Anxious about touching girls

[Mars]

Hello everyone! New to the forum, nice to meet you.

I've been reading up these articles on this site for a while now (phew, maybe almost a year?) and I find them very interesting. There's a lot of stuff that just "clicked" in my mind reading up some of them, and even though I haven't done much cold approaching, I have noticed a good increase in my interactions with women. But now I've come to an issue which is bothering me...

I have absolutely no problem pulling the playful dominant vibe around women, and I really, really enjoy it, as do the girls, and I feel like I know (and it's fairly easy) to escalate with them up to a certain point, BUT... when it comes to physical contact, I'm basically out. I get riddled with anxiety and my brain goes back to my primary instinct which is plain-out closing myself shut and rejecting the woman (though I've never said anything rude to them, girls tend to feel this and they just back away).

I'm 20 years old, still a virgin, had a few kisses, got fuzzy with a couple of girls, but I've never had actual, real sex. I have to be honest, it's sort of bothering me that I haven't had sex yet, but here's the funny bit: every time I think about putting my cock inside a woman I get all anxious about it, and I have no idea why. Everything seems so uncertain for some reason, like the worst of the worst shit in the world's certain to happen. Reading this myself, it sounds stupid but the emotion is still there no matter how much reason stands against it.

This was for sure not a problem a couple of years ago, and I have no idea where it came from. I used to be very playful and light about touching. I took a break from talking to girls for the past term at uni because I was busy 24/7 working while studying, and now that I'm in vacation and I have some time to catch up I notice this.

Has anyone ever been through this before, and have you got any tips about it?
Thanks a bunch!

 

[Reave Krieger]

Begin early

Hi Mars,

Start touching as soon as possible in the interaction.

The longer you wait, the worse the anxiety becomes.

Touch is also escalating: You start with giving her your hand when introducing, then you can put an arm around her shoulders, nudge her lightly when the vibe is playful and you are laughing, pick her up (literally) and carry her around, take her hand and observe her nail polish/watch/ring, while sitting next to her let your leg touch her leg accidentally (but leave it there, don't pull back), give her a massage, take her hand when moving her around in a venue, stroke her skin and say it is very soft, hug her, spin her around when dancing, give her a piggyback ride, lay down on her when on a couch,...

Just some examples for touch before it becomes sexual/intimate like kissing, stroking intimate areas or sex.

Was someone telling you not to touch her in your past or some other incident which makes you regret touching somehow (since you feel this way about touching)?

 

[Reave Krieger]

Watch These!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlzWgM1Kans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3Idp7bgNIA

 

[Reave Krieger]

Another video

At the end of this video is what I wrote about touch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjWnzV-FWxc

 

[Mars]

Hey jumok93,
thanks a lot for the reply man!

The examples u posted were amazing! I had never really thought about the different ways of touching apart from the usual hand on shoulder / hip nudge. Those were really insightful!

Now about the videos, personally I don't agree with the attitude the guy has (call it inner game if you will). He kind of struck me as snobbish / superior , especially with the "make enemies" part. I think it's a very limiting attitude, and personally I much prefer Chase's humble approach to life and people.

However, he did give me a major "AH HA!" moment, in that touch should come as a manifestation of the comfort levels you have with a girl (like he said, I've no problem touching guys when I'm out because I'm comfortable with them. Not that I'm trying to, lol). For the past days I've talked to about 5 girls, and I focused on getting very very comfortable around them, instead of ACTIVELY trying to make touch happen. This is huge! I could touch most of them without even thinking, and got a couple of them smiling / blushing.

One particular thing I noticed was the instinct this gives you. I had a conversation with this girl, and she felt very aloof, I just didn't feel in my waters with her (she's a coworker, she's quite hot). I didn't touch her at all, because I was not comfortable with her. I think this is good, because it gives me a good level of orientation when to escalate / when not to escalate by touching, and saves me all the headaches I sometimes got for being too touchy (like girls giving me the awkward looks).

All in all, I feel like I've done a bit of progress, and touching feels way more natural to me. Much appreciated!

 

[Reave Krieger]

You're welcome.

I am glad you could improve in this area