FR awkward cold approach and left on read

[barneystin]

it’s day 1 of officially getting back to day game. I haven’t day gamed in about 2-3 months since i got back to college so i’m a bit rusty.

Today, i focused on getting over my approach anxiety (again) so i started off too scared to make approaches (reputation scares but i go to a big enough college, about 40k students, that it honestly shouldn’t matter) and eventually made a couple of approaches. Here are the notable ones:

Girl A:
I was hanging around a coffee shop when i spot this cute girl who comes to grab a coffee. After getting her order, she walks all the way to where I was staying and sits beside me. I open her with a compliment:
"Hey, cool pants!"
She says thanks and proceeds to tell me how much she likes it and where she got it from. I do a lot of compliment openers so when I get responses like this, there's a good chance it's a green light. I ask her about the pants some more and we moved into conversation about where she was from etc etc. She seemed really excited to talk to me so I assumed it was in the bag. Before I left, I asked for her Instagram(I alternate between IG or numbers when I'm on college because IG lets you and the girl passively keep up with each other). She asks for my phone so she can type it in and I ask what her plans were, hoping to secure an instant date. She says she has class and I ask what she was doing after. She said she was free and I told her we should study together. She seemed down and asked for logistics. I told her I'll dm it to her over instagram and we parted ways.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from it because it wasn't my best game and girls flake all the time but she seemed super compliant so I had my hopes up a little bit. After a couple of minutes, I send two texts to her telling her where we should meet up. She never responded and about 2 hours later, I shoot her a final text: "still coming?" to see where her head was at. I got left on read and now i'm pretty confused.

I had a similar thing happen to me last week as well where a girl seemed pretty compliant in person but ignores me over text/instagram. Any ideas for where I went wrong?

Girl B:
This approach was just a total disaster. I have personal notes for where i went wrong but I'm curious to see what the folks on here say:
I'm walking on campus when I see this cute girl walking towards me. I wave and compliment her hair: "hey, your hair looks good" to which she responds thank you with a slight smile. Here's what it all goes wrong:
Me: "Where are you headed to?"
Her: "My dorm"
Me: "Oh cool, I'll walk you for part of the way" (i think i did this to defuse the tension since i stopped her in her tracks and she seemed a bit confused but i could have just moved her off the path and continued the conversation I think)
Her: "Uhh, why?"
Me: "So we can talk and get to know each other" (terrible line)
Her: "Uhh, okay?"

We start walking and I'm trying to start a conversation. She seems very confused as to why I'm even talking to her so i'm trying to defuse the tension and build some comfort:
Me: "So where are you coming from?"
Her: "My sorority house"
Me: "Hmm, is it <random sorority house>"
Her: "No"
Me: "So what year are you in?" (I could have made some comment about her being in a sorority or challenged her on being in a sorority but she seemed uncomfortable so it didn't seem right)
Her: "Freshman"
Me: "Oh, I'm a senior"
Her: "Oh"
Small awkward (at this point, i get in my head)
Me: "Yeahhh, I don't really date freshmen so this will just be a friendly chat" (i dont even know why i said this, i think i was just trying to defuse the tension)
Her: (still showing discomfort through her body language and looking confused): "Uhh, okay?"

At this point, I try to make some more regular conversation to get some investment from her. I asked her where she was from and told her i was from out of the country. I asked her if she had travelled and where she'd been to and why but she kept giving me one-word responses so I just bid her farewell and left.

I don't know what it is but this rarely happens when I cold approach outside of college(most girls seem to know what's going on) but this is the second time it's happening in college. Any ideas why? Inexperience on the part of the girls?
I also think I could have paced her reality by commenting on how confused she looks.

 

[TwoNameGame]

(reputation scares but i go to a big enough college, about 40k students, that it honestly shouldn’t matter)

I go to a university which is roughly that size and have yet to encounter reputational harm despite being quite memorable.

Girl A: She seemed down and asked for logistics. I told her I'll dm it to her over instagram and we parted ways.

Probably should have established logistics to vet concerns.

I had a similar thing happen to me last week as well where a girl seemed pretty compliant in person but ignores me over text/instagram.

Your texting seems too uncalibrated. You seem to be a bit too pushy.

Girl B:
Her: "My dorm"
Me: "Oh cool, I'll walk you for part of the way"

You likely spooked her by immediately trying to see where she lives. She might be concerned you could be a stalker. Try establishing comfort before following her home.

We start walking and I'm trying to start a conversation. She seems very confused as to why I'm even talking to her so i'm trying to defuse the tension and build some comfort:

Again, she doesn't even know you and you are following her home.

Me: "Oh, I'm a senior"
Her: "Oh"

You are older and more imposing. This seems suspicious

Inexperience on the part of the girls?

Some universiry girls are shy or jumpy because of feminist propaganda. Women out in the world tend to feel more secure.

 

[barneystin]

Your texting seems too uncalibrated. You seem to be a bit too pushy.

Thanks for the feedback!

Yeah, I see how it can come off that way. I definitely could have done without sending the third text but it looked like i was going to get ignored anyway so i decided to go all in. Anything you think i could have done better, texting-wise?

You likely spooked her by immediately trying to see where she lives. She might be concerned you could be a stalker. Try establishing comfort before following her home.

Yeah, i was trying to avoid that by saying i'll walk with her part of the way. I probably should have just stopped her and continued the conversation there.

You are older and more imposing. This seems suspicious

Any tips to get around this, for future purposes?

 

[barneystin]

I go to a university which is roughly that size and have yet to encounter reputational harm despite being quite memorable.


Probably should have established logistics to vet concerns.


Your texting seems too uncalibrated. You seem to be a bit too pushy.


You likely spooked her by immediately trying to see where she lives. She might be concerned you could be a stalker. Try establishing comfort before following her home.


Again, she doesn't even know you and you are following her home.


You are older and more imposing. This seems suspicious


Some universiry girls are shy or jumpy because of feminist propaganda. Women out in the world tend to feel more secure.

I also encounter issues with closing on campus. When i’m not in college, it’s always easy to say “you seem pretty cool, let’s grab a drink sometime”and get the number after she agrees.

However, on campus, the idea of a formal date feels incongruent to the environment and kinda try-hard. I’m curious on how to go about getting the contact information and then setting up the date.

Thanks again for the feedback!

 

[TwoNameGame]

Any tips to get around this, for future purposes?

My point was that saying this didn't do you any favors at that point...

But it is manageable. For starters, pre-empt the age discussion and use it to qualify her instead.

Here is a thread

 

[Will_V]

it’s day 1 of officially getting back to day game. I haven’t day gamed in about 2-3 months since i got back to college so i’m a bit rusty.

Today, i focused on getting over my approach anxiety (again) so i started off too scared to make approaches (reputation scares but i go to a big enough college, about 40k students, that it honestly shouldn’t matter) and eventually made a couple of approaches. Here are the notable ones:

Girl A:
I was hanging around a coffee shop when i spot this cute girl who comes to grab a coffee. After getting her order, she walks all the way to where I was staying and sits beside me. I open her with a compliment:
"Hey, cool pants!"
She says thanks and proceeds to tell me how much she likes it and where she got it from. I do a lot of compliment openers so when I get responses like this, there's a good chance it's a green light. I ask her about the pants some more and we moved into conversation about where she was from etc etc. She seemed really excited to talk to me so I assumed it was in the bag. Before I left, I asked for her Instagram(I alternate between IG or numbers when I'm on college because IG lets you and the girl passively keep up with each other). She asks for my phone so she can type it in and I ask what her plans were, hoping to secure an instant date. She says she has class and I ask what she was doing after. She said she was free and I told her we should study together. She seemed down and asked for logistics. I told her I'll dm it to her over instagram and we parted ways.

Sounds like you didn't qualify her. If you just have a cheery conversation and then grab the number, she doesn't feel like there's anything real between you two. She has to feel like you approached her because of something you genuinely like about her.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from it because it wasn't my best game and girls flake all the time but she seemed super compliant so I had my hopes up a little bit. After a couple of minutes, I send two texts to her telling her where we should meet up. She never responded and about 2 hours later, I shoot her a final text: "still coming?" to see where her head was at. I got left on read and now i'm pretty confused.

I had a similar thing happen to me last week as well where a girl seemed pretty compliant in person but ignores me over text/instagram. Any ideas for where I went wrong?

Girl B:
This approach was just a total disaster. I have personal notes for where i went wrong but I'm curious to see what the folks on here say:
I'm walking on campus when I see this cute girl walking towards me. I wave and compliment her hair: "hey, your hair looks good" to which she responds thank you with a slight smile. Here's what it all goes wrong:
Me: "Where are you headed to?"
Her: "My dorm"
Me: "Oh cool, I'll walk you for part of the way" (i think i did this to defuse the tension since i stopped her in her tracks and she seemed a bit confused but i could have just moved her off the path and continued the conversation I think)
Her: "Uhh, why?"
Me: "So we can talk and get to know each other" (terrible line)
Her: "Uhh, okay?"

We start walking and I'm trying to start a conversation. She seems very confused as to why I'm even talking to her so i'm trying to defuse the tension and build some comfort:
Me: "So where are you coming from?"
Her: "My sorority house"
Me: "Hmm, is it <random sorority house>"
Her: "No"
Me: "So what year are you in?" (I could have made some comment about her being in a sorority or challenged her on being in a sorority but she seemed uncomfortable so it didn't seem right)
Her: "Freshman"
Me: "Oh, I'm a senior"
Her: "Oh"
Small awkward (at this point, i get in my head)
Me: "Yeahhh, I don't really date freshmen so this will just be a friendly chat" (i dont even know why i said this, i think i was just trying to defuse the tension)
Her: (still showing discomfort through her body language and looking confused): "Uhh, okay?"

At this point, I try to make some more regular conversation to get some investment from her. I asked her where she was from and told her i was from out of the country. I asked her if she had travelled and where she'd been to and why but she kept giving me one-word responses so I just bid her farewell and left.

I don't know what it is but this rarely happens when I cold approach outside of college(most girls seem to know what's going on) but this is the second time it's happening in college. Any ideas why? Inexperience on the part of the girls?
I also think I could have paced her reality by commenting on how confused she looks.

It's much better if you can stop her. If you go right to 'where are you headed' and start inviting yourself along on her errands after the opener, the interaction's a bit too weak at that point.

Sometimes she doesn't stop and you have to walk with her for a while. In that case it's usually best just to call it out like "I'll walk with you for a minute, not gonna follow you around everywhere haha I'm already going that way". Act super chill and like it's all a bit entertaining. If she's really not in the mood, and continues to object, let her go.

Sounds like you're warming up again so main thing is to just keep it rolling!

 

[barneystin]

Sounds like you didn't qualify her. If you just have a cheery conversation and then grab the number, she doesn't feel like there's anything real between you two. She has to feel like you approached her because of something you genuinely like about her.

My bad for not including this part of the interaction. I think I qualified her a little bit. She had a lot of interesting jewelry so I asked her about some of them and qualified her on her style/choice in jewelry

 

[barneystin]

Here is a thread

Just went through it. Great stuff! Thanks!