- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
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- 1,044
Today I attended a later lecture than usual for my humanities class due to a business appointment, same course, same professor, same material. Lecture format but in a regular classroom. So I have serious social proof and confidence in this setting due to, well....being myself, but am a mysterious outsider in the class (I've done this lecture time once before). During the lecture, lots of mutual mostly nonverbals with the early-mid-20s girl next to me (barely above average looks, but attractive personality, a cool person, and in a fun and rather revealing dress, for reasons below). I approached after class very successfully by opening based on her giving a surprising answer to an open-ended lecture question (do you know anything about how to [redacted]?) that only I had also been able to answer. I walked her to the edge of campus (see below) and we had an excellent conversation. When I asked where she was heading, she said she was going home, but we didn't go quite as far as her car. When I took my leave, her response expressed interest.
I wasn't on the ball enough to segue into a number close but it doesn't matter because of the class. Anyway she would be an awesome friend to have but I doubt I want benefits with her.
Fifteen minutes later I saw her at a distance, back away from me, with a dude (her age, tall, skinny, with dreads etc. but white, average guy but not a loser), engaged in conversation but not reacting the way she did with me.
She had been wearing the dress (which seemed incongruous, and she alluded to that when discussing her outdoorsiness) for a walking date, probably arranged on an app. Well then!
Takeaways and Observations:
- My nonverbals during the lecture were pretty good. More familiar than sexual, contextual (e.g. exchange looks in context of the hilarious-as-usual lecture).
- I was feeling fairly confident and bold. Before I found a tailor-made opener, I had been planning to ask her where she got her dress, for no other reason than 1) she's isn't used wearing a dress like that, but clearly chose to wear it today, and 2) I'm slightly more curious about fashion than most straight guys, and usually well dressed, with a laid-back but classy vibe (think surfer dude meets preppy).
- In hindsight, at the end of the convo, I assumed that it was time to say au revoir. We had reached street parking, and a natural breakpoint in convo. But if I had been more on the ball, confident, and decisive, I would have seen her to her car before saying bye, which might have made things awkward...or interesting. While in this context it didn't display weakness and was congruent with my other behavior, I want to learn to be more dominant.
- My game has improved a bit overall, but my conversational skills (game wise at least) need TONS of work. In this case it wasn't a big deal, but it definitely holds me back a lot.
- Being confident and decisive enough to approach (I went more or less indirect-direct instead of my usual situational) is totally worth it, to say the least.
- Girls are more likely to notice/feel that you're interested in them for themselves (they aren't mind readers, after all) when they perceive you as hotter than them. (same takeaway as from previous interaction, see journal)
- She clearly saw me as worth a 5-minute detour from her scheduled date. And she qualified herself a few times, which I'm not used to seeing done consciously.
- For all my overall rawness, I've gotten smoother with nonverbals and interaction dynamics.
- I'm fairly perceptive (and even more so when using hindsight to analyze) for a guy who hasn't spent that much time around girls prior to college.
- I led a certain amount.
- There was more sexual tension than there should have been for such an innocent interaction, simply because she clearly wasn't used to the outfit she was wearing (which was fairly conservatively designed for a dress that showed so much skin). I didn't have to do anything to create it, either.
I wasn't on the ball enough to segue into a number close but it doesn't matter because of the class. Anyway she would be an awesome friend to have but I doubt I want benefits with her.
Fifteen minutes later I saw her at a distance, back away from me, with a dude (her age, tall, skinny, with dreads etc. but white, average guy but not a loser), engaged in conversation but not reacting the way she did with me.
She had been wearing the dress (which seemed incongruous, and she alluded to that when discussing her outdoorsiness) for a walking date, probably arranged on an app. Well then!
Takeaways and Observations:
- My nonverbals during the lecture were pretty good. More familiar than sexual, contextual (e.g. exchange looks in context of the hilarious-as-usual lecture).
- I was feeling fairly confident and bold. Before I found a tailor-made opener, I had been planning to ask her where she got her dress, for no other reason than 1) she's isn't used wearing a dress like that, but clearly chose to wear it today, and 2) I'm slightly more curious about fashion than most straight guys, and usually well dressed, with a laid-back but classy vibe (think surfer dude meets preppy).
- In hindsight, at the end of the convo, I assumed that it was time to say au revoir. We had reached street parking, and a natural breakpoint in convo. But if I had been more on the ball, confident, and decisive, I would have seen her to her car before saying bye, which might have made things awkward...or interesting. While in this context it didn't display weakness and was congruent with my other behavior, I want to learn to be more dominant.
- My game has improved a bit overall, but my conversational skills (game wise at least) need TONS of work. In this case it wasn't a big deal, but it definitely holds me back a lot.
- Being confident and decisive enough to approach (I went more or less indirect-direct instead of my usual situational) is totally worth it, to say the least.
- Girls are more likely to notice/feel that you're interested in them for themselves (they aren't mind readers, after all) when they perceive you as hotter than them. (same takeaway as from previous interaction, see journal)
- She clearly saw me as worth a 5-minute detour from her scheduled date. And she qualified herself a few times, which I'm not used to seeing done consciously.
- For all my overall rawness, I've gotten smoother with nonverbals and interaction dynamics.
- I'm fairly perceptive (and even more so when using hindsight to analyze) for a guy who hasn't spent that much time around girls prior to college.
- I led a certain amount.
- There was more sexual tension than there should have been for such an innocent interaction, simply because she clearly wasn't used to the outfit she was wearing (which was fairly conservatively designed for a dress that showed so much skin). I didn't have to do anything to create it, either.
