Better Small Talk Questions (College)

[Conquistador]

So I've done pretty well in conversations simply asking generic questions ("oh, what are you majoring in?")) and then going vertical ("what made you pick that major?" -> follow up) from there. Also, I have a broad enough base of interests that I can usually find some common ground with almost anyone.

I think that's OK, but what I want to do is to start with questions that are a little less generic or commonly used, while still being highly open-ended. For instance, I've seen "What's your story?" recommended in several places, and tried it both on and off campus, but it seems to only work well if the other person is at least 30.

Any ideas?

 

[Searcher]

Bump.

I've seen "What's your story?" recommended in several places, and tried it both on and off campus, but it seems to only work well if the other person is at least 30.

Wouldn't advise the "What's your story?".

Although from the surface it looks to break the same old boring questions. It is a question that requires a lot of investment from the other party. He/she has to think what to respond and also has to give out a good amount of information which is a lot of investment compared to three words you say.

If someone is aware of social and power dynamics, he/she will hate such a question.
(I personally find it annoying when someone asks me this question, I don't want to invest so much in a person I only met then).

 

[Conquistador]

If someone is aware of social and power dynamics, he/she will hate such a question.

What do you mean by that bit exactly?

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

Well you could make assumptions or guesses about her and ask her to do the same for you. You could express an opinion. You could ask her questions that would spike emotional states like "what's the riskiest thing you've ever done?" or "what point of your life have you felt the most alive?" Obviously make sure you have answers for that too. You could share a story or ask her to share one with you. You could tease her on something she says (push-pull).

Basically you're just trying to get her out of logical interview mode; that's not what attracts her.

 

[Conquistador]

Well you could make assumptions or guesses about her and ask her to do the same for you. You could express an opinion. You could ask her questions that would spike emotional states like "what's the riskiest thing you've ever done?" or "what point of your life have you felt the most alive?" Obviously make sure you have answers for that too. You could share a story or ask her to share one with you. You could tease her on something she says (push-pull).

Basically you're just trying to get her out of logical interview mode; that's not what attracts her.

Good advice! I'll keep that in mind in class/warm approach settings. But...

Those don't work so well during the 1-2 minutes following the opener, which is what I'm trying to improve.

As I said, I'm doing reasonably well deep diving girls (and guys) by following up vertically on their responses to generic questions.

But I'd like to avoid asking the generic introductory questions as much as possible.

 

[Kaida]

Bump.



Wouldn't advise the "What's your story?".

Although from the surface it looks to break the same old boring questions. It is a question that requires a lot of investment from the other party. He/she has to think what to respond and also has to give out a good amount of information which is a lot of investment compared to three words you say.

If someone is aware of social and power dynamics, he/she will hate such a question.
(I personally find it annoying when someone asks me this question, I don't want to invest so much in a person I only met then).

I totally agree, I never really liked questions like that. They seem to only work with old people or people with “old personalities”. Other investment requests like “Tell me about that.” feel the same way - too open ended. If I ask someone to tell me about something I usually follow it up with a question to give it more of a direction.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

So I've done pretty well in conversations simply asking generic questions ("oh, what are you majoring in?")) and then going vertical ("what made you pick that major?" -> follow up) from there. Also, I have a broad enough base of interests that I can usually find some common ground with almost anyone.

I think that's OK, but what I want to do is to start with questions that are a little less generic or commonly used, while still being highly open-ended. For instance, I've seen "What's your story?" recommended in several places, and tried it both on and off campus, but it seems to only work well if the other person is at least 30.

Any ideas?

Sprinkle in cold reads e.g. your vibe screams art major... I bet if I looked in your handbag I'd find a paintbrush...

If you get it right you look like a social genius and she's like wtf how did you know??? If you get it wrong it's just more fun conversation.

Understanding nuances of what majors are respected vs dismissed can also simultaneously bring in teasing frames too.

Interestingly enough, the more you cold read the more accurate you'll get at it too.

 

[Conquistador]

Sprinkle in cold reads e.g. your vibe screams art major... I bet if I looked in your handbag I'd find a paintbrush...

I do that already...

If you get it right you look like a social genius and she's like wtf how did you know??? If you get it wrong it's just more fun conversation.

Indeed but I'd like to be smoother about it.

So basically y'all are telling me that I should just keep improving my current routine?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

So basically y'all are telling me that I should just keep improving my current routine

Depends what your end goal is.

1. If it’s to get good at conversation, keep doing it until it’s natural & you consistently have good reactions

2. If it’s to get numbers & ultimately dates, start planting seeds for dates / grabbing numbers.

3. if it’s to build a social circle do the same as above but add fun & plant seeds for cool events

Hard to give more detailed advice man.

For more specifics share what your aims are and exact examples of how your conversations go then people will be able to help

 

[lceman]

So I've done pretty well in conversations simply asking generic questions ("oh, what are you majoring in?")) and then going vertical ("what made you pick that major?" -> follow up) from there. Also, I have a broad enough base of interests that I can usually find some common ground with almost anyone.

I think that's OK, but what I want to do is to start with questions that are a little less generic or commonly used, while still being highly open-ended. For instance, I've seen "What's your story?" recommended in several places, and tried it both on and off campus, but it seems to only work well if the other person is at least 30.

Any ideas?

I'm trying out "what's your thing/what gets you excited?" to start talking about passions etc. I don't have enough volume to say anything definitive yet but I'd be interested to hear your results if you try it