any suggestion guys?

[syst3k]

Hey guys,

here's a situation with a girl I cannot figure out what to do, or how to do so I'd be really grateful if you could help me.

Her: 25 years old, works a lot, experienced at dating, relationships, lives about 100 km from me (a hour with train).
Me: 26 years old, study at university, not that experienced at all.

goal: I want her to be my gf.


The past:
we started talking on the internet (not a dating site/app) a year ago. we had nice conversations and stuff after a month we met. I went there (where she lives), and I guess we had a good chemistry, but I didn't do anything (like kiss or something). after the meeting I wanted to follow a procedure (like after 2-3 days asking her out again) but she refused it, and i was totally confused and started to chase her through facebook. ( i was totally stupid) so she eventually asked me "what do you want from me? I'm not sure", and I told her in a nutshell "I like you" and it bothered her cause of a guy whom she loved (the guy was friendzoning her) and she said "I cannot think of anyone else but him". so we eventually argued each other once and then she deleted me on facebook like "it's enough, I'm done with you, bye"

I know I messed up then totally.


Now:
she wrote to me 2 weeks ago, what my opinion is about talking again, I was like "why not". I ve called her 2 times since she wrote to me, and nothing more.
and the last time ( 4 days ago), I wanted to set up a meet for the weekend in my city. she told me she doesn't have enough money for that so I only can go there again. (I didn't like it) but I eventually told her: okey, I'll go if you find a good program. she canceled our plan yesterday cause of getting busy she was deeply sorry and told me the next weekend isn't good for her too (it wouldn't fit me as well I'll have a teambulding) but the week after next is good and can go to my city.


the questions are...
should I call or text till that time?
or if she doesnt text me on her own, should I set up that meet again?
and what should the meet be?


thanks in advance,
syst3k

 

[Marcellus]

Go Meet some more girls and stop wasting your time with this one.

Btw, why is your goal to make her your girlfriend? Haha, you barely know the girl

 

[syst3k]

I know her that much actually. Im having new ones btw. But with them the progress is clear. But with her I have no idea how to change the situation so?

 

[Lucky]

My friend I agree with Marcellus, just move on I recently was in a similar situation don't make the same mistake as me.
Move on and hit on another chick, cut her off for now.

 

[Sub-Zero]

If you want her, you can set up another date with her, after that the ball is in her court, that is if you really want her. I would not take her serious at all, no emotion if she flakes or doesn't. Just keep getting girls.

 

[syst3k]

Thank ya. Yeah, I know she's especially good at getting the ball. she was doing that constantly a year ago too like I called her and she told me "I'm happy to talk to you, next time I'll call you in the week" after that I hung up on her, I realized that I don't want to depend on her actions or non-actions and fuck it... now anyway I tried to emphasize that the date is a totally open thing to her. I don't know if it was enough or not.

 

[Richard]

Sounds like too much of a hassle, in my opinion.

There comes a point in time where you need to acknowledge what she's getting out of this and what you're getting; so far, it seems like she's getting your attention and your investment, and you're getting a headache... plus, she's thinking about another guy so you're not having much of an impact on her. Terrible precedent and situation to find yourself in, so, if you really want to pursue something with this girl then you need to change the terms of you two seeing each other which isn't entirely possible because you haven't fucked her silly. In other words, you're in no position to try and change the terms of you two seeing each other.

I'd pretty much call it a loss but you can send a hail-mary text if you want to see if she bites:

"Hey <insert girl's name>, I was thinking about things and it feels like this is becoming too much of a phone/texting dynamic; not what I had in mind. I'd like to still see you occasionally because I think our chemistry is awesome and I don't have the time and energy to devote to a woman I can't physically be there with, it's not a situation that benefits either of us and I hope you can see my point. So, I propose we stop playing playing games of cyber-tag and make time to see each other or part ways to avoid staying in this limbo. The offer is open, for now."

Again, it's a hail-mary text and isn't a guarantee by any means because the odds are stacked against you but it makes your intentions clear and gives her a line to pull you back if she decides to pursue this with you. After this text I'd stop replying or responding until she agrees to your terms (in the case that she continues to text you/reach out platonically).

In any case, even if she does bite I wouldn't make her a girlfriend.

-Richard

 

[syst3k]

Hello Richard!

I guess you misunderstood me cause of my poor English, sorry. So the situation (when she was "in love" with someone else and I was stupid as fuck and completely messed up everything basically) was a year ago that I wrote at first. I've been pretty good at communication and being able to relate people (girls always love talking me) but since then I've developed my 'skills" to actually get girls. after a year, she got back in touch few weeks ago. now there are no games yet and I've been wondering how to change a situation like that? It can be like a second first impression, can't be?