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LR  Bad Sex

Sam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
68
Hello, gentlemen.

Last Friday, I went out with a friend. Once I enter a favourite bar of mine, my eyes lock with a sexy brunette and we hold strong eye contact as I walk to take a seat. The woman goes to the toilet and as she exits, I lightly touch her. She turns and after a 2-minute interaction she gives me her number.

On Monday, we meet for a 1-hour drink. As we walk our way outside the bar, I tell her "I am not sleepy, are you?" She giggles and says "We can go wherever you want, but you will drive me back home afterwards". I say "sure" and I start driving. She asks me "So, where are we going?" and I calmly reply "To my place, where the beautiful view from my balcony awaits". She giggles and we go.

Fast forward to the sex part:

- The woman gave zero LMR
- I kissed her within 5 minutes and started escalation
- I took all her cloths off and started to enjoy her beautiful body
- After 40 minutes of foreplay I couldn't get it up (performance anxiety + lack of sleep)
- I manage to get it up and she starts giving me a blowjob; the blowjob was one of those when the woman scratches the head of your penis with her teeth, which makes me lose my erection in her mouth
- I pull my penis out of her mouth, so as not to lose my erection completely. She tries to wildly take it back to her mouth. I say "You unwillingly scratch me with your teeth". She says "I will try not to", I say "Don't bother, it's ok, we can do other things" (She seemed somewhat stiff after that)
- I manage to get it up, I penetrate her and I cum prematurely in 3 minutes
- I finish her off with oral sex and stimulating her clitoris
- I looked her in the eye and told her "You know, all this [i.e. my bad performance] is purely psychological", she says " Iknow, the pressure can be great for guys sometimes"

The next two days, the woman kept a normal text communication with me. Yesterday, I texted her "What do you do tonight after 8pm?" to which she relplied "My brother is coming tonight from abroad and I need to see him these days. I will call you after that". My assumption, guys, is that she politely dodged a second meeting, unless proven otherwise. This brings us to two sets of questions:

A) How do you salvage a first time bad sex? If a woman doesn't feel like giving you a second chance, is it because she lost her respect for you or is it because she auto-rejects and feels inadequate as a sexual stimulus to you?

B) Premature ejaculation: does masturbating 2 hours before sex work?

Unfortunately, many of my first-time sex sessions are of poor quality on my part. Instead of dealing with the woman as an object of desire and a source of pleasure, I see her as Judge Drek who will condemn me as a male, if I don't perform, which leads to exactly that. Maybe, Chace, you could write about outcome independence on the sexual level and how to achieve it?

Tonight, I have another date and I would like to be more care-free.

Guys, your comments are welcome. I hope I touch upon a topic of interest to you.
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,897
Instead of masturbating before sex, which you can do but I don't see why, just come prematurely and then throw another condom on as soon as you're back up and get er' done. I usually opt for this one and if you give her a good pounding for the 2-3 minutes of sex they usually don't really notice it that much. Just give them oral and feel up her body till you're hard again.

For me I don't think I've ever had sex where I didn't come prematurely (lol kinda embarrassing looking back) but I stay hard so I just slap another condom on and get back at it. You might have to adjust this it takes a while for you to get back up post ejaculation.

I pull my penis out of her mouth, so as not to lose my erection completely. She tries to wildly take it back to her mouth. I say "You unwillingly scratch me with your teeth". She says "I will try not to", I say "Don't bother, it's ok, we can do other things" (She seemed somewhat stiff after that)

I think she probably got offended a bit here and you kind of rejected her blowjob ability.
You might want to approach this a different way and not so matter of factly. When this happens to me I usually say something like this "baby not so much teeth or I'm going to have to punish you". If they keep doing it I'll pull out of their mouth flip her on her back and give her a couple of good spankings and tell her why she's getting spanked. Then I'll give her a second chance to redeem herself and she usually doesn't use her teeth anymore... unless she wants another spanking ;).

That's my style you can adjust accordingly but don't call her out and tell her she sucks and then move on. Address it in a more fun way to keep the emotional flow that sex is going smoothly.

Good luck on the next one Sam.

-Rob
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,637
Sam,

the blowjob was one of those when the woman scratches the head of your penis with her teeth, which makes me lose my erection in her mouth

I hate this so much. There really should be a basic blowjob training that every girl goes through where she learns the basics. Making sure teeth don't make contact with the skin is the number one fundamental when giving head!

Anyway, that was a tangent...

I say "You unwillingly scratch me with your teeth". She says "I will try not to", I say "Don't bother, it's ok, we can do other things" (She seemed somewhat stiff after that)

Yeah, this probably wasn't a great move. Girls are very sensitive about their ability to satisfy you in bed, and the second you chastise her for not performing well, she's going to either feel hurt or upset. It probably would have been better to just move straight to penetration without saying anything at this point.

- I looked her in the eye and told her "You know, all this [i.e. my bad performance] is purely psychological", she says " Iknow, the pressure can be great for guys sometimes"

This kind of dims the mood a bit. It lets her know that you were bothered by the fact that you came prematurely. When this happens, I have a very good line that works every time:

"Wow! I didn't expect to finish so quickly... that was fucking hot. I guess it looks like we'll just have to go for a second round... ;)"

This does a couple of things:

  • 1. It lets her know that you came quickly because the mood was so hot and steamy, so she feels like it was more of a "compliment" that you came early.

    2. It lets her know that the night isn't over yet and that you'll likely give her a second, extended round of sex soon after.

Women don't mind going for more than one round at ALL, even if they have to wait. I actually have a terrible recovery time from sex -- I usually can't go again for about another 20 to 30 minutes. But this is never an issue for me; you can simply hold her in bed and talk/joke with her until you feel the arousal come back to you. Once it does, you simply start to kiss her passionately and escalate toward sex again. There won't be any resistance if you've already gone one round, even if it was short.

How do you salvage a first time bad sex? If a woman doesn't feel like giving you a second chance, is it because she lost her respect for you or is it because she auto-rejects and feels inadequate as a sexual stimulus to you?

It depends on how she feels about you afterward. You didn't really make her feel too good about her blowjob and you also let her know that you were psychologically affected by the premature ejaculation, which tells her that she shouldn't expect much more out of you than what she got. Also, it didn't seem like she really "enjoyed" being around you outside of the sexual element that drew her in, so agreeing to see you again would be more awkward for her than anything else.

It's important to connect and have a good time with her. The animal passion is fun and should be incorporated into the experience, but she needs to feel like she's having fun with you as a person if you want her to come back for more (assuming the sex wasn't great anyway).

Premature ejaculation: does masturbating 2 hours before sex work?

I pretty much answered this one above, and Rob did as well. Just wait until you're aroused again and go for a second round. Hold her and chat with her in bed in the meantime.

Hope this helps!

- Franco
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,897
"Wow! I didn't expect to finish so quickly... that was fucking hot. I guess it looks like we'll just have to go for a second round... ;)"

HAHA this is brilliant! I never thought to frame premature ejaculation in such a positive light. That's totally how to do it. Stealing this!

-Rob
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

BarryS1

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Aug 9, 2013
Messages
441
I'm fascinated by this, framing non-optimal sexual performance in a good way.

Mr.Rob said:
"Wow! I didn't expect to finish so quickly... that was fucking hot. I guess it looks like we'll just have to go for a second round... ;)"

HAHA this is brilliant! I never thought to frame premature ejaculation in such a positive light. That's totally how to do it. Stealing this!

-Rob

Franco, totally agree! Some girls take this as a compliment - making a guy cum quick. I have the opposite problem of lasting too long and get a similar reaction, "Why did you last too long, was I not sexy enough?"

I've also framed lasting too long/not cumming another way as well:

I accidentally rubbed one out in the shower today thinking about you. If you are tired, we can take a break then we can go back to it!
.

This works as a compliment like Franco's without hurting a girl's sexual self-esteem.
 

Sam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
68
Thank you for the input, gentlemen!

Franco, reframing PE like that is interesting. My only worry would be about the time a man needs to get another erection. Personally, my recovery time can vary depending on the woman as well as how intimate I feel about her.

In any case, it is a good mind trick to keep the woman for the night because you give the chance to yourself to satisfy her in the morning, if the night didn't go that well.
 
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