Altimeter said:
Have you managed to get women after all that drama?
Not those I really wanted for long term. I chased 4 really good ones in the past 4-5 years, all gone... I was quite close for closures though, I just didn't have the tools, e.g. recognizing windows, being fast enough with initial attraction, moving things fast forward and so on. Looking back, 3 of them gave me good windows though, I just failed due to inexperience and no knowledge. I can't find the right balance between being too passive and overly active, I guess I am an extremist.
Here is my pattern for those failures: I usually started as "passive", or rather I didn't simply expect anything and thus didn't even try. I meet her at work; she is really hot, but I keep minimal energy, don 't invest nothing, I have no intention to do anything. I'm not even sure if I want long term girlfriend at the time I meet her. So she starts hitting on me, I mean, she is just all over me, I am almost bitting my lips to remind myself that it is real. Then she starts slowly fading away (e.g. Attraction has expiration date), but at the same time the pressure builds within me, and I slowly start hitting on her. I changed my mind, now I want her. She notices the change, gets excited, comes back, but is very nervous, and very anxious. Gives me some windows, but I miss them. I calm her down, lover her energy when she is around me so she feels more comfortable. She cools off, but it takes time and and the mean time her attraction keeps fading away... I wait till she is comfortable to do some moves, but now it is too late, no more windows...
The pattern is the same for all 4 of them. The first one rejected me, got really pissed at me and totally humiliated me in front of other people. It took me 2 years to get over it, it was quite painful. I just didn't have a clue what is going on, so I started looking online, and found bunch of enlightning PUA material. But at that time, I was thinking about her day and night for that long until I finally sent her really long email, spilling my feelings. She was very kind, and let me know she has no feelings for me. That was a huge relieve, I was finally free, stopped thinking about her. The second one was younger and inexperienced, and also hurt from another relationship. She has her own issues. She talks to me here and there, but the attraction is totally lost. She acts bitchy and bitter, snaps at me, but that is now rather her personality than her attitude towards me. I just hit on her for fun here and there, but no response. I lost my nerves with the third one. I rejected her because I was feeling that she is about to do the same to me. She got really pissed at me as well, and got married and pregnant like next month after that. It was a shock to me. But she is a sweet girl, still curious about me as a friend, but now has her own life.
The last one is still around. She is rather quite conservative. She still has high emotional attraction for me, I just feel it, but logically she has already rejected me as a long term partner. She has decided, I have minimal chance to be around for long term. She used to be very nervous around me, was even avoiding me for quite a while, but I managed to change it. Now she offers friendship, she wants to laugh it out... which is very sweet, but I am just not interested. Fuck the friendship, I am not gay. I just wouldn't give up. But I suffer, I invested too much of my emotions into her. I am really into her and she knows it. She's letting it slowly and gently fade away while remaining nice. It is just painful, but I still believe that I have a chance for one more window, e.g. she gets quite high around me, she is still fighting her own attraction towards me so the sparks are still there - and thus she is very careful with every move she does because she knows quite well my intention...
Anyway, I am learning, thanks to Chase I at least understand what is going on, and now have much better tools. I keep getting offers from less attractive females while beeing aloof or passive, but my emotions are just not there - meaning that I like to chase, althought it is painful. I guess finding the right balance is the key...
