FU Analysis help needed: Failed date with hot Albanian model :(

[Calibration]

I'll start with admitting that I'm rusted since covid and I haven't got laid in months now.

I need some help in analysing what went wrong so that I can sleep without being awake disappointed all night long. Thanks guys for reading the long rant and please forgive the grammar, I'm not in a good mindset to fix it.

I cold approached her last week, complimenting her shoes. She was hot af. She's a model/actress/property management consultancy owner etc. So, to be honest I was very needy right from the beginning. Even when I went on an instant I was just agreeing to everything she said. After I came home, I thought I blew it off but I just sent her a date request with some teasing and she agreed. She was funny and nice tbh. I went on a date today and here is how it went. I know I did a lot of mistakes but I want to know what mistake was the deal-breaker for her:

I met her outside the mall where we were supposed to meet and gave her a hug and she asked where are we going and I led her to the entrance of lifts. While walking, I asked how her day was and she said it was normal. Nothing special. Then she asked mine, I said my second half day was relaxing. Then she asked anything exciting today? (Mistake 1) I said we're going for a drink now
She said, ah.. we're having just a drink. I realised I fucked it up and I stumbled for words while I reached the door and instead of opening the door, she opened it for me (mistake 2)
To make it appear cheeky, I said: ah, you're a gentlewoman with a wink and she said no, I'm actually a lady boy (laughing) and I played along and started to walk away towards the entrance.

Then as we went to the lift, she said why don't we just take stairs: I thought I should lead and said no, it's 2 floors, we'll take life (mistake 3)
It came across as lazy. While we were in the lift, she started teasing me saying I'm so lazy and I just tried to change the subject. So, I thought I'll tease her back and said, you're actually cute.. like a cute flamingo (she was perhaps 5.10" or 5.11") and I'm 5.8" and she asked why flamingo, (she didn't know it was supposed to be a joke). I said, because you're tall (mistake 4) it kind of came across as insecure about my height which actually I wasn't but I had to tell her that it was a joke.

Then we went to a few bars in the mall and I went to a cozy bar and she said can we just sit somewhere in the open and I said, ya that's fine. Then as we walked to an open space bar, I said I actually liked the other place as long as you're not claustrophobic and she said she isn't and so we went back to the cozy bar. (Was there any mistake here? )

We sat opposite to each other and she was confident and didn't mind me touching her right away. So I put my chair next to her perpendicularly after few mins asking her to show some pics of her. While doing so, I kinda stumbled since the table was wobbly and i almost spilt the drinks and she asked if I'm ok or I hurt myself (mistake 5 )

Then she asked me to cold read her and showed her palm to me. It was really strange to me that she did that out of nowhere. Then I told her some basics that I knew and I teased her that she's actually a lucky girl. She actually has got lucky today to have a drink with me (don't know if that was a mistake )
She was super comfortable with me touching her and I touched her biceps, teasing her saying she's so obese and then I rested my hand on her thigh and she didn't mind.

While saying the above, she said jokingly: come on you're lucky, you were the one who approached me with that lame opener about shoes which was dirty. Then she went into analysing my opener, asking if I really liked her shoes. I said ya, why would I say something that I don't like and then said, well it's not the shoes alone but I wanted to talk to you but I didn't want to say you look hot af. She said, if you had said that I'd have called the cops. I said, why would you? It's a compliment. She said, ya that's right. Then I said jokingly, oh well you were a little bit cute (just a little bit) but wanted to know if you're also interesting, if you write a book, love your family etc (these are all she said she does). So she reiterated, oh ya I like my family. I realised I did a mistake cos that was a BF thing to qualify

Then she was talking about her job and she said she walks a lot everyday since she's a property manager and even 10kms/day most days of the week. I told my Russian friend does the same job and I know she walks a lot as well wearing high heels. I don't know why I got into this bullshit topic and she asked whether I wear high heels too. I didn't know why I said this but I said: of course but only when I go to gay bar and she started laughing and after this she changed a little bit and said I'm imagining you I think the damage was done already

She told about her childhood, parents, family, her country and a bit of history of her country. I knew I had to bounce to another place but she was drinking very slowly

It was 2 hours since we were talking. She didn't agree to split since she wanted to pay cos I had paid during instant date. then we got out of the bar and walked downstairs and she said I have to go this way. I said where are you going? I wanted to show you the animated movie that I made. Let's go to my place. She resisted and I persisted and she came home to my place.

As soon as she got home, after looked around things and then said, can you show me the movie, I need to leave? I said, oh come on why are you in a hurry? She said, I came here only for the movie. I said ok and started looking for the movie and holy fuck, I just couldn't find the movie. She teased me a few times saying there is no movie, you simply made up something. Then I actually qualified to her and showed the small pieces of movie which were not tied as one movie. She said wow, it was worth coming here but you actually you don't have the movie

Then I tried to change the topic a few times, asking if she wants to have a drink, we can dance bachata etc but she didn't budge to any of that and kept saying she needs to leave. I may have come across as reactive/butt-hurt but jokingly I said "you're so rude. I'm still talking and you're leaving"

Anyway, she asked me to walk her back to the entrance which I did and gave that last hug

I didn't know how to cut short the date when she was talking so much and qualifying herself. I didn't know how to bounce when she was still having the drink. I didn't know why I was nervous as hell. I'm so disappointed that she was into me but I made so many mistakes and I don't know why I made all those mistakes. I tried to tease her a lot and although she played along for all of them, it didn't work in the end. I don't know if I should ask her out again

 

[Searcher]

Her saying she needs to leave many times yet still staying was a clue that you needed to seal the deal. (She could have walked off politely but didn't, think about it).

She wanted you to pull the trigger else she wouldn't be giving that sense of urgency and staying.

You can and should give it another shot

 

[Calibration]

Thanks for reading the long post my man.

Her saying she needs to leave many times yet still staying was a clue that you needed to seal the deal. (She could have walked off politely but didn't, think about it).

You're right but she also wasn't complying. So, how could I have turned it around?

You can and should give it another shot

I'm thinking of texting her after 3 days saying: I had my covid vaccine (which is true) which kind of affected me during the date. So I'd like to try again.

You can and should give it another shot

Any other better ideas?

 

[Rakehell]

I met her outside the mall where we were supposed to meet and gave her a hug

skip hugging, unless it’s part of a later escalation, or you’re leaving after fucking/paired with some other signs of affection

l Then she asked anything exciting today? (Mistake 1) I said we're going for a drink now
She said, ah.. we're having just a drink. I realised I fucked it up and I stumbled for words while I reached the door and instead of opening the door, she opened it for me (mistake 2)

(1) That was a pretty minuscule test I actually don’t think you responded that bad. Now if your delivery was off then maybe so.

(2) Her opening the door wasn’t a mistake haha you could’ve just said thanks

Then as we went to the lift, she said why don't we just take stairs: I thought I should lead and said no, it's 2 floors, we'll take life (mistake 3)

(3) Yeah this was kind of terse and rough (atleast that’s how im interpreting it since I can’t hear your delivery). You could’ve been like its more relaxing this way” or just ignored her comment altogether leading her by her hand or not

(mistake 4) it kind of came across as insecure about my height which actually I wasn't but I had to tell her that it was a joke.

You actually more than likely made her self conscious, borderline negging.

Then she asked me to cold read her and showed her palm to me. It was really strange to me that she did that out of nowhere. Then I told her some basics that I knew and I teased her that she's actually a lucky girl. She actually has got lucky today to have a drink with me (don't know if that was a mistake )
She was super comfortable with me touching her and I touched her biceps, teasing her saying she's so obese and then I rested my hand on her thigh and she didn't mind.

While saying the above, she said jokingly: come on you're lucky,

You seem to neg alot in your conversations, had she not been a very self assured woman I doubt she would’ve stuck around for this. I bolded the part i’m talking about.

As soon as she got home, after looked around things and then said, can you show me the movie, I need to leave? I said, oh come on why are you in a hurry? She said, I came here only for the movie. I said ok and started looking for the movie and holy fuck, I just couldn't find the movie.

(1) She sounded uncomfortable. Did you offer her any water or anything like that? Show her around? I don’t even feel comfortable going into strange women's houses.
(2) I would’ve just said fuck the movie and shown her something similar and gotten her sat down.

She said, I came here only for the movie. I said ok and started looking for the movie and holy fuck, I just couldn't find the movie. She teased me a few times saying there is no movie, you simply made up something.

This was a escalation window.

She said wow, it was worth coming here but you actually you don't have the movie

Second window, the movie was you guys!!!

Then I tried to change the topic a few times, asking if she wants to have a drink, we can dance bachata etc but she didn't budge to any of that and kept saying she needs to leave. I may have come across as reactive/butt-hurt but jokingly I said "you're so rude. I'm still talking and you're leaving"

Anyway, she asked me to walk her back to the entrance which I did and gave that last hug

You should’ve been focusing on building a sexual tension/escalating. I feel like you were just trying to keep her busy so she wouldn’t hurry and leave, when she actually wanted to be there at some level. She even gave you a few green lights to escalate on her.

The date wasn’t that bad all in all I just think you let your nerves get the better of you/trying not to mess up too much. You also took alot of her tests pretty seriously and literally ( probably because you were quite attracted).
All in all this wasn’t that bad in my humble opinion.

Till next time.

 

[Calibration]

You actually more than likely made her self conscious, borderline negging.

She does modelling. Do you think she'll be self-conscious of her height?
.

You seem to neg alot in your conversations, had she not been a very self assured woman I doubt she would’ve stuck around for this. I bolded the part i’m talking about.

She was skinny. So why would calling her obese be negging?

skip hugging, unless it’s part of a later escalation, or you’re leaving after fucking/paired with some other signs of affection

(1) That was a pretty minuscule test I actually don’t think you responded that bad. Now if your delivery was off then maybe so.

(2) Her opening the door wasn’t a mistake haha you could’ve just said thanks

(3) Yeah this was kind of terse and rough (atleast that’s how im interpreting it since I can’t hear your delivery). You could’ve been like its more relaxing this way” or just ignored her comment altogether leading her by her hand or not

You actually more than likely made her self conscious, borderline negging.

You seem to neg alot in your conversations, had she not been a very self assured woman I doubt she would’ve stuck around for this. I bolded the part i’m talking about.

(1) She sounded uncomfortable. Did you offer her any water or anything like that? Show her around? I don’t even feel comfortable going into strange women's houses.
(2) I would’ve just said fuck the movie and shown her something similar and gotten her sat down.

This was a escalation window.

Second window, the movie was you guys!!!

You should’ve been focusing on building a sexual tension/escalating. I feel like you were just trying to keep her busy so she wouldn’t hurry and leave, when she actually wanted to be there at some level. She even gave you a few green lights to escalate on her.

The date wasn’t that bad all in all I just think you let your nerves get the better of you/trying not to mess up too much. You also took alot of her tests pretty seriously and literally ( probably because you were quite attracted).
All in all this wasn’t that bad in my humble opinion.

Till next time.

Yes, I offered her water to drink as soon as we came home. Then showed her around and took her to the balcony and I was trying to relax her and that's when she said: I need to go

This was a escalation window.

Second window, the movie was you guys!!!

I think you're right. But how could I have turned it around? She was sitting far from me and teasing and I thought if I go to her, it'll be off and I called her to sit next to me but she was again teasing saying, you can tell me from there, I can hear

You should’ve been focusing on building a sexual tension/escalating. I feel like you were just trying to keep her busy so she wouldn’t hurry and leave, when she actually wanted to be there at some level. She even gave you a few green lights to escalate on her.

How? I was holding eye-contact and she was not budging. She'd continue talking to me holding eye contact sitting far off and not complying to sit next to me. You're sounding right but I honestly don't know what I could've done instead. If she kept saying, she wants to leave and if I try to escalate, won't it be incongruent/needy? Or should I just say, ya I'm attracted to you and escalate?

I just think you let your nerves get the better of you/trying not to mess up too much. You also took alot of her tests pretty seriously and literally ( probably because you were quite attracted).

I think you're right. Good analysis

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Hey Shawn...

I'll start with admitting that I'm rusted since covid and I haven't got laid in months now.
[...]
So, to be honest I was very needy right from the beginning.

This is all we need to really look at here IMO... you can't expect to pull models while you're in this headspace. Girls can smell this on us like a dog smells fear. Exceptionally hot girls even more so.

Trust me, I know this first hand... right now I'm in this mega rust phase myself. I've dated many models and even a couple of famous top models, but that was all when I had a lot of momentum going on.

You can't go incel to model in 1 set.

So... I recommend, don't even worry about analyzing this set and all the outer game details here. While I understand how frustrating it is to let a model slip through your fingers like that, it's also the wrong place to start entirely.

Basically your inner game is in the toilet right now (as is mine btw, for similar reasons), but your outer game is pretty good because of these resources we have here. So you approach her with the verbals of an alpha, and she responds and goes on a date with you.

A little while later, she starts to realize that you're not really the apex predator of your territory after all... and excuses herself. You CAN play this league consistently but you have to put a whole bunch of other puzzle pieces in place first (momentum being only one of them).

I know this is frustrating, I actually got opened by a model from LA about a year ago at some roof top party, and I messed it up. I told the cabbie the story on the way home that's how annoyed I was.

But it's kinda like worrying about losing champion's league when you haven't even played ball in months and are out of shape.

I'm not saying that with perfect outer game you couldn't still get a girl like that, cause I know there's a few top PUAs whose inner game is atrocious (true self loathing)...

But man. That is the long and the hard road, fixing all your outer game perfectly so you can fake being that guy... much easier path is building up momentum first with easier sets.

They should still be girls you find attractive and that you actually want, but I'd wait with models until you have momentum. I'd also wait with direct game until you have momentum.

Besides, even if you did get this girl in your current psychological state, it's very likely that she would have the upper hand pretty quickly and suck you into some kind of monogamous frame which she would then have total control over and which would probably end badly.

If you're low momentum (like me right now trust me I know exactly where your head is at)... don't game models... don't do direct game.

Start building a social circle and organize weekly meetups with that group so you're the leader. And do only two kinds of cold approach game FOR NOW:

1. indirect on lone wolves
2. groups by befriending the whole group and isolating her later

I consider ALL other forms of game to require momentum. It sucks but we won't be stuck in this place for long if we work it, we'll gradually get some attractive girls from these approaches and once you have a few of those on rotation, gaming models confidently becomes easy.

-Karea.

 

[Rakehell]

I think Ricardus had a perfect answer as to why thing’s went wrong in your responses. That nagging feeling of neediness just takes your brain to a whole new town that isn’t seductionville. I’m a victim of this too.

I think you're right. But how could I have turned it around? She was sitting far from me and teasing and I thought if I go to her, it'll be off and I called her to sit next to me but she was again teasing saying, you can tell me from there, I can hear

How? I was holding eye-contact and she was not budging. She'd continue talking to me holding eye contact sitting far off and not complying to sit next to me. You're sounding right but I honestly don't know what I could've done instead. If she kept saying, she wants to leave and if I try to escalate, won't it be incongruent/needy? Or should I just say, ya I'm attracted to you and escalate?

Although for future technical reference just incase this is a sticking point and not because of your state, or a combination of both. You have to be okay about not having sex, if you really want it to happen. It sounds counter intuitive, but when a girl is acting coy with your escalation and compliance you have to show her she doesn’t HAVE to go along with it. Play along with whatever game she’s tossing you.

I once had this girl on her couch turn her back to me saying that I couldn’t touch her looking visibly annoyed. I said okay fine and turned my back to her and crossed my arms and said that she couldn’t touch me either. After 2 minutes of silence we started snickering and she was immediately more receptive to my advances.

Kind Regards

 

[Calibration]

You have to be okay about not having sex, if you really want it to happen. It sounds counter intuitive, but when a girl is acting coy with your escalation and compliance you have to show her she doesn’t HAVE to go along with it. Play along with whatever game she’s tossing you.

Last year I was going through a serious of LMRs. So, my wing and I discussed this and decided that I'm not going to push any girl anymore more than once and see how that pans out but that didn't work either

I think @Karea Ricardus D. was right. No matter what I do, a girl can sense neediness when I'm going through drought. It's a catch-22 situation. I can't get out of the drought without getting laid and can't get laid without getting out of drought

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

I think @Karea Ricardus D. was right. No matter what I do, a girl can sense neediness when I'm going through drought. It's a catch-22 situation. I can't get out of the drought without getting laid and can't get laid without getting out of drought

This catch-22 insight is exactly what gave me my Heureka moment about the True Alpha Formula. There IS a solution but it's a very narrow path. I'll post more about it on my journal later today.

 

[Calibration]

This catch-22 insight is exactly what gave me my Heureka moment about the True Alpha Formula. There IS a solution but it's a very narrow path. I'll post more about it on my journal later today.

Look forward to that @Karea Ricardus D. In the past week or so, I've lost at least 4 girls all because of neediness in one form or the other. A couple of days ago, I was so frustrated that I almost saw an escort which I'm against doing so, since I think that'll worsen my seduction momentum

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Yeah man just stop doing these kinds of approaches for now. I'm serious. This is where you start:

If you're low momentum (like me right now trust me I know exactly where your head is at)... don't game models... don't do direct game.

Start building a social circle and organize weekly meetups with that group so you're the leader. And do only two kinds of cold approach game FOR NOW:

1. indirect on lone wolves
2. groups by befriending the whole group and isolating her later

 

[Calibration]

Yeah man just stop doing these kinds of approaches for now. I'm serious. This is where you start:

Yeah. I'm just approaching indirect and single girls only but I'm just fucking it up at some point because of neediness
In the beginning I'll be fine but once I'm invested in a girl, I get super needy. I can see my mistake very clearly but I just can't stop myself being needy once I'm all in

In 2020, I dabbled a lot doing social circle game and it's not for me. The amount of effort required to chase an average girl is insane. Even an average girl gets shit load of attention and my soul hurts to give her undue attention when I'm not even attracted but I have to do it just to fit in. If I don't, girls write me off as rude or weird

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Just treat every woman pretty much like just another dude, initially. So you give them attention but it's just conversation. Then if you like one, qualify her and after solid qualification it's okay to show interest. Start with the 7s for now if you have such a big problem with neediness.

 

[Calibration]

Start with the 7s for now if you have such a big problem with neediness.

This is a good suggestion @Karea Ricardus D.
For the past week, I've been doing exactly this and I feel much more relaxed. I don't imagine a lot of things doing with them (sexually) which was affecting my vibe with them, I can now think clearly when texting or in-person

 

[Calibration]

Hi @Karea Ricardus D. I need a suggestion relating to mindset about something that happened today. Could you please give your inputs? Btw, I've been going through your posts (specially relating to mindsets) and they are very easy for me to understand since I can so much relate to what you suggest. So, I'm asking you:

Just treat every woman pretty much like just another dude, initially. So you give them attention but it's just conversation. Then if you like one, qualify her and after solid qualification it's okay to show interest. Start with the 7s for now if you have such a big problem with neediness.

This relates to your suggestion above. I approached a hippie looking girl on the street and took her on an instant date. I'm just back from it and there's something specific that is bothering me. After approaching, I quickly qualified and she was compliant/invested right from the beginning and took her to have a coffee and then we went to the water front and had almost 2 hrs of date. I finally was able to setup a sexual frame with a girl and I felt it was very easy to seduce. I qualified her on being adventurous and having sex with liberal mind embracing the humanness and how exploring that will help one become open-minded and creative etc. She was a tough nut to crack since she had a lot of experience and she was throwing shit tests left and right but I was able to hold the frame. She was actually super adventurous (read it crazy) since she does all kinds of drugs regularly but she was hot. I invited her home to smoke weed and she said she had to meet her brother and it's very important for her to do that. After a bit of fractionation, she finally kind of accepted my frame and if I had persisted a little more, she'd have come home with me. But I had some internal resistance (you talk about this in your frame control post and it applies to this case so much). So my resistance was:
1. Although she was hot, blue eyed blonde, she had this hippie look. I noticed her thighs were not shaved, it was a turn off for me. I know I can't expect a 10/10 when I'm going through severe drought but I just can't push myself to persist. I have resistance when it comes to bad hygiene although a girl is hot. More than hygiene, it's sexy legs that I'm drawn to more than other body parts. So, it's very important for me but she was not someone I was going to be BF with. So, is it a good measure of standard to have? I know our standards are personal but I also need a reference from someone more experienced than I am and probably a totally different perspective.

2. Although she was adventurous, her craziness was too much for me to handle. I was actually scared about false rape accusation. I don't know why I get this thought when I'm with a bold and adventurous girl. Is my fear rational?

3. I was tired seducing, jumping through her hoops of shit-test. It was so much of mental energy.

I had done 90% job successfully but in the last minute I just let her go. I don't know why I gave up - She even told me that, I caught her at the right moment today otherwise she's normally super busy and I can't meet her until end of April. But I just gave up since my internal resistance was so strong.

What is a good mindset to adopt to these kind of internal resistances?