- Joined
- Aug 28, 2013
- Messages
- 209
This one isn't special other than how I converted a hard flake into a date. I can't quite get a read on this chick, but my gut instinct is that she either isn't attracted enough or she is on the verge of auto-rejection. I would say she is a 7. She's a redhead, so she probably gets treated like an 8 by some guys.
I met her online. At the time, I had not read Chase's ebook yet but was still able to get her #, but after finishing his ebook, I was able convert her hard flake into a date by being more challenging and edgy. You can also see how I try to adhere to the Law of Least Effort, but she loves those curt, short replies lol.
When I finally arrive, I walk into the wine bar looking for her. She appears behind me and I give her a big, warm hug and a kiss to her cheek. There is a loud musician, so we sit outside; we sit at 90 degrees on chairs. I'm pretty chill and so is she. I focus on relaxed, naturally flowing conversation, and I think I did a fairly okay job. I recall starting our conversation on how our day was, and when I mentioned I has just gotten back from the gym, she mentions how she hasn't been in the gym for so long and has been trying to get back (despite her writing that "gym" is one of her interests in her online profile). Indicator of low self-esteem and auto-rejection? Anyway, she is leaning back like I am. At times, she would lean in (as would I when I was interested), but otherwise, I didn't see many IOIs. I'm always amazed by how wildly different every girl is. In my LR, I didn't think she was into me due to the lack of IOIs, so I'm thinking some women are much subtler with their IOIs.
I deep dive her on her job and travels. Pretty interesting person actually...went to college for ballet, now a gemologist (works in a jewelry store), but wants to be an actress (and has acted since a child and has appeared in smaller roles in film and television). But I get the feeling she has low self-esteem. She seemed uncomfortable when I asked her about college...she didn't finish it (like me, but she never found that out about me)...and she tried to break into the acting business but did not succeed. I related by saying how my passion was DJing and how I was noticed by some bigger talent but things didn't pan out as I hoped.
I think I did an okay job relating to her. I tell her I've been taking improv classes and how I want to take classes in acting (in response to her wanting to be an actress), and we talk a bit about that. She doesn't ask me very many questions, so that was weird. But again, the chick in my LR asked me like 2 questions total. I still expect women to ask me questions if they're interested, so I do get a bit discouraged when they don't.
Kino: When I first met her, I grabbed her hand to lead her around as we looked for a seat. When we sat down, I grabbed her hand to look at her ring. I also later grabbed her hair to ask if she's really a red-head. I also touched her arm while thanking her correction of some geographic question.
About 45 minutes into our date, she asks where I live. I tell her I live close by. I interpret that as a sign that she's ready to be pulled, so I ask her if she wants to go somewhere quieter. She said she's fine where she is. Argh!
Maybe 10 minutes later, I tell her I want to get some fried bananas at the restaurant next door. I pay for both of our drinks (maybe I shouldn't have done this as it may have given her the wrong impression, but I did text her that the first round of drinks are on me for being late...maybe I should stop saying this), then we go to the restaurant next door. She has closed body language; WTF, how do I get her to open up?
I order some fried bananas for take out. There's a bunch of seats, and I sit first, and she does sit right next to me. Good sign? I ask her what type of food she likes and we chat a bit about that for awhile. She's not attempting to relate or qualify herself though. WTF? I insert a pregnant pause to get her to initiate the conversation more and to ask me some damn questions. After like 30 seconds of silence, she finally says something about how the restaurant must be doing well. I continue the conversation with some banter.
The fried bananas arrive and we walk out of the restaurant. I chill there to see how she reacts. She suggests eating at the table in front of us (I am still not getting good signs from her that I can take this food back to my place, which is like a few minutes away). We chat a bit, and things pick back up. She mentions a comedian she like and I tell her I've never heard of him. I test the waters again to see if she would be receptive to pulling by telling her I'd like her to how me this comedian. She tells me I can just Google it! I slow things down on purpose so we're both comfortable with just our presence as we enjoy the fried bananas. When we're done, I tell her I'm going to call it a night and tell her that I enjoyed talking with her tonight. She asked if I was serious. WTF?
I walk her to her car, chat a bit about her car, then give her a hug and kiss her on the cheek. The end.
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Post mortem:
I actually thought I did better than usual with this date, but I was not gaining much ground. WTF? I did fail to throw in sexual innuendo though. I really need to work on that. Can you guys recommend some default ones to throw in when I can't riff off on anything?
Thinking about my date again, I'm leaning towards auto-rejection. I think I made her feel insecure by having her tell me about not completing college and ending up working in a jewelry store and how she really wants to be an actress but never made it. I can relate to that because my last date, which I did not write an FR about it, was a very active, high value PhD psychologist, and when she asked me about my college, I felt really insecure when I told her I didn't complete college as a result of pursuing DJing. She responded by saying how "interesting," which I interpreted as a neg. At that point, I felt my value plummeted and went into auto-rejection and grew resentful. I have a feeling this aspiring actress chick went through the same thing because I told her very enthusiastically that I found what she said very interesting; she may have interpreted that as a neg, which was not my intention at all. Next time, I need to be more explicit with my qualification, especially when it comes to sensitive stuff...maybe that's why she started to close up? Or maybe...I'm making this a much bigger deal than it is...after all, she did continue to hang out with me.
Tomorrow, I'll text her that I enjoyed my time with her tomorrow, then text to set up a second date in 2-3 days. Since I think she is on the verge of auto-rejection, I'm thinking I need to qualify her EXPLICITLY. Most of my qualification during the date was implicit.
I met her online. At the time, I had not read Chase's ebook yet but was still able to get her #, but after finishing his ebook, I was able convert her hard flake into a date by being more challenging and edgy. You can also see how I try to adhere to the Law of Least Effort, but she loves those curt, short replies lol.
When I finally arrive, I walk into the wine bar looking for her. She appears behind me and I give her a big, warm hug and a kiss to her cheek. There is a loud musician, so we sit outside; we sit at 90 degrees on chairs. I'm pretty chill and so is she. I focus on relaxed, naturally flowing conversation, and I think I did a fairly okay job. I recall starting our conversation on how our day was, and when I mentioned I has just gotten back from the gym, she mentions how she hasn't been in the gym for so long and has been trying to get back (despite her writing that "gym" is one of her interests in her online profile). Indicator of low self-esteem and auto-rejection? Anyway, she is leaning back like I am. At times, she would lean in (as would I when I was interested), but otherwise, I didn't see many IOIs. I'm always amazed by how wildly different every girl is. In my LR, I didn't think she was into me due to the lack of IOIs, so I'm thinking some women are much subtler with their IOIs.
I deep dive her on her job and travels. Pretty interesting person actually...went to college for ballet, now a gemologist (works in a jewelry store), but wants to be an actress (and has acted since a child and has appeared in smaller roles in film and television). But I get the feeling she has low self-esteem. She seemed uncomfortable when I asked her about college...she didn't finish it (like me, but she never found that out about me)...and she tried to break into the acting business but did not succeed. I related by saying how my passion was DJing and how I was noticed by some bigger talent but things didn't pan out as I hoped.
I think I did an okay job relating to her. I tell her I've been taking improv classes and how I want to take classes in acting (in response to her wanting to be an actress), and we talk a bit about that. She doesn't ask me very many questions, so that was weird. But again, the chick in my LR asked me like 2 questions total. I still expect women to ask me questions if they're interested, so I do get a bit discouraged when they don't.
Kino: When I first met her, I grabbed her hand to lead her around as we looked for a seat. When we sat down, I grabbed her hand to look at her ring. I also later grabbed her hair to ask if she's really a red-head. I also touched her arm while thanking her correction of some geographic question.
About 45 minutes into our date, she asks where I live. I tell her I live close by. I interpret that as a sign that she's ready to be pulled, so I ask her if she wants to go somewhere quieter. She said she's fine where she is. Argh!
Maybe 10 minutes later, I tell her I want to get some fried bananas at the restaurant next door. I pay for both of our drinks (maybe I shouldn't have done this as it may have given her the wrong impression, but I did text her that the first round of drinks are on me for being late...maybe I should stop saying this), then we go to the restaurant next door. She has closed body language; WTF, how do I get her to open up?
I order some fried bananas for take out. There's a bunch of seats, and I sit first, and she does sit right next to me. Good sign? I ask her what type of food she likes and we chat a bit about that for awhile. She's not attempting to relate or qualify herself though. WTF? I insert a pregnant pause to get her to initiate the conversation more and to ask me some damn questions. After like 30 seconds of silence, she finally says something about how the restaurant must be doing well. I continue the conversation with some banter.
The fried bananas arrive and we walk out of the restaurant. I chill there to see how she reacts. She suggests eating at the table in front of us (I am still not getting good signs from her that I can take this food back to my place, which is like a few minutes away). We chat a bit, and things pick back up. She mentions a comedian she like and I tell her I've never heard of him. I test the waters again to see if she would be receptive to pulling by telling her I'd like her to how me this comedian. She tells me I can just Google it! I slow things down on purpose so we're both comfortable with just our presence as we enjoy the fried bananas. When we're done, I tell her I'm going to call it a night and tell her that I enjoyed talking with her tonight. She asked if I was serious. WTF?
I walk her to her car, chat a bit about her car, then give her a hug and kiss her on the cheek. The end.
-----------------------------------
Post mortem:
I actually thought I did better than usual with this date, but I was not gaining much ground. WTF? I did fail to throw in sexual innuendo though. I really need to work on that. Can you guys recommend some default ones to throw in when I can't riff off on anything?
Thinking about my date again, I'm leaning towards auto-rejection. I think I made her feel insecure by having her tell me about not completing college and ending up working in a jewelry store and how she really wants to be an actress but never made it. I can relate to that because my last date, which I did not write an FR about it, was a very active, high value PhD psychologist, and when she asked me about my college, I felt really insecure when I told her I didn't complete college as a result of pursuing DJing. She responded by saying how "interesting," which I interpreted as a neg. At that point, I felt my value plummeted and went into auto-rejection and grew resentful. I have a feeling this aspiring actress chick went through the same thing because I told her very enthusiastically that I found what she said very interesting; she may have interpreted that as a neg, which was not my intention at all. Next time, I need to be more explicit with my qualification, especially when it comes to sensitive stuff...maybe that's why she started to close up? Or maybe...I'm making this a much bigger deal than it is...after all, she did continue to hang out with me.
Tomorrow, I'll text her that I enjoyed my time with her tomorrow, then text to set up a second date in 2-3 days. Since I think she is on the verge of auto-rejection, I'm thinking I need to qualify her EXPLICITLY. Most of my qualification during the date was implicit.
- For future dates, how should I present the fact that I didn't complete college (I actually dropped out due to me not being mature enough) in a manner that isn't unattractive? I often become self-conscious and feel insecure when I tell people this.
- When women reveal they didn't complete college, should I thread cut? If so, how should I branch off to a positive thread? People who don't complete college probably did not enjoy college, so will need to branch off to something unrelated to college. Revealing that they didn't complete college brings up a lot of bad feelings.
