Ball in her court when a girl has a boyfriend?

[DarkKnight]

Hey guys. So there is this waitress of who I know she likes me a lot. Nervous body language and being extra considerate to me blah blah. All the signs. I know for sure she likes me... but today I saw her. I didnt even notice her until I saw her beaming smile towards me and I smiled back but saw some guy next to her and I immediately sensed this is a boyfriend.

I am not very familiar with this girl but I am also not willing to invest too much time as she is obviously attached and the guy is around. So I am considering asking her if that guy was her boyfriend, she will probably answer with yes, ask her how that is going for her blah blah. And depending on the answer I want to game her OR if she shows signs of being too attached I want to put the ball in her court and say that I am interested and she should get back to me when she reconsiders the relationship

Basically I am trying to prevent putting too much time and investment into her as I am not sure what her work schedule is and there will always be wildcards. The only thing I know for sure is that she apparently seems to be very attracted to me.

___
What would you guys do? Remember she is staff at a venue which is big but I do not want to blow up because it attracts a lot of females.

 

[Chase]

@DarkKnight,

Yeah, just next time you get in a conversation with her, bit of back and forth, she's laughing a little and having fun, then you say, "Hey who was that guy with you the other day? Boyfriend?"

If she says "no", then green light... although it sounds like maybe you prefer the place as a spot to meet girls? I'd be careful shagging a staff member if so.

If she says "yes", just file it away and every so often ask her how it's going with the boyfriend. Every 1.5-2 months or so: "So how's it going with Damian? He ask you to move in yet?" "He buy you a puppy yet?" "Has he introduced you to his twin sister yet?" etc.

Eventually she'll tell you "we broke up" and that's when you know she's back on the market.

Trying to BiHC an attached girl doesn't work IME --> "Oh, you're in a relationship? Well here's my number; hit me up when you're single again," isn't something that I have found actually works (I tested it out plenty just to see if it was possible to get some freebies out of it -- random chicks who'd hit you up months or years later, or even a few weeks later when they're mad at their boyfriends, lol -- but it doesn't work. Or if it someone has found a way to make it work, I don't know what that way is).

Best thing if you see her regularly is to just check on her status every so often. Once she's single, ask her out.

Chase

 

[DarkKnight]

Best thing if you see her regularly is to just check on her status every so often. Once she's single, ask her out.

Alright I will do this Chase. But another question how do I manage attraction not expiring? Because I kind of have the feeling that I need to juggle dhvs and attainability.

In the past I nexted these girls or just focused on me without total freeze out and these girls autorejected despite being in a relationship. I never got why they fucking autoreject while being in a relationship either, even point it out themselves. Sometimes these girld were distant towards me but still autorejected

 

[Chase]

@DarkKnight,

Alright I will do this Chase. But another question how do I manage attraction not expiring? Because I kind of have the feeling that I need to juggle dhvs and attainability.

In the past I nexted these girls or just focused on me without total freeze out and these girls autorejected despite being in a relationship. I never got why they fucking autoreject while being in a relationship either, even point it out themselves. Sometimes these girld were distant towards me but still autorejected

Yeah, that's a weird glitch of attached girls in social circle.

Girl's attached... doesn't really want to cheat on her man... but she's attracted to you, getting increasingly attracted to you, and will auto-reject and expire attraction if you do not seal the deal, same as any single girl would. What's the right call?

From my experience:

• Some girls are totally okay cheating on their guys if they want it. They don't bat an eyelash. Either it's a normal thing for them or their sexual morality is super open or they are especially good at justifying things to themselves.
  
  
• Some girls will cheat if you get them hot & horny enough. But then they regret it afterwards and try to avoid you for various reasons.
  
  
• Some girls will not cheat even if you get them hot and horny (whether because you botched your game or they are just that devoted to their man). But they will be happy you tried. Since you tried and failed, their ardor toward you cools off, but they don't auto-reject. Instead, you slide into the boyfriend zone with them. The next time they are single they may be open for a proper courtship, but you will be getting boyfriend-vetted all the way (can still break out of that and shag them quick, but it's more difficult than it would've been without that framing).
  
  
• If you do NOT try, at some point the girl will judge you to have lost interest or be just a pussy tease. Her own interest will cool off. Depending on how excited she was about you, she may auto-reject or she may just cool off and friend zone you.

I suspect the way to keep these girls on the back burner if that's what you want is basic Tao of Steve stuff: be desireless, be excellent, be gone. Flirt but never act like you WANT her. Continue to display excellence. And limit how much time you are around her so that she never has enough of you.

That said, there are better guys than me on keeping a chick in orbit while she's in a relationship. It is not my forte. I don't tend to maintain female social circle contacts super long. Sooner or later I'll change circles, or move, or stop going places I was going before and switch to other places, and I don't see her anymore. I would probably check with a social circle guy who is experienced dealing with the "how do I keep a girl piping hot for N months/years while she's in a relationship with another dude" question. I would suspect his answer is going to be "you need to see her way less, until she's single again" but maybe there are other tips I don't know that a social circle pro could help out with.

Chase