An Intermediate's Desperate Need For Clarity

Jeff · Nov 13, 2022

To Chase, Alek, Hector, and all the other pros here -

Greetings from India,

I've been hitting the field for close to 3 years now and these are my results -

32 lays (mostly from apps and daygame, 1 lay from night game)

62 makeouts (again most from apps, day game and a handful from night game)

Night game is still a major weakness because I haven't done much.

Working on it these days.

But, I've had some success from day game, racking up a few same day lays as well.

However, I've had one dry spell after another this year and I'm highly discouraged.

I'd say I'm nailing one chick per month on average. However, I haven't gotten laid since August end/Sept beginning.

Had 5-6 makeouts (all ending with LMR/blue balls) and I'm struggling to get laid big time.

Also, I'm not getting the ones I want.

I hook, flirt, get their numbers, instant dates and dates sometimes but I don't go beyond that.

Most of the time they already have someone.

It's come to a point where I don't want to open the hotter ones because I'm tired of hearing "I have a boyfriend" etc.

And these boyfriends are rather ordinary. I can't help but think "what do these guys have that I don't?"

There's a lot of talk about how you don't have to be perfect to get these girls but that doesn't feel real to me.

Repeated instances have basically made me believe I have to be a god to get these chicks.

A little bit about me (for context):

1. I'm skinny (yes I've started working out. Lot of work to be done here for sure)

I'm 5 ft 9, 71kg.

2. Eye contact and voice are quite solid. In fact, I've had girls tell me they love my voice.

3. I have long hair.

4. Generally wear - black/white/red/green/blue slim fit tshirts (or shirts) and black/blue skinny fit jeans with Nike AF1 or Zara black boots.

And a black leather jacket.

5. I'm working as a freelance writer and I play guitar and write for a heavy metal band.

6. Hook point is generally not a problem for me here in India.

But I went to Lisbon recently and got destroyed. Barely hooked.

Meaning, I was barely able to stop them. They'd acknowledge, be polite and keep walking.

Couldn't get most of them to stop.

The ones I did stop, I got to a social hook point and no further.

However, I still managed to make out with a Romanian girl from night time street game, a couple of instant dates, a Day 2 and 25 numbers/Instagrams that didn't go anywhere from ~ 300 approaches on one week.

Overall, I'm burnt out, highly frustrated demotivated, not sure if I'll ever get better.

This entire year has been damn slow, although I managed to rack up -

23 makeouts
10 lays

This year.

On an inner game level, it feels like what I have to offer is simply not good enough for a quality girl.

Somehow every cute or hot girl I talk to is always taken.

Logically, I remind myself that most people can't do what I'm doing.

But it still feels like they all have something I don't despite the fact that I put in time into learning game and they haven't.

I don't mean to complain, but I've lost faith in my game and haven't been this lost since I first started.

I understand that my fundamentals aren't where I want them to be, especially my physique.

However, I'd love to know what I can do TODAY to improve my quality and consistency, and in the long run as well.

Thanks in advance.

~Aashish

Chase · Nov 15, 2022

Aashish-

You’re at a common point in your progression, don’t worry. Every guy who makes it to the level you’re at goes through stretches like this.

Your game is at the point where you are getting quantity, though sporadically, yet still really struggling with quality. You actually have two hurdles, which look different, but are related:

Start getting quantity consistently (i.e., more lays without the dry spells)
Start getting quality (i.e., hotter/more desirable girls)

There are different things you can try to get off the plateau and start things moving again. But generally when you have hit a plateau where you’re getting some results, but not your ideal results, and it feels like progress has stalled, the way off is making a big adjustment somewhere in your game you have been overlooking.

I can tell you for me a few of the things that got me past different plateaus I hit at the intermediate level:

One was resolving to work on being very sexy, which took me on a 9-month tour of really working hard on everything about my appearance and interaction style. I even went so far as to adopt the look/fashion of the types of guys I considered “sexy douchebags” that girls seemed to dig so much… I really disliked these guys’ style… but as soon as I adopted it, surprise, women started treating me like a sexy douchebag too. Sexualizing my conversations more and using more touch sooner into interactions and escalating it faster was a part of this for me too
Another was giving myself missions where I wasn’t allowed to call it quits approaching girls until I’d either pulled a girl home or found a girl I really hit it off with and grabbed a contact from with strong indications we’d have a follow-up. Doing that forced me to get a lot more efficient with my approaching and not waste a lot of time walking around twiddling my thumbs, and instead pay close attention to signs women were open to meeting someone or checking me out in particular and going in quick for the kill (then moving on quickly if the girl was not compliant enough and didn’t seem likely to budge)
A third that was partly in service to the earlier two (being sexier + pulling/closing consistently) was getting very good at building up social momentum very quickly. Both for social proof/preselection in social venues and for the fluid, decisive loquaciousness that comes from good momentum and is present even if she didn’t see you being proofed

Once you can get off the plateau, you will find you start getting more quantity more consistently, and that woven into the mix are increasingly hot girls.

Keep going and the quantity and girl caliber will both go up.

It takes time, and it does take some grinding, but it’s not just grinding — it is also identifying where exactly you are stumbling, and strategizing around that to fix the holes in your game and get off the plateau.

You’ll get there! Just have to add a little “smart work” in with all that hard work you’re doing

Chase

Jeff · Nov 15, 2022

Chase said:
Aashish-

You’re at a common point in your progression, don’t worry. Every guy who makes it to the level you’re at goes through stretches like this.

Your game is at the point where you are getting quantity, though sporadically, yet still really struggling with quality. You actually have two hurdles, which look different, but are related:

Start getting quantity consistently (i.e., more lays without the dry spells)

Start getting quality (i.e., hotter/more desirable girls)

There are different things you can try to get off the plateau and start things moving again. But generally when you have hit a plateau where you’re getting some results, but not your ideal results, and it feels like progress has stalled, the way off is making a big adjustment somewhere in your game you have been overlooking.

I can tell you for me a few of the things that got me past different plateaus I hit at the intermediate level:

One was resolving to work on being very sexy, which took me on a 9-month tour of really working hard on everything about my appearance and interaction style. I even went so far as to adopt the look/fashion of the types of guys I considered “sexy douchebags” that girls seemed to dig so much… I really disliked these guys’ style… but as soon as I adopted it, surprise, women started treating me like a sexy douchebag too. Sexualizing my conversations more and using more touch sooner into interactions and escalating it faster was a part of this for me too

Another was giving myself missions where I wasn’t allowed to call it quits approaching girls until I’d either pulled a girl home or found a girl I really hit it off with and grabbed a contact from with strong indications we’d have a follow-up. Doing that forced me to get a lot more efficient with my approaching and not waste a lot of time walking around twiddling my thumbs, and instead pay close attention to signs women were open to meeting someone or checking me out in particular and going in quick for the kill (then moving on quickly if the girl was not compliant enough and didn’t seem likely to budge)

A third that was partly in service to the earlier two (being sexier + pulling/closing consistently) was getting very good at building up social momentum very quickly. Both for social proof/preselection in social venues and for the fluid, decisive loquaciousness that comes from good momentum and is present even if she didn’t see you being proofed

Once you can get off the plateau, you will find you start getting more quantity more consistently, and that woven into the mix are increasingly hot girls.

Keep going and the quantity and girl caliber will both go up.

It takes time, and it does take some grinding, but it’s not just grinding — it is also identifying where exactly you are stumbling, and strategizing around that to fix the holes in your game and get off the plateau.

You’ll get there! Just have to add a little “smart work” in with all that hard work you’re doing

Chase

Hey @Chase ,

Thanks a bunch for the reply. I'll put everything you've mentioned into practice. It's an honour to hear back from you.

P.S: One Date and the two modules of TDA I've picked up are awesome

~Aashish

ElderPrice · Nov 15, 2022

@Chase - Do you have an example of this "sexy douchebag" look? Like an IG or website to follow?

DoWhatWorks · Nov 15, 2022

Adding my 2 cents that’s more tactical.

You’re burnt out (which is normal) after your effort. Add systems in place to make your results IE consistent sex easier to achieve.

Jeff said:
I'm working as a freelance writer and I play guitar and write for a heavy metal band.

Target your approaches more for girls who look like they’d be into metal. You’ll be able to go for more attractive options as chemistry & someone who “gets it” goes a long way for women.

You’ll know better than me how to find them as it’s not my niche. Maybe specific concerts and how they dress. At the moment you’re dressing like mainstream casual rap fans

Jeff said:
black/white/red/green/blue slim fit tshirts (or shirts) and black/blue skinny fit jeans with Nike AF1

You want to make yourself easily discoverable for your niche too.

Jeff said:
I'd say I'm nailing one chick per month on average. However, I haven't gotten laid since August end/Sept beginning.

Try and keep some of the girls you lay in a rotation. It will stop the droughts and will build momentum to help you get more attractive girls

At the moment your vibe may be hinting you’re “down” while if you’re consistently laying girls (even if it’s not the quality you want *yet*) your vibe will more 10x more attractive.

Think of it like getting a part time job to get experience & save money for a suit before going for your dream job

Jeff said:
But I went to Lisbon recently and got destroyed. Barely hooked.

Wouldn’t pay much attention to this. Next time do more research. Being Indian I assume you’re darker so Eastern Europe and Scandinavia countries are more receptive. Which explains why the girl you made out with was Romanian.

Spain on the other hand blonde and blue eyes is more desirable as many of them are dark/brunette. As a general rule people like what’s rare.

Jeff said:
Somehow every cute or hot girl I talk to is always taken.

Very normal. Good ones go quick. Improving your fundementals will help with this as they may also just be politely saying no & using this as an excuse

Jeff said:
1. I'm skinny (yes I've started working out. Lot of work to be done here for sure)

I'm 5 ft 9, 71kg.

Lastly I’m 5”10 & weigh less than you… Haven’t struggled at all this year.

Honestly it’s in the mind. As long as you’re not repulsive (which clearly you aren’t by your results)

Girls care more about how you make them *feel*

Jeff said:
On an inner game level, it feels like what I have to offer is simply not good enough for a quality girl.

P.S this is BS. Good sex & good conversation is all you need…

Chase · Nov 18, 2022

@ElderPrince,

ElderPrice said:
@Chase - Do you have an example of this "sexy douchebag" look? Like an IG or website to follow?

Well, I'm not on Instagram and don't keep websites of douchebag-looking guys handy...

However, I did a quick search for "sexy douchebag" and found a few sites with some photo collections.

This one's a bit old, but it gives you an idea of what I mean: