Being Able To Give It All Up

[Rage]

I wanted to try and type something up that I’ve been thinking of the last couple days.

I’ve been thinking about it and realized that one of the key mindsets that have led to my progress in seduction and lifting and writing (what progress I have made) has been having this mindset of: being able to give it all up.

All my current endeavors, I've employed a mindset of: I love this and want to attempt every outing at this with the mindset and drive that I want to be the absolute best at this and give my 150% effort. I want to truly give it my all of my focus, effort, attention, abilities, and I want to critically identify exactly all the observations of what went wrong, what could be bettered, what was good, what I want to learn, and all these critical details.

I didn’t have this with music or soccer or competitive chess or video games each of which I did for a number of years in my childhood and teens; those endeavors for me I had the same fervor and drive for, but I also assumed that I would stick with them forever.

Each of those I eventually left; the key paradigm shift I had to make was to fully encapsulate that fervor and conviction in my work and have it show in what I do and feel it throughout myself BUT I also admit to myself that for all I know I may not do this forever: for all I know I may stop tomorrow, or several days later or in a few years or so on.

I go at it with the conviction and the intensity and the crazy drive that I will be the best BUT also, I might go to something else, tomorrow I may want it no more. For all I know it doesn’t work out, or something happens or circumstances change or my legs fall off or I can’t do it for loss of interest or change of priorities or whatever other reason.

In the showing up routinely, doing your approaches, or doing your workout or what have you, alongside the unyielding, passionate, driven character kind of like Hector describes here viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10806, you need the split half of that which is acceptance that today you want it but tomorrow you might not (again because of your preference or circumstances or whatever else).

Do this and each day then suddenly becomes fundamentally important because you sort of train like each day might be your last. The war never ends, the race is never over, things are calm things and are good you get bitches are buff as shit have money, people see you and think you have it good, but in your mind the war continues … because tomorrow may never come, and your last breath in life may be tomorrow, and stemming from this your last breath of your particular passion may soon come.

With this in mind you treat every day of training with much more seriousness and all the hard and smart work you can muster. Not just because of how bad you want it in your bones and how much the goals matter to you, but also because of the acceptance, yielding, and further embracing of the potential impermanence of your pursuits. It may all be dust tomorrow, may all go to shit tomorrow, and that needs to be acknowledged.

This is kind of resembling and identical to Chase’s advice about relationships: you never win the girl, she's never fully yours, she's never truly guaranteed and so in a relationship you have to become the guy that never folds, never loses his masculinity, never stops being the guy who she was deeply attracted to. You never have her and have to win her heart every day, and the full time even then, you acknowledge that for whatever reason after you do everything: she may walk away and you have to be all right with that and be able to accept that (hence abundance mentality and its step up absolute abundance).

So you work to become more antifragile/unbreakable/invincible in that way so that no matter what happens you'll be able to brush yourself off, take a deep breath, and then go about you next order of business.

This is embracing uncertainty and chaos and the way of the world: by accepting that what you care about and are passionate about and want to get really good at, for all you know you might give up or it may not work out and etc.

______

From what I’ve observed: the hobbies I had in earlier adolescence (all of which I wanted to be the absolute best at): I had that mindset that “I’ll do them forever, I’ll never give them up”.

I became personally attached to them and personally identified to them instead of having that fundamentally necessary detachment (like you should do with a girl in a relationship) where you can say: “I love the thing, care about the thing, love the time spent with it, but for all I know it may be over tomorrow or sometime in the ambiguous future”.

In this way, your passions are relationships in their own right and have to be treated as such: with that same abundance mentality and acceptance of impermanence that you would have with a girl in a relationship.

__________

What happened to those past passions of mine? To each of them? I thought that I’d never give them up, that I’d do them forever and love them at the same time too. But gradually, I grew older, matured or at least developed in different ways, and slowly past interests began to change or switch and mold to passions of new colors.

And something interesting is that: I looked at those past relationships for a long time as the same way the regular guy looks at his past relationships with a select few women! With, “oh man, I loved her, man what I had with her was great, man I can never go back to that, and I’ll never have that again and what I’d give to be able to have her again”. I felt that same way for a long time about video games and about music and about the others.

But it faded when I did as the site teaches: and taught myself the skill of accepting uncertainty, and building a better relationship. With my passions, now acknowledging impermanence, I am sort of stronger with my relationships with what I do. I go each day and at times it gets so increasingly difficult, but somehow I make progress. At times I feel like making more progress would be perhaps impossible and I can’t even begin to fathom what the next level would be for me (deadlifting 500 lbs? sleeping with 50 plus women? making an independent income of my own entrepreneurial work? Will I ever get to those levels or even get that far? Perhaps I give it all up tomorrow…)

But with that mindset that I may not be with it forever and may all give it up: with that acceptance, that it is chaos, unknowable, and that for all I know it ends tomorrow, I and others seem to and tend to somehow keep going (and seem to keep making progress).

Because for all you know it doesn’t work out… but for all you know perhaps it does.

Perhaps it is possible. And that little inkling of possibility is like a sharp beacon of light that penetrates through all the darkness that is the clouds and chaotic uncertainty of the world.

It gives you hope and purpose and keeps you going.

It gives you a force that others don’t have and makes you do seemingly impossible things (which were impossible not objectively, or in others’ minds, but rather conjecturably in your own mind).

You embrace that it may all be over tomorrow. And you live more freely and fully today.

And this trickles down to each of your passions.

-Gem

 

[Drck]

IMO many people see things in short term only. A guy is overweight for 5 years. Or 15 years. Say he's got 250 pounds. Now he decides to lose weight, so he wants to lose 40 pounds in one month. For some reason it is so important to be skinny right now, after all these years of eating like a pig... He wants to be ripped and skinny in 8 weeks. So he stops eating, starts exercising like crazy, he wants to deadlift 300 pounds right away. And true - he may lose good amount of weight in couple of weeks. Maybe he gets down to 200, plus he may deadlift 250....

The problem is though, that he doesn't have any long term plan. He's got "consumer" plan in his head, everything very fast and right now. He gets exhausted and tired, he is hungry, his motivation after 5 weeks is gone. So he holds in there for couple of more weeks because he doesn't want to give up the great feelings of fast weight loss and great strength gain, but eventually he gives up. After a couple of months, say one year, he is back to his original weight, and probably added another 10 pounds of fat to it... So now he has 260 pounds, he doesn't exercise at all because he hates fitness, and he hates his own ass even more...

The smart guy is smart. He sees long term, not 4 weeks but 2 years. Or 5 years. He starts slowly, just cuts down little bit here and there, he adds reasonable amount of veggies to his diet and cuts all sugar. He doesn't eat like a pig 7 days a week, only 1 or 2. He doesn't go to fitness 6 days a week, 3 days will do it. He lifts just little bit. So one year after he loses "only" 25 pounds, but he doesn't starve, he is not tired. Two years after he loses another 20 pounds. Three years after he is below 200 and doesn't even feel that he had to exert much effort at all. Maybe he'll lose another 10 pounds by the next year, and he will never gain it back - because he changed his lifestyle .... He exercises regularly, maybe not every single week or month, but he is constantly increasing load or reps and weight... He knows that even exercising just 6 months out of each year are thousands of times better than no exercise at all... After 5 years he may not be the skinnies guy around, but he is 'just right'...

The same in other areas in life. A guy either wants to be a champion or not. If there is the desire, sure, go ahead and train like a pro, find the best out of best and train with them. Be the hero who is admired and celebrated by everyone. But what if you are just a regular guy? Why train 6 hours a day 6 days a week? Why to be on some scientific diet? It just doesn't make any sense. 45 minutes per day, 4-5 days per week when you feel good, and 2-3 days a week if you are not in the mood will do it. Take three months off if you are tired, just make sure you'll come back to it. .... Come back to it, and you will be stronger anyway because your body simply remembers. Your body is smart, your body is not stupid... It is better to train 4-5 months every single year for the rest of your life, rather than train 5 years nonstop while you are young, and than never come to it... It is better to deadlift 200 pounds 500x over two years, rather than lift 300 pounds 10x in one month - and then never come back to it...

The same with seduction. Isn't a guy insane to go out 5x a week and approach hundreds of women, week after week, month after month? Get a life for god's sake, that's just not natural, and probably not normal either. Right there, you don't have any life. What for do you have to sleep with 300 different women? 700? It is insane, it is just a sport fuck, there is no way to even remember all these girls names unless you have exceptional memory.

Think long term. Learn something, study seduction for 3-4 months while you are at huge learning curve, and then forget it. Drop it, come back a year or two later, you will see things from different perspective. You don't forget approaching, you don't forget conversations, you won't forget female's behavior. You won't forget fundamentals. You won't forget it because your body is smart, it simply remembers...

What do you personally gonna gain if you post here "I slept with 563 girls?" Couple of "wows" from beginners, but in reality, who really gives a sh*t... You might be much happier if you find a handful girls that really match what YOU are looking for...