Asking a girl out over facebook

[goldenglory]

Hi guys

I appreciate that in general, asking a girl out over facebook is pretty lame. In this particular instance though, I'm thinking of making an exception and wouldn't mind hearing your opinions.

The girl in question, I used to go to school with. For a couple of reasons, I reckon there's a decent chance she'd be interested. Trouble is I don't have her phone number and I very rarely see her in person. Last time I ran into her was probably a few months ago. Unless I go all stalkerish, facebook is the only real way of getting in touch. It's pretty speculative yes, but do you think it's fair game in this instance to sling her a quick message asking her out for a drink?

Cheers

 

[Garrett]

Hi guys

I appreciate that in general, asking a girl out over facebook is pretty lame. In this particular instance though, I'm thinking of making an exception and wouldn't mind hearing your opinions.

The girl in question, I used to go to school with. For a couple of reasons, I reckon there's a decent chance she'd be interested. Trouble is I don't have her phone number and I very rarely see her in person. Last time I ran into her was probably a few months ago. Unless I go all stalkerish, facebook is the only real way of getting in touch. It's pretty speculative yes, but do you think it's fair game in this instance to sling her a quick message asking her out for a drink?

Cheers

Hey goldenglory, I've done some experimenting with that so I'll give you some advice.

I think if you know the girl but she barely knows you, I think it's best to build up a little rapport first before you ask her out. I wouldn't go beyond 10 messages when doing this. If you go straight to asking her out she may not want to invest because she doesn't even know you that well. It's kind of like going up to a girl from school that you don't really know but see around and say, "Hey I thought we could go for a drink, how's your schedule this week ?" I mean, it may workout, especially if she's into you, but if the girl doesn't feel a connection to you, then it's a bit risky to randomly hit her up and ask her out, especially if you are a beginner and don't have a good read on interest from girls nor do you know how to properly talk to/text girls.

If I were in your position, I'd hit her up basically saying, "Hey (name), hope everything is going well, I've been busy myself these days! Anyways, let me know what's new with you! " Then she responds to that, but if not then you can be a bit persistent and message her again because sometimes girls check their messages on facebook so it says "seen" and don't respond, not always because they aren't into you but other stuff comes up. Like with me, I will click on a message I've received, but sometimes, due to my currently hectic schedule, respond back hours later. Also, make sure you don't respond too quickly or right away, give it some time and ideally keep your messages shorter and make her wait a bit to talk to you, but don't go too overboard .

So anyways, as I was saying, I would send her that initial message with emoticons and exclamation marks so she feels more excited to respond back. Then she says, "Hey everything is good, been busy over the holidays and now I'm back at school! You ?" Then you say, "Yeah everything's good! Listen, I was thinking we could go for a hot chocolate sometime! How's your schedule looking this week ? Then she will let you know when she is free and you pick a date that works for YOU and HER, then you meetup and follow what Chase is teaching in his posts!

That's how I would do it personally, it depends on how well you know the girl too because if you talked to her sparingly or just once, you may have to message her a few more times then ask her out so she feels more connected to you.

Best of luck,
Garrett

 

[goldenglory]

Hey goldenglory, I've done some experimenting with that so I'll give you some advice.

I think if you know the girl but she barely knows you, I think it's best to build up a little rapport first before you ask her out. I wouldn't go beyond 10 messages when doing this. If you go straight to asking her out she may not want to invest because she doesn't even know you that well. It's kind of like going up to a girl from school that you don't really know but see around and say, "Hey I thought we could go for a drink, how's your schedule this week ?" I mean, it may workout, especially if she's into you, but if the girl doesn't feel a connection to you, then it's a bit risky to randomly hit her up and ask her out, especially if you are a beginner and don't have a good read on interest from girls nor do you know how to properly talk to/text girls.

If I were in your position, I'd hit her up basically saying, "Hey (name), hope everything is going well, I've been busy myself these days! Anyways, let me know what's new with you! " Then she responds to that, but if not then you can be a bit persistent and message her again because sometimes girls check their messages on facebook so it says "seen" and don't respond, not always because they aren't into you but other stuff comes up. Like with me, I will click on a message I've received, but sometimes, due to my currently hectic schedule, respond back hours later. Also, make sure you don't respond too quickly or right away, give it some time and ideally keep your messages shorter and make her wait a bit to talk to you, but don't go too overboard .

So anyways, as I was saying, I would send her that initial message with emoticons and exclamation marks so she feels more excited to respond back. Then she says, "Hey everything is good, been busy over the holidays and now I'm back at school! You ?" Then you say, "Yeah everything's good! Listen, I was thinking we could go for a hot chocolate sometime! How's your schedule looking this week ? Then she will let you know when she is free and you pick a date that works for YOU and HER, then you meetup and follow what Chase is teaching in his posts!

That's how I would do it personally, it depends on how well you know the girl too because if you talked to her sparingly or just once, you may have to message her a few more times then ask her out so she feels more connected to you.

Best of luck,
Garrett

Hi Garrett

Thanks for your advice. I gather from what you've written that you do think it's okay to message/ask out on facebook in these circumstances.

Now you mention it, I think sending one initial rapport building message is a good idea. I'm thinking of 'grounding' the message by referring to the last time we met:

I ran into the girl a few months ago in a club. She seemed pleased to see me and curious about how I was but then one of my friends came crashing in. I made the mistake of 'breaking circle' and she left shortly after.

Perhaps I could structure a short message along these lines:
1) Briefly mention us running into each other at X club a couple of months back, but not getting the chance to properly catch up.
2) Throw in a little tidbit about myself ('been pretty busy...')
3) Ask what's new with her

Just a couple of lines, like you've suggested. Properly sprinkled with emoticons, exclamation marks etc. (I've read the absolute shit out of this blog, so I do know the drill with general messaging/texting ) Hopefully the girl's reply would set me up to suggest a date. Any thoughts on that message idea?

 

[Garrett]

Goldenglory,

Yeah you seem to know what you're doing man . Don't overthink it too much, it's good to ask for advice but when you don't know, sometimes it's good to have a plan then take a risk with it because that's how you learn from your mistakes and it'll get ingrained in you. For example, I used to text girls all the time, then I read this blog and realized how much time I was wasting. Still after reading the blogs, I would text girls and I very rarely do these days, but on few occasions I will msg girl 'friends' to see how they're doing (I'm busy and don't see them often).

Anyways, point I'm making is, if you worry too much about every little thing you say or do with the girl, you won't come off as natural so have an idea in your head, compose the message and once you do that read it over and send it .

In terms of your idea, I think it's great! Just don't apologize by saying "I'm sorry". You are aware that you broke circle and all, just make sure you don't say "sorry" so you don't come off looking weak. Chase has a post on apologies, consult with that if you'd like. You don't even need to apologize, just go with what you're planning on saying and if you'd like, you can post your results!

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[goldenglory]

Goldenglory,

Yeah you seem to know what you're doing man . Don't overthink it too much, it's good to ask for advice but when you don't know, sometimes it's good to have a plan then take a risk with it because that's how you learn from your mistakes and it'll get ingrained in you. For example, I used to text girls all the time, then I read this blog and realized how much time I was wasting. Still after reading the blogs, I would text girls and I very rarely do these days, but on few occasions I will msg girl 'friends' to see how they're doing (I'm busy and don't see them often).

Anyways, point I'm making is, if you worry too much about every little thing you say or do with the girl, you won't come off as natural so have an idea in your head, compose the message and once you do that read it over and send it .

In terms of your idea, I think it's great! Just don't apologize by saying "I'm sorry". You are aware that you broke circle and all, just make sure you don't say "sorry" so you don't come off looking weak. Chase has a post on apologies, consult with that if you'd like. You don't even need to apologize, just go with what you're planning on saying and if you'd like, you can post your results!

Cheers,
Garrett

Cheers mate, agree with everything you've said. Don't worry, I wasn't planning on apologizing. I'll keep the tone light and upbeat.

I'll leave it a day or two now then I'll fire off the first message. Things seem to run smoother for me when dates are set up at relatively short notice and I'm going to shoot for this weekend. It's perhaps a bit of a long shot (I'm not even sure whereabouts she's located at the moment) but certainly worth having a go. If there are any noteworthy developments then I may well post them on here!

GG

 

[Light]

Garrett is right. Don't apologise. There is no need. She's probably forgetten and very likely hasn't taken it to heart.

As regarding asking her out over Facebook. You can to a certain extent. Just follow Chase's advise on how to text girls.

Use the same format. Treat your facebook messaging the same as texting and you will be ok.