Arrogance depletion

[Illflyers28]

Just wondering if anyone has any tips on not coming off as arrogant or a know it all. I've been trying to fix this problem of mine for the past year. Recently it has been starting to affect my relationships with friends, family and lovers. People say I'm arrogant a know it all and mr perfect. They usually say it when I'm trying to help or when I'm just curious about how they did something. Is it my tone of voice? My vibe? Or just what I say?. Ill be honest I do like giving advice cause I like helping people. Should I only give advice when asked? I personally don't think I am arrogant at all specially cause I like learning from other people, and I strongly believe no one man is better than another. Anyways any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Eric]

Been here.

It's typically talking too much about yourself. People feel like you're above them socially but when you talk about yourself its not that it comes off that your arrogant.. it's just that people feel the need to drop you down a peg or two by labeling. Be mysterious and stop talking so much. Get used to people bragging to you and then keeping your mouth shut. It can be tempting but you'll get used to it and eventually you'll find it kind of goofy how people try to prove themselves so much (especially when your stories are much better. Oh? You got a date today? I've got 3).

Advice isn't necessary. Let people come to you for advice, and instead work on being relateable.

As for lovers/family/friends and trying to help people, etc. Stop. You can't help those who don't want help (I learned this the hard way.. and while it's possible you have to force people to change it always gets ugly. don't do it).

Learn to stop being judgmental (or coming off as it) too, I had to work on this. Not everyone wants to be perfect or improve themselves, and that's totally okay.

 

[Illflyers28]

Hey omgosh,

Thanks for the reply. Your advice is very helpful. I've noticed with strangers or just aquaintences that they don't think this about me or at least I don't think they do and that's probably because I don't try to give advice, help them, or talk about my self. Contrary to that is this labeling happens with people that im close to or more specifically people who feel close to me. And of course i wanna help and give advice to close ones. Definitely going to apply your advice, ill keep my mouth shut until advice is asked. And as far as being relatable, you have any advice on that? When someone tells me a story ill reply back to them with a story that is similar to theirs.. Does being relatable go deeper than just telling a similar story or event? Thanks again.

 

[Eric]

Hey omgosh,

Thanks for the reply. Your advice is very helpful. I've noticed with strangers or just aquaintences that they don't think this about me or at least I don't think they do and that's probably because I don't try to give advice, help them, or talk about my self. Contrary to that is this labeling happens with people that im close to or more specifically people who feel close to me. And of course i wanna help and give advice to close ones. Definitely going to apply your advice, ill keep my mouth shut until advice is asked. And as far as being relatable, you have any advice on that? When someone tells me a story ill reply back to them with a story that is similar to theirs.. Does being relatable go deeper than just telling a similar story or event? Thanks again.

See what happens when you try to use similar stories to relate to people.. it will backfire. Sometimes they are actually using their experiences to prove themselves to you, and at this point it's not really much use trying to relate to them. They already feel comfortable enough with you to share this stuff. What I meant by relatable is just work on being warm and providing responses like.. "Oh yeah I hate when that happens", "I've been there, it sucks". You also need to watch out for over providing good feelings, so mix in some pauses or be unresponsive to some things. They'll continue talking due to the pressure. It doesn't take too much effort to relate to someone, just make them feel good for sharing while still being a challenge.

 

[Thinkingenigma]

I needed to see this thread. I've found that as I've become more confident and knowledgeable, I have had the tendency to want to share it with others. I was trying to figure out why I was coming across as arrogant, and I think you guys nailed it. I need to stop talking as much.

 

[Illflyers28]

Ahh it's all so clear now omgosh. Definitely going to put some hard work in based off your advice. Solid stuff man.

Hey thinkingenigma,

It is definitely a low blow when someone calls you arrogant(at least it was for me). It was destroying my confidence very quickly the minute I heard that. Anyways omgosh is right we just need to shutup. He made it very clear to me when he said "not everyone wants to be perfect or improve themselves, and that's totally ok". Its hard to explain, but this quote really helped me understand why I come off as arrogant. Glad to hear this thread helped. Hopefully we both can keep our mouths shut more often.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hey Guys,

People feel like you're above them socially but when you talk about yourself its not that it comes off that your arrogant.. it's just that people feel the need to drop you down a peg or two by labeling. Be mysterious and stop talking so much. Get used to people bragging to you and then keeping your mouth shut.

i saw you guys talking about being arrogant and not coming as relatable.

i remember this article.

This might help too.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/being-authoritative

Check it out, CIao!

Zac

 

[Illflyers28]

Hey Zach,

Great find def a big help. It's all starting to make sense. Thank you all for replying.

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey Flyers,

Along with everyone's input, it comes with voice tone. If you really try to eliminate talking down to people or using condescending tones it comes off better. Another thing is let people speak on your behalf, meaning be humble and don't try to sound like you're trying to impress people. At the same time don't downplay your achievements either. Look at somebody who shares a completely different perspective than you do, it helps to become more relatable.

 

[Flames]

I think it probably depends on the 'people' TBH it could just be they're ignorant asshats, you may just have outgrown them.

If its happening on a regular basis I would assume its because your either mis-timing your responses (ie butting in) or mis-calibrating your responses (coming in too eager).

With girls it's better to be slightly arrogant then come off as weak. IMHO