Are native speakers more calibrated socially

[Osiris]

Hello, everyone, I have met a couple of guys from the country India, and one thing that struck me is that, most of them are not socially calibrated well, I don't mean to be racist or anything its just my experience and observation, I too have an Indian ancestry, so I'm worried it might be something cultural. I assumed it is because English is not the native tongue and also due to the culture differences, but I'm not sure why exactly this translates to less social calibration, given the large population shouldn't they be more socially calibrated, Could anyone tell what exactly makes them less calibrated as opposed to someone who grew up say in the west?
Thank You

 

[Spyce D]

Hello, everyone, I have met a couple of guys from the country India, and one thing that struck me is that, most of them are not socially calibrated well, I don't mean to be racist or anything its just my experience and observation, I too have an Indian ancestry, so I'm worried it might be something cultural. I assumed it is because English is not the native tongue and also due to the culture differences, but I'm not sure why exactly this translates to less social calibration, given the large population shouldn't they be more socially calibrated, Could anyone tell what exactly makes them less calibrated as opposed to someone who grew up say in the west?
Thank You

Could be excitement ... And inferiority complex.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Vijay from New Delhi is different than Vijay from New York, mostly due to learning all the hidden cultural rules.

And Vijay from Manhattan is not at all like his Guyanese and Trini cousins. Vijay from East Flatbush knows how to wine, and will still end up as a doctor or IT guy.

It wasn't until I left NYC and went to college did I find out that some Indian Americans and some Indians from the motherland had problems with the gyals dem.

*Shrugs*

 

[Gladiator]

I think I can answer this since I've had an experience recently..

Tl;Dr There are 2 ways one can have any skill.. either they're born with it, as in..had the right circumstances in which they grew up (our childhood plays a major role in our adulthood) or one has to work hard to acquire those skills. If I want to be a great musician, I have to be born in a family full of musicians or I should strive to learn as an adult. For the latter, one has to have a student mindset and let go off of ego. I think you know where I'm getting at..

Long story

In India, there is not a huge focus on social skills since you can get away without learning it since until a couple of decades ago arranged marriages were still prevalent. Social interactions in most circles are not streamlined to be normalized across the whole country. Each region have their own way of interacting. It's just different from the social interactions in the west. In some regions of India, there's still a group oriented society mindset as opposed to individualistic society. For ex: there is more emphasis on respecting elders than rationalizing with someone elderly whether it's right or wrong. Just accepting it as right just cos he/she was elderly..

Fortunately, I studied in a good school in India and most schools in Bangalore, where I'm from have anglo-Indian teachers. I was lucky to have a couple of teachers who laid major emphasis on communication, body language, accent, behavior etc which put a strong foundation growing up in terms of social skills. I continued to hang out with my schoolmates for most part of my life in India, until I left. So it never really occurred to me that these minor things were not a norm with most Indians and at least not as bad as I heard from chics (at least among educated folks and I didn't hangout very closely with others).

After I left India, I used to hangout with non-Indians since I was always interested in learning other cultures & I had lived all my life with Indians anyway. So, I generally have more non-Indian friends except for a few colleagues.

I used to get chics mostly from social circle in the past and I'd get from cold-approach here and there as well but when COVID happened, a lot of that changed (I broke up from my social circle for some reason) and I had to solely rely on cold-approach. That's when I started to realize it wasn't easy being an Indian.. but that was not entirely true cos I used to lose chics only after they discovered I'm from India since I don't have an Indian accent or did anything that seemed off. BTW, this year alone 3 chics have said I'm not like other Indians.

So, I really wanted to know what is that repels chics from Indians. So, I did a couple of things.. I started to find out from chics subtly what exactly that repels them from Indians by slightly touching on that topic, just enough to know how much she knows about Indians to calibrate accordingly. I started to discover crazy stories which I never would've imagined guys would do.

So, I went out of my way to find out what chics say is really true by trying to make some Indian friends. I wanted to see it very closely. I met a couple of Indian guys at salsa dancing.. one of them seemed like he was good with chics. So, thought he'd share the same thoughts/experiences as me and I can discuss with him but surprise.. surprise.. he was exactly like what chics had described to me..

I invited him to my placea few times for parties and he'd spit from the balcony.. adjoining my neighbours balcony.. I thought it was weird but he'd do it again and again and when I told him not to do that.. he'd just laugh at that as if it was not a big deal. It's nothing to do with seduction.. just basic commonsense and behavior..
If we met chics at dance, soon after he'd start doing weird stuff.. like pinching their cheeks and complimenting them over and over again.. I'd say, "Dude.. you ok?" And he'd say "why? What's wrong?".. He'd easily get numbers from chics cos he was funny but everything he did after that was a disaster.. he was chasing a chic for 2 years.. he was even thinking of sponsoring her a visa if she agreed to date him.. everything he did was so fucking creepy.. I could go on and on about things he did.. BTW, he was financially very well to do but he'd count every penny even to spend on himself. You can imagine how he'd dress but he'd spend a lot on chics during dates. I spent nearly 3 months with him and I tried my best to fix most of those weird things he'd do but like I said earlier.. he had a mountain of an ego to listen to anything although he was super envious of me and wanted to know everything about me.

Like they say, you can only take a horse to the water but cannot make it drink.. I gave up on him and just cut contact with him since it was a waste of time hanging out with him..

That was long but hope you get an idea.. big ego (know it all attitude), being envious (instead of focusing on learning), cultural emphasis on saving money taken to extremes, aggression pursued as confidence etc are some of the reasons MOST (not all) of them struggle with social calibration.

 

[James D]

Hello, everyone, I have met a couple of guys from the country India, and one thing that struck me is that, most of them are not socially calibrated well, I don't mean to be racist or anything its just my experience and observation, I too have an Indian ancestry, so I'm worried it might be something cultural. I assumed it is because English is not the native tongue and also due to the culture differences, but I'm not sure why exactly this translates to less social calibration, given the large population shouldn't they be more socially calibrated, Could anyone tell what exactly makes them less calibrated as opposed to someone who grew up say in the west?
Thank You

I'm not sure what makes them less socially calibrated (having never set foot in the west, for one) but it seems you have some great replies on the matter.

I will just say this about your query if not being English native translates to being less socially calibrated.

From what I have observed, no.

I've seen guys who were not English native but were nevertheless pretty socially adroit.

Sure, they processed things slower and were not so good at the back and forth...

Overall though, they were fine.

I guess a cool guy is a cool guy.

I'm not English native myself. My native language is French but I hang out exclusively in circles where people speak English only.

I'd say I'm much better than most non-English native folks but I can still feel the gap in my English skills when conversing with an English native.

Earlier met this cool American dude and we had a chat.

He was obviously more comfortable with the language than I was.

But that had no effect on my social calibration.

Just my two cents from personal experience and observation.

Not sure how it works with Indians going to the West, maybe it might be a different dynamic, I'm not sure.

 

[Searcher]

I have seen Indians with Great social skills and also Indians with Horrible social skills.

The perception of all Indians lacking social skills is due to a couple of reasons.

1) Media represents indians as being awkward, even if you see an indian with great social skills, you are most likely to say he is an exception from the rest as it goes against all that you believed until now.

2) The Awkwardness of Indians on Social media is due to fact that a large number of them are those who are poor and never had good access to the internet until recently.
(Party because of widespread access to internet only made available in recent years)

and the overwhelming number of them will shadow any Indians with good social skills.


3) Indians and most asians spend most of their time in acaedemic pursuits at the expense of social skills.


A common character of an indian online is how he always jumps to potray entire indian population as negative while potraying himself as the only enlightened one.

 

[Spyce D]

common character of an indian online is how he always jumps to potray entire indian population as negative while potraying himself as the only enlightened one.

True .

That's why I said that it's more to due to inferiority complex .

I know this cuz I am an indian living in india .


The thing is every race / ethnicity / community has some flaws but the real question is what do indian guys bring on the table that can make them unique and sexy ? Cuz most of the times , I have heard indian guys complaining about race on dating forums .... And that has fucked my mind . And I am not even kidding .


I can go on and on about a lot of things but no point discussing all that stuff .


But somehow all this stupidity of this motivates me to become the best in pickup while still being INDIAN cuz if I don't embrace who I am then who will .