Better to thread cut or, relate to depressing topic?

[wh1rlpool]

I've read a lot about how and when to thread cut, but also the importance of relating.
An interesting example I ran into yesterday.

A girl I met told me about her mother who is mentally ill and how she's had to deal with it. I too have an immediate family member with a similar mental illness, and I brought this up, and we spoke for a long time about it and what it meant, and the conversation was really deep, and authentic. Afterwards she told me she had never told me anyone so much about her family life, despite only just meeting me.

Another example, I was with a girl and she was telling me how hard it was to grow up in third-world country. I too grew up in a third-world country, and we got into a very deep and relatable conversation about poverty and institutional corruption, and how it had affected out families.

I found relating on this level took me out of the 'guy trying to pick up' category and put me in the 'real person' category. To them, I wasn't just another happy flirty guy, I was someone who had had real, meaningful struggles, and someone who had grown from them. BUT, obviously, throughout there was no opportunity to joke, or sexual frame.

So my question is, should I use opportunities like this to deep dive? Or should I pass them by, and keep things light.

 

[diegoC]

I'm no expert but, just for intiution I would pass. The bad thing about connecting in this kind of topics is that it might give you soooo much value to her that you would be put in boyfriend zone for sure. She would think to herself you are a really amazing guy that would be great as a boyfriend. And we all know about the risk of being putted on this zone: The odds of failure (not being able to sleep with her or get in a relationship with her) sky rocket.

You should stick to the rules:

• Listen to her
• Say something that makes her know you understand her and are considerate
• Change to an upbeat topic in a natural way (she is talking to you about her mother having mental problems and you tell her if she likes Disney world. No good)

As Chase noted in a post (can't find it, but he talked about responding to depressing topics), this way, you are a guy who understands, and also, a positive light in her life. Eventually, when you have slept with her you can transition way easier to being her boyfriend. Now it would be fine if you share a little about those things you had in common because she has already been yours!

Cheers!

 

[Tyme2k]

DEFINITELY DO NOT PASS! These things are what make you a high value man. Connecting with a woman or person in general like this is RARE. You just have to remember to resurface and lighten up the conversation, smile, laugh; be deep at the same time be fun.

You need to push these interactions quickly this way you're not put into boyfriend territory. Move them and close them. Very few women will pass at the opportunity to experience full connection, if I'm not mistaken this is what Chase's game is based upon the "Deep Dive" connecting and escalating quickly.

 

[Franco]

Hey wh1rlpool,

You'll need to use some judgment here in these types of situations.

Tyme is right that these are the types of deep, emotional conversations that you want to be having with a woman. These are the types of things that she doesn't share with everyone, and the fact that she is sharing it with you means that she is putting some of her trust and faith in you, which is a great opportunity to capitalize on.

That being said, there are usually moments like these when you might need to thread-cut and move the conversation onto something more light-hearted. For example, in your conversation with the first girl about your immediate family members with mental illnesses, you'll want to share this information with her and deep dive a bit, but once you feel like you've both shared that connection, you'll want to transition out of it at the next opportunity.

i.e.:

Her: My mother has [mental illness] and I feel like it's really changed my perspective on life, you know? We are so lucky to be here and be normal the way we are.

You: Yeah, I understand that feeling. I actually have a [sibling/immediate family member] of mine with [mental illness], and because of it, I've had to stay home with my family to take care of [him/her] on occasion. We rarely got to go on vacations because of this. It is quite an eye-opener.

Her: Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I know exactly what you mean. It's soooo hard!

* At this point, you can sense that you've made the connection, but things are starting to get a bit more emotional for her...*

You: It is, but I believe it really makes you into a better person. I mean, look where you are now, Angie! A successful woman with a great job who manages to still take care of her family. And I bet you've got some great vacations in mind and places you'd like to travel, right? * Give a slightly sexy, slightly warm smile here to take the edge off of the transition *

Her: Oh, I definitely do! I want to travel to... [etc. etc.]

This is just an example of deep-diving, making the connection, and then thread-cutting before things begin to get too emotional for her. Remember, you want to make the connection, but you want the focus of the date to still be on the sexual energy between you two. Once you get back to a light-hearted topic, you can move back toward sexual chase framing and making her think about being alone with you.

I hope this gives you some clarity on this topic.

- Franco