Asked my age over text, went cold

[iceberg slim]

Howdy gents, I have a text issue I'd like help with. I just read the stickied thread on age and Chase's article on the topic so I'm not asking for the topic to be resurrected here, just some text advice. I gave her my age and she didn't respond so I'm flummoxed on what to do next. I met her a few days ago on the street corner waiting for the light.

Her: i know when you're meeting people in the street you dont always know their age so i wanted to tell you that im 24!

Me: Lol thanks for letting me know, you were lookin cute I couldn't help it! how do your posters look on your wall? [the couldn't help it part is striking me as me explaining/justifying myself unnecessarily, so not great but not awful]

Her: No frames yet! I need to get some! But can i ask how old you are?

Me: I'm 35. There's a frame shop in X neighborhood near where we met. Are you an x neighborhooder?

And then no response. What do yall think?

 

[Bob Z]

Imo this is kind of dad type humor that doesn't set a strong enough frame. That type of humor would probably work well for younger guy going for older girl (I think Chase used that type of joke in his article in reference to a younger guy going for older woman).

The best answer to age question with younger girls is to immediately have her qualify herself as not to young for you (learned this from other guys on forum - not taking credit). Clearly its a big mental barrier for her to immediately bring it up.

I forgot who I got this from on the forum but the type of response that would have worked perfectly is: "Ahhh yeah i usually date girls a bit older than you. You seem pretty cool so I might be able to make an exception " Worked great for me when i had college girl question me on age over text last week

works well for 3 reasons
1. Instantly you are not the "older guy who goes for younger girls" but just cool guy who happens to be older
2. She's qualifying herself instead of you qualifying yourself.
3. You act slightly surprised at her age but at same time don't make it a big deal

i think the person on the forum initially had the second part "hopefully you aren't too immature haha" (or something along those lines). That probably works good too but the "cool enough" framing makes more sense to me and is more congruent to the way I speak/think. I think the framing her as cool in spite of her age is better frame than maturity. Hard for me to explain why just gut feeling.

Also I would just lie about age personally (i'm assuming you're telling truth here). I see nothing wrong with it haha but understand if you wouldn't want to - just seems like unnecessary crutch and she wont find out anyway (if relationship goes on long enough you'll be able to deal with it, tho honestly i've heard of older people who lie about their age so much they genuinely lose track of their real age at a certain point LMAO. Not for pickup but pure vanity and wanting to present as younger).

As for what to do now I will defer to more experienced guy as I'd have no idea how to get out of this - feels relatively low odds to turn this around personally but nothing to lose in trying something - other guys will know better than me.

 

[iceberg slim]

Imo this is kind of dad type humor that doesn't set a strong enough frame. That type of humor would probably work well for younger guy going for older girl (I think Chase used that type of joke in his article in reference to a younger guy going for older woman).

The best answer to age question with younger girls is to immediately have her qualify herself as not to young for you (learned this from other guys on forum - not taking credit). Clearly its a big mental barrier for her to immediately bring it up.

I forgot who I got this from on the forum but the type of response that would have worked perfectly is: "Ahhh yeah i usually date girls a bit older than you. You seem pretty cool so I might be able to make an exception " Worked great for me when i had college girl question me on age over text last week

works well for 3 reasons
1. Instantly you are not the "older guy who goes for younger girls" but just cool guy who happens to be older
2. She's qualifying herself instead of you qualifying yourself.
3. You act slightly surprised at her age but at same time don't make it a big deal

i think the person on the forum initially had the second part "hopefully you aren't too immature haha" (or something along those lines). That probably works good too but the "cool enough" framing makes more sense to me and is more congruent to the way I speak/think. I think the framing her as cool in spite of her age is better frame than maturity. Hard for me to explain why just gut feeling.

Also I would just lie about age personally (i'm assuming you're telling truth here). I see nothing wrong with it haha but understand if you wouldn't want to - just seems like unnecessary crutch and she wont find out anyway (if relationship goes on long enough you'll be able to deal with it, tho honestly i've heard of older people who lie about their age so much they genuinely lose track of their real age at a certain point LMAO. Not for pickup but pure vanity and wanting to present as younger).

As for what to do now I will defer to more experienced guy as I'd have no idea how to get out of this - feels relatively low odds to turn this around personally but nothing to lose in trying something - other guys will know better than me.

Yep, you're right, I should have responded to her age by getting her to qualify herself. I read the girlschase take on tne issue after I had sent that. And I agree the cool frame feels better than the immaturity frame. It's probably not salvageable but now I have a tool to do better next time. As for lying, I'd prefer to tell the truth and use game to overcome any issues. But that's me. Thanks for the assessment!

 

[Kaida]

Howdy gents, I have a text issue I'd like help with. I just read the stickied thread on age and Chase's article on the topic so I'm not asking for the topic to be resurrected here, just some text advice. I gave her my age and she didn't respond so I'm flummoxed on what to do next. I met her a few days ago on the street corner waiting for the light.

Her: i know when you're meeting people in the street you dont always know their age so i wanted to tell you that im 24!

Me: Lol thanks for letting me know, you were lookin cute I couldn't help it! how do your posters look on your wall? [the couldn't help it part is striking me as me explaining/justifying myself unnecessarily, so not great but not awful]

Her: No frames yet! I need to get some! But can i ask how old you are?

Me: I'm 35. There's a frame shop in X neighborhood near where we met. Are you an x neighborhooder?

And then no response. What do yall think?

This article is exactly what you need:

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Respond to Her Text Screens

Girls sometimes ask screening questions over text. How you handle these is the difference between vanish or date. Contents 1. Why She Text Screens 2. Wrong Ways to Respond 3. Right Way to Respond 4. 5 Tools to Beat Text Screens 5. Not Everything is a Screen I recently read a private report from...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Chase]

@samanil,

This whole first message is a windup for a rejection:

Her: i know when you're meeting people in the street you dont always know their age so i wanted to tell you that im 24!

She is pacing your reality and then volunteering information that should not have any relevance IF both parties are actually attracted to each other and want to move this forward. i.e., she wants to soften the blow a bit, then find a reason to reject.

It's not so much about the age as about insufficient attraction.

Personally, if I get a message like this (reality pacing + volunteering random "windup for a rejection" info), my instant response is to call the girl immediately, as soon as the text arrives, so she can't try to act like she's not by her phone, and get her talking to attract her over a phone call. I want to abort this process before it can really get going, because once it gets going, you are cooked.

(half the time on the phone call it is still not going to work out, but at least you'll be done with it in a couple of minutes without wasting any further time or headache; the other half you can actually get her chatting and laughing and the thing she was winding up to reject you with just blows away)

You're probably not going to turn it around with this girl at this point, because the rejection is already in place. She's set an indirect frame that "I am 24, in case you don't know that means I am too young for you, you are in your middle 30s" frame, you fed into the frame rather than rebutted it, and at this point anything else you send her is you chasing her, not taking a hint, and "being creepy" from her frame.

(also, somewhat ironic that the actual conversation here was about frames, when the text conversation itself is SO frame heavy! This conversation was about frames on multiple different levels, it seems!)

Anyway, the only turnaround at this point is a strong pattern interrupt that blows up her frame and makes her need to respond.

If it was me writing your texts for you, I'd probably send her this:

"Hey, you're not one of these retarded kids who's like 'OMG, the age gap, patriarchy!' are you? Just gotta be sure!"

That'll almost certainly trigger her to send you something pissed off or lecture-y, which then takes you down a new path of "provoke her with your texts" texting, where you have to walk a fine line between provoking her overly-rigid sensibilities so you can challenge them / change them, vs. knowing when to calm things down and de-escalate and get it back to man-woman flirtation and bonding.

(Assuming she responds to that pissed off, I would probably just get her pissed off enough that she cannot believe the audacity of it, then at the peak of it, right after she fires off some uber pissed off text, give her a call, laughing, and smooth things out, get her laughing, and turn that anger into attraction, or leave a voicemail to that effect if she doesn't pick up. But I also enjoy playing the role of provocateur, so YMMV?)

Chase

 

[iceberg slim]

This article is exactly what you need:

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Respond to Her Text Screens

Girls sometimes ask screening questions over text. How you handle these is the difference between vanish or date. Contents 1. Why She Text Screens 2. Wrong Ways to Respond 3. Right Way to Respond 4. 5 Tools to Beat Text Screens 5. Not Everything is a Screen I recently read a private report from...

www.girlschase.com

Dang seriously, that was the perfect article for this scenario. Read it and will be revisiting many times in the future--thanks for the reference!

@samanil,

This whole first message is a windup for a rejection:



She is pacing your reality and then volunteering information that should not have any relevance IF both parties are actually attracted to each other and want to move this forward. i.e., she wants to soften the blow a bit, then find a reason to reject.

It's not so much about the age as about insufficient attraction.

Personally, if I get a message like this (reality pacing + volunteering random "windup for a rejection" info), my instant response is to call the girl immediately, as soon as the text arrives, so she can't try to act like she's not by her phone, and get her talking to attract her over a phone call. I want to abort this process before it can really get going, because once it gets going, you are cooked.

(half the time on the phone call it is still not going to work out, but at least you'll be done with it in a couple of minutes without wasting any further time or headache; the other half you can actually get her chatting and laughing and the thing she was winding up to reject you with just blows away)

You're probably not going to turn it around with this girl at this point, because the rejection is already in place. She's set an indirect frame that "I am 24, in case you don't know that means I am too young for you, you are in your middle 30s" frame, you fed into the frame rather than rebutted it, and at this point anything else you send her is you chasing her, not taking a hint, and "being creepy" from her frame.

(also, somewhat ironic that the actual conversation here was about frames, when the text conversation itself is SO frame heavy! This conversation was about frames on multiple different levels, it seems!)

Anyway, the only turnaround at this point is a strong pattern interrupt that blows up her frame and makes her need to respond.

If it was me writing your texts for you, I'd probably send her this:

"Hey, you're not one of these retarded kids who's like 'OMG, the age gap, patriarchy!' are you? Just gotta be sure!"

That'll almost certainly trigger her to send you something pissed off or lecture-y, which then takes you down a new path of "provoke her with your texts" texting, where you have to walk a fine line between provoking her overly-rigid sensibilities so you can challenge them / change them, vs. knowing when to calm things down and de-escalate and get it back to man-woman flirtation and bonding.

(Assuming she responds to that pissed off, I would probably just get her pissed off enough that she cannot believe the audacity of it, then at the peak of it, right after she fires off some uber pissed off text, give her a call, laughing, and smooth things out, get her laughing, and turn that anger into attraction, or leave a voicemail to that effect if she doesn't pick up. But I also enjoy playing the role of provocateur, so YMMV?)

Chase

Haha, it's almost like she was saying, "You have no understanding of frames yet! You need to get some!" Luckily I have you for that

Interesting perspective that it's a wind up for rejection. I wouldn't have thought that but it makes sense. What about the authoritative, “Haha, oh this. Okay, I’ll play along,” attitude that you recommend in your article on text screens? If I was following that advice I'd say something like "why, do you not date guys past a certain age or something? Old men need love too." Or something to that effect. Or the other stickied advice is to say something like "oh...yeah I usually date girls a bit older than you...but maybe I can make an exception if you're as cool as you seemed when I met you."

I like your pattern interrupt idea and then smoothing things out on the phone. I like being a provocateur as well, though I need to practice calling chicks suddenly.

 

[Jan]

Check out this thread: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...s-no-way-we-can-be-friends.28522/#post-171447

 

[bgwh]

I don't know if anyone else mentioned this, but my mind went to the street part.

To me it reads like the focus is on meeting you on the street and age is just an issue due to meeting in the street.