- Joined
- Dec 22, 2024
- Messages
- 4
Hi! Here's my first field report on the forum.
This was my first true approach, number close, and "date" close since getting divorced earlier this year!
I am in the bouldering gym, and see a girl with a t-shirt from one of my favourite rock bands. She is a straight 10 in my book: blonde, slim, my height approximately. I approach her by teasing, in French: "Hi! Nice t-shirt, is it yours or did you borrow it from your older brother?". Her answer: "Sorry, I don't speak French well". LOL
But I recognize her accent, and start speaking in her own language, which already impressed her. We do a bit of small talk, exchange names, and then I leave her to continue bouldering.
Fifteen minutes later, I see her again and reingage. Then we have more small talk, banter, and I start deep diving. The discussion picks up, I think this is what we call the "hook point"? She watches me climbing one route on her own accord, we talk a bit. The problem: I bring the t-shirt joke again, this time on her own language, and she tells me it's from her boyfriend. Damn! But I continue talking, and then on a high point, I ask for her number. She accepts, I hand her my cellphone, she types her own number. I propose to climb again, she seems interested, and give me a bit of a flirt before leaving, saying she's going to "stretch a bit first", doing some nice movement with her arm.
I'm so proud of this approach, everything went so smoothly, and I felt that I applied what I read here so well It was really a good kickstart to this post-divorce phase. I had just approached a 10, in a very smooth way. I could feel my hormones raging for the next two weeks. But damn, she has a boyfriend! My strategy then is to do everything "indirect", and try to seduce her without her realizing I'm seducing her. The problem, as you will see, is that I was too indirect, too nice, and apparently ended up big time in the friends zone!
How it continued: we exchange some messages, and two weeks later we meet up again in the bouldering gym, on a day she herself proposed to me. The session goes fantastically well, she seems quite invested, quite compliant. She shows me her hands during bouldering, I touch her a bit, and she is telling me a lot of "silly" stories of her, somehow making her very attainable and in a submissive position. I guess. I propose to get some drinks, she accepts.
Then things start to spiral downwards. I deep dive hard, I get info about her boyfriend (she is in a long-distance relationship with him in her own country), her parents, her musical taste, we connect a lot. But the discussion goes too friendly. I don't escalate physically, I could not see how to do that. I get a bit closer to her, we show things on each other phones, but not close enough, I think.
Than... drums roll... another *girl* comes by and starts to flirt with her! Hard! And I keep trying to participate in the discussion, but this girl is simply ignoring me! And the "other girl" is touching a lot "my girl" on her shoulder. My girl doesn't seem so enthusiast, but doesn't end the discussion either. The other girl ends up getting tired and leaves. But it lasted for too long, and the vibe is broken by now. This other flirty girl was more direct, more touchy, more "agressive" than me! Should I have been acting like that all this time? Another girl had more game than me? Oh the shame... Well, two minutes after this, my girl proposes to leave. I try a pull and propose to come to my appartment to listen to some music, she says on another occasion. We leave, and on the way home, I still ask her three more times. But I don't sound confident, assertive. She easily dismisses it.
On the day after, I panick and send her a big message, thinking she was in auto-rejection. I mention the flirty girl in an annoyed but fun way, say that I feel that the end of our night was ackward, and propose to have another beer sometime, leaving it open for her to propose a date. And then, two days later, she responds to me: a super nice message, really cute, saying she is not mad, saying she's enjoyed the night and the discussions, and that she's open for another beer. She was not in auto-rejection at all! I'm confused by this. Does it mean that she is still open, or that we became friends? It's not clear for me.
The thing is that she is leaving my town and going back to her country in two weeks. What happens, though, is that I end up proposing another night, actually on the day before her last day here, and she *accepts*! She is passing this last week here with some friends that came to visit her, so must have lots of things to get done in her last week of work, she must be in a "nostalgic" state of mind because she is leaving, and still, she agrees to meet me! I assume attraction, tell myself that "she clearly wants something to happen, there is no way she is sparing this night only for me if she didn't want it, I'm not as valuable to her just as a friend for this". But apparently I was wrong...
The second night, at a bar, already starts off in a very friendly vibe. I can feel it right from the start, and I start panicking. How do I revert this vibe? How I impose my seduction frame? I don't manage to revert it. It's super weird, because this time I make sure to touch her a lot, aiming at escalating physically: I examine and caress her hands, I hold hands with her for a brief period of time, I snuggle a bit every time she shows me pics in her phone, I even manage to touch her face! And I do an ok job out of it, I take it slow. But I can feel that this is all interpreted as friendly by her. There is zero sexual tension.
We close our meeting in the bar, we head to her place, and then I pull my last try: I stop and ask for her hand, in a more affirmative way. She goes mad at me, ask me "What are you doing, man?" in an angry voice, and I end up telling her "Ok, I don't want to upset you". I realize I've just menaced her in some way. I manage to control my emotions, I calm down, and tell her I was expecting to go further with her, but in a shy way. She tells me that it makes no sense, and that she has a boyfriend. Before saying goodbye, I try to close things on a positive way, and I say that I really enjoyed meeting her and talking to her. She calms down a bit and says more or less the same to me, she mentions "good discussions". And then we part ways.
I got so frustrated with this. I know she had a boyfriend, so from the start this could be challenging, but I felt I was doing everything right, she was responding well, investing herself, wanting to meet, letting me touch her, meeting me in her almost last day here, but everything for the sake of a friendship. I really feel that there was a small window open to get intimate with her, but I didn't create enough tension to show her my intentions.
I'm very surprised how I ended up in the friends zone, but still a "good, valuable friends zone", enough for her wanting to meet and getting very confortable with me. Of course, this is not what I wanted!
Lesson: be faster, escalate physically faster, work on fundamentals to get a sexy vibe going on since the start, remain indirect but make my intentions clear!
This was my first true approach, number close, and "date" close since getting divorced earlier this year!
I am in the bouldering gym, and see a girl with a t-shirt from one of my favourite rock bands. She is a straight 10 in my book: blonde, slim, my height approximately. I approach her by teasing, in French: "Hi! Nice t-shirt, is it yours or did you borrow it from your older brother?". Her answer: "Sorry, I don't speak French well". LOL
But I recognize her accent, and start speaking in her own language, which already impressed her. We do a bit of small talk, exchange names, and then I leave her to continue bouldering.Fifteen minutes later, I see her again and reingage. Then we have more small talk, banter, and I start deep diving. The discussion picks up, I think this is what we call the "hook point"? She watches me climbing one route on her own accord, we talk a bit. The problem: I bring the t-shirt joke again, this time on her own language, and she tells me it's from her boyfriend. Damn! But I continue talking, and then on a high point, I ask for her number. She accepts, I hand her my cellphone, she types her own number. I propose to climb again, she seems interested, and give me a bit of a flirt before leaving, saying she's going to "stretch a bit first", doing some nice movement with her arm.
I'm so proud of this approach, everything went so smoothly, and I felt that I applied what I read here so well
It was really a good kickstart to this post-divorce phase. I had just approached a 10, in a very smooth way. I could feel my hormones raging for the next two weeks. But damn, she has a boyfriend! My strategy then is to do everything "indirect", and try to seduce her without her realizing I'm seducing her. The problem, as you will see, is that I was too indirect, too nice, and apparently ended up big time in the friends zone!How it continued: we exchange some messages, and two weeks later we meet up again in the bouldering gym, on a day she herself proposed to me. The session goes fantastically well, she seems quite invested, quite compliant. She shows me her hands during bouldering, I touch her a bit, and she is telling me a lot of "silly" stories of her, somehow making her very attainable and in a submissive position. I guess. I propose to get some drinks, she accepts.
Then things start to spiral downwards. I deep dive hard, I get info about her boyfriend (she is in a long-distance relationship with him in her own country), her parents, her musical taste, we connect a lot. But the discussion goes too friendly. I don't escalate physically, I could not see how to do that. I get a bit closer to her, we show things on each other phones, but not close enough, I think.
Than... drums roll... another *girl* comes by and starts to flirt with her! Hard! And I keep trying to participate in the discussion, but this girl is simply ignoring me! And the "other girl" is touching a lot "my girl" on her shoulder. My girl doesn't seem so enthusiast, but doesn't end the discussion either. The other girl ends up getting tired and leaves. But it lasted for too long, and the vibe is broken by now. This other flirty girl was more direct, more touchy, more "agressive" than me! Should I have been acting like that all this time? Another girl had more game than me? Oh the shame... Well, two minutes after this, my girl proposes to leave. I try a pull and propose to come to my appartment to listen to some music, she says on another occasion. We leave, and on the way home, I still ask her three more times. But I don't sound confident, assertive. She easily dismisses it.
On the day after, I panick and send her a big message, thinking she was in auto-rejection. I mention the flirty girl in an annoyed but fun way, say that I feel that the end of our night was ackward, and propose to have another beer sometime, leaving it open for her to propose a date. And then, two days later, she responds to me: a super nice message, really cute, saying she is not mad, saying she's enjoyed the night and the discussions, and that she's open for another beer. She was not in auto-rejection at all! I'm confused by this. Does it mean that she is still open, or that we became friends? It's not clear for me.
The thing is that she is leaving my town and going back to her country in two weeks. What happens, though, is that I end up proposing another night, actually on the day before her last day here, and she *accepts*! She is passing this last week here with some friends that came to visit her, so must have lots of things to get done in her last week of work, she must be in a "nostalgic" state of mind because she is leaving, and still, she agrees to meet me! I assume attraction, tell myself that "she clearly wants something to happen, there is no way she is sparing this night only for me if she didn't want it, I'm not as valuable to her just as a friend for this". But apparently I was wrong...
The second night, at a bar, already starts off in a very friendly vibe. I can feel it right from the start, and I start panicking. How do I revert this vibe? How I impose my seduction frame? I don't manage to revert it. It's super weird, because this time I make sure to touch her a lot, aiming at escalating physically: I examine and caress her hands, I hold hands with her for a brief period of time, I snuggle a bit every time she shows me pics in her phone, I even manage to touch her face! And I do an ok job out of it, I take it slow. But I can feel that this is all interpreted as friendly by her. There is zero sexual tension.
We close our meeting in the bar, we head to her place, and then I pull my last try: I stop and ask for her hand, in a more affirmative way. She goes mad at me, ask me "What are you doing, man?" in an angry voice, and I end up telling her "Ok, I don't want to upset you". I realize I've just menaced her in some way. I manage to control my emotions, I calm down, and tell her I was expecting to go further with her, but in a shy way. She tells me that it makes no sense, and that she has a boyfriend. Before saying goodbye, I try to close things on a positive way, and I say that I really enjoyed meeting her and talking to her. She calms down a bit and says more or less the same to me, she mentions "good discussions". And then we part ways.
I got so frustrated with this. I know she had a boyfriend, so from the start this could be challenging, but I felt I was doing everything right, she was responding well, investing herself, wanting to meet, letting me touch her, meeting me in her almost last day here, but everything for the sake of a friendship. I really feel that there was a small window open to get intimate with her, but I didn't create enough tension to show her my intentions.
I'm very surprised how I ended up in the friends zone, but still a "good, valuable friends zone", enough for her wanting to meet and getting very confortable with me. Of course, this is not what I wanted!
Lesson: be faster, escalate physically faster, work on fundamentals to get a sexy vibe going on since the start, remain indirect but make my intentions clear!
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