being more assertive

[Telomere]

Been doing a little reflection, and its obvious that I'm not assertive enough with woman. My current lay tactic is pretty close to the "wildcard" style in the third installment of the college game series. Actually one of my friends who plays a similar game said "I'm pretty sure girls see me as their funny, kinda quirky gay friend, then next thing they know I'm taking off their panties". Sounds kind of like me. Granted we've both had success with this style, it's a battle constantly playing from behind and I feel like I have to make all the right moves to keep things sexually ambiguous to prevent full on autorejection And being deeply lost into the friend zone.

That said, how do you go about being more assertive? I'm a great conversationalist and one on one and deep diving isn't a problem. And when I do score, it's passionate orgasmic sex every time. But I feel like I could be a lot more successful if I had a more assertive demeanor. How do you go about becoming the man whos always sure of himself?

 

[ray_zorse]

To me this is starting to come more naturally as a result of removing internal filters / unproductive learned responses.
See a pretty girl -> automatically give her a compliment
Someone shafts you -> automatically call them out on it
Kinda the same process. "Fake it till you make it" is probably the way to deal with this. Act confident, even if you don't feel it... and 90% of the time you will either forget to call people out on stuff or do shit that occurs to you, or it won't come off well, the other 10% of the time you will feel king of the world and it becomes self reinforcing, eventually becomes a part of who you are.

Read also Chase's article how to be an asshole, and "No more Mr Nice Guy"by Dr. Robert Glover.

Ray

 

[Whizzy]

The simple answer to learning to a guy being more sure of himself is being able to be afraid/nervous but still act...think approaching a girl, has the ability to back himself up (knows he's an excellent lover), and to not get hung up over any particular thing. Mistakes will be made and life will go on, if that blonde rejects you then her loss since you are such an amazing prize

 

[Telomere]

Thanks for the advice guys. I've read chase's article on being an asshole... I took It heart and went a little too far with my last gf haha. She broke up with me but I got her back the next day after reading the article on winning back your gf. This is a little off topic from the original post but since getting back together and toning down on the asshole spiel quite a lot, she's been bailing on me all the time and it's really really annoying. Its like I don't know if I should try talking to her less over the phone(one if the reasons she broke up in the first place... Not calling enough )or what. I call her often and see if she has plans and she often says she wants to hang out and then bails later on. Not sure how to navigate this one... Its hard to see the fine line that distinguishes persistence from chasing

 

[Whizzy]

Well the problem here is your inconsistency portrayed to her. She originally went out with you when you were an asshole and now you are being the opposite it sounds. While this is nice in small doses, pulling a complete 180 kills the attracts for most girls

 

[Telomere]

I just wanted to post an update. The fake it till you make it idea worked very well for me. I spent about half a year working on an attitude where i just dont care as much about making mistakes and being more confident in my actions. it was odd at first, but it made a HUGE difference in my social life. I hooked back up with two awesome girls that I knew I had lost for good, and I even started to make friends much more naturally. Now it's just a positive characteristic of who I am.

Unfortunately, Im back on this site because im in the middle of the worst cold streak of my life (Well, since i was 16 at least). Im coming up on a year since my last lay, and even that was with an ex. Not so much as a peck on the cheek since then :/ Hopefully i can figure out why im in this ridiculous funk and turn things around.