- Joined
- Dec 20, 2012
- Messages
- 84
This is how I make sense of myself and interacting with people (especially girls I want to meet / am seeing). This is based on existing psychology and I relate to this stuff very well and use it to my advantage to deep dive more easy, as well as get into focus what I need to work on, to get the results I want.
The 4 different orientations
Rational introvert
good
- Observing
- Cool
- Smart
- Perfectionist (can lead to great results)
bad
- Socially stiff
- Cold
- Slow to act (mind loops)
- Perfectionist (can lead to depression)
Someone who is a 100% rational introvert is like a smart, intelligent seeming guy, who can also be aloof and unresponsive to emotion.. So let's term them smart guys/girls when they are on their best and call them cold guys/bitches when they are on their worst. I believe 33% of edgy behavior lies here too, because of being a perfectionist has something in common with edge; the great results one wants or was able to achieve.
Rational extrovert
good
- Leading
- Assertive
- Acts fast
- Goal oriented
bad
- Acting like a dictator
- Aggressive (as in getting into fights verbally and/or physically)
- Rushes decisions
- Doesn't care about other's perspectives or goals
Someone who is 100% rational extravert is like the alpha male (or a strong woman who leads a nice guy in a relationship). I attribute 'edge' to this category as well. But people with these behaviors can be an asshole or a mean bitch to others too.
Emotional introvert
good
- Supportive / Caring
- Friendly
- Warm
- Relaxed
bad
- Submissive (Can't say no)
- Boring (unable to bring up stuff about self, can't give their own perspective on things)
- Invested in others
- Shy
Hello shy girls and nice guys! I enjoy studing people with these behaviors so much, that I'm very good at acting it myself right now. Actually a lot of my guy pals have a lot in common with these behaviors and they usually have extraverted girlfriends who they support with all their hearts. They are good and bad into one stereotype. Feminine also fits here I suppose. Which is probably why it makes this more bad for a guy than a girl.
Emotional extrovert
good
- Socially creative
- Socially Fun
- Storytelling
- Touching / getting sexual
bad
- Chaotic
- Making a fool of themself
- Boasting
- Unable to give someone personal space
Group social party guys/girls fit in here, but also try-hards and jesters. I'm basicly the least experienced in this category myself btw. It's against a lot of my own fundamentals, which I'll get into some details later. (wonder why I'm calling myself jester
)
Why is this important?
If you think this is interesting study and you can relate your behaviors with one, two or three categories above, then you kinda know how you are oriented on the introvert/extravert and rational/emotional scale. It's important to understand that you don't have to be any of these categories specifically. They overlap.
Sure, you can be a certain behavior type 100%, but other persons will be divided over multiple categories and everyone can act other categories by putting their acting masks on (which is what you'll have to do, to actually consciously start learning to adopt new behaviors into the sub consciousness mind, so it slowly becomes natural to do and no longer an act)
So you can get into perspective where your strengths currently are, but also what your pitfalls are. You can also see what good behaviors in other areas you could work on, without getting into the pitfalls of bad behaviors over and over again.
You can also put other people their behaviors into perspective, then put your mask on and be that person they can relate to. Or be the person they find attractive. Which brings us to the next topic.
Opposites and attractiveness
Opposites in the above are the following 2 scenario's:
- People oriented as rational/introvert are opposite to emotional/extravert (ie. Cold guys vs party girls)
- People oriented as emotional/introvert are opposite to rational/extravert (ie. Alpha males vs Shy girls)
It is hard to become the opposite of whatever the orientation you currently have. Really. It screws with your fundamentals. But it's not all lost. You can usually learn behaviors from up to three categories and be a very interesting multi-complex individual, without having that last category down. The perfect human does not exists or so they say here. Anyway that's the negative part about opposites. You don't 'get' it and people on the opposite end don't 'get' you. However there is something interesting here that I noticed. And that goes under the banner of attraction!
A lot of my friends are nice guys and have like 'alpha females' as their girfriends. They are opposites. What is interesting; the group has trouble putting the girlfriends of their friends in perspective. They don't get it: "How can he like her? She is mean and controls him", while they are controlled and submissive to their own girlfriend for the same reasons as their friends are: Opposites seem to attract.
Not all relations are based on attractiveness of course. When you are coming from the same orientation as another person, it is easier to 'get' each other and bond on a more emotional level. This is why we have all these nice guys here together as friends in this example anyway. They understand each other. They don't understand each other's girl friends though, but they like their own girlfriend. Meanwhile the girlfriends also get along fine together, because they are all alpha and understand each other, yet they also don't get how the other unconfident guys can attract such a world class lady as their female friends (I have heard them say it!)
So opposites work for attractiveness, as well as they can be clear boosters for rejection.
What is going on here I figured:
- If you notice good behaviors of the different gender on opposite end of your orientation, it can be very attractive: Classic example PUA vision is alpha male leading shy girl, while shy girl gets to support alpha male and they are both happy. Another is social party girl interested in smart guy and smart guy getting attention he normally doesn't get from other socially oriented people, because socially people are otherwise turned off by his cold behavior.
- If you notice bad behaviors on the opposite end of your orientation, regardless of gender, it is very off putting: A nice guy is never going to befriend an alpha male on a bonding level, because the nice guy will think of alpha male as an asshole to other people. Alpha male will think nice guy is a wimp. Same goes for party girl and smart girl. Smart girl is too aloof for party girl, because smart girl really is not interested in party girl, her social touching people, having fun, etc.
How can you work that into your favor?
Well, if I take myself as an example. I'm a rational introvert (smart/cold guy) by nature. I'm currently working on being assertive, having edge and taking action (rational extrovert behavior) + I've already developed my ways as a warm, relaxed person by hanging out with my nice guy friends too, though I still have to force some aspects there and actually have to balance it out against my alpha/edge act when I'm in a room with multiple people (this is ying/yanging between two opposites of behavior anyway). So this is always an ongoing nice guy vs alpha male act, while also being able to naturally rely on my observing, analyzing qualities as a smart guy.
Now once upon a time, I'd taken an interest in an attractive girl. Of course she has the looks I like, but her personality was interesting too and she opened up to me really well, while I was acting out edgy. She was/is a mixture of a party girl and a shy girl that I've noticed. I was attracted to her party girl behavior and of course because she was cute.
I noticed I could relate to her when we go around together as me acting nice guy and she being nice girl, regardless if it is an act on her part or not. Deep down I know she is introverted in a lot of ways, which I can just smell. The nice guy act was not sparking a lot of attraction though, both for me and her, because I started to notice all these sides of her that where not interesting to me, and she definitely had the same with me. It's what was keeping me on friendly terms with her; friend zoning the crap out of the relation I was getting into with her.
So what is going to work for me with this girl, to get us attracted to each other? Answer is, balancing my smart guy out with my alpha/edge act and keep all of it into the 'good' behaviors. Later I can always bond with her more on a nice guy level if I want to! Of course all not guaranteed, but a logic strategy to pursue. It is working when I'm in control of myself; avoiding my pitfalls while acting out the behavior I believe is best (up until it becomes natural). Every time I'm with her I may want to adjust my behavior ever so slightly whenever I learn more about her. Unless I'm no longer interested in her of course, but hey, she is cute and I'm on partly common ground with her, so why not give it a try?
Final thoughts
I don't want to extend this post much more or it'll become very lengthy. What I just hoped to do here, is to give some of you different ways to look at behaviors and also wanted to show you that there is another contrast to shy / alpha; namely smart / party.
I also hope I have showed some of you that being introverted or having certain fundamentals isn't the end all. You can even attract girls with those fundamentals. Though I know there is a lot to say that it is better to be or act in the same or more extroverted ways around your girl, as that has proven to be much more stable for relationships and so on. Luckily extroversion can always be learned. If some extroverted behaviors screws with your fundamentals; i.e. you are shy, want to help everyone and want everyone to be your friend. You then probably really can't develop leading and assertive behaviors (yet), so you might want to try going the party guy route by adopting a mindset that you can also be friends with people AND do fun stuff socially together. You'll have to act it for a while, but you'll soon find the benefits are fun and interesting if you do, without screwing your fundamentals... Maybe some more of these examples are worth another post..
Anyway, with all that I want to leave you with the final thought of all the possibilities that you have by picking up new behaviors, which you can then apply to bond or attract a broader audience, including those hot, interesting girls you'd like to get to know better and sleep with... Give it a try
Cheers!
The 4 different orientations
Rational introvert
good
- Observing
- Cool
- Smart
- Perfectionist (can lead to great results)
bad
- Socially stiff
- Cold
- Slow to act (mind loops)
- Perfectionist (can lead to depression)
Someone who is a 100% rational introvert is like a smart, intelligent seeming guy, who can also be aloof and unresponsive to emotion.. So let's term them smart guys/girls when they are on their best and call them cold guys/bitches when they are on their worst. I believe 33% of edgy behavior lies here too, because of being a perfectionist has something in common with edge; the great results one wants or was able to achieve.
Rational extrovert
good
- Leading
- Assertive
- Acts fast
- Goal oriented
bad
- Acting like a dictator
- Aggressive (as in getting into fights verbally and/or physically)
- Rushes decisions
- Doesn't care about other's perspectives or goals
Someone who is 100% rational extravert is like the alpha male (or a strong woman who leads a nice guy in a relationship). I attribute 'edge' to this category as well. But people with these behaviors can be an asshole or a mean bitch to others too.
Emotional introvert
good
- Supportive / Caring
- Friendly
- Warm
- Relaxed
bad
- Submissive (Can't say no)
- Boring (unable to bring up stuff about self, can't give their own perspective on things)
- Invested in others
- Shy
Hello shy girls and nice guys! I enjoy studing people with these behaviors so much, that I'm very good at acting it myself right now. Actually a lot of my guy pals have a lot in common with these behaviors and they usually have extraverted girlfriends who they support with all their hearts. They are good and bad into one stereotype. Feminine also fits here I suppose. Which is probably why it makes this more bad for a guy than a girl.
Emotional extrovert
good
- Socially creative
- Socially Fun
- Storytelling
- Touching / getting sexual
bad
- Chaotic
- Making a fool of themself
- Boasting
- Unable to give someone personal space
Group social party guys/girls fit in here, but also try-hards and jesters. I'm basicly the least experienced in this category myself btw. It's against a lot of my own fundamentals, which I'll get into some details later. (wonder why I'm calling myself jester
)Why is this important?
If you think this is interesting study and you can relate your behaviors with one, two or three categories above, then you kinda know how you are oriented on the introvert/extravert and rational/emotional scale. It's important to understand that you don't have to be any of these categories specifically. They overlap.
Sure, you can be a certain behavior type 100%, but other persons will be divided over multiple categories and everyone can act other categories by putting their acting masks on (which is what you'll have to do, to actually consciously start learning to adopt new behaviors into the sub consciousness mind, so it slowly becomes natural to do and no longer an act)
So you can get into perspective where your strengths currently are, but also what your pitfalls are. You can also see what good behaviors in other areas you could work on, without getting into the pitfalls of bad behaviors over and over again.
You can also put other people their behaviors into perspective, then put your mask on and be that person they can relate to. Or be the person they find attractive. Which brings us to the next topic.
Opposites and attractiveness
Opposites in the above are the following 2 scenario's:
- People oriented as rational/introvert are opposite to emotional/extravert (ie. Cold guys vs party girls)
- People oriented as emotional/introvert are opposite to rational/extravert (ie. Alpha males vs Shy girls)
It is hard to become the opposite of whatever the orientation you currently have. Really. It screws with your fundamentals. But it's not all lost. You can usually learn behaviors from up to three categories and be a very interesting multi-complex individual, without having that last category down. The perfect human does not exists or so they say here. Anyway that's the negative part about opposites. You don't 'get' it and people on the opposite end don't 'get' you. However there is something interesting here that I noticed. And that goes under the banner of attraction!
A lot of my friends are nice guys and have like 'alpha females' as their girfriends. They are opposites. What is interesting; the group has trouble putting the girlfriends of their friends in perspective. They don't get it: "How can he like her? She is mean and controls him", while they are controlled and submissive to their own girlfriend for the same reasons as their friends are: Opposites seem to attract.
Not all relations are based on attractiveness of course. When you are coming from the same orientation as another person, it is easier to 'get' each other and bond on a more emotional level. This is why we have all these nice guys here together as friends in this example anyway. They understand each other. They don't understand each other's girl friends though, but they like their own girlfriend. Meanwhile the girlfriends also get along fine together, because they are all alpha and understand each other, yet they also don't get how the other unconfident guys can attract such a world class lady as their female friends (I have heard them say it!)
So opposites work for attractiveness, as well as they can be clear boosters for rejection.
What is going on here I figured:
- If you notice good behaviors of the different gender on opposite end of your orientation, it can be very attractive: Classic example PUA vision is alpha male leading shy girl, while shy girl gets to support alpha male and they are both happy. Another is social party girl interested in smart guy and smart guy getting attention he normally doesn't get from other socially oriented people, because socially people are otherwise turned off by his cold behavior.
- If you notice bad behaviors on the opposite end of your orientation, regardless of gender, it is very off putting: A nice guy is never going to befriend an alpha male on a bonding level, because the nice guy will think of alpha male as an asshole to other people. Alpha male will think nice guy is a wimp. Same goes for party girl and smart girl. Smart girl is too aloof for party girl, because smart girl really is not interested in party girl, her social touching people, having fun, etc.
How can you work that into your favor?
Well, if I take myself as an example. I'm a rational introvert (smart/cold guy) by nature. I'm currently working on being assertive, having edge and taking action (rational extrovert behavior) + I've already developed my ways as a warm, relaxed person by hanging out with my nice guy friends too, though I still have to force some aspects there and actually have to balance it out against my alpha/edge act when I'm in a room with multiple people (this is ying/yanging between two opposites of behavior anyway). So this is always an ongoing nice guy vs alpha male act, while also being able to naturally rely on my observing, analyzing qualities as a smart guy.
Now once upon a time, I'd taken an interest in an attractive girl. Of course she has the looks I like, but her personality was interesting too and she opened up to me really well, while I was acting out edgy. She was/is a mixture of a party girl and a shy girl that I've noticed. I was attracted to her party girl behavior and of course because she was cute.
I noticed I could relate to her when we go around together as me acting nice guy and she being nice girl, regardless if it is an act on her part or not. Deep down I know she is introverted in a lot of ways, which I can just smell
. The nice guy act was not sparking a lot of attraction though, both for me and her, because I started to notice all these sides of her that where not interesting to me, and she definitely had the same with me. It's what was keeping me on friendly terms with her; friend zoning the crap out of the relation I was getting into with her.So what is going to work for me with this girl, to get us attracted to each other? Answer is, balancing my smart guy out with my alpha/edge act and keep all of it into the 'good' behaviors. Later I can always bond with her more on a nice guy level if I want to! Of course all not guaranteed, but a logic strategy to pursue. It is working when I'm in control of myself; avoiding my pitfalls while acting out the behavior I believe is best (up until it becomes natural). Every time I'm with her I may want to adjust my behavior ever so slightly whenever I learn more about her. Unless I'm no longer interested in her of course, but hey, she is cute and I'm on partly common ground with her, so why not give it a try?
Final thoughts
I don't want to extend this post much more or it'll become very lengthy. What I just hoped to do here, is to give some of you different ways to look at behaviors and also wanted to show you that there is another contrast to shy / alpha; namely smart / party.
I also hope I have showed some of you that being introverted or having certain fundamentals isn't the end all. You can even attract girls with those fundamentals. Though I know there is a lot to say that it is better to be or act in the same or more extroverted ways around your girl, as that has proven to be much more stable for relationships and so on. Luckily extroversion can always be learned. If some extroverted behaviors screws with your fundamentals; i.e. you are shy, want to help everyone and want everyone to be your friend. You then probably really can't develop leading and assertive behaviors (yet), so you might want to try going the party guy route by adopting a mindset that you can also be friends with people AND do fun stuff socially together. You'll have to act it for a while, but you'll soon find the benefits are fun and interesting if you do, without screwing your fundamentals... Maybe some more of these examples are worth another post..
Anyway, with all that I want to leave you with the final thought of all the possibilities that you have by picking up new behaviors, which you can then apply to bond or attract a broader audience, including those hot, interesting girls you'd like to get to know better and sleep with... Give it a try
Cheers!
