Openers Best Way to Approach Group of Women?

[PinotNoir]

I wrote about this recently in my journal here, but I'm looking to get some more responses.

How do you approach a group of women? Especially if they're deep in conversation.

Scenario A) Group of women sitting at a table in a bar/club where there are servers (so never have to get up except for the bathroom.)

Scenario B) Group of women sitting at a table in a restaurant or another place where it's a little more formal, less socializing, and little to no drinking.

Scenario C) Group of women sitting at bookstore or coffee shop where it's less formal but no drinking.

Also, let's assume that you just want to talk with one girl.

I'm asking because I know that I should approach an attractive woman right when I see her, and a lot of times you just can't wait for her to get alone (walk to bar, etc.). And then while you're waiting, you turnaround, and she's gone from your life forever.

Please post tips, suggestions, and examples (I find this the most helpful)!
Thanks

 

[Chase]

Hey Pinot,

How do you approach a group of women? Especially if they're deep in conversation.

Scenario A) Group of women sitting at a table in a bar/club where there are servers (so never have to get up except for the bathroom.)

Scenario B) Group of women sitting at a table in a restaurant or another place where it's a little more formal, less socializing, and little to no drinking.

Scenario C) Group of women sitting at bookstore or coffee shop where it's less formal but no drinking.

Also, let's assume that you just want to talk with one girl.

This one's very tricky, and you need to be very smooth. There's a somewhat higher-than-normal blow-out rate here, so you should be aware of that, but you also can't be very concerned about that because sometimes it'll happen, and sometimes it won't, and it won't get you anywhere to worry about it.

What you want to do is be casually walking through the restaurant, say, when you happen to "notice" her as you walk nearby, as if you'd never noticed her before but suddenly you have realized that she is there and she captures your attention. You may need to get up and walk around the restaurant to come at her from the right angle; other times, you can go to the bathroom, then swing back around her way when you come out, but this can stifle momentum, so it's better just to walk through the restaurant unless it's very small and you need the bathroom to go out of sight first. If you're somewhere there's a distraction, you can get up, walk to the distraction (a band playing, or a painting, or a statue, or a water fountain, or a buffet), check it out for a while, then return coming back in her direction.

Once you get there and you "notice" her, you stop, look at her a little quizzically and dramatically, then move in and open her standing up (you can either go direct, or you can use something situationally relevant), then sit down (assuming she's seated; if not, then stand nearby). You typically want to sit in a way that you are close to her, but NOT inside the group (e.g., not right at the table if she's sitting and eating). It's better to pull up another chair from a nearby table than it is to sit at a chair from her table. This way you aren't invading her group when you haven't been invited; instead, you are remaining just outside, but slightly inside. Once you're accepted, they may invite you into the group.

When you pull your chair up (or stand close by), you want to do so at an angle that isn't totally closed off to the group, but is more facing the girl. Start talking to her. If the other people all stop and are looking at you, you can briefly glance at them and say, "Hi, I'm just talking to your friend here. I'll just be a minute," and then go back to talking to your girl. Don't introduce yourself; don't engage them in any further conversation. If they like the looks of you and your girl is responding well to you, they'll leave you alone and talk amongst themselves, and you can talk to the girl. If the interest is there, but not extremely strong, propose that the two of you meet for food or coffee or ice cream another time, then grab her phone number. If it's very strong, you can join her group, make friends with her friends somewhat when you're invited to later, and get a stronger number close later, or, if things really fall your way, potentially even leave with her later if the group really approves of you and they're open about that (or your girl is sneaky enough).

Chase

 

[PinotNoir]

Thank you Chase. That was really insightful. I think I'm going to bookmark this and read it before I go out the next time looking for girls.

Unfortunately, where I live seems to have a high "group" mentality. Most of the time I'm surrounded by cliques, and I feel like "group approaching" is something I need to truly master.

 

[Whizzy]

Chase if this was from a group of girls you knew but never talked to before (college setting) would you follow the same approach?

 

[Chase]

Whizzy-

Chase if this was from a group of girls you knew but never talked to before (college setting) would you follow the same approach?

Yes - unless there was a good reason not to!

Chase

 

[diegoC]

I was just about to create a new post about this same topic.

Good insights Chase. Now, I'm wondering the following:

1) When you say you "…notice her, you stop, look at her a little quizzically and dramatically, then move in and open…", the idea, while doing this, is that she sees me that I have stopped and looked at her… (I'm assuming that in this scenario there was no playing with elite eye contact at all. You just saw the girl and did the walk around to be at the moment of "noticing her")

2) If I am at a party (loud music) should I use the same style? Just open the one girl I want to talk? I guess so.

3) How about opening mixed groups? The same thing? I just go straight to that girl, talk to her without invading the group and, if the group stop to look at me, glance at them, say something and resume talking to her?

4) This is a tricky tricky one. What about opening a girl when she is only with 1 friend (guy -asume I know they are not a couple- or girl). What can you do? If you engage her, the friend will be alone and, for social pressure, I can't imagine the girl leaving her friend. Would you approach a girl in the same way if she is alone with a guy or a girl?

Cheers!

 

[PinotNoir]

4) This is a tricky tricky one. What about opening a girl when she is only with 1 friend (guy -asume I know they are not a couple- or girl). What can you do? If you engage her, the friend will be alone and, for social pressure, I can't imagine the girl leaving her friend. Would you approach a girl in the same way if she is alone with a guy or a girl?

One of my friends has a great "trick" for 1-girl-and-1-guy scenarios. He goes up to the both of them (opening to both of them; looking at her and then the guy) and then directs this statement at the guy, "Hey man, your girl is hot." You may want to say something more specific like, "Hey man, your girl has great style. I love those stripes."

Usually, one of them will say, "Thanks, but we're not together." If the girl says this especially, then she is interested. Then simply start talking with her one-on-one.

The only problem with this is that it's easy for them to pretend that they're together. Either the guy will pretend because he's trying to date the girl or because he's trying to "white knight." If the girl pretends, then she's most likely not interested, but could also be for social reasons (not to make her friend look bad, etc.).

I think it's a pretty good technique though.

As for 1-girl-and-1-girl scenarios, these are tougher. The other girl can't just start talking to some other girl (as in with 3+). I'm still working on this and trying the suggestions from Chase. I think you just have to be faster, especially if you're not at a bar or club (in which case the girl can go buy a drink or dance). At a bar, if you notice that her drink is low, you can comment on that and suggest that the 2 of you go get a refill together -- not suggesting to buy a drink though. During the day, I feel like it's more wham and bam and haven't figured out how to get past that. I just go in, comment on what I like about the girl, talk with the girl for a brief moment (very brief, couple of questions), ask for number, and then leave. Else, if you stay longer, the other girl starts getting in a lot more, and they may start doing inside jokes, etc.

 

[Chase]

Diego-

In addition to what Pinot has said-

1) When you say you "…notice her, you stop, look at her a little quizzically and dramatically, then move in and open…", the idea, while doing this, is that she sees me that I have stopped and looked at her… (I'm assuming that in this scenario there was no playing with elite eye contact at all. You just saw the girl and did the walk around to be at the moment of "noticing her")

Right. It's exactly the same as if you were walking along on the street and suddenly saw a confectionery you hadn't know was there (and let's assume you like confections as much as I do). You'd pause, turn your head at it, then turn the rest of your body and head right over to it. Maybe pause just a second before reaching for the door (with the girl, you'd reach out a bit, then pause, then reach further and say, "Excuse me," or go into your opener - Johnny Dep is very good at doing this "reach-pause-reach-speak" movement in the Pirates of the Caribbean films).

2) If I am at a party (loud music) should I use the same style? Just open the one girl I want to talk? I guess so.

Yes, assuming her body language is open enough that you can do so naturally (look for some part of her body - torso, a foot, etc. - pointing away from the group / her friends, indicating an openness to things and people outside the group).

3) How about opening mixed groups? The same thing? I just go straight to that girl, talk to her without invading the group and, if the group stop to look at me, glance at them, say something and resume talking to her?

Right.

4) This is a tricky tricky one. What about opening a girl when she is only with 1 friend (guy -asume I know they are not a couple- or girl). What can you do? If you engage her, the friend will be alone and, for social pressure, I can't imagine the girl leaving her friend. Would you approach a girl in the same way if she is alone with a guy or a girl?

Cheers!

I had a very beautiful, magnetic girlfriend I used to take a lot to nightclubs and parties, and she'd get hit on a great deal. I always paid attention to how men would open her, and how they'd deal with me, and there was one opener that consistently stood out as superior to all the others, and I adopted it myself and started using it whenever I wanted to talk to a girl who was with another man.

You walk up to the girl, and open her as normal. Talk to her for 30 seconds to a minute - long enough to excite some early interest from her and get some very early vibing on, but not so much that it's too awkward yet that you haven't said anything to the guy. Then, turn to the guy, and say, "Hey bro, I don't want to step on your toes - is this your girl?" At this point, you can gauge the guy's reaction - if you've done a good job with the girl and she clearly is into you, he's going to feel a large amount of pressure to say, "No, we're just friends," if she isn't his girl. If he tells you she is his girl, but he hesitates and seems really awkward or uncomfortable, it may be because he just doesn't know how to handle other men hitting on his girlfriend, but more often the case is she isn't really his and he's trying to scare off the "competition." (If he gets obviously territorial, she's almost certainly his girl)

If the guy says "no," you just go back to talking to her as you would any girl.

If he says "yes," and you can tell he means it, you say, "Oh, my bad, my bad - I didn't mean to interfere. You're a lucky man! I'll let you two get back to it," and bow out, or if he seems really cool and she seems cool and you think they might actually potentially be cool people to make friends with, you can start shooting the breeze with the guy - I've met some pretty cool guys this way (by hitting on their girls, and then asking them if the girls were theirs), and much of the time if you hang out with them for a little while they'll end up buying you a drink to boot (for some reason, the kinds of guys who are both cool and like to take their girlfriends to bars and clubs also generally like to buy the guys who hit on their girlfriends in a respectful way drinks - I've always just assumed it's a game-recognizes-game kind of thing).

If he says "yes," but you get the feeling he's lying, you turn to the girl and, quietly, say, "He says he's your man - is he your man? Should I not interfere?" The reason you add that last line is to discourage the kind of game-playing that Pinot mentions - when you say "Should I not interfere?" what you're really saying is, "Would you rather get to know and potentially mate with me or would you rather I leave you alone to potentially mate with him?" Even if she usually enjoys playing games, the notion of a roll in the hay with her platonic going-out guy pal sends shivers down the spine of even the most chiseled party girl veterans, and unless he actually is her boyfriend you'll get an emphatic, "No, it's fine," or, "No, we're not together," or, "No - he's just a little protective."

Chase

 

[diegoC]

Thanks Chase.

I think it might be kinda in context a post I read about talking to girls while shopping. You said we should not deep dive unless we can go to a place date-like: if I can't just try to get her number and leave. What I'm wondering is, shouldn't we do the same on the street game? I mean, if I stop a girl (let's say I use a direct opener as I also believe when you stop someone in the street you should do that: law of least effort: wouldn't chase someone to open casually. Doesn't make sense). I shouldn't deep dive, right? I should also try to move her to a date-like place or just try to get her number.

One more thing I will find very helpful if you could advice me. What should be the kind of talk one should try to do while no deep diving. Is just that, if we can't do that, how can I build a connection with superficial talk with a girl. Any advice on how to talk to a girl in situations when you can't deep dive but you have to make a good connection so you can get her contact info? (I think I have a good first impression on girls but it doesn't mean they will give their info to a stranger)

Cheers!

 

[Chase]

Diego-

Right - no deep diving while you and her are walking on the street. It just feels weird.

Things you can do instead:

• Small talk
• Flirt
• Banter
• Light rapport

Basically, anything that lets her see you're a cool, confident, socially adroit man, and reassures her that yes, you are probably someone she'd like to get to know more.

Chase

 

[Raqimus]

So say if I wanted to approach a girl on the street with her friend what would be the best move to make. Zero in on the one I want to talk to or try to engage them both. I've tried neither yet because I keep Fucking freezing, but give me one and I'll go with it.

 

[moolar]

Well,from my own pool of experiences,if the gal you want is the leader of the group(you actually tell this quite accurately), then ignoring the other gal should not interfere with your process. However,from my experience,"ignoring the other gal" only well when they are just the two of them only.

With groups numbering up to 3,4 or 5,I've realized that there's always that ugly or the talkative one among them who wants to shit-test you and have you prove your schtick. Personally and in situations like this, what I do is approach the group (solid fundamentals will soup up your success rate here), tell them my name and politely request that they gimme a few minutes with their friend. And as far as I know, this seems to have been working the treat for me.

I hope this helps.

 

[Seven heldens]

Interesting approach. Here is my version and what i`ve learned:

1)If the group is in a tight nit conversation, open the whole group. If the target is less engaged with the group open her. Go as direct as you can, but not too direct as it may be asking for too much compliance from her and the group (ie: she may feel slutty)

2)Engage the group if they jump in and win them over. Be nice, but hold your frame. You are still standing at this point.

3)Once the girl gets a little more receptive to you and the group is ok with you, if there is a spot next to her sit, grab a chair, or tell her to scoot for a second and then sit next to her. Continue the conversation.

4)Talk to the group a bit, but focus mainly on her and get a one on one conversation with her. You will know you are doing this properly when the other group members break into their own conversation and the girl is not even listening to them.

5)Get her number discreetly. You can tell her to stand if want and bring her to side (``I`m just gonna borrow her for 2 seconds...`` obviously said with a smile).

Hope this helps!

 

[Average]

Thank you very much XD