At the end of our visit, I tried to kiss her in the garden of the museum because the garden was beautiful, so I was thinking this is a romantic setting. She refused because there were too much people around. She took my hand instead, and we were walking while holding hands. I was a bit embarassed because I thought hands holding during walk is too much, I wasn't even doing that when with my ex girlfriend. I think I should have proposed her to hold my arm instead but I just followed her lead because I was thinking about the failed kiss close and was thinking this was rather good: "we are touching each other", "she see my as a pontential boyfriend".
Then after walking about in the street I told her "well, we need to find somewhere where there is not much people", she anwsered "no need to be too extreme about that". And I kissed her while holding her by the waist. We made out, I think it's her who used the tongue first.
Then we walk aimlessly in the street. I asked her if she want to come at my place drinking wine (so this was my second pull attempt). She told me no.
I was a bit disapointed because I thought the date was going well. I told her in a tone that wanted to be humourous: "I am sure you weren't so diffcult with Mister X"
She answered: "How do you know? with him too I was complicated". And she didn't seem to be offended by my sentence at that time.
Then I asked about her holidays, she told me she was leaving on Wednesday. And one week later I was leaving for one month. So the logistics situation was even worse than I had anticipated.
Me: Well it's better to see us this Monday or Tuesday before we both go in holidays, don't you think so? I could cook us something at my place
Her: You live far
Me : Well then invite me to see your library (we talk about her librabry during the initial interaction)
She: Yes but I don't cook
Me: We will order something
She didn't really answered something. I think I was too much pushy here, because of a mix of the holidays situation, neediness, and a wrong sense of entilment.
We keep walking at some point she talk me about the approach:
Her: Do you do that often? Did you approach other women that day?
Me: No I don't approach often, only when I see is a girl that I like, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes less well, but with you it went particularly well (I think my answer was really bad, I was trying to explain things logically)
Her: It's funny, you are a bit shy... but I like it
When she said "but I like it" she threw herself at me and we made out very sexually. While making out I hold with one hand the back of her head, I think quite dominantly, it lasts maybe 30 seconds.
Then we went downstairs within the subway station, we had our masks on.
Before we part ways, she said "it was a good first date". And I try to do something silly, because I was still in the euphoria of the last make out, I wanted to kiss her goodbye with our masks on.
She didn't comply and said: "I find this lame with the mask", which sucks because it was pretty much the last thing we said before we part ways. So it ended on a bad note. The whole date lasts around 3 hours.
-------------------
The next day I proposed to do a second date at a pizza restaurant (because I understood she didn't want to set it up at one of our place).
She anwsered me:
It was nice but I didn't like your "I am sure you weren't so complicated with Mister X". I found it super degrading and it cooled me down
I don't feel like having pizza or going any further with you. But I still had a good evening and I wish you a good continuation.
I answered : It wasn't my intention and I don't remember saying it that way. I had a good evening too, I wish you many good things.
Then after 30 minutes she said "We can see us again but 1) don't be so needy 2) after the holidays"
I answered "ok we will talk about it another time, good holidays"
Then I ping her one week later and, 4 days later, she answered the bare minimum.
And now, a few weeks later, I see that she blocked me.
-------------------
So that's it. I think my main mistakes were:
- tried to pull to soon after the first drink
- too needy, wrong sense of entiltment. I should learn to show my desire without sounding needy, but it's easier said than done.
- she also felt that I was "shy", which sucks. But I have no idea how to fix that because it's hard to decide to be "more confident"
Keep in my mind that many of my previous dates went nowhere because the conversation was too boring and not man to woman. So even if I came accross as too needy, the fact that that there were several kisses during the date is a form of progress for me.
Any feedback is appreciated.
I opened this girls in a library, she had her hands full of books and was looking for another one.
I looked at the same book shelf next to her, and opened:
Excuse me, you seem to know literature well, do you have a book to recommend me? I am looking for an interesting book.
The interaction went extremely well, the girl clearly liked it a lot. After 4 minutes I asked for her name.
Her: I didn't know that we could meet people at the bookstore
Me: Me neither
Her: Do you live in this district?
Me: No not at all, I came to this store with a friend and... and that's it... I saw you with your hands full of books, and you looked nice"
After 5 minutes I propose to take a coffea at another time. She enthusiastically accepts.
This interaction was almost perfect. It was during a coaching session and therefore my coach listened to the interaction. He debriefed me "if you put this interaction on Youtube and say you are a coach, everybody would believe it". This was one of my best interaction ever. I was 100% sure that she woud show up for a date.
--------------------
The date is set up 3 days later, a Saturday at 19h00.
She arrives on time, she seems a bit stressed. We meet 2 minutes away from the bar where I bring her.
We ordered a glass of wine. Quickly we understood that we come from the same part our country, which add to the connection. She asked me many questions about me. We talk about books and our respective occupations.
At the end of the first glass of wine I propose to cook us something at my place, she refused.
This created akwardness, an embarassing silence and hurt the vibe. I proposed to take another glass of wine, she told me "as you wish". I thought the date was pretty much over at this stage, but I managed to recreate complicity and a good vibe with this second drink. We talk about books, history and politics, I know this is not recommended to talk about politics during seduction, but I understood that we add compatible views and she was keen to talk about that. During this second glass of wine, she proposed me to go to a museum because it was a special day and museum were free this night.
She teased me "I will tell you something once we left the bar". She insisted to split the bill and we left.
As soon as we were in the street, she told me that she was the former mistress of someone very famous in our country (a political and controversial figure), let's call him "Mister X". I think the previous political discussion and the understanding that I will not judge her negatively because of his controversial political nature made her comfortable telling me that.
During the walk to the museum the conversation become very sexualised. I ask her detail about Mister X, because well it was such an amazing news and I was really curious about their relationship and wanted some crisp details. She also asked me about sex, if I had any sexual deviance...
At the museum she took the selfie in a mirror of both us standing straight side by side. She send me the picture after the date. By looking at that picture, I saw that I was slightly leaning towards her while she was standing straight. So I think at that point my body language projected neediness, and in my head I was probably "too happy to be with her".
I think I became needy because the fact that she was the mistress of someone famous increased her value in my eyes but also because I put to much pressure on myself to have a result with this girl who seemed to like me so much.
At the end of our visit, I tried to kiss her in the garden of the museum because the garden was beautiful, so I was thinking this is a romantic setting. She refused because there were too much people around. She took my hand instead, and we were walking while holding hands. I was a bit embarassed because I thought hands holding during walk is too much, I wasn't even doing that when with my ex girlfriend. I think I should have proposed her to hold my arm instead but I just followed her lead because I was thinking about the failed kiss close and was thinking this was rather good: "we are touching each other", "she see my as a pontential boyfriend".
Then after walking about in the street I told her "well, we need to find somewhere where there is not much people", she anwsered "no need to be too extreme about that". And I kissed her while holding her by the waist. We made out, I think it's her who used the tongue first.
Then we walk aimlessly in the street. I asked her if she want to come at my place drinking wine (so this was my second pull attempt). She told me no.
I was a bit disapointed because I thought the date was going well. I told her in a tone that wanted to be humourous: "I am sure you weren't so diffcult with Mister X"
She answered: "How do you know? with him too I was complicated". And she didn't seem to be offended by my sentence at that time.
Then I asked about her holidays, she told me she was leaving on Wednesday. And one week later I was leaving for one month. So the logistics situation was even worse than I had anticipated.
Me: Well it's better to see us this Monday or Tuesday before we both go in holidays, don't you think so? I could cook us something at my place
Her: You live far
Me : Well then invite me to see your library (we talk about her librabry during the initial interaction)
She: Yes but I don't cook
Me: We will order something
She didn't really answered something. I think I was too much pushy here, because of a mix of the holidays situation, neediness, and a wrong sense of entilment.
We keep walking at some point she talk me about the approach:
Her: Do you do that often? Did you approach other women that day?
Me: No I don't approach often, only when I see is a girl that I like, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes less well, but with you it went particularly well (I think my answer was really bad, I was trying to explain things logically)
Her: It's funny, you are a bit shy... but I like it
When she said "but I like it" she threw herself at me and we made out very sexually. While making out I hold with one hand the back of her head, I think quite dominantly, it lasts maybe 30 seconds.
Then we went downstairs within the subway station, we had our masks on.
Before we part ways, she said "it was a good first date". And I try to do something silly, because I was still in the euphoria of the last make out, I wanted to kiss her goodbye with our masks on.
She didn't comply and said: "I find this lame with the mask", which sucks because it was pretty much the last thing we said before we part ways. So it ended on a bad note. The whole date lasts around 3 hours.
-------------------
The next day I proposed to do a second date at a pizza restaurant (because I understood she didn't want to set it up at one of our place).
She anwsered me:
It was nice but I didn't like your "I am sure you weren't so complicated with Mister X". I found it super degrading and it cooled me down
I don't feel like having pizza or going any further with you. But I still had a good evening and I wish you a good continuation.
I answered : It wasn't my intention and I don't remember saying it that way. I had a good evening too, I wish you many good things.
Then after 30 minutes she said "We can see us again but 1) don't be so needy 2) after the holidays"
I answered "ok we will talk about it another time, good holidays"
Then I ping her one week later and, 4 days later, she answered the bare minimum.
And now, a few weeks later, I see that she blocked me.
-------------------
So that's it. I think my main mistakes were:
- tried to pull to soon after the first drink
- too needy, wrong sense of entiltment. I should learn to show my desire without sounding needy, but it's easier said than done.
- she also felt that I was "shy", which sucks. But I have no idea how to fix that because it's hard to decide to be "more confident"
Keep in my mind that many of my previous dates went nowhere because the conversation was too boring and not man to woman. So even if I came accross as too needy, the fact that that there were several kisses during the date is a form of progress for me.
Any feedback is appreciated.
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I had to get many gut punches before I realised on an emotional level that being needy doesn't work to get you laid at all. Next time you meet some girl and your emotional self urges you to be needy, take a step back and remember this experience. Works every time for me.