another failed escalation w relatively inexperienced girl

[ChristianB]

didn't want to make a 2nd post about same girl, but really unsure of what direction to go into with this girl

summary: so met this girl at a party, got her out a week or so later. first date we went to park, I brought her back to mine, made out/felt her up, but couldn't get her shirt off. could've handled resistance better, I didn't persist much or know best way to react to her objections.

2nd date I took @Phoenix advice and had her come straight to my house, she made us some food, then took her to my room. we started making out and I had her take off her sweatshirt, but she said that was all I was getting off. Major resistance about to come now of course, but we start making out im feeling her up passionately and shes into it, but she keeps moving my hand away when i get too close to the "good parts." I keep going to try to get her horny and its working bc she clearly is having fun and into it. I really was focusing on hectors advice of passion/compassion, and was asking her about how she was feeling in a compassionate way while also telling her how sexy i thought she was and how much i loved feeling her body etc..

eventually after asking her enough questions she tells me that she has trouble opening up sexually since she was at party and she was drunk and guy took advantage of her. I comfort her and reassure her I would never do something she didn't want to and make sure shes alright emotionally while we cuddle. she also says she feels bad (that shes not going far w me) and doesn't want to waste my time. when she starts to get comfortable we start making out again and shes really into it, shes wrapping herself all around me and also feeling me up and we even get under covers (her idea). we keep going, but still keeps me from either taking off her tanktop or getting my hands close.

i take another break to talk a bit and ask her some sexual questions like whether she masturbates or not and she says she doesn't and i tell her its important to be able to get to know herself sexually and shes replies "oh i need to focus on other things tho" (i'm like what? haha it feels good its a good thing!), she does say shes had orgasm before tho w a guy. we make out, feel each other up more and I turn my explicit sex talk to 100 talking about how I wanna be inside of her, see her titties, I wanna make you cum etc) and shes very very into it smiling and happy liking the sexual attention and straddling me but still with her clothes on and still resisting anything and adding different generic excuses I mostly ignore or brush off playfully(don't know you well enough, i dont do that...). eventually she has to go home and we're still being v physical as she grabs her keys and i tell her "you know what I have to do when you leave" and she smiles and laughs and its all very playful and i tell her she should do the same. she really likes it and is clearly turned on but still leaves and makes out at doorstep. i text her goodnight and she responds the next day.

I just don't know what to do here, i really want to get with her (would likely be hottest girl ive been w at least in terms of perfect body) and shes clearly into me, but don't want to waste my time. i dont think shes angling for relationship (shes about to leave to go back to college in like 2 weeks and we both know this). i felt like i did everything right but maybe this girl is just closed off and not ready for sex right now, its hard for me to buy that considering how she keeps coming to my place and getting horny/sexually excited. any advice? should i cut it off? try for a booty call? invite her over and try again? she wants me to visit her at the cafe she works at for free coffee is this a bad idea?

 

[Skjöldr]

didn't want to make a 2nd post about same girl, but really unsure of what direction to go into with this girl

summary: so met this girl at a party, got her out a week or so later. first date we went to park, I brought her back to mine, made out/felt her up, but couldn't get her shirt off. could've handled resistance better, I didn't persist much or know best way to react to her objections.

2nd date I took @Phoenix advice and had her come straight to my house, she made us some food, then took her to my room. we started making out and I had her take off her sweatshirt, but she said that was all I was getting off. Major resistance about to come now of course, but we start making out im feeling her up passionately and shes into it, but she keeps moving my hand away when i get too close to the "good parts." I keep going to try to get her horny and its working bc she clearly is having fun and into it. I really was focusing on hectors advice of passion/compassion, and was asking her about how she was feeling in a compassionate way while also telling her how sexy i thought she was and how much i loved feeling her body etc..

eventually after asking her enough questions she tells me that she has trouble opening up sexually since she was at party and she was drunk and guy took advantage of her. I comfort her and reassure her I would never do something she didn't want to and make sure shes alright emotionally while we cuddle. she also says she feels bad (that shes not going far w me) and doesn't want to waste my time. when she starts to get comfortable we start making out again and shes really into it, shes wrapping herself all around me and also feeling me up and we even get under covers (her idea). we keep going, but still keeps me from either taking off her tanktop or getting my hands close.

i take another break to talk a bit and ask her some sexual questions like whether she masturbates or not and she says she doesn't and i tell her its important to be able to get to know herself sexually and shes replies "oh i need to focus on other things tho" (i'm like what? haha it feels good its a good thing!), she does say shes had orgasm before tho w a guy. we make out, feel each other up more and I turn my explicit sex talk to 100 talking about how I wanna be inside of her, see her titties, I wanna make you cum etc) and shes very very into it smiling and happy liking the sexual attention and straddling me but still with her clothes on and still resisting anything and adding different generic excuses I mostly ignore or brush off playfully(don't know you well enough, i dont do that...). eventually she has to go home and we're still being v physical as she grabs her keys and i tell her "you know what I have to do when you leave" and she smiles and laughs and its all very playful and i tell her she should do the same. she really likes it and is clearly turned on but still leaves and makes out at doorstep. i text her goodnight and she responds the next day.

I just don't know what to do here, i really want to get with her (would likely be hottest girl ive been w at least in terms of perfect body) and shes clearly into me, but don't want to waste my time. i dont think shes angling for relationship (shes about to leave to go back to college in like 2 weeks and we both know this). i felt like i did everything right but maybe this girl is just closed off and not ready for sex right now, its hard for me to buy that considering how she keeps coming to my place and getting horny/sexually excited. any advice? should i cut it off? try for a booty call? invite her over and try again? she wants me to visit her at the cafe she works at for free coffee is this a bad idea?

Honestly man you did really well here, you were persistent, but some girls are just hard cases, but i think you did well and you also addressed her "taken advantage of" objection well.

i felt like i did everything right but maybe this girl is just closed off and not ready for sex right now, its hard for me to buy that considering how she keeps coming to my place and getting horny/sexually excited. any advice? should i cut it off? try for a booty call? invite her over and try again? she wants me to visit her at the cafe she works at for free coffee is this a bad idea?

You MUST get her over to your place again. There is no going back here. She has given you nothing yet while you keep giving her your attention. The free coffee at the cafe is a horrible horrible horrible idea. It's the perfect "Good boy give me attention while you get no wet pussy, good boy"-date. Get her over again and if she doesn't put out just tell her to leave and then stop contacting her if she reach out begging for another chance then you can consider it.

When she comes over and you make your move again and if she resist it's fine you can persist but if you feel it's going nowhere just run a gambit like "Look, i think you are really pretty, cool and sweet, i really like XYZ about you, but when my energy is not reciprocated i get turned off super quick, this is not to push you into doing anything you don't want to, i'm just telling you how I feel when i am drawn to someone and it doesn't go the other way the passion inside me just plummets and i wanna move on". Polarize her to stop playing silly games. At this point she's playing games and stringing you along and/or she's just not into you. Fuck it if that's either case.

 

[ChristianB]

Thanks @Phoenix you're definitely right I just have to make one more push and if she still doesn't bite then move on. Good idea on the gambit, I was trying to think of a way to basically say "ok either we hook up or I stop seeing you" in a way that doesn't sound like an ultimatum and you put it perfectly. I'll try one last time using that gambit and see what happens.