Being too mysterious

[bombman]

I am on the brink of giving up dating. I have nothing much to contribute to conversation. She said shes always the one talking and talking, and I have no stories to tell, and it seems like shes talking to herself. I listen. We're attracted. The vibe is very sexually charged. But its true, the more she brings it up, I dont contribute much to conversation, but really because I take time and a very deep familiarity to open myself up to others. And I really do. This makes me very mysterious, but it seems to have its drawbacks.

I have stories to tell. But mostly not very amazing. I recovered from a corrupted background just 4-5 years ago, exactly when I started learning about PUA and getting better with women/dating. But I can't control this part of me. I've grown to be this way through my experiences. I am reserved about my past, and also sometimes my thoughts & feelings, but also because there isnt much positivity, or interesting things, unless you'd think being in a police chase, a youth gang or living a life of ignorance, drugs, and rebellion is interesting. I absolutely dont think its how I should talk about myself.

As who and how I am today, its really either take it or leave it for the women in my life. And it seems, after this girl, it seems I'd come to a hopeless understanding, most people would not accept me this way. I'm too mysterious, hard to get to know, and hard to relate. They can only be attracted so much until a certain point. And I'm a positive thinker. This girl's really into me, but she questions me about my reservations and mysteriousness, and it makes me feel insecure. I really like her, but if she or any other girl cannot accept this issue of mine, I'm really just going to give up dating. Fuck myself. I'm generally optimistic. Sorry for the negativity.

 

[Shah]

From my point of view, your background seems very interesting. Wrapping those police chases in some good story telling is the way to go. You do have a lot to contribute with. I think your problem is the presentation!

 

[Anonymous]

Getting the girl to invest more than you are in an interaction is always a positive. What I think would help alleviate the problem is putting in a little bit more investment on your part. She is verbally expressing the imbalance of investment. It is much easier to begin investing a little bit more to alleviate her concerns as opposed to trying to scale back your investment if you've given way too much...

You don't have to tell cool stories to impress her. Nor do you even have to talk a lot. Relate to her. It isn't so much about the actual content, but the emotional content. Show her that you can empathize and sympathize with her feelings. It's a way of rewarding her for the investment and effort she's putting in to the conversation. If she says something you find genuinely interesting and cool, make her feel good for doing so, whether it be a verbal quip of approval or a non verbal one, maybe a light squeeze on the arm, or a clasp of her hand. You get the idea. Verbal and physical rewards. Verbal and especially physical escalation is a great way to reward her behavior. You want to positively reinforce the good behavior she displays. It makes her want to contribute even more to the interaction.

 

[Tyme2k]

I feel you aren't connecting to what she's saying or you aren't geniunely interested.

You should be relating her stories back to you so you can show a connection.

Mysterious is amazing at least you aren't coming from a frame where you told girls everything losing all intrigue, I'd much rather be coming from being too mysterious.

Try telling your stories in the DHV method Mystery taught. Find something you and other people value in your story and tell it so it highlights this aspect without showboating. Lets say you have a story where you backed up your family, friend or girlfriend(protecting loved ones = high value) you will want to tell it to where this is clear that you wanted to protect them, but you want to end the story with something relatable and ask her if that ever happened to her. Chase has a few articles on story telling also.

Lasty you should give up dating if you're going to come on a forum and cry about it like a little girl. You should be centering yourself as a man, becoming more solid every day. This problem should not affect you at all.

 

[bombman]

Thanks for the great replies. Your input really helps with my understanding of myself and my behaviours. The reason I'm posting on the forum really is to see different perspectives to gain an better understanding of this issue.

Is it really possible to "think" you are interested in a girl, even though she makes you feel loved, but you really aren't genuinely interested in her? That's what I think I'm feeling.

I might have took my behaviour as my own insecurity rather than an unconscious disinterest in this person. Maybe I just crave investment, a possible void that it fills.

But then I might be wrong as well. Or maybe its a mix of low interest and incompetence on my part. What is it that deeply makes us feel attracted to a woman? I wonder now.

 

[Anonymous]

I think that is one of the great conundrums of women and dating... Investment is what creates a greater sense of value; you value things more based on how much time and effort you put into something.

In this case, having a woman attracted to you, putting in massive amounts of effort to see you/talk to you/etc, but putting very little effort on your end leads to an imbalance, and consequently, it is easy to not value this woman; it feels too easy, almost like you haven't earned it. This is a silly mindset, but for one reason or another, it's just the way our brains work. It's kind of strange and a unique experience to have flipped the script, so to speak, on the women. Most women suffer from this problem; men working hard to please them, and women undervaluing these men because they haven't had to lift a finger. Most women are caught off guard when they meet a man who doesn't fall to their feet in efforts to pedestal-ize them.

I've found this has happened to me on a number of occasions; women who I've had a strong interest in, started flirting with them, and once they start chasing, i.e. once I've flipped the chase dynamic from the pursuer to the object of pursuit, my level of interest in her drops dramatically, if not entirely...