Atomic Ascent

[Atom]

Hi everyone,

After seeing many other members start journals and go on to find great success, I have decided to start one as well. I am finally going to start taking my dating life seriously and establish it as a priority, at least for the foreseeable future. I hope that this journal will help hold me accountable for my efforts and keep me focused.

I'm a college student in the US, and my current goal is to incrementally develop my personality to be more charming, and hopefully have some fun experiences with women along the way
I'm a big believer in the "natural" / social circle style, where my personality is completely congruent at all times and doesn't require me to ever go out expressly with the intention of meeting women. This is my aim --- to be able to go about my normal life and meet interesting people (both men and women) at a high rate.

My natural strengths:
-flirty banter
-deep diving
-getting to know people one on one
-"fundamentals" (can always be improved)

My current weaknesses:
-group conversations
-party / club / other high energy situations
-staying in a positive and uplifting mood ("in state")

My (initial) plan:
Align my actions with my desired identity by talking to as many people as possible. I will start out by destroying any remaining fears / anxiety related to going up to random people and talking to them, and the only way to do that is consistent action (talking to everyone I see).

Enjoy!

 

[Atom]

9/26: First Journal

Just got back from a night out with friends. Not much happened, but I want to stay consistent and record everything.

-went to a party with friends
-bumped into two old acquaintances of mine and chatted for a bit
-asked a random girl what she thought of the party, made small talk for 2 minutes, traded names. Seemed interested but I just left (wasn't attracted)
-talked to a few people in the elevator, asked them how their night was going, etc (big win for me - I always want to do this but never used to)

Overall: good job staying "in state" (which is really just being in the moment by being playful and focusing on having the most fun possible). Good job with eye contact and using touch more as a part of every conversation.

Need to work on: staying in conversations longer, and not just trying to leave at the first hint of awkwardness. Also, there was a group conversation where I engaged for the first 5 minutes and then fell silent. I need to stay active in the conversation, and realize that not everything I say has to be perfect.

 

[Atom]

Early October: Journal #2

Wrote this up weeks ago but procrastinated on posting it. Need to get better about that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last few days have been interesting. Been mostly staying in a social state by talking to everyone I see, whether that be in class, parties, libraries, anywhere. I need to continue focusing on being extremely present, and also providing positive energy and active listening to people. I want to consistently be genuinely excited to see people.

Also, last night at a party:
I talked to a girl with “Hey what's your name” and then led her to dance a bit before sitting.
From the beginning, she was very receptive to touch and responded well to my grabbing her hand, hand around the shoulder, touching arms, legs and back, etc.
I also kissed her (big win!) but she seemed bored and kept looking around. She also asked me how much longer until the party ended, and kept saying she was tired and had to sleep. She said she was too tired to get up and walk around the venue.
About 10ish minutes after we kissed, her enthusiasm noticeably dropped. At this point, she was still welcoming touch but when I tried to kiss again, she said “I don’t know if you like me enough” and “we just met”. She also didn’t want to leave because of her friends. Any thoughts on what happened?

To be honest, I didn’t do a good job deep diving and our conversation was very superficial. Anyways, that was a good learning experience. Things I did well: Taking risks and talking to people. Need to work on: mainly fixing the issues with my interaction above, and also improving the smoothness of my small talk in general.


----------------------------------------------------

Journal #3: late October

Not sure what happened but I've been feeling much more out of state lately. Possible causes:

1. much more work now that college classes are getting harder
2. gym schedule more irregular
3. stopped talking to random people as much (or at all, really)

I feel like the key to my success has always been "state", and that only comes from talking to random people (point #3 above). As soon as I stopped taking the initiative to talk to random people everywhere I go, I fell out of the habit, and now there is much more inertia to get back to that state. This affects the way I behave in every other situation and my mood as well.

Point #1 (work) is also crucial, since I noticed that whenever I have a lot of work / deadlines, I get less playful in conversations and less invested in what other people are saying. Basically, I become more boring. I need to either reduce my workload or learn to care less about deadlines.

The goal now is to get back to that state, little by little. I will start by getting a massive head start on my work so I have free time, and then start setting aside more time to going out consistently.

Also: kissed a girl at a dance class a couple weeks ago! That's #3 for me, happy about that.

 

[Atom]

Journal #4: three encounters
These all happened about 6 months ago, I just forgot to post. Big learning experiences – I’m hoping to avoid making some of the same mistakes going forward.

Encounter 1
We met at an evening school event, she was receptive, and we traded numbers. For the date, I tried to keep it simple: walked around a few city blocks w her and ended up making out on a random rooftop.

Things I did well: taking initiative to text her, recognizing her interest in me early on, overall keeping the frames flirty, responding to shit tests with agree and amplify.
Things I did badly: stalling too much to kiss her even when she clearly was ready (mentioned riding, talked about how handsome I was, made me kiss a statue).

Also she shit tested playfully: “soo do you prey on all the younger girls or just me.” I laughed it off, which was an ok response but i could have done better i feel.

Also at one point after making out she (still playfully) said I'm just horny, and nothing good happens after 12. I said lots of good things can happen after 12, but I still ended up walking her back home and nothing else happened. Again, bad logistics with my roommates both asleep – couldn't pull although she seemed ready. i should have said something like “oh you’re just projecting your own horniness onto me”, which would have set a way stronger chase frame. This fizzled out later over text.


Encounter 2
I invited a girl over to my apartment. Context: we met while standing in line at a cafe, I asked what she was getting or smth like that, then we talked for 30mins and I grabbed her number.

What I did well:

• Persisting for her to come over, even when she said she was tired or I was tired (she clearly was into me)
• Leading with the text conversation
• Used a flirty phone call to build comfort and attraction
• Inviting her to immediately sit on the bed

What I did badly:

• No hug when meeting (lack of sexual frame)
• A bit unserious on the walk over, keeping it platonic overall
• I was sick, which she didn’t like
• Too much talking about her schedule, not enough talking about getting to know her / getting her in a sexual state
• Not using enough touch at all

So, the main thing was I just didn’t escalate the vibe to sexual enough / at all. A weakness of mine in the past has been that I’m too afraid to escalate the vibe myself, instead waiting for the girl to do so. (Or maybe this is a strength, and I’m just being calibrated and not rushing things). Either way, this could be a sticking point going forward.

Encounter 3
Brought a girl back to my place from a party(no reservations on coming with me), WITH her wanting to come with me, WITH her friend saying have fun i'll see u tmr, WITH my roommates out of town, and then I proceeded to yap for two hours abt nothing (school, music) instead of making any moves. Looking back it seems so obvious she really wanted to hook up, but she just wasn't the type to start escalating on me first -- what was I thinking, idk...

Then to make it worse, I proceeded to never text her again. failed to close, actually failed to even make a move or try to close at all. very embarrassing, never again. always at least try, and I need to find a smoother way of escalating other than just us sitting on the couch barely touching. This also goes back to me needing to be more comfortable with my own sexuality and feeling free to express my sexual intent and desires.