Beach Daygame Approach Lead Hot + Cold (text advice?)

[ChristianB]

Thank you in advance for the help. I am a bit stumped on this one.

Approach
On Saturday I approached very cute au pair girl at the beach (I was with wingman, she was with friend), we flirted a bit and I grabbed her number and suggested we meet for coffee sometime. My friend was denied number by her friend (boyfriend excuse). The girl seemed very flirty and even nervous (in a good way), my wingman who is quite honest agreed with this strongly.

Prior Texts
I texted her a few hours later just a "nice to meet you hope you enjoy the rest of the beautiful day *emoji" text. and no response (but read after a few hours)

The next day I go for a call, and she doesn't pick up but texts me one minute later "hi christian, how are you?" and I talk a bit about my day and we have enthusiastic back and forth sharing emojis and information about ourselves (where we are from, interests, future plans etc) both responding quickly like within a few minutes for around 45 min-1hour or so. Eventually I had to do something so didn't respond for 2 hours, but responded to her last question in a way that didn't really warrant a response.

The next day (yesterday) I send a nice message "happy (first?) labor day, hope it is a great one for you " and she reads it within a few minutes but doesn't respond. I was planning on trying to make plans there had she responded.

What next?
I am trying to figure out what the read is on the situation. Is she being coy and wanting me to be more direct and ask her out formally? Or do I need to build up more comfort friendliness, and how would I do this without losing momentum. Any guidance or tips would be appreciated. Thank you

 

[Will_V]

You are moving too slow and staying in the 'friendly' zone.

The friendly zone is not the same as the friend zone but it leads there. The friendly zone is where you talk about friendly, feelgood topics until it dawns on her that you only want to be her friend and have someone to talk to.

Was there any sexual tension during the approach? Was there any teasing and messing with her, any physical touch, bedroom eyes .. ? Did you qualify her, let her know why you like her, make her qualify to you? These are all things that friends don't do, because friends only need to chat about friendly things, that's all that friendship is.

Then, why are you talking about where you are from and what your interests are and what your future plans are on text? This is what you do in person with a sexual vibe and sexual undertones. None of that works on text because there's no way to be sexual, so it comes off as mere friendliness from someone you can't even remember clearly. That's why rapport building on the phone is generally very difficult.

The way to do it is:

1. Build rapport in person with sexual vibe, during the initial approach while she's all excited at a strange man approaching her.
2. On the phone, banter a little bit (ideally about present-moment stuff such as what you did or what happened to you this morning or whatever, assume familiarity and text her like you would your girlfriend or lover, rather than trying to be friendly). Start soft closing for the date asap (definitely within the first text conversation). Your initial interaction and the vibe/emotions of it is what carries this through to the date, you don't need to build any real rapport here.
3. On the date, deep dive, escalate, and take her home.

By the way, every time I say the words 'beautiful day' to a girl on text things almost always go downhill. It's just one of those things that I think people must always say to eachother when they have nothing to say or couldn't be bothered to think of anything better (which is usually the case when I find myself using it).

Overall you need to be more sexual and assertive and lead things rather than waiting for the right moment of serendipity to give you the opportunity to close the date and move things forward.

 

[POB]

Approach
On Saturday I approached very cute au pair girl at the beach (I was with wingman, she was with friend), we flirted a bit and I grabbed her number and suggested we meet for coffee sometime.

Nice!

Prior Texts
I texted her a few hours later just a "nice to meet you hope you enjoy the rest of the beautiful day *emoji" text. and no response (but read after a few hours)

Check @Skills posts on how to exchange numbers and ping her on your first message.
Ideally you should be flirty on the first text message.
Being nice/neutral won't force a reaction from her.
Remember: women like to feel a range of emotions
If they associate you with emotions, half the battle is won.

The next day I go for a call,

Wrong move IME
You didn't have enough compliance to do it
You were lucky she texted you back
(which is a nice sign, means the live interaction was good and left a positive impression)

and she doesn't pick up but texts me one minute later "hi christian, how are you?" and I talk a bit about my day and we have enthusiastic back and forth sharing emojis and information about ourselves (where we are from, interests, future plans etc) both responding quickly like within a few minutes for around 45 min-1hour or so. Eventually I had to do something so didn't respond for 2 hours, but responded to her last question in a way that didn't really warrant a response.

Usually it's a bad idea to wait too much to soft close.
Nothing wrong with texting, but the more you text, the less mystery you will have to them.
Which means you have to be 100% on point every single time to get them in front of you.

The next day (yesterday) I send a nice message "happy (first?) labor day, hope it is a great one for you "

This is boring
Giving her free compliance without having anything to show for
When she doesn't answer, usually it's better to go with a low investment text
- (eye emoji) or

- tease and probe for a reaction
Like:
- "how is my second favorite au pair today?"

- "stop looking at my profile picture and smiling!
it's not weekend yet, you have to work to do"

- "damn, sun's nice today!
we should definitely bolt to mexico and make a living selling margaritas on the beach (sun emoji)"

(those are just examples btw...you can use something from your first encounter too)

and she reads it within a few minutes but doesn't respond. I was planning on trying to make plans there had she responded.

never make plans in advance
soft close, if positive, hard close
that's the right way

What next?
I am trying to figure out what the read is on the situation. Is she being coy and wanting me to be more direct and ask her out formally?

banther, soft close, then hard close

Or do I need to build up more comfort friendliness, and how would I do this without losing momentum. Any guidance or tips would be appreciated. Thank you

building comfort over text is one of the worst mistakes you can make
you need to elicit the right emotions (while showing you are not a creep)...that's it
you build (some) comfort at the date, not before it